This week in baseball.....

Well it is Monday once again.  How can I tell?  Influenza is a couple of cubes away blowing her insides out through her nose with each hacking sneeze.

My phone just rang about someone that is low on toner and is incapable of replacing a cartridge themselves.

It is 9:36 and I am already bored.

And despite the wife's enthusiastic willingness to let me sleep this weekend, I am so tired that I can't even see straight.  Odds are it is because my brain has checked out for the day, while my body is still sitting here.

There are 10 other things that I can think of that I would rather be doing at this moment, and one of them involves a section of rope and a chair.

Yep.  That's a Monday.

The only perk....  Penis is not here to piss on my day with his melancholy demeanor.

Well onward we go.  Let's recap the weekends festivities.... shall we?

We got out of town on Friday and headed down to Pismo Beach for Hunny's cousins wedding.  Meet up with the MIL and the rest of the family once we got there.  Such a pretty area and awesome weather.  The girls got changed and off to the wedding rehearsal and dinner we went.  Had dinner at a little place on the beach.  We sat in a very nice outdoor patio for the wedding party and the families.  Little cold out, but when you are at the coast it comes with the territory.  They had a few of those outdoor heaters going to keep us warm.  The girls and I headed down to the beach for a few photos and to let them run around.  Little Miss called that a day after about 5 minutes and her telling me that her feet were already numb!

Slept in as much as we could on Saturday, but the girls had to get ready for the wedding since we had to be there an hour before.  Got up and grabbed us some liquid crank from Starbucks to make sure we were moving in high gear!  Very nice ceremony and a goal by the US just before things got going to make it a 1-1 game.  Oh sorry.  My phone was on my lap keeping me in the loop.  Went to the reception area at the church and it was very nice and relaxed family atmosphere.  The kids pretty much had a game room to themselves full of toys once they ate so the adults could hang out and talk.  The DJ informed us of the US losing in extra time.  I think I am the only one who cared.  Then again my phone was on the table watching the gamecast from ESPN, so I already knew the bad news.  Everything was done early enough that we took the girls and went down to the beach for a walk.  Very nice area for that, unlike our beaches up here.  Walked a couple of miles, the girls collected some shells and walked out into the water before we went back and got cleaned up for dinner.  Went out and grabbed a bite to eat and the girls went back to the room and just crashed.  I would say they had enough, for sure!

Got up early on Sunday morning to get out of town and head up to the City for the Giants/Red Sox game with Live at 5 and Keystone Cop.  Nice drive up 101 to the City.  So much nicer than I-5!  Got to their place and the girls had a quick bite to eat before walking over to the ballpark.  Maybe too quick for Little Miss!  Live at 5 had cut up some fruit for the girls before we left.  We get to the game and Little Miss is being pretty quiet.  Well the National Anthem starts and she just lets the fruit fly free!  You know all I could think of at the time was The Wiggles.  There was nothing "Yummy, yummy!" about this fruit salad though.  Hunny and Thunder went and grabbed loads of napkins and I cleaned the walkway (Oh joy.) under her seat so she did not step in it during the game.  Even though it was only in the 70's in the City, there just was no wind in our seats and it made it even hotter sitting there in the sun.  So we went for a walk to cool off, get out of the sun and get away from what was surly going to be a ripe part of the ballpark shortly.  We spent the game looking around the ballpark, staying in the shade when we could and letting the girls play in the kids area in the outfield.  Little Miss was feeling better for a while, but you could just tell that she was not herself.  After the game we went back over to their place, had a quick bite to eat and got on the road as traffic started to build from people leaving the game and the gay pride parade downtown.

Strike that... my one joy of the day has ended.  Penis is here.

After the game we headed back home and watched the thermometer in my car climb from 77 to 104 as we drove from the City to Tracy at 6:30 at night.  Fun!  We stopped over at Turbo's to see how things were going and to visit with McLovin before his first day of work today.  Yes, work!  He got a job at Tracy Ford thanks to George.  He just loves cars, so it is a great fit for him right now.  He is still going to go to school at night, but he really just wants to start doing something now and I can respect that.  It is not a career choice, but it is a job nonetheless in this economy.  I hope he makes the most out of it.  Who knows... as much as he likes cars, it may lead him to something that he really wants to do in the long run.

You know it is funny.  Asian people have all of these trinkets around their desk, for luck or what have you.  Things like those gold cats, gold bugs, bamboo plants, dried up citrus fruit and other things like that.  Well walking through the office a minute ago a noticed a new one.  Gold foil wrapped chocolate rabbits.  You know like the ones at Easter time.  Lucky for me they were there, well at least one of them, because my sweet tooth is now gone.  I love traditions.  "Thanks eat-a-bunny.  Bawk, bawk!"  Wonder if I should have just bit the head off and left a note telling her that it was the Bad Luck Fairy?  I bet she would shit her pants and have to get a witch doctor in here to ward off evil spirits!

OK the roll close is complete for the appraisers in the office so things are a lot more relaxed around here for a few months. BUT, Ice Shaker is taking it to a new low by playing a Spanish broadcast of the World Cup on his headphones so loud that I can still hear the vuvuzela horns!  Actually... I am really waiting to hear one of the famous "GGGGGGOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL!" calls that Spanish broadcasts are famous for.  Love those things!

Back from lunch..... now what?

Quick note to all of you out there who are going to protest once the verdict for the Mehserle trail is handed down.  Have a heart.  1221 Oak Street, Oakland.  Begin about 6 on Thursday and leave the place in disrepair for about a week.  Give me some time away from this place, with pay, to find real work.  Not this mattress stain of a job.  Just sayin.

I also want to thank Hack for trying to hook the wife up with some work as well.  Does not look like that is going to work out since she has not done FHA and VA loans in the past.   Her last place of business fold up just as FHA was the only boat to sail on, and she does not have the experience processing those files because of it.  Keep your eyes open and if someone is willing to give her a chance to do them, I know she will be able to after being in the business over 12 years.  Still processing, just a new set of rules.  Sort of like me doing loans again.  Or heaven forbid this tech crap.  Hey maybe they will make you start at the bottom of all bottoms in the business as well.  "Yeah we will need you to alphabetize the cabinets and refill the white out tape today."  Then maybe someone can say to you, "Now Hunny.  These are what we call 'Loan Files', (Busting out some air quotes for you as they speak to really piss you off!) and this is where all of the important paperwork goes that we get from the borrowers.  Oh wait.  Do you know what borrowers are, or am I moving too fast for you?"

I also would like to take a minute to thank the government in the infinite wisdom of cutting unemployment benefits to everyone in current need of an extension.  Funny how some people got over 2 years of coverage and others got less then a year.  How does that work?  Glad you made it equal to everyone in this day and age of a robust job market.  Equal opportunity my ass.  I hear the bank of Bill & Ted's Bogus Investments needs a bail out.  Bet you will save them.  Butt plugs.

I am starting to feel like my name is Louis Winthorpe III and Randolph and Mortimer Duke have a $1 bet going on.  I am a Santa outfit, a fifth of Jack, and a salmon in my coat away from being ready to shoot the downfall scene myself.

I am listening to Ass Clown tell me why he averaged 175 at Nationals this year in Reno.  He says bad carry.  I say an avalanche of opens!  What there was no dotted line on the left side to direct you to the pocket?  Put some hair on the hole if you can't find it!  Lefty bitch.  He did at least average 199 in doubles.  Hope he at least made some bracket money to lose to me on Wednesday night at poker!  Oh well, maybe next year I will get the invite and shoot 520's with Ass Clown.  Then again 2 of the others they brought with them averaged 150 during team event.  Bet the other 3 on their team were proud of them!  Ducky must have lined them up.

Hack's wife just posted on Facebook - "Today's Mantra: Even challenges are beautiful opportunities in disguise."  I told her I go with, "Life's a shit sandwich, but we all gotta eat."  I think mine is more fitting.  How about you?

Mo is over in her cube watching YouTube videos of babies.  Should I go and explain to her that if she wants one of those that it is not going to happen by rubbing her monkey together with Larry or Curly?  Maybe I should volunteer Munson to help her out?  After all if she decides that the parapet is not for her, he always has a silicone-jellyish thing on "hand" if she can't stomach switching teams!  Still leaves her watching videos on YouTube or doing the old turkey baster treatment.  Wonder if she need that explained to her like the countless number of blonde's have had to hear that there are no such thing as butt babies?  If there were I think I would have to claim that I have been in labor several times myself in the past.

OK.... now I am getting asked where today's blog post is since it seems that some of you are just as bored as me and would like to read about the pains in my life!  Don't you cause enough pain in others lives Infidel that you should not need to get joy from mine?  Are there no guys down there that you can take it out on until they are head down in the planter box?  Wait... that sounded all bad.  Just to clear the air.... Infidel is a friend from school who does some extreme cross training sort of shit and take pleasure in making grown men cry.  Not much different from when we were in school and she made kids cry.  Glad to see some things never change!  She keeps offering to work me until I puke, but I told her that my stomach is well trained and she does not have enough beer to win that battle.  Now I need to find something to do for the next hour to keep me entertained.  Thanks!

Be good.

Toner Boy