*LOST* (1) Mind. Very seldom used over the past 16 months, 20 days, 2 hours and 27 minutes, but it has sentimental value to its owner. Not the best one in the world, but there was a time when I used to get a little wood on the ball with it. If found please return to.... ahhhh, who am I kidding? It wasn't working well when I had it. Do everyone a favor and poke that thing down a storm drain with a stick or something before someone tries to use it and gets hurt!
*WANTED* (1) Job. Make that REAL Job. Something that won't drive me to write a blog about my crappy work life. This will affect those of you who find pleasure in my pain, and for that... naw... I still don't give a crap. Tired of playing this game and being second fiddle. Need to move on, and need to do it now. Life is too short (Sing it, you know you want to!) to work and live like this as far as I am concerned. Swing for the fences, or strike out at this point. I mean how much lower can I get, or feel at this point? (As the guy comes to empty my trash can.) Touche.
*FOUND* (1) Abyss. I think I have figured out that this is the place where dreams go to die. This place is the polar opposite of Disneyland. No dreams come true, and only the undriven can possibly be happy here. Then again... look at the cast. Where else besides DMV can these people work? What was that? Yeah... tech support. True. There is defiantly a language barrier here as well. I just listened to Ice Shaker has a call that went something like this:
"Hello this is Ice Shaker from the Assessor's office, is (Name here) available? -pause- No English? (Then he rattles it off again in Spanish.) -pause- That wasn't English. Do you speak Spanish? OK. (Says it again in Spanish.) -you get the point- What language do you speak then? -yet again- (Click) Hello?" Under his breath I hear him say, "Fuck it. They get a card in the mail."
If that was not funny enough I have Jeff Gordon (I will add him to the Who's who one of these days. Short version. He is an older guy who claims he is gay. I think he is just such a dork that no girl would ever have him, so he figures he will try guys and see if his luck improves. Walks around with a rainbow umbrella during the rainy months, and keeps wood blocks in the color of a rainbow on his desk. Just trying a weee bit too hard to be gay. The Muff-keteers and Skippy don't have any of that stuff and they are flat-ass gay.) (By the way. It is 11:24 and I have done nothing besides read news feeds and bore your ass with this today. If Infidel will leave me the hell alone this may keep me entertained the rest of the day.) is over in his cube talking to someone in 'chicken peck' Spanish! For more or less it went something like this:
"Hi this is Jeff Gordon from the Assessor's office. I need to speak to Michael or Maria. -pause- Oh you speak Spanish? OK. My name is Jeff Gordon from the Assessor's oficina and I need to talk with Mike about your casa. -wait- Ahhh, yes Miguel. Is Miguel in the casa? -hold- What time will Mike be home? -pause- What timpeo is ME-Gel (It is the way he said it, not me!) going to be casa? Can I leave ME-Gel my numbire? (WTF is numbrie? It's numero right? I have never taken Spanish, but I think I am right on this one. I would ask Fuzz but he is broken Spanish at best!) (Then he starts) Uno, cinco, uno..." (AHAHAHAHAHA I was rolling!)
*FOR SALE* (1) Soul. Can be bought for a few of my previously stated wishes. Enjoyable job, with like pay. Working with people who think it is OK to think, have ambition and be creative. Few duckets in the old bank account to enjoy life with and take care of those little things in life. Food, clothes, bills.... I mean come on. What do I care? Anyone of you that know me already know I have got a one way ticket to hell when this fun fest is over! Shit I racked up so many miles they are letting me pilot the plane. Hell at this point in time I may sell it for a 6-pack and a bag of Skittles. At least a micro brew and Sour Skittles... come on. I may be cheap, but not easy. Or is it the other way around? I forget.
*HELP WANTED* (1) Masseuse. This place gives me a headache. It is 2:30 and I am just propped up in this chair trying to figure out how to make these next 2 and a half hours speed up. As you can tell by the format of this thing I really had nothing to say in the first place. Just was looking for something to do. Stop the presses! Penis has a task for me to do! Oh goody, can't wait to see what it is!!!! Uh huh. Uh huh. Wait. You want me to do what? Oh my dear gawd. To make this worse he explained it like I was confused. No Penis. The look on my face just now was complete disbelief, not confusion. He needed me to print tabs that slide in the colored divider sheets and brought me over enough supplies and examples that you would have thought that this would take months to complete. It is now 2:56 and since the last time I gave you a time check I had gone to the bathroom, gave out a recipe tip to a friends wife, listened to Ice Shaker talk to a client in Spanish once again and had a riveting conversation with Obvious about Allen wrenches. Yeah that task filled about 4 minutes of my day. Thanks Penis!!!
*LOOKING TO TRADE* (1) Penny. Ya'll have heard enough of my thoughts. What are yours? Any of you ready to break and get me out of this septic tank before I sink to the bottom? Does any of this crap relate to anyone of your lives, or is this train wreck all my own? Who is hiding a real job from me out there? Did you ladies go out and get Smut Queen's book that is getting awesome reviews? I know that some of you are not thrilled about your work lives and want to get out. Who has the family friend or relative that would want to open a nice comfortable restaurant and bar? Drinks are drinks, but a fun place to have them and good food are always in question. Does any of the crap I spew mean a damn thing, or are you just into listening to my mad ass ramble? Is it getting old to read this blog? Do you just want to hear about office events as they come up and leave my life's follies out of it? Which of you are going out at midnight, I mean 5 to watch all three movies in a row, like my freaky wife and her friends to see Wolfman Jack, his and Elfboy the Vampire? (Dudes eyes are 4 feet apart like an Avatar. Bitch all you want ladies.... Just sayin!) It has gotten damn quiet on the blog and fan page these days. Have a voice people!
Toner Boy
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