I walk over to get my water this morning and Wigglesworth is talking to Searching for Quarters. Wigglesworth says, "Blah, blah, blah.... so why don't you count these first." Quarters, "What counties?" Wigglesworth, "Count those first." Quarters, "Count what?" Wigglesworth, "Those!" Quarters, "Why am I counting counties?" Wigglesworth, "*SIGH*, You are not counting...." Wigglesworth walks away. And people wonder why I am the way I am about working here.
By the way... it is 9:26 and I am done with my work for the week. Nice huh? When you stay on top of your shit and simplify the processes (Like normal people would do in REAL jobs because it is crucial that you be efficient.) tasks can get done and people can be productive so you can have a positive impact on the bottom line. Wait... this is government work and they have not figured out that a good bottom line matters! Silly me. Guess I should be more like the rest of them and take a simple task and drag it out 3 weeks or so.
Well it is Monday once again and the weekends get shorter and shorter each time they come around. I beg them on during the week, and ask them to wait each weekend. What I have come to realize is that I am begging life to speed up and pass by, and that is the thing I hate the most. I would much rather have each and everyday be one that I wake up and look forward to. Yeah, OK. Welcome to Fantasy Island, right?
Oh wait... forgot that I had a software update to take care of. There goes 6 more minutes of my week. Then again the update is not have to be installed until August 1st. Wonder if I should hold off doing it until July 30th so I can have something to do on that day? Hack... get me out of here! I would settle for poor production and $10K a month at this point! Who am I kidding... you could get me out of here for a stick of gum and a hand job.
No news on the cooking front. It looks like that fire may have been put out before the first pot of water boiled. Who knows... it might come calling, but I am starting to feel like the girl waiting to get asked to the prom on the Thursday before. "I know he is going to call." Hey no worries. Not like I have a lot of free weekend time for the next 3 months to begin with. At this point I would have to make time to fit this in. Not that I would say no because it is something that I would love to do if I am creating my own menu, but I am not going to worry about it at this point.
Friday I ended up getting out of the office about an hour early so I could make in into town in time to watch the girls at their Camp Showcase. They each won awards for their work at camp that week, as well as other members of The SC. After the showcase we got together and went over the Chet's and had a great dinner and the girls went for a swim. Chet started a cupcake fight with the girls that got Foo's panties in a bunch before the night was through. Poor Foo!
Saturday came around and I watched the US World Cup match. England beat them like a drum the entire game, but the goal keeper Howard for the US was just off the hook sick! Dude is a stud. US should have lost that game 6-1 the way is was being played. Thunder went to a birthday party in the afternoon and Hunny went to a girls showery thingy down at the gym with the cheer family of moms that night. After Jordan's party me and the girls went to Turbo's to hang out for a bit and I gave McLovin a hand with his resume. Yes... resume! I hope for him that things work out, I know he would like to have something go his way these days as well.
Sunday we got an invite from Monkey and After 6 to come over for a BBQ and swim for the kids. Albert and the boys joined us and we hung out and watched some B-Ball and swam in our glasses while the kids were out in the pool. Pill and Little P stopped in for a pit stop as well. Pill chatted with the girls while Little P swam with the kids. Little Miss had a little too much fun as she was covered in Band-Aids before the day was done from jumping around on the rocks around the pool! Kids will be kids.
It is 10:26 and I have not heard Cracker once today. That is odd. But you know I have kept hearing, what sounded like, someone pouring something. Sure as shit I just walked by his cube and he has two 2-liter bottles of Coke sitting on his desk! Guess the old lady got tired of his ass spending $8 a day on sodas. Hope he can make it through the day with just the 2 bottles. Do I have to change his name from Cracker to Pourer if this trend holds out? How about, 2 Liter Charley? Double Bubble Burpa Cola?
I think the Mr. Obvious went to some, "How to assert yourself as a manager" classes over the weekend. He is walking around talking to people like he feels like I do about this place. You go boy! Or maybe he grew a set of balls? Anyway is in full "stuck on stutter" mode talking to him because he does not know how to respond over there. Either that or he is trying to find words other than "fuck off" to say to him!
Catching Flies needs to upgrade from Just for Men to a salon. His dye job has washed away to the point now where his head is a sad state of affairs. It looks like a calico cat was skinned and laid to rest of his head. White, black, red, gray, orange.... that mixed with the crap in the corners of his mouth he looks like he should be committed to a state hospital. This ad is just for him, ahhh... I mean men.
Not sure if I have ever mentioned this in the past to any of you.... but I really hate it here. Just sayin.
Skippy tried to follow me into the bathroom this morning. Hung a left and went the other way when I figured out where he was going. Sike! Find someone more impressive to look at you closet pole smoker.
I have currently been trapped here for 1 year, 4 months, 5 days and.... hold... hold... wait for it... 3 hours exactly.
I hear the 42nd showing of Master and Commander is going to be shown in my car at lunch today. Very excited. Wonder if they will defeat the French again this time?
Excuse me for a second... have the serious task of unjamming a printer because someone can't figure out the tough task of closing a paper tray without fucking things up. Even worse, no one over there can figure out how to resolve the matter. Really? ----- OK... well that took all over 7 seconds. Nimrods!
I can overhear Anyway telling someone on the phone that he is confused. No shit?
Wonder if I click my heels and chant, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." if this will all go away?
Influenza is back and sneezing up a storm. Lucky me! Though I do get a giggle when she sounds like a squeeze toy every once in a while.
Obvious just turned the corner too quick behind me and plowed into the wall. I almost just pissed myself with joy!
Creeper must be bored or playing I Spy with his boss and he wants to find something real good to use because he is doing hot laps around this place today.
I do have the high point of playing with an iPad today. No not those things in the wife's undies. That electronic thing from Apple people. Then again if those pads in the wife's undies were electronic maybe she would loosen up a bit huh? I need to market "Humming Pads. Cranky because you are on the rag? Try Humming Pads and wipe that puss off your face! Well... at least the monthly one." That might work! Can't do that with tampons though.... that market is already taken. OK... so they just sell the applicator, but still.
I could not pass this ad up either. Sorry. Do you notice that there is a new and best price offered? Who in the hell is going to want to buy one of these things if they are not new? For all of you sick bastard guys who just said, "Me!"..... that is just wrong. I am not even that twisted.
My season pass to Disneyland made it down there without me last week. I think that is a bunch of horse shit if you ask me.
The Looker is sporting a fly pair of light maple brown pants, black belt, dark brown shows, white shirt and a green tie. What in the hell is he supposed to be, a bad nature scene? Maybe he can wear a curly white wig to represent clouds? He is good enough to wear an undershirt so his man nipples are under wraps... I will give him that.
I think that I am going to save this thing here and see what else the day brings. I would hate to post now and the day is still so young. I am sure something will turn up that you will need to hear about. The way Obvious and Anyway have been going at it something is going to have to give! *BLESS YOU INFLUENZA!*
"Varity is the spice of life." Then what is day 5 in the last 7 of egg salad? Don't get me wrong it was good (Thanks again Hunny!) but my goodness (OK.... now there is going to be egg salad on my screen. Influenza is back to burping better then ever over there.) a man can only each the same thing so many times.... wait, strike that. A man can only eat so much egg salad in one weeks time!
Also I lied. Master and Commander was being shown today. But I did sleep through the last half of SWAT that was first shown on Friday. As far as I could tell.... they still took the bad guy to prison at the end today as well.
It is less then 4 weeks to the fundraiser in Tracy for the girls cheer. Come on people step up and be heard. We have raffle tickets for sale where you can win $500, we have poker seats available where you can win $600, there will be BBQ sold for $20 all you can eat and drink and a Bunco event for the ladies at night. You do not have to be present to win the raffle prize, but it may help if you were there to play the poker. Others of you, maybe not. Just sayin.
Cracker just walked by with a canned soda. He's two fisting it! "Take that old lady.", he says to himself as he cracks it open. What a rebel.
Putting water in your to-go coffee jug no matter how much you clean it.... still tastes like coffee.
Get this... Catching Flies wants to have a meeting! This will be worth talking about. So glad I waited to post this!!!
Ever read VCR instructions? They made more sense then this meeting. I still can't explain what it was even about after being out of it for 10 mins. If there was a good thing, it was no one was hit by those little white balls of mouth goo from Catching Flies. The topic was so, "WTF?" that even Penis passed up on attending!
It has been settled. I will be the new judge on American Idol.
Someone just dropped a stack of what sounded like books. Pissed that I missed it so I could have gotten a laugh. *Looking around the office* Oh damn! And it was The Looker. He dropped a stack of files that he was carrying. I would have truly appreciated that shit. I will laugh out of proxy on this one!
I have heartburn so bad right now that I could toss my cookies. In 3 hours when I get home I can take something for it. Yea!
Did you catch the name of the NASCAR race on Sunday? If not... look for yourself. Larry the Cable Guy is not too far off in his skit when he talks about the Summers Eve 250. Have they really reached the bottom of the sponsor barrel? Tell me again Wall Street how far we have come in this recovery. Nothing says NASCAR racing like a good chip and dip.
That is it... I got through most of my day with a good Monday vent.
Enjoy your week. I won't.
Toner Boy
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