Happy Hump Day to those of you tuning in today.
Sort of a mild mannered day for me. Not a lot to say, not a lot going on. OK, nothing going on... being bored I can always find something to say!
Heard back from the place out on the water that would like me to cook for them, so there is a bit of a breaking story. Have not had a chance to talk with her yet, but she did leave me a voicemail giving me an update on the progress of the build. They are still several weeks away from getting anything going. Keep you posted.
Went out to dinner with Ednolb and Albert last night for Ednolb's birthday. Happy 40th. You don't look a day over 50.
Everyone is sick in these parts it seems. Hunny and Little Miss are hacking up lungs, and Thunder has Pink Eye, possible strep and three infected spider bites. Nice huh? I am sure I will catch typhoid or something because of all of this and have to visit Dr. Kevorkian so I can feel better.
I see that Tiger took his Dad's advice to heart. "Golf is your life. Fuck everything else." Well played. Well with the later at least.
It is 9:32 and Cracker has busted out a Coke and chips like clockwork. I would love to be his cardiologist. He is going to be like hitting the Lotto if he does not die from a massive coronary before he hits his table.
People are getting their new G4 iPhones today if they had them shipped. Lucky bastards! I am stuck on Tmobile for the next 10 months or so with my G1 Android. It is not like I could swing $200 for a new phone right now these days. So I will just bitch about it so I feel better! Maybe the stars will line up in 10 months and the iPhone will go to Verizon so I can have a real phone, on a real network, with a real job and real money by then!
There is not enough coffee in the world to get me through this day. God this place is a mind fuck.
Referred Hack some business with an old friend from school. Maybe it will help me escape this hell hole in the long run! Come on Hack.... I need ya, and not for spooning! Not yet at least.
No Friends is back from her vacation in China and I see she has done some shopping. Today she is walking around in.... I can't believe I am about to say this.... I long white cotton skirt that has vertical pink, purple and yellow line patterns on it, black and white polka dot leggings, black leather boots, a black top, one of those neck things that she wears in pink, and a gray knitted jacket. WTF? I mean it is not bad if you take out the skirt. I mean she would look pretty normal. But what is that skirt all about? It looks like a full wrap apron with an elastic waistband or something. I give up.
You want to know why nothing gets done in government offices? I just witnessed the following take place.... Each morning Anyway prints out a set of reports and take them to all department heads and managers. This task is usually completed by 8:45 or so. Well it is now close to 10:00 and Trekkie, who is the head of all departments, walked past Anyway's office and went into Penis's office. He asked Penis why Anyway had not delivered the reports yet. This is verbatim. Penis tells him that he is not sure. They walk out of his office together talking about something else, and Penis peels off into Anyway's office along the way and asks him where they reports are as Trekkie continues on his way back to his office. Penis then walks out of Anyway's office once he has gotten an answer, and then walks down to Trekkie's office to give him a response. Turn around and walk back to his office and go back to work. Really? You could not just stop and ask him yourself? You had to walk out of your office, past the place where your question had to be answered, stop someone else from doing their job and make them find out for you? Hey better yet.... there is this feature on that $2,000 PC you are sitting at called email. That has the ability to send an electronic message to others that you could have asked, and gotten your question answered within seconds and not disturb anyone else! Efficiency. What a concept! You cock nozzle.
Creeper got his new ultra silent, double throw down, triple lay back, knock your dick in the dirt All in One printer and I installed it for him yesterday. Who would have thunk it.... sounds the same as the other one. Go figure.
The county fair opens today, and if you are like me and need to feel better about yourself I suggest going to people watch. You can always squeeze in some deep fried something or other for shits and grins. If you want to keep being there on the down low and want to blend in.
I know this was hours ago......... but since they took their sweet ass time to do so, so will I. US scored a goal to break a 0-0 tie to win 1-0 and advance to the round of 16 in World Cup. I see they score about as often as I do.
Scientists at UCLA say that they can scan your brain and they will know better than you what it is you are going to do in the future. Yeah. I got $50 that says they could not have predicted my path to the glory hole I live in!
It's 10:36. Fuck.
Lawrence Taylor is indicted on rape of a 16 year old in NY. No way! You are telling me that they did not buy your defense that you paid her $300 for her company? I was sold that you just had a hankering for a good game of Chutes and Ladders this whole time. I feel so used. Rot in hell crack head.
Oh my God I just saw a man walk out of the ladies room! I am floored! I can't.... wait... is that... OK.... my bad. It was Mo.
11:14 Coke. Chips. Check, check! Long live Cracker.
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* x20 at this point in the day! Need to mix in an excuse me for her as well about 10 times.
15 years ago today the Raiders came back. Does anyone have directions to give them so they can leave again? I think Al has stayed long enough. If they were at least someplace else I could watch all 16 games on TV without having to worry about parole schedules, and how they will affect that weeks attendance.
Less than 24 hours after Apple has released its iOS 4, there is a hack to jail break it released. Glad to see electronics are so secure. And they say our kids are not learning anything these days. Who are they kidding? Oh wait. They are talking about in school and respect for property or others. Yeah... they're still right.
The month following the governments tax credit new home sales dropped 33% to the lowest level on record. No shit? If you are not giving away that free toaster with whatever I am buying these days, forget about it! It is like a Happy Meal. It there is no toy in that shitty meal you are serving me, you can keep it!
Don't know if I had brought this up in the past few weeks, but this headline is too funny to leave alone. "Calls for Poultry Abuse in Santa Cruz" Word for word I swear it. So if you were ever in the mood to choke a chicken, other than your own, head to the Boardwalk I guess.
I find it funny that Paparazzi is giving Ed stalking tips on Captain Jack, ahhhh Johnny Depp on Facebook. What has this world come too? She even knows the names of his third cousin twice removed on his mothers side who is in charge of fruit platters for the set. He is filming the newest installment of Pirates in the Islands while she is there and rumor has it that he is staying down the road from where she is. Good luck with that Ed, and I hope you enjoy the Island life under lock up.
The Double Pimp Twins? I shit you not. I just walked past the front counter and there are two men standing there in matching black and white argyle print knitted vests, purple dress shirts, purple silk ties and fucking royal purple velvet Fedora hats! Thought it was Next Friday for a second. Only in the 510. In Tracy it would be flip-flops, sombreros and ponchos. Rollin in the 209! We may not know style, but we can roll the hell out of a burrito. Whutchu got?
Something has crawled up Anyway's ass. He is in his office throwing "Anyway's" out like they are going out of style talking to Obvious. Obvious is in there telling him, "Well calm down, go talk to them and tell them you are upset." "Anyway!" blah, blah, "Anyway" blah, "Anyway" It is classic to listen to his broken English when he is pissed.
Someone in the office just came over and said, "I heard that you cook? Do you ever think about doing that instead of this?" If you only knew.
The fact that English is a second language in Tracy should warrant a winning Lotto ticket right?
Let's see weekend was OK. The Fuzz and I smoked some meat, no not our own, on Saturday. A couple of pork shoulders and some loin ribs. Came out good, but need to have some additional time with his smoker to get the bugs worked out. Went to Dublin to hang out and sell some raffle tickets for the girls fundraiser while Ducky, McLovin and Ass Clown bowled. On our way home we stopped at a fundraiser for Silent but deadly's daughter in Livermore. Sunday went over to Turbo's to BBQ some burgers for everyone and hung out with Pops. Nothing thrilling, but it was good.
I think they are still playing that 5th set at Wimbledon. A 10 hour match, and they are still not done! They broke the old single match record by 3.5+ hours and they are still not done! They even played more than the scoreboard could handle. They are tied 59-59 in the 5th set and the scoreboard got stuck and stopped working at 47-47. This is something that will never be seen again. There has been 193 aces so far in the match, 98 and 95, both eclipsing the old record of 78 by a single person. Here is the kicker... this match started on Monday night! They played into the 4th set and the match was held over until today because of darkness almost 3 hours into it. They played for 7 hours a 6 minutes today and still no winner! Just amazing stuff, even if you don't watch tennis.
This weekend we are going down to Pismo Beach for a family wedding that the girls are in on Saturday. Hunny's cousin is getting married. This is the same cousin that when she was younger and came to our house in Ione to visit us I put her shoes in the freezer all night long! I thought it was funny... she only noticed the cracking sound, not the fact that they were frozen. All those laughs for nothing. Sunday we are leaving early to go up to the City and join Live at 5 and Keystone Cop at the Giants-Red Sox game. Always a lot of fun spending time with them. I want to thank them once again for the invite as well. The girls are really looking forward to it! Should be a long weekend. No fear, I am sure Hunny will make sure I get plenty of rest.
2:44..... Geezzzzz
Oh boy... my eyes itch. Thunder I will kill you. You're safe, I am sure they just want to close from the thrill of my day.
Don't you hate when people miss use words? (Like half of my blog! Told you Smut Queen I could not write, but NO... tell me to do this shit anyway.) The one that kills me the most is know. People will tell you with authority, "I no!" "No you don't!" "Yes I do!" "Well then fine, I YES!" Pricks.
Ever notice in cop films they will tell the team when they are gathered up before going out to hunt down the bad guy, "Shoot on sight." and the first guy who finds him yells, "Freeze!" Always found that funny.
Hack must not have hit the Lotto last night because I did not see a Lexus with a big red bow in my driveway this morning. Nice numbers asshole.
Uncle Shartly was at it again last week. No his underwear are safe. Well as safe as can be expected that is. He bought a new beard trimmer and he was not sure what number he should set it to so he could trim his face. What to do? Need to get a depth gauge reading. Hey... there is hair there that no one will see. BZZZZZZZZ I mean after all he did not want to walk around with his facial hair looking funny now did he? I hope he at least set it to the same number all over and finished that job south of the border. Don't want to look like a bad high top fade down there, right? That was just TMI. Everyone.... forget I said any of that. Is the AC turned on? I feel a breeze in here.
I am to the point that I can't even figure out how to look busy anymore.
Ravens sign former Rams QB Marc Bulger to a 1-year $3.8 million dollar deal to hold a clipboard during the season, and throw balls to the wannabe players during training camp. I would have done it for $.8 million as long as the clipboard is made of metal or plastic. Hey I could get splinters with wood! Then I would have to hold the clipboard in my free team apparel and a Band-Aid while I am on the IR for the rest of the season. Just throwing it out there, so think about it. I throw a mean wiffle football 10 or 12 times... in low wind.... with no sun in my eyes.... and with no pass rush. Call me if you need to free cap space.
A man in Florida gets run over by his own truck when his dog puts it into gear after he steps out. Rumor from Perez Hilton has it the owner switched him from canned food to dry and the dog was not happy. Either that or the owner would not share the picture of Miley's crotch from Perez's blog with the dog and he got pissed. Details to follow.
Only 3:34... DOH!
Chocolate covered bacon is at the fair this year. Why do I have a feeling those who go there will sojourn over to the booth enticed by the smell of pigs fat and melted cocoa nibs? And they wonder why we are the fattest people on the planet? Does Earth have a weight limit like an elevator? Wonder if that is what really happened with that sink hole in Peru? A bunch of Americans were down there for a visit, lined up in front of a churro cart and WHOOSH!!!!
Proof that the world has gone wrong is here. Apple has approved an app for those with erectile dysfunction! Here is how it works. For $2.99 you buy this application and play its high frequency alpha waves for 6 minutes each day. These waves will sync with your brain and, per the developer, "It could fire up your sex drive!" With the word could in there I am guessing that it could make these guys a couple of million dollars without even being liable for anything. They claim that it was 77% successful with their test group. Odd... 77% of men walk around with a hard on all day to begin with. Funny how that works. Snake oil anyone?
I have to pee, but I am afraid that I will come back with another story. I'll hold it.
Let's see... anything else... news from the office, stirred the hornets nest with the wife, news of the world, what's new in the world of fashion, what's on my plate, blessed Influenza a few dozen times.... hmmm, nope. That just about covers it. Time to go on Facebook and tease Ed. TTFN.
Toner Boy
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