I have seen and heard a LOT of dumb shit over my years, but this has to be the most ridiculous one yet. (OK maybe not, but come on!)
Creeper had his printer go out a few weeks ago and even though he only prints about 20 pages a month off of this thing he was not content with waiting 3 days for a new one to get ordered and shipped. So I went and took one from another managers desk and gave it to him. This printer was less then 4 months old and has all the bells and whistles that you can get in an all in one solution. Considering that he had the previous printer for several years and it was just a plain Jane color printer you would think that he would be very happy with what he was given. Nope.
So he starts out his little bitch fest by saying that the printer is big and taking up space on his desktop. Now that is a fair bitch to have. So now he wants an all in one that is smaller. OK... so does the rest of the world, but this is as small as a color printer, fax, scanner and copier gets. Sorry for your bad luck.
So next you would assume that he is going to have some sort of performance complaint, right? After all if there is going to be any sort of bitching about a printer it is going to be either about the speed which it works at, or the quality of what comes out of it. Nope.
Get this. It is too loud. "Order me a quieter printer with all the same features', he says to me. WTF? Yeah... let me look at the decibel rating on the printer. Wait... what is that? They don't give a noise rating for a printer? MAYBE BECAUSE IT IS A PRINTER AND NOT A STEREO DUMB ASS!!!!!!
So I put in a request to HP about noise levels of their all in one printers. I will bet the guy reading my request right now is scratching his head going, "WTF?"
Only here can this be the most pressing matter for anyone to deal with. Penis has labeled it TOP PRIORITY! He says if your email request is not answered by noon to call the regional sales manager! Really? For the fucking noise levels of a desktop printer that retails for $200? That is what I am going to call a regional sales manager about?
Yeah I can see how is call is going to go:
Toner Boy - "Yeah I am calling about your 6500 all in one printer. I need to get a certain spec on it."
Rep - "Yeah Toner Boy. It is a color all in one that scans 10 ppm (pages per minute), prints color at 18 ppm, black at 31 ppm, can fax and copy as well. It holds 100 pag...."
Toner Boy - "Yeah. That all sounds great, and I got most of that information off of your site. But..... What about its noise level?"
Rep - "Its what?"
Toner Boy - "How loud is it."
Rep - "Ahhh. It sounds like a printer."
Toner Boy - "Does your company offer a Db (decibel) rating on your products? You know so a person can see how loud your printer is compared to others."
Rep - "Yeah we offer a special model with a silencer! (Awkward laugh) (Long silent pause) Are you serious? Is this a joke? What the hell does that matter? It's a printer! It's mechanical! It's going to make noise! Hopefully not as much as a car stereo would, where that sort of thing matters, but some."
Toner Boy - "Well one of the department heads here find that the current model he has from you is too loud and he would like something quieter with all of the same features."
Rep - "Tell him to get a secretary with a 6500 printer in the other room so he can't hear it, or her working." *Click*
I give up.
Toner Boy
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