OK.... just ewwww...

I know this is going to sound like one of those jokes that goes, "Two dudes go into a bar..." but this is not a joke.

I go to, where else, the bathroom and I am followed in by a little Asian guy.  I walk over to the far big boy urinal and he goes to the opposite end kids urinal.  OK... nothing out of sorts here.  Yet.  I mean after all he did belong at the kids one, as I am sure the adult one was WAY to tall for him.

Now I get finished and walk over to the sink to wash my hands and he is not far behind me.  Now.... I think I would have noticed either someone over there helping him, or if he had held his hands over his head while he was doing his business, right?  Well I saw nothing of the sort!

I start to wash my hands and he comes over to the sink puts a few droplets of water on his hand, far from enough to attempt to rinse away anything that might be on them, and proceeds to wipe his mouth with his hands!  I did not see him sporting 4 arms, or an extra set of hands attached to those babies so they had to be the same ones that he used to pee.  Being that he is Asian I know for a fact that he needed to hold that sum-bitch or piss would have hit the back wall and wet his ass down!

After using pisswash on his mouth it must have magically converted to hair gel because he then ran his fingers through his hair as he looked in the mirror.  The whole time I am almost still with my hands in the sink, not even washing them as I watch in disgust and amazement at what he just did.

He then takes the cake by rolling out some paper towel, blowing his nose in it and walks out of the restroom.  Wow.  That was grosstacular!

I wonder if I just sat there in the restroom all day if I would have enough material to write a book on what I have seen?  Think anyone will notice if I am sitting there in a chair watching everything that they do and talking into a voice recorder about what I just saw them do?

How about if I sat in your bathroom?  Oh God no... scratch that... I don't want to know what you do, or DON'T do!

Well T.G.I.F. and here is to hoping all of you enjoy your weekends.  I know that I still have 3 and a half hours before I get to leave this place and go sit in my weekend traffic for 2 hours, but I am counting the minutes!  Tomorrow we are going over to Smut Queen's for the little ones birthday party.  This should be a great time to talk shit, drink beer and plot against the rest of the world as The SC looks for domination.  OK, I went a bit far.  No shit talking.

The rest of the weekend I think I will be thumbing my bumpkin and watching some sort of sports or cooking related crap on TV.  Maybe do a little menu planning in case I get the call to cook out on the Delta on the weekends.  Got to come up with some twisted Southern food that I would feel good about putting my name on.  Maybe thumb my bumpkin again.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to pass time at this place?  Damn is has been 3 minutes since the last time I checked the clock and I swear that during that time Ice Shaker has been on the phone talking in Spanish to 7 different people for 3 hours.  Clicking his fucking pen and tapping it on the desk like he is the only one in the fucking building.  But I digress.

Influenza is still out and Anyway is as well.  I am telling you these two are shacking up and creating a super virus with their germs!  They are going to come back and hack up lungs all next week and I will be in ICU because of them.  If they have bird flu can I counteract that with cat vaccine?  Maybe I should eat more p... lums.

I know if you drink a lot they tell you to spray your furniture with Scotchgard.  I don't know why, I like to drink vodka.

I have not heard from Ass Clown or any of those guys for a while.  Must have pissed them off.  Better to be pissed off then pissed on.  OK, most times.  Don't know why they could be mad, those pricks have been in a habit of taking my fucking money these days.  Nice 3-5 asshole.!

Raffle ticket sales are moving at the speed of smell for the girls fundraiser next month.  Along with BBQ tickets and Poker seats.  So get yours now while this seemingly endless supply still lasts! (Don't you fuckers call me when you kid is trying to push man groomers or something stupid like that for their baseball team!  At least you can get fat and make some money off of our shit.  Told ya'll I was a cranky old cuss.)

On a positive note Hunny is doing very well with helping people get their loan modifications done.  Some are being a bit more of a pain in the ass then others, but overall they are still going to get done and these people are going to save themselves good money in the long run.  I just hate to see her stress out when these lenders are giving her and the client the royal run around trying to delay the inevitable.  The real estate attorney that she is working with has them by the short and curly's and they know it.  The smarter ones are just getting them done and taking the pain like a champ.  The dumb ones are doing their Band Aid removal slow and trying to stir the pot.  Never a good idea to piss off someone who is a squeeze away from changing your gender.

What?  That was only 15 mins that I have killed since the last time check?  Gawd damn!

Hmmm let's see..... hey the Spanish Inquisition, that was a real bitch huh?

So will tuna that they catch now be packed in oil regardless?

How many licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

Hey.  This book to my left.  It is currently in the top 75,000 on Amazon.com!  Pretty damn good considering that they have millions of books!  Click on it and get your copy now!  You can say that you were in on the ground level of her smutty beginning! (The last person who only gave her 4 stars.  You will be taken care of.)

So if everything that we try for the first time tastes like chicken because it is what we consume the most of, would people many moons ago in the Scottish backwoods say, "Tastes like gopher"?

If you tuck dollars in the g-string of a cute girl, can you throw quarters at the ugly ones?  What?  They can keep them.

I think Elin took his kids, and his swing.  Now how much would he be willing to pay to get them both back?  Hate to say it, but Jack... your records are now safe.

I think McDonald's should have put a marketing spin on the Shrek recall and called it, "Want your very own Ogre?  Buy our toxic Shrek collectible glasses and watch your kids turn green!"

Did Gary Coleman get a discount because his casket is smaller than normal?  Too soon for that joke?

Is it 5 yet?  Nope....

Ever notice how every sport a man plays requires him to play with balls or a stick?

Fire & Ice condoms... what will they think of next?  Well I guess if they have tea that I hear supposed to make you taste like maple or something, anything is really possible.

California bans plastic bags.  Does that include douche bags?  If so they need to come up with a Summers Eve Oder Eater like they have for shoes.  But like the plastic covers on TV dinners, remove before you eat.

Need to feel better about yourself?  People watch at Walmart.

Can you hear me now?  I really don't give a shit.

Your body is a temple.  Mine must be the Temple of Doom.

Why would anyone eat head cheese?  Even the title has bad written all over it.  Who in the hell headed up that marketing campaign?  Mr. Peabody?

I bet that third guy who started Apple and sold his shares of the company back after a month for $800 is kicking himself in the ass each night at the $1.99 all you can eat buffet in Bumbfuck Nevada playing penny slots!

Fart eating blankets?  Really?  No joke.  Search Google.  No Hunny we can not have one so you don't have to get out of bed.

If giving birth is as bad as they say then why is it that 24 eggs are cheaper than a gallon of milk?

Looks like I will be driving home via Northern India tonight to get around the traffic accidents on 580.  Thank you for thinking of others when on the roadways.

Stock tumble on bad jobs reports.  No shit?

Toner Boy