*LOST* (1) Mind. Very seldom used over the past 16 months, 20 days, 2 hours and 27 minutes, but it has sentimental value to its owner. Not the best one in the world, but there was a time when I used to get a little wood on the ball with it. If found please return to.... ahhhh, who am I kidding? It wasn't working well when I had it. Do everyone a favor and poke that thing down a storm drain with a stick or something before someone tries to use it and gets hurt!
*WANTED* (1) Job. Make that REAL Job. Something that won't drive me to write a blog about my crappy work life. This will affect those of you who find pleasure in my pain, and for that... naw... I still don't give a crap. Tired of playing this game and being second fiddle. Need to move on, and need to do it now. Life is too short (Sing it, you know you want to!) to work and live like this as far as I am concerned. Swing for the fences, or strike out at this point. I mean how much lower can I get, or feel at this point? (As the guy comes to empty my trash can.) Touche.
*FOUND* (1) Abyss. I think I have figured out that this is the place where dreams go to die. This place is the polar opposite of Disneyland. No dreams come true, and only the undriven can possibly be happy here. Then again... look at the cast. Where else besides DMV can these people work? What was that? Yeah... tech support. True. There is defiantly a language barrier here as well. I just listened to Ice Shaker has a call that went something like this:
"Hello this is Ice Shaker from the Assessor's office, is (Name here) available? -pause- No English? (Then he rattles it off again in Spanish.) -pause- That wasn't English. Do you speak Spanish? OK. (Says it again in Spanish.) -you get the point- What language do you speak then? -yet again- (Click) Hello?" Under his breath I hear him say, "Fuck it. They get a card in the mail."
If that was not funny enough I have Jeff Gordon (I will add him to the Who's who one of these days. Short version. He is an older guy who claims he is gay. I think he is just such a dork that no girl would ever have him, so he figures he will try guys and see if his luck improves. Walks around with a rainbow umbrella during the rainy months, and keeps wood blocks in the color of a rainbow on his desk. Just trying a weee bit too hard to be gay. The Muff-keteers and Skippy don't have any of that stuff and they are flat-ass gay.) (By the way. It is 11:24 and I have done nothing besides read news feeds and bore your ass with this today. If Infidel will leave me the hell alone this may keep me entertained the rest of the day.) is over in his cube talking to someone in 'chicken peck' Spanish! For more or less it went something like this:
"Hi this is Jeff Gordon from the Assessor's office. I need to speak to Michael or Maria. -pause- Oh you speak Spanish? OK. My name is Jeff Gordon from the Assessor's oficina and I need to talk with Mike about your casa. -wait- Ahhh, yes Miguel. Is Miguel in the casa? -hold- What time will Mike be home? -pause- What timpeo is ME-Gel (It is the way he said it, not me!) going to be casa? Can I leave ME-Gel my numbire? (WTF is numbrie? It's numero right? I have never taken Spanish, but I think I am right on this one. I would ask Fuzz but he is broken Spanish at best!) (Then he starts) Uno, cinco, uno..." (AHAHAHAHAHA I was rolling!)
*FOR SALE* (1) Soul. Can be bought for a few of my previously stated wishes. Enjoyable job, with like pay. Working with people who think it is OK to think, have ambition and be creative. Few duckets in the old bank account to enjoy life with and take care of those little things in life. Food, clothes, bills.... I mean come on. What do I care? Anyone of you that know me already know I have got a one way ticket to hell when this fun fest is over! Shit I racked up so many miles they are letting me pilot the plane. Hell at this point in time I may sell it for a 6-pack and a bag of Skittles. At least a micro brew and Sour Skittles... come on. I may be cheap, but not easy. Or is it the other way around? I forget.
*HELP WANTED* (1) Masseuse. This place gives me a headache. It is 2:30 and I am just propped up in this chair trying to figure out how to make these next 2 and a half hours speed up. As you can tell by the format of this thing I really had nothing to say in the first place. Just was looking for something to do. Stop the presses! Penis has a task for me to do! Oh goody, can't wait to see what it is!!!! Uh huh. Uh huh. Wait. You want me to do what? Oh my dear gawd. To make this worse he explained it like I was confused. No Penis. The look on my face just now was complete disbelief, not confusion. He needed me to print tabs that slide in the colored divider sheets and brought me over enough supplies and examples that you would have thought that this would take months to complete. It is now 2:56 and since the last time I gave you a time check I had gone to the bathroom, gave out a recipe tip to a friends wife, listened to Ice Shaker talk to a client in Spanish once again and had a riveting conversation with Obvious about Allen wrenches. Yeah that task filled about 4 minutes of my day. Thanks Penis!!!
*LOOKING TO TRADE* (1) Penny. Ya'll have heard enough of my thoughts. What are yours? Any of you ready to break and get me out of this septic tank before I sink to the bottom? Does any of this crap relate to anyone of your lives, or is this train wreck all my own? Who is hiding a real job from me out there? Did you ladies go out and get Smut Queen's book that is getting awesome reviews? I know that some of you are not thrilled about your work lives and want to get out. Who has the family friend or relative that would want to open a nice comfortable restaurant and bar? Drinks are drinks, but a fun place to have them and good food are always in question. Does any of the crap I spew mean a damn thing, or are you just into listening to my mad ass ramble? Is it getting old to read this blog? Do you just want to hear about office events as they come up and leave my life's follies out of it? Which of you are going out at midnight, I mean 5 to watch all three movies in a row, like my freaky wife and her friends to see Wolfman Jack, his and Elfboy the Vampire? (Dudes eyes are 4 feet apart like an Avatar. Bitch all you want ladies.... Just sayin!) It has gotten damn quiet on the blog and fan page these days. Have a voice people!
Toner Boy
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
This week in baseball.....
Well it is Monday once again. How can I tell? Influenza is a couple of cubes away blowing her insides out through her nose with each hacking sneeze.
My phone just rang about someone that is low on toner and is incapable of replacing a cartridge themselves.
It is 9:36 and I am already bored.
And despite the wife's enthusiastic willingness to let me sleep this weekend, I am so tired that I can't even see straight. Odds are it is because my brain has checked out for the day, while my body is still sitting here.
There are 10 other things that I can think of that I would rather be doing at this moment, and one of them involves a section of rope and a chair.
Yep. That's a Monday.
The only perk.... Penis is not here to piss on my day with his melancholy demeanor.
Well onward we go. Let's recap the weekends festivities.... shall we?
We got out of town on Friday and headed down to Pismo Beach for Hunny's cousins wedding. Meet up with the MIL and the rest of the family once we got there. Such a pretty area and awesome weather. The girls got changed and off to the wedding rehearsal and dinner we went. Had dinner at a little place on the beach. We sat in a very nice outdoor patio for the wedding party and the families. Little cold out, but when you are at the coast it comes with the territory. They had a few of those outdoor heaters going to keep us warm. The girls and I headed down to the beach for a few photos and to let them run around. Little Miss called that a day after about 5 minutes and her telling me that her feet were already numb!
Slept in as much as we could on Saturday, but the girls had to get ready for the wedding since we had to be there an hour before. Got up and grabbed us some liquid crank from Starbucks to make sure we were moving in high gear! Very nice ceremony and a goal by the US just before things got going to make it a 1-1 game. Oh sorry. My phone was on my lap keeping me in the loop. Went to the reception area at the church and it was very nice and relaxed family atmosphere. The kids pretty much had a game room to themselves full of toys once they ate so the adults could hang out and talk. The DJ informed us of the US losing in extra time. I think I am the only one who cared. Then again my phone was on the table watching the gamecast from ESPN, so I already knew the bad news. Everything was done early enough that we took the girls and went down to the beach for a walk. Very nice area for that, unlike our beaches up here. Walked a couple of miles, the girls collected some shells and walked out into the water before we went back and got cleaned up for dinner. Went out and grabbed a bite to eat and the girls went back to the room and just crashed. I would say they had enough, for sure!
Got up early on Sunday morning to get out of town and head up to the City for the Giants/Red Sox game with Live at 5 and Keystone Cop. Nice drive up 101 to the City. So much nicer than I-5! Got to their place and the girls had a quick bite to eat before walking over to the ballpark. Maybe too quick for Little Miss! Live at 5 had cut up some fruit for the girls before we left. We get to the game and Little Miss is being pretty quiet. Well the National Anthem starts and she just lets the fruit fly free! You know all I could think of at the time was The Wiggles. There was nothing "Yummy, yummy!" about this fruit salad though. Hunny and Thunder went and grabbed loads of napkins and I cleaned the walkway (Oh joy.) under her seat so she did not step in it during the game. Even though it was only in the 70's in the City, there just was no wind in our seats and it made it even hotter sitting there in the sun. So we went for a walk to cool off, get out of the sun and get away from what was surly going to be a ripe part of the ballpark shortly. We spent the game looking around the ballpark, staying in the shade when we could and letting the girls play in the kids area in the outfield. Little Miss was feeling better for a while, but you could just tell that she was not herself. After the game we went back over to their place, had a quick bite to eat and got on the road as traffic started to build from people leaving the game and the gay pride parade downtown.
Strike that... my one joy of the day has ended. Penis is here.
After the game we headed back home and watched the thermometer in my car climb from 77 to 104 as we drove from the City to Tracy at 6:30 at night. Fun! We stopped over at Turbo's to see how things were going and to visit with McLovin before his first day of work today. Yes, work! He got a job at Tracy Ford thanks to George. He just loves cars, so it is a great fit for him right now. He is still going to go to school at night, but he really just wants to start doing something now and I can respect that. It is not a career choice, but it is a job nonetheless in this economy. I hope he makes the most out of it. Who knows... as much as he likes cars, it may lead him to something that he really wants to do in the long run.
You know it is funny. Asian people have all of these trinkets around their desk, for luck or what have you. Things like those gold cats, gold bugs, bamboo plants, dried up citrus fruit and other things like that. Well walking through the office a minute ago a noticed a new one. Gold foil wrapped chocolate rabbits. You know like the ones at Easter time. Lucky for me they were there, well at least one of them, because my sweet tooth is now gone. I love traditions. "Thanks eat-a-bunny. Bawk, bawk!" Wonder if I should have just bit the head off and left a note telling her that it was the Bad Luck Fairy? I bet she would shit her pants and have to get a witch doctor in here to ward off evil spirits!
OK the roll close is complete for the appraisers in the office so things are a lot more relaxed around here for a few months. BUT, Ice Shaker is taking it to a new low by playing a Spanish broadcast of the World Cup on his headphones so loud that I can still hear the vuvuzela horns! Actually... I am really waiting to hear one of the famous "GGGGGGOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL!" calls that Spanish broadcasts are famous for. Love those things!
Back from lunch..... now what?
Quick note to all of you out there who are going to protest once the verdict for the Mehserle trail is handed down. Have a heart. 1221 Oak Street, Oakland. Begin about 6 on Thursday and leave the place in disrepair for about a week. Give me some time away from this place, with pay, to find real work. Not this mattress stain of a job. Just sayin.
I also want to thank Hack for trying to hook the wife up with some work as well. Does not look like that is going to work out since she has not done FHA and VA loans in the past. Her last place of business fold up just as FHA was the only boat to sail on, and she does not have the experience processing those files because of it. Keep your eyes open and if someone is willing to give her a chance to do them, I know she will be able to after being in the business over 12 years. Still processing, just a new set of rules. Sort of like me doing loans again. Or heaven forbid this tech crap. Hey maybe they will make you start at the bottom of all bottoms in the business as well. "Yeah we will need you to alphabetize the cabinets and refill the white out tape today." Then maybe someone can say to you, "Now Hunny. These are what we call 'Loan Files', (Busting out some air quotes for you as they speak to really piss you off!) and this is where all of the important paperwork goes that we get from the borrowers. Oh wait. Do you know what borrowers are, or am I moving too fast for you?"
I also would like to take a minute to thank the government in the infinite wisdom of cutting unemployment benefits to everyone in current need of an extension. Funny how some people got over 2 years of coverage and others got less then a year. How does that work? Glad you made it equal to everyone in this day and age of a robust job market. Equal opportunity my ass. I hear the bank of Bill & Ted's Bogus Investments needs a bail out. Bet you will save them. Butt plugs.
I am starting to feel like my name is Louis Winthorpe III and Randolph and Mortimer Duke have a $1 bet going on. I am a Santa outfit, a fifth of Jack, and a salmon in my coat away from being ready to shoot the downfall scene myself.
I am listening to Ass Clown tell me why he averaged 175 at Nationals this year in Reno. He says bad carry. I say an avalanche of opens! What there was no dotted line on the left side to direct you to the pocket? Put some hair on the hole if you can't find it! Lefty bitch. He did at least average 199 in doubles. Hope he at least made some bracket money to lose to me on Wednesday night at poker! Oh well, maybe next year I will get the invite and shoot 520's with Ass Clown. Then again 2 of the others they brought with them averaged 150 during team event. Bet the other 3 on their team were proud of them! Ducky must have lined them up.
Hack's wife just posted on Facebook - "Today's Mantra: Even challenges are beautiful opportunities in disguise." I told her I go with, "Life's a shit sandwich, but we all gotta eat." I think mine is more fitting. How about you?
Mo is over in her cube watching YouTube videos of babies. Should I go and explain to her that if she wants one of those that it is not going to happen by rubbing her monkey together with Larry or Curly? Maybe I should volunteer Munson to help her out? After all if she decides that the parapet is not for her, he always has a silicone-jellyish thing on "hand" if she can't stomach switching teams! Still leaves her watching videos on YouTube or doing the old turkey baster treatment. Wonder if she need that explained to her like the countless number of blonde's have had to hear that there are no such thing as butt babies? If there were I think I would have to claim that I have been in labor several times myself in the past.
OK.... now I am getting asked where today's blog post is since it seems that some of you are just as bored as me and would like to read about the pains in my life! Don't you cause enough pain in others lives Infidel that you should not need to get joy from mine? Are there no guys down there that you can take it out on until they are head down in the planter box? Wait... that sounded all bad. Just to clear the air.... Infidel is a friend from school who does some extreme cross training sort of shit and take pleasure in making grown men cry. Not much different from when we were in school and she made kids cry. Glad to see some things never change! She keeps offering to work me until I puke, but I told her that my stomach is well trained and she does not have enough beer to win that battle. Now I need to find something to do for the next hour to keep me entertained. Thanks!
Be good.
Toner Boy
My phone just rang about someone that is low on toner and is incapable of replacing a cartridge themselves.
It is 9:36 and I am already bored.
And despite the wife's enthusiastic willingness to let me sleep this weekend, I am so tired that I can't even see straight. Odds are it is because my brain has checked out for the day, while my body is still sitting here.
There are 10 other things that I can think of that I would rather be doing at this moment, and one of them involves a section of rope and a chair.
Yep. That's a Monday.
The only perk.... Penis is not here to piss on my day with his melancholy demeanor.
Well onward we go. Let's recap the weekends festivities.... shall we?
We got out of town on Friday and headed down to Pismo Beach for Hunny's cousins wedding. Meet up with the MIL and the rest of the family once we got there. Such a pretty area and awesome weather. The girls got changed and off to the wedding rehearsal and dinner we went. Had dinner at a little place on the beach. We sat in a very nice outdoor patio for the wedding party and the families. Little cold out, but when you are at the coast it comes with the territory. They had a few of those outdoor heaters going to keep us warm. The girls and I headed down to the beach for a few photos and to let them run around. Little Miss called that a day after about 5 minutes and her telling me that her feet were already numb!
Slept in as much as we could on Saturday, but the girls had to get ready for the wedding since we had to be there an hour before. Got up and grabbed us some liquid crank from Starbucks to make sure we were moving in high gear! Very nice ceremony and a goal by the US just before things got going to make it a 1-1 game. Oh sorry. My phone was on my lap keeping me in the loop. Went to the reception area at the church and it was very nice and relaxed family atmosphere. The kids pretty much had a game room to themselves full of toys once they ate so the adults could hang out and talk. The DJ informed us of the US losing in extra time. I think I am the only one who cared. Then again my phone was on the table watching the gamecast from ESPN, so I already knew the bad news. Everything was done early enough that we took the girls and went down to the beach for a walk. Very nice area for that, unlike our beaches up here. Walked a couple of miles, the girls collected some shells and walked out into the water before we went back and got cleaned up for dinner. Went out and grabbed a bite to eat and the girls went back to the room and just crashed. I would say they had enough, for sure!
Got up early on Sunday morning to get out of town and head up to the City for the Giants/Red Sox game with Live at 5 and Keystone Cop. Nice drive up 101 to the City. So much nicer than I-5! Got to their place and the girls had a quick bite to eat before walking over to the ballpark. Maybe too quick for Little Miss! Live at 5 had cut up some fruit for the girls before we left. We get to the game and Little Miss is being pretty quiet. Well the National Anthem starts and she just lets the fruit fly free! You know all I could think of at the time was The Wiggles. There was nothing "Yummy, yummy!" about this fruit salad though. Hunny and Thunder went and grabbed loads of napkins and I cleaned the walkway (Oh joy.) under her seat so she did not step in it during the game. Even though it was only in the 70's in the City, there just was no wind in our seats and it made it even hotter sitting there in the sun. So we went for a walk to cool off, get out of the sun and get away from what was surly going to be a ripe part of the ballpark shortly. We spent the game looking around the ballpark, staying in the shade when we could and letting the girls play in the kids area in the outfield. Little Miss was feeling better for a while, but you could just tell that she was not herself. After the game we went back over to their place, had a quick bite to eat and got on the road as traffic started to build from people leaving the game and the gay pride parade downtown.
Strike that... my one joy of the day has ended. Penis is here.
After the game we headed back home and watched the thermometer in my car climb from 77 to 104 as we drove from the City to Tracy at 6:30 at night. Fun! We stopped over at Turbo's to see how things were going and to visit with McLovin before his first day of work today. Yes, work! He got a job at Tracy Ford thanks to George. He just loves cars, so it is a great fit for him right now. He is still going to go to school at night, but he really just wants to start doing something now and I can respect that. It is not a career choice, but it is a job nonetheless in this economy. I hope he makes the most out of it. Who knows... as much as he likes cars, it may lead him to something that he really wants to do in the long run.
You know it is funny. Asian people have all of these trinkets around their desk, for luck or what have you. Things like those gold cats, gold bugs, bamboo plants, dried up citrus fruit and other things like that. Well walking through the office a minute ago a noticed a new one. Gold foil wrapped chocolate rabbits. You know like the ones at Easter time. Lucky for me they were there, well at least one of them, because my sweet tooth is now gone. I love traditions. "Thanks eat-a-bunny. Bawk, bawk!" Wonder if I should have just bit the head off and left a note telling her that it was the Bad Luck Fairy? I bet she would shit her pants and have to get a witch doctor in here to ward off evil spirits!
OK the roll close is complete for the appraisers in the office so things are a lot more relaxed around here for a few months. BUT, Ice Shaker is taking it to a new low by playing a Spanish broadcast of the World Cup on his headphones so loud that I can still hear the vuvuzela horns! Actually... I am really waiting to hear one of the famous "GGGGGGOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLL!" calls that Spanish broadcasts are famous for. Love those things!
Back from lunch..... now what?
Quick note to all of you out there who are going to protest once the verdict for the Mehserle trail is handed down. Have a heart. 1221 Oak Street, Oakland. Begin about 6 on Thursday and leave the place in disrepair for about a week. Give me some time away from this place, with pay, to find real work. Not this mattress stain of a job. Just sayin.
I also want to thank Hack for trying to hook the wife up with some work as well. Does not look like that is going to work out since she has not done FHA and VA loans in the past. Her last place of business fold up just as FHA was the only boat to sail on, and she does not have the experience processing those files because of it. Keep your eyes open and if someone is willing to give her a chance to do them, I know she will be able to after being in the business over 12 years. Still processing, just a new set of rules. Sort of like me doing loans again. Or heaven forbid this tech crap. Hey maybe they will make you start at the bottom of all bottoms in the business as well. "Yeah we will need you to alphabetize the cabinets and refill the white out tape today." Then maybe someone can say to you, "Now Hunny. These are what we call 'Loan Files', (Busting out some air quotes for you as they speak to really piss you off!) and this is where all of the important paperwork goes that we get from the borrowers. Oh wait. Do you know what borrowers are, or am I moving too fast for you?"
I also would like to take a minute to thank the government in the infinite wisdom of cutting unemployment benefits to everyone in current need of an extension. Funny how some people got over 2 years of coverage and others got less then a year. How does that work? Glad you made it equal to everyone in this day and age of a robust job market. Equal opportunity my ass. I hear the bank of Bill & Ted's Bogus Investments needs a bail out. Bet you will save them. Butt plugs.
I am starting to feel like my name is Louis Winthorpe III and Randolph and Mortimer Duke have a $1 bet going on. I am a Santa outfit, a fifth of Jack, and a salmon in my coat away from being ready to shoot the downfall scene myself.
I am listening to Ass Clown tell me why he averaged 175 at Nationals this year in Reno. He says bad carry. I say an avalanche of opens! What there was no dotted line on the left side to direct you to the pocket? Put some hair on the hole if you can't find it! Lefty bitch. He did at least average 199 in doubles. Hope he at least made some bracket money to lose to me on Wednesday night at poker! Oh well, maybe next year I will get the invite and shoot 520's with Ass Clown. Then again 2 of the others they brought with them averaged 150 during team event. Bet the other 3 on their team were proud of them! Ducky must have lined them up.
Hack's wife just posted on Facebook - "Today's Mantra: Even challenges are beautiful opportunities in disguise." I told her I go with, "Life's a shit sandwich, but we all gotta eat." I think mine is more fitting. How about you?
Mo is over in her cube watching YouTube videos of babies. Should I go and explain to her that if she wants one of those that it is not going to happen by rubbing her monkey together with Larry or Curly? Maybe I should volunteer Munson to help her out? After all if she decides that the parapet is not for her, he always has a silicone-jellyish thing on "hand" if she can't stomach switching teams! Still leaves her watching videos on YouTube or doing the old turkey baster treatment. Wonder if she need that explained to her like the countless number of blonde's have had to hear that there are no such thing as butt babies? If there were I think I would have to claim that I have been in labor several times myself in the past.
OK.... now I am getting asked where today's blog post is since it seems that some of you are just as bored as me and would like to read about the pains in my life! Don't you cause enough pain in others lives Infidel that you should not need to get joy from mine? Are there no guys down there that you can take it out on until they are head down in the planter box? Wait... that sounded all bad. Just to clear the air.... Infidel is a friend from school who does some extreme cross training sort of shit and take pleasure in making grown men cry. Not much different from when we were in school and she made kids cry. Glad to see some things never change! She keeps offering to work me until I puke, but I told her that my stomach is well trained and she does not have enough beer to win that battle. Now I need to find something to do for the next hour to keep me entertained. Thanks!
Be good.
Toner Boy
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
It is what it is....
Happy Hump Day to those of you tuning in today.
Sort of a mild mannered day for me. Not a lot to say, not a lot going on. OK, nothing going on... being bored I can always find something to say!
Heard back from the place out on the water that would like me to cook for them, so there is a bit of a breaking story. Have not had a chance to talk with her yet, but she did leave me a voicemail giving me an update on the progress of the build. They are still several weeks away from getting anything going. Keep you posted.
Went out to dinner with Ednolb and Albert last night for Ednolb's birthday. Happy 40th. You don't look a day over 50.
Everyone is sick in these parts it seems. Hunny and Little Miss are hacking up lungs, and Thunder has Pink Eye, possible strep and three infected spider bites. Nice huh? I am sure I will catch typhoid or something because of all of this and have to visit Dr. Kevorkian so I can feel better.
I see that Tiger took his Dad's advice to heart. "Golf is your life. Fuck everything else." Well played. Well with the later at least.
It is 9:32 and Cracker has busted out a Coke and chips like clockwork. I would love to be his cardiologist. He is going to be like hitting the Lotto if he does not die from a massive coronary before he hits his table.
People are getting their new G4 iPhones today if they had them shipped. Lucky bastards! I am stuck on Tmobile for the next 10 months or so with my G1 Android. It is not like I could swing $200 for a new phone right now these days. So I will just bitch about it so I feel better! Maybe the stars will line up in 10 months and the iPhone will go to Verizon so I can have a real phone, on a real network, with a real job and real money by then!
There is not enough coffee in the world to get me through this day. God this place is a mind fuck.
Referred Hack some business with an old friend from school. Maybe it will help me escape this hell hole in the long run! Come on Hack.... I need ya, and not for spooning! Not yet at least.
No Friends is back from her vacation in China and I see she has done some shopping. Today she is walking around in.... I can't believe I am about to say this.... I long white cotton skirt that has vertical pink, purple and yellow line patterns on it, black and white polka dot leggings, black leather boots, a black top, one of those neck things that she wears in pink, and a gray knitted jacket. WTF? I mean it is not bad if you take out the skirt. I mean she would look pretty normal. But what is that skirt all about? It looks like a full wrap apron with an elastic waistband or something. I give up.
You want to know why nothing gets done in government offices? I just witnessed the following take place.... Each morning Anyway prints out a set of reports and take them to all department heads and managers. This task is usually completed by 8:45 or so. Well it is now close to 10:00 and Trekkie, who is the head of all departments, walked past Anyway's office and went into Penis's office. He asked Penis why Anyway had not delivered the reports yet. This is verbatim. Penis tells him that he is not sure. They walk out of his office together talking about something else, and Penis peels off into Anyway's office along the way and asks him where they reports are as Trekkie continues on his way back to his office. Penis then walks out of Anyway's office once he has gotten an answer, and then walks down to Trekkie's office to give him a response. Turn around and walk back to his office and go back to work. Really? You could not just stop and ask him yourself? You had to walk out of your office, past the place where your question had to be answered, stop someone else from doing their job and make them find out for you? Hey better yet.... there is this feature on that $2,000 PC you are sitting at called email. That has the ability to send an electronic message to others that you could have asked, and gotten your question answered within seconds and not disturb anyone else! Efficiency. What a concept! You cock nozzle.
Creeper got his new ultra silent, double throw down, triple lay back, knock your dick in the dirt All in One printer and I installed it for him yesterday. Who would have thunk it.... sounds the same as the other one. Go figure.
The county fair opens today, and if you are like me and need to feel better about yourself I suggest going to people watch. You can always squeeze in some deep fried something or other for shits and grins. If you want to keep being there on the down low and want to blend in.
I know this was hours ago......... but since they took their sweet ass time to do so, so will I. US scored a goal to break a 0-0 tie to win 1-0 and advance to the round of 16 in World Cup. I see they score about as often as I do.
Scientists at UCLA say that they can scan your brain and they will know better than you what it is you are going to do in the future. Yeah. I got $50 that says they could not have predicted my path to the glory hole I live in!
It's 10:36. Fuck.
Lawrence Taylor is indicted on rape of a 16 year old in NY. No way! You are telling me that they did not buy your defense that you paid her $300 for her company? I was sold that you just had a hankering for a good game of Chutes and Ladders this whole time. I feel so used. Rot in hell crack head.
Oh my God I just saw a man walk out of the ladies room! I am floored! I can't.... wait... is that... OK.... my bad. It was Mo.
11:14 Coke. Chips. Check, check! Long live Cracker.
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* x20 at this point in the day! Need to mix in an excuse me for her as well about 10 times.
15 years ago today the Raiders came back. Does anyone have directions to give them so they can leave again? I think Al has stayed long enough. If they were at least someplace else I could watch all 16 games on TV without having to worry about parole schedules, and how they will affect that weeks attendance.
Less than 24 hours after Apple has released its iOS 4, there is a hack to jail break it released. Glad to see electronics are so secure. And they say our kids are not learning anything these days. Who are they kidding? Oh wait. They are talking about in school and respect for property or others. Yeah... they're still right.
The month following the governments tax credit new home sales dropped 33% to the lowest level on record. No shit? If you are not giving away that free toaster with whatever I am buying these days, forget about it! It is like a Happy Meal. It there is no toy in that shitty meal you are serving me, you can keep it!
Don't know if I had brought this up in the past few weeks, but this headline is too funny to leave alone. "Calls for Poultry Abuse in Santa Cruz" Word for word I swear it. So if you were ever in the mood to choke a chicken, other than your own, head to the Boardwalk I guess.
I find it funny that Paparazzi is giving Ed stalking tips on Captain Jack, ahhhh Johnny Depp on Facebook. What has this world come too? She even knows the names of his third cousin twice removed on his mothers side who is in charge of fruit platters for the set. He is filming the newest installment of Pirates in the Islands while she is there and rumor has it that he is staying down the road from where she is. Good luck with that Ed, and I hope you enjoy the Island life under lock up.
The Double Pimp Twins? I shit you not. I just walked past the front counter and there are two men standing there in matching black and white argyle print knitted vests, purple dress shirts, purple silk ties and fucking royal purple velvet Fedora hats! Thought it was Next Friday for a second. Only in the 510. In Tracy it would be flip-flops, sombreros and ponchos. Rollin in the 209! We may not know style, but we can roll the hell out of a burrito. Whutchu got?
Something has crawled up Anyway's ass. He is in his office throwing "Anyway's" out like they are going out of style talking to Obvious. Obvious is in there telling him, "Well calm down, go talk to them and tell them you are upset." "Anyway!" blah, blah, "Anyway" blah, "Anyway" It is classic to listen to his broken English when he is pissed.
Someone in the office just came over and said, "I heard that you cook? Do you ever think about doing that instead of this?" If you only knew.
The fact that English is a second language in Tracy should warrant a winning Lotto ticket right?
Let's see weekend was OK. The Fuzz and I smoked some meat, no not our own, on Saturday. A couple of pork shoulders and some loin ribs. Came out good, but need to have some additional time with his smoker to get the bugs worked out. Went to Dublin to hang out and sell some raffle tickets for the girls fundraiser while Ducky, McLovin and Ass Clown bowled. On our way home we stopped at a fundraiser for Silent but deadly's daughter in Livermore. Sunday went over to Turbo's to BBQ some burgers for everyone and hung out with Pops. Nothing thrilling, but it was good.
I think they are still playing that 5th set at Wimbledon. A 10 hour match, and they are still not done! They broke the old single match record by 3.5+ hours and they are still not done! They even played more than the scoreboard could handle. They are tied 59-59 in the 5th set and the scoreboard got stuck and stopped working at 47-47. This is something that will never be seen again. There has been 193 aces so far in the match, 98 and 95, both eclipsing the old record of 78 by a single person. Here is the kicker... this match started on Monday night! They played into the 4th set and the match was held over until today because of darkness almost 3 hours into it. They played for 7 hours a 6 minutes today and still no winner! Just amazing stuff, even if you don't watch tennis.
This weekend we are going down to Pismo Beach for a family wedding that the girls are in on Saturday. Hunny's cousin is getting married. This is the same cousin that when she was younger and came to our house in Ione to visit us I put her shoes in the freezer all night long! I thought it was funny... she only noticed the cracking sound, not the fact that they were frozen. All those laughs for nothing. Sunday we are leaving early to go up to the City and join Live at 5 and Keystone Cop at the Giants-Red Sox game. Always a lot of fun spending time with them. I want to thank them once again for the invite as well. The girls are really looking forward to it! Should be a long weekend. No fear, I am sure Hunny will make sure I get plenty of rest.
2:44..... Geezzzzz
Oh boy... my eyes itch. Thunder I will kill you. You're safe, I am sure they just want to close from the thrill of my day.
Don't you hate when people miss use words? (Like half of my blog! Told you Smut Queen I could not write, but NO... tell me to do this shit anyway.) The one that kills me the most is know. People will tell you with authority, "I no!" "No you don't!" "Yes I do!" "Well then fine, I YES!" Pricks.
Ever notice in cop films they will tell the team when they are gathered up before going out to hunt down the bad guy, "Shoot on sight." and the first guy who finds him yells, "Freeze!" Always found that funny.
Hack must not have hit the Lotto last night because I did not see a Lexus with a big red bow in my driveway this morning. Nice numbers asshole.
Uncle Shartly was at it again last week. No his underwear are safe. Well as safe as can be expected that is. He bought a new beard trimmer and he was not sure what number he should set it to so he could trim his face. What to do? Need to get a depth gauge reading. Hey... there is hair there that no one will see. BZZZZZZZZ I mean after all he did not want to walk around with his facial hair looking funny now did he? I hope he at least set it to the same number all over and finished that job south of the border. Don't want to look like a bad high top fade down there, right? That was just TMI. Everyone.... forget I said any of that. Is the AC turned on? I feel a breeze in here.
I am to the point that I can't even figure out how to look busy anymore.
Ravens sign former Rams QB Marc Bulger to a 1-year $3.8 million dollar deal to hold a clipboard during the season, and throw balls to the wannabe players during training camp. I would have done it for $.8 million as long as the clipboard is made of metal or plastic. Hey I could get splinters with wood! Then I would have to hold the clipboard in my free team apparel and a Band-Aid while I am on the IR for the rest of the season. Just throwing it out there, so think about it. I throw a mean wiffle football 10 or 12 times... in low wind.... with no sun in my eyes.... and with no pass rush. Call me if you need to free cap space.
A man in Florida gets run over by his own truck when his dog puts it into gear after he steps out. Rumor from Perez Hilton has it the owner switched him from canned food to dry and the dog was not happy. Either that or the owner would not share the picture of Miley's crotch from Perez's blog with the dog and he got pissed. Details to follow.
Only 3:34... DOH!
Chocolate covered bacon is at the fair this year. Why do I have a feeling those who go there will sojourn over to the booth enticed by the smell of pigs fat and melted cocoa nibs? And they wonder why we are the fattest people on the planet? Does Earth have a weight limit like an elevator? Wonder if that is what really happened with that sink hole in Peru? A bunch of Americans were down there for a visit, lined up in front of a churro cart and WHOOSH!!!!
Proof that the world has gone wrong is here. Apple has approved an app for those with erectile dysfunction! Here is how it works. For $2.99 you buy this application and play its high frequency alpha waves for 6 minutes each day. These waves will sync with your brain and, per the developer, "It could fire up your sex drive!" With the word could in there I am guessing that it could make these guys a couple of million dollars without even being liable for anything. They claim that it was 77% successful with their test group. Odd... 77% of men walk around with a hard on all day to begin with. Funny how that works. Snake oil anyone?
I have to pee, but I am afraid that I will come back with another story. I'll hold it.
Let's see... anything else... news from the office, stirred the hornets nest with the wife, news of the world, what's new in the world of fashion, what's on my plate, blessed Influenza a few dozen times.... hmmm, nope. That just about covers it. Time to go on Facebook and tease Ed. TTFN.
Toner Boy
Sort of a mild mannered day for me. Not a lot to say, not a lot going on. OK, nothing going on... being bored I can always find something to say!
Heard back from the place out on the water that would like me to cook for them, so there is a bit of a breaking story. Have not had a chance to talk with her yet, but she did leave me a voicemail giving me an update on the progress of the build. They are still several weeks away from getting anything going. Keep you posted.
Went out to dinner with Ednolb and Albert last night for Ednolb's birthday. Happy 40th. You don't look a day over 50.
Everyone is sick in these parts it seems. Hunny and Little Miss are hacking up lungs, and Thunder has Pink Eye, possible strep and three infected spider bites. Nice huh? I am sure I will catch typhoid or something because of all of this and have to visit Dr. Kevorkian so I can feel better.
I see that Tiger took his Dad's advice to heart. "Golf is your life. Fuck everything else." Well played. Well with the later at least.
It is 9:32 and Cracker has busted out a Coke and chips like clockwork. I would love to be his cardiologist. He is going to be like hitting the Lotto if he does not die from a massive coronary before he hits his table.
People are getting their new G4 iPhones today if they had them shipped. Lucky bastards! I am stuck on Tmobile for the next 10 months or so with my G1 Android. It is not like I could swing $200 for a new phone right now these days. So I will just bitch about it so I feel better! Maybe the stars will line up in 10 months and the iPhone will go to Verizon so I can have a real phone, on a real network, with a real job and real money by then!
There is not enough coffee in the world to get me through this day. God this place is a mind fuck.
Referred Hack some business with an old friend from school. Maybe it will help me escape this hell hole in the long run! Come on Hack.... I need ya, and not for spooning! Not yet at least.
No Friends is back from her vacation in China and I see she has done some shopping. Today she is walking around in.... I can't believe I am about to say this.... I long white cotton skirt that has vertical pink, purple and yellow line patterns on it, black and white polka dot leggings, black leather boots, a black top, one of those neck things that she wears in pink, and a gray knitted jacket. WTF? I mean it is not bad if you take out the skirt. I mean she would look pretty normal. But what is that skirt all about? It looks like a full wrap apron with an elastic waistband or something. I give up.
You want to know why nothing gets done in government offices? I just witnessed the following take place.... Each morning Anyway prints out a set of reports and take them to all department heads and managers. This task is usually completed by 8:45 or so. Well it is now close to 10:00 and Trekkie, who is the head of all departments, walked past Anyway's office and went into Penis's office. He asked Penis why Anyway had not delivered the reports yet. This is verbatim. Penis tells him that he is not sure. They walk out of his office together talking about something else, and Penis peels off into Anyway's office along the way and asks him where they reports are as Trekkie continues on his way back to his office. Penis then walks out of Anyway's office once he has gotten an answer, and then walks down to Trekkie's office to give him a response. Turn around and walk back to his office and go back to work. Really? You could not just stop and ask him yourself? You had to walk out of your office, past the place where your question had to be answered, stop someone else from doing their job and make them find out for you? Hey better yet.... there is this feature on that $2,000 PC you are sitting at called email. That has the ability to send an electronic message to others that you could have asked, and gotten your question answered within seconds and not disturb anyone else! Efficiency. What a concept! You cock nozzle.
Creeper got his new ultra silent, double throw down, triple lay back, knock your dick in the dirt All in One printer and I installed it for him yesterday. Who would have thunk it.... sounds the same as the other one. Go figure.
The county fair opens today, and if you are like me and need to feel better about yourself I suggest going to people watch. You can always squeeze in some deep fried something or other for shits and grins. If you want to keep being there on the down low and want to blend in.
I know this was hours ago......... but since they took their sweet ass time to do so, so will I. US scored a goal to break a 0-0 tie to win 1-0 and advance to the round of 16 in World Cup. I see they score about as often as I do.
Scientists at UCLA say that they can scan your brain and they will know better than you what it is you are going to do in the future. Yeah. I got $50 that says they could not have predicted my path to the glory hole I live in!
It's 10:36. Fuck.
Lawrence Taylor is indicted on rape of a 16 year old in NY. No way! You are telling me that they did not buy your defense that you paid her $300 for her company? I was sold that you just had a hankering for a good game of Chutes and Ladders this whole time. I feel so used. Rot in hell crack head.
Oh my God I just saw a man walk out of the ladies room! I am floored! I can't.... wait... is that... OK.... my bad. It was Mo.
11:14 Coke. Chips. Check, check! Long live Cracker.
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* x20 at this point in the day! Need to mix in an excuse me for her as well about 10 times.
15 years ago today the Raiders came back. Does anyone have directions to give them so they can leave again? I think Al has stayed long enough. If they were at least someplace else I could watch all 16 games on TV without having to worry about parole schedules, and how they will affect that weeks attendance.
Less than 24 hours after Apple has released its iOS 4, there is a hack to jail break it released. Glad to see electronics are so secure. And they say our kids are not learning anything these days. Who are they kidding? Oh wait. They are talking about in school and respect for property or others. Yeah... they're still right.
The month following the governments tax credit new home sales dropped 33% to the lowest level on record. No shit? If you are not giving away that free toaster with whatever I am buying these days, forget about it! It is like a Happy Meal. It there is no toy in that shitty meal you are serving me, you can keep it!
Don't know if I had brought this up in the past few weeks, but this headline is too funny to leave alone. "Calls for Poultry Abuse in Santa Cruz" Word for word I swear it. So if you were ever in the mood to choke a chicken, other than your own, head to the Boardwalk I guess.
I find it funny that Paparazzi is giving Ed stalking tips on Captain Jack, ahhhh Johnny Depp on Facebook. What has this world come too? She even knows the names of his third cousin twice removed on his mothers side who is in charge of fruit platters for the set. He is filming the newest installment of Pirates in the Islands while she is there and rumor has it that he is staying down the road from where she is. Good luck with that Ed, and I hope you enjoy the Island life under lock up.
The Double Pimp Twins? I shit you not. I just walked past the front counter and there are two men standing there in matching black and white argyle print knitted vests, purple dress shirts, purple silk ties and fucking royal purple velvet Fedora hats! Thought it was Next Friday for a second. Only in the 510. In Tracy it would be flip-flops, sombreros and ponchos. Rollin in the 209! We may not know style, but we can roll the hell out of a burrito. Whutchu got?
Something has crawled up Anyway's ass. He is in his office throwing "Anyway's" out like they are going out of style talking to Obvious. Obvious is in there telling him, "Well calm down, go talk to them and tell them you are upset." "Anyway!" blah, blah, "Anyway" blah, "Anyway" It is classic to listen to his broken English when he is pissed.
Someone in the office just came over and said, "I heard that you cook? Do you ever think about doing that instead of this?" If you only knew.
The fact that English is a second language in Tracy should warrant a winning Lotto ticket right?
Let's see weekend was OK. The Fuzz and I smoked some meat, no not our own, on Saturday. A couple of pork shoulders and some loin ribs. Came out good, but need to have some additional time with his smoker to get the bugs worked out. Went to Dublin to hang out and sell some raffle tickets for the girls fundraiser while Ducky, McLovin and Ass Clown bowled. On our way home we stopped at a fundraiser for Silent but deadly's daughter in Livermore. Sunday went over to Turbo's to BBQ some burgers for everyone and hung out with Pops. Nothing thrilling, but it was good.
I think they are still playing that 5th set at Wimbledon. A 10 hour match, and they are still not done! They broke the old single match record by 3.5+ hours and they are still not done! They even played more than the scoreboard could handle. They are tied 59-59 in the 5th set and the scoreboard got stuck and stopped working at 47-47. This is something that will never be seen again. There has been 193 aces so far in the match, 98 and 95, both eclipsing the old record of 78 by a single person. Here is the kicker... this match started on Monday night! They played into the 4th set and the match was held over until today because of darkness almost 3 hours into it. They played for 7 hours a 6 minutes today and still no winner! Just amazing stuff, even if you don't watch tennis.
This weekend we are going down to Pismo Beach for a family wedding that the girls are in on Saturday. Hunny's cousin is getting married. This is the same cousin that when she was younger and came to our house in Ione to visit us I put her shoes in the freezer all night long! I thought it was funny... she only noticed the cracking sound, not the fact that they were frozen. All those laughs for nothing. Sunday we are leaving early to go up to the City and join Live at 5 and Keystone Cop at the Giants-Red Sox game. Always a lot of fun spending time with them. I want to thank them once again for the invite as well. The girls are really looking forward to it! Should be a long weekend. No fear, I am sure Hunny will make sure I get plenty of rest.
2:44..... Geezzzzz
Oh boy... my eyes itch. Thunder I will kill you. You're safe, I am sure they just want to close from the thrill of my day.
Don't you hate when people miss use words? (Like half of my blog! Told you Smut Queen I could not write, but NO... tell me to do this shit anyway.) The one that kills me the most is know. People will tell you with authority, "I no!" "No you don't!" "Yes I do!" "Well then fine, I YES!" Pricks.
Ever notice in cop films they will tell the team when they are gathered up before going out to hunt down the bad guy, "Shoot on sight." and the first guy who finds him yells, "Freeze!" Always found that funny.
Hack must not have hit the Lotto last night because I did not see a Lexus with a big red bow in my driveway this morning. Nice numbers asshole.
Uncle Shartly was at it again last week. No his underwear are safe. Well as safe as can be expected that is. He bought a new beard trimmer and he was not sure what number he should set it to so he could trim his face. What to do? Need to get a depth gauge reading. Hey... there is hair there that no one will see. BZZZZZZZZ I mean after all he did not want to walk around with his facial hair looking funny now did he? I hope he at least set it to the same number all over and finished that job south of the border. Don't want to look like a bad high top fade down there, right? That was just TMI. Everyone.... forget I said any of that. Is the AC turned on? I feel a breeze in here.
I am to the point that I can't even figure out how to look busy anymore.
Ravens sign former Rams QB Marc Bulger to a 1-year $3.8 million dollar deal to hold a clipboard during the season, and throw balls to the wannabe players during training camp. I would have done it for $.8 million as long as the clipboard is made of metal or plastic. Hey I could get splinters with wood! Then I would have to hold the clipboard in my free team apparel and a Band-Aid while I am on the IR for the rest of the season. Just throwing it out there, so think about it. I throw a mean wiffle football 10 or 12 times... in low wind.... with no sun in my eyes.... and with no pass rush. Call me if you need to free cap space.
A man in Florida gets run over by his own truck when his dog puts it into gear after he steps out. Rumor from Perez Hilton has it the owner switched him from canned food to dry and the dog was not happy. Either that or the owner would not share the picture of Miley's crotch from Perez's blog with the dog and he got pissed. Details to follow.
Only 3:34... DOH!
Chocolate covered bacon is at the fair this year. Why do I have a feeling those who go there will sojourn over to the booth enticed by the smell of pigs fat and melted cocoa nibs? And they wonder why we are the fattest people on the planet? Does Earth have a weight limit like an elevator? Wonder if that is what really happened with that sink hole in Peru? A bunch of Americans were down there for a visit, lined up in front of a churro cart and WHOOSH!!!!
Proof that the world has gone wrong is here. Apple has approved an app for those with erectile dysfunction! Here is how it works. For $2.99 you buy this application and play its high frequency alpha waves for 6 minutes each day. These waves will sync with your brain and, per the developer, "It could fire up your sex drive!" With the word could in there I am guessing that it could make these guys a couple of million dollars without even being liable for anything. They claim that it was 77% successful with their test group. Odd... 77% of men walk around with a hard on all day to begin with. Funny how that works. Snake oil anyone?
I have to pee, but I am afraid that I will come back with another story. I'll hold it.
Let's see... anything else... news from the office, stirred the hornets nest with the wife, news of the world, what's new in the world of fashion, what's on my plate, blessed Influenza a few dozen times.... hmmm, nope. That just about covers it. Time to go on Facebook and tease Ed. TTFN.
Toner Boy
Friday, June 18, 2010
Weekend baby!
No I am not making one this weekend, it is the weekend!
I want to give my love and well wishes to Nanny (My Aunt) who is having surgery today. We wish you a speedy recovery and you are in our thoughts and prayers. Crazy Legs has that beads working overtime!
Getting out of here at 12 today so this is going to be short and to the point today. Need to find some place to squeeze in some sexual jokes though and low blows. Hey there goes one! Though I prefer mine on the high side.
Went out for a drink last night with The Fuzz in Livermore. Tried to hit up the Ale House, but it was a zoo with the basketball game on. Ended up at Sapphire. Good to get out and stop for a beer on the way home. Been a while. Could not believe the number of people in downtown Livermore last night with the game and the farmer's market. Damn.
Hunny, Thunder and Little Miss got their hair done yesterday and they all look screamin! Little Miss is just looking ever so sassy with her new bangs. You go girl! Hunny got the light on top with the dark underneath look going on.... mmm, mmm, mmmm. Lookin hot!
Hmmmm something is missing. Ahhhh....
I have always considered myself a gentleman, so why do ladies get so mad when I offer to wipe off a place for them to sit? The world is a crazy place, or is there something really that wrong with my face that none of you are telling me?
Need to get out of here and do some shopping and then go help out my mom at storage so she can pull things out for their garage sale tomorrow. Used rubbers are half off. Not because they are used.... because they are just half used. You can roll them down I heard. Who knew? Thought it was a built in cock ring. Come on... just playin. Lighten up. I never used a rubber. What's good for Tiger, is good for me.
OK. Got all of those jokes out for my darker crowd. Forward.... March!
Busy day tomorrow. The Fuzz and I are going to spend the morning and afternoon with our smokers doing some ribs and pork shoulder while the kids swim. Also going to fry up some beer battered onion rings. I am telling you... ever since I have realized I can eat things battered and not plain... yum! Then it is off to Dublin to bowl and sell raffle tickets for the girls fundraiser. (HINT, HINT!) After that we are stopping by at Pine Street bar for Silent but deadly's fundraiser for his daughters softball team. That should get us in trouble! I will make McLovin drive us! He can sit in the car while we drink. Fuzz bring your pen. Just sayin.
Sunday looks to be a day of recovery and rest. I am sure I will get my cook on over at Turbo's or something of that nature so I can go see Pops and spend some time with him.
Let's see.... it's been a pretty quiet week, that is why there have not been many updates from the front lines.
Obvious is off today and so is most of the office it seems. Thank goodness because he drives me nuts most days!
Creeper's new ultra silent printer came in yesterday. Yeah.... sounds the same as the last one. Dumb ass. I am sure we will order everyone that is made until he goes, "Huh. Guess you were right." Way to spend our tax money wisely. Printer shopping by sound.
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA*
Either Munson got a new hand or ran his through the dishwasher last night because that some bitch looks good today! All clean and shinny. Wonder if he has a date that he set up on the Internet and does not want to freak her out? Yeah he is right... looks better than the stump. I would take it off and use my other hand to run it up her leg though. If it is a true Internet date I am sure she is used to having some rubber object between her legs on a Friday night. What? Just sayin. Wonder if they webcammed it first? OK. Just got the heebie jeebies with that. Next.
Looker has man nipples going on today. Did he not get my note and compliment for wearing an undershirt a couple of weeks ago? Then again on a brotha man nipples are less noticeable. Ednolb come and eye spy these things and give me your thoughts.
Dummy called. Yep it's Friday.
Cracker is tell his wife to piss off I guess. He just busted open his second Coke and it sounds like his is ripping into a candy bar or something over there. Not chips. Different sound... has to be a candy bar. Yeah put that woman in her place! Screw you and your 2 liters lady. "I am a man. I want a can!"
Is it 12 yet? Damn.
Corn where are you? Need some ink and your ear to bend! I promise to let you put an ear of corn in my next tattoo if you come out and see me soon. I will even cook for you while you work on the others. After you are done with me of course. Be gentle though... I am poor. So don't eat me out of house and home getting your brain farts on!
I want to wish a Happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there. And to Pops I want to thank you for being there for me and most of all for being my Dad. You are a great guy and as soon as I change my name to Fong Yu Longn Hard and win the Lotto I promise you less work, more play! I will change my name back after I make them announce it on the evening news. You know me... always looking for a laugh. You are a great father, great man and I love you. Can I borrow $20?
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA*
Quick news notes....
Man down in Utah. Love it.
That sick bitch is out of our hair and Sandra's family can let this media circus pass so they can get on with their lives. Hope to never hear her name again unless she does herself in while in prison and saves the rest of us some tax money.
Lakers fans showed their class. Oh wait... those are kids, not fans running amok. Back to my point of parenting. Loud noises and pain. Not friends. Remember that.
It is now illegal to impersonate someone on the Internet. Now illegal?
13 year old gets 8 years for homicide of his pregnant step mother and her baby because he wanted to be his fathers only child. 8 years? Like he will ever be normal? Yeah lets let him out when he is 21, able to drink and really show us the train wreck he is made of. Nice. Tree hugging judge. Hope you are on the bench for his next murder case so you can explain yourself to the next victims family.
Oops. Someone just got fired. Need to go take them off the network and kill their access card before I leave. Have a great weekend ya'll!
Toner Boy
I want to give my love and well wishes to Nanny (My Aunt) who is having surgery today. We wish you a speedy recovery and you are in our thoughts and prayers. Crazy Legs has that beads working overtime!
Getting out of here at 12 today so this is going to be short and to the point today. Need to find some place to squeeze in some sexual jokes though and low blows. Hey there goes one! Though I prefer mine on the high side.
Went out for a drink last night with The Fuzz in Livermore. Tried to hit up the Ale House, but it was a zoo with the basketball game on. Ended up at Sapphire. Good to get out and stop for a beer on the way home. Been a while. Could not believe the number of people in downtown Livermore last night with the game and the farmer's market. Damn.
Hunny, Thunder and Little Miss got their hair done yesterday and they all look screamin! Little Miss is just looking ever so sassy with her new bangs. You go girl! Hunny got the light on top with the dark underneath look going on.... mmm, mmm, mmmm. Lookin hot!
Hmmmm something is missing. Ahhhh....
I have always considered myself a gentleman, so why do ladies get so mad when I offer to wipe off a place for them to sit? The world is a crazy place, or is there something really that wrong with my face that none of you are telling me?
Need to get out of here and do some shopping and then go help out my mom at storage so she can pull things out for their garage sale tomorrow. Used rubbers are half off. Not because they are used.... because they are just half used. You can roll them down I heard. Who knew? Thought it was a built in cock ring. Come on... just playin. Lighten up. I never used a rubber. What's good for Tiger, is good for me.
OK. Got all of those jokes out for my darker crowd. Forward.... March!
Busy day tomorrow. The Fuzz and I are going to spend the morning and afternoon with our smokers doing some ribs and pork shoulder while the kids swim. Also going to fry up some beer battered onion rings. I am telling you... ever since I have realized I can eat things battered and not plain... yum! Then it is off to Dublin to bowl and sell raffle tickets for the girls fundraiser. (HINT, HINT!) After that we are stopping by at Pine Street bar for Silent but deadly's fundraiser for his daughters softball team. That should get us in trouble! I will make McLovin drive us! He can sit in the car while we drink. Fuzz bring your pen. Just sayin.
Sunday looks to be a day of recovery and rest. I am sure I will get my cook on over at Turbo's or something of that nature so I can go see Pops and spend some time with him.
Let's see.... it's been a pretty quiet week, that is why there have not been many updates from the front lines.
Obvious is off today and so is most of the office it seems. Thank goodness because he drives me nuts most days!
Creeper's new ultra silent printer came in yesterday. Yeah.... sounds the same as the last one. Dumb ass. I am sure we will order everyone that is made until he goes, "Huh. Guess you were right." Way to spend our tax money wisely. Printer shopping by sound.
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA*
Either Munson got a new hand or ran his through the dishwasher last night because that some bitch looks good today! All clean and shinny. Wonder if he has a date that he set up on the Internet and does not want to freak her out? Yeah he is right... looks better than the stump. I would take it off and use my other hand to run it up her leg though. If it is a true Internet date I am sure she is used to having some rubber object between her legs on a Friday night. What? Just sayin. Wonder if they webcammed it first? OK. Just got the heebie jeebies with that. Next.
Looker has man nipples going on today. Did he not get my note and compliment for wearing an undershirt a couple of weeks ago? Then again on a brotha man nipples are less noticeable. Ednolb come and eye spy these things and give me your thoughts.
Dummy called. Yep it's Friday.
Cracker is tell his wife to piss off I guess. He just busted open his second Coke and it sounds like his is ripping into a candy bar or something over there. Not chips. Different sound... has to be a candy bar. Yeah put that woman in her place! Screw you and your 2 liters lady. "I am a man. I want a can!"
Is it 12 yet? Damn.
Corn where are you? Need some ink and your ear to bend! I promise to let you put an ear of corn in my next tattoo if you come out and see me soon. I will even cook for you while you work on the others. After you are done with me of course. Be gentle though... I am poor. So don't eat me out of house and home getting your brain farts on!
I want to wish a Happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there. And to Pops I want to thank you for being there for me and most of all for being my Dad. You are a great guy and as soon as I change my name to Fong Yu Longn Hard and win the Lotto I promise you less work, more play! I will change my name back after I make them announce it on the evening news. You know me... always looking for a laugh. You are a great father, great man and I love you. Can I borrow $20?
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA*
Quick news notes....
Man down in Utah. Love it.
That sick bitch is out of our hair and Sandra's family can let this media circus pass so they can get on with their lives. Hope to never hear her name again unless she does herself in while in prison and saves the rest of us some tax money.
Lakers fans showed their class. Oh wait... those are kids, not fans running amok. Back to my point of parenting. Loud noises and pain. Not friends. Remember that.
It is now illegal to impersonate someone on the Internet. Now illegal?
13 year old gets 8 years for homicide of his pregnant step mother and her baby because he wanted to be his fathers only child. 8 years? Like he will ever be normal? Yeah lets let him out when he is 21, able to drink and really show us the train wreck he is made of. Nice. Tree hugging judge. Hope you are on the bench for his next murder case so you can explain yourself to the next victims family.
Oops. Someone just got fired. Need to go take them off the network and kill their access card before I leave. Have a great weekend ya'll!
Toner Boy
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It only gets stranger....
I have seen and heard a LOT of dumb shit over my years, but this has to be the most ridiculous one yet. (OK maybe not, but come on!)
Creeper had his printer go out a few weeks ago and even though he only prints about 20 pages a month off of this thing he was not content with waiting 3 days for a new one to get ordered and shipped. So I went and took one from another managers desk and gave it to him. This printer was less then 4 months old and has all the bells and whistles that you can get in an all in one solution. Considering that he had the previous printer for several years and it was just a plain Jane color printer you would think that he would be very happy with what he was given. Nope.
So he starts out his little bitch fest by saying that the printer is big and taking up space on his desktop. Now that is a fair bitch to have. So now he wants an all in one that is smaller. OK... so does the rest of the world, but this is as small as a color printer, fax, scanner and copier gets. Sorry for your bad luck.
So next you would assume that he is going to have some sort of performance complaint, right? After all if there is going to be any sort of bitching about a printer it is going to be either about the speed which it works at, or the quality of what comes out of it. Nope.
Get this. It is too loud. "Order me a quieter printer with all the same features', he says to me. WTF? Yeah... let me look at the decibel rating on the printer. Wait... what is that? They don't give a noise rating for a printer? MAYBE BECAUSE IT IS A PRINTER AND NOT A STEREO DUMB ASS!!!!!!
So I put in a request to HP about noise levels of their all in one printers. I will bet the guy reading my request right now is scratching his head going, "WTF?"
Only here can this be the most pressing matter for anyone to deal with. Penis has labeled it TOP PRIORITY! He says if your email request is not answered by noon to call the regional sales manager! Really? For the fucking noise levels of a desktop printer that retails for $200? That is what I am going to call a regional sales manager about?
Yeah I can see how is call is going to go:
Toner Boy - "Yeah I am calling about your 6500 all in one printer. I need to get a certain spec on it."
Rep - "Yeah Toner Boy. It is a color all in one that scans 10 ppm (pages per minute), prints color at 18 ppm, black at 31 ppm, can fax and copy as well. It holds 100 pag...."
Toner Boy - "Yeah. That all sounds great, and I got most of that information off of your site. But..... What about its noise level?"
Rep - "Its what?"
Toner Boy - "How loud is it."
Rep - "Ahhh. It sounds like a printer."
Toner Boy - "Does your company offer a Db (decibel) rating on your products? You know so a person can see how loud your printer is compared to others."
Rep - "Yeah we offer a special model with a silencer! (Awkward laugh) (Long silent pause) Are you serious? Is this a joke? What the hell does that matter? It's a printer! It's mechanical! It's going to make noise! Hopefully not as much as a car stereo would, where that sort of thing matters, but some."
Toner Boy - "Well one of the department heads here find that the current model he has from you is too loud and he would like something quieter with all of the same features."
Rep - "Tell him to get a secretary with a 6500 printer in the other room so he can't hear it, or her working." *Click*
I give up.
Toner Boy
Creeper had his printer go out a few weeks ago and even though he only prints about 20 pages a month off of this thing he was not content with waiting 3 days for a new one to get ordered and shipped. So I went and took one from another managers desk and gave it to him. This printer was less then 4 months old and has all the bells and whistles that you can get in an all in one solution. Considering that he had the previous printer for several years and it was just a plain Jane color printer you would think that he would be very happy with what he was given. Nope.
So he starts out his little bitch fest by saying that the printer is big and taking up space on his desktop. Now that is a fair bitch to have. So now he wants an all in one that is smaller. OK... so does the rest of the world, but this is as small as a color printer, fax, scanner and copier gets. Sorry for your bad luck.
So next you would assume that he is going to have some sort of performance complaint, right? After all if there is going to be any sort of bitching about a printer it is going to be either about the speed which it works at, or the quality of what comes out of it. Nope.
Get this. It is too loud. "Order me a quieter printer with all the same features', he says to me. WTF? Yeah... let me look at the decibel rating on the printer. Wait... what is that? They don't give a noise rating for a printer? MAYBE BECAUSE IT IS A PRINTER AND NOT A STEREO DUMB ASS!!!!!!
So I put in a request to HP about noise levels of their all in one printers. I will bet the guy reading my request right now is scratching his head going, "WTF?"
Only here can this be the most pressing matter for anyone to deal with. Penis has labeled it TOP PRIORITY! He says if your email request is not answered by noon to call the regional sales manager! Really? For the fucking noise levels of a desktop printer that retails for $200? That is what I am going to call a regional sales manager about?
Yeah I can see how is call is going to go:
Toner Boy - "Yeah I am calling about your 6500 all in one printer. I need to get a certain spec on it."
Rep - "Yeah Toner Boy. It is a color all in one that scans 10 ppm (pages per minute), prints color at 18 ppm, black at 31 ppm, can fax and copy as well. It holds 100 pag...."
Toner Boy - "Yeah. That all sounds great, and I got most of that information off of your site. But..... What about its noise level?"
Rep - "Its what?"
Toner Boy - "How loud is it."
Rep - "Ahhh. It sounds like a printer."
Toner Boy - "Does your company offer a Db (decibel) rating on your products? You know so a person can see how loud your printer is compared to others."
Rep - "Yeah we offer a special model with a silencer! (Awkward laugh) (Long silent pause) Are you serious? Is this a joke? What the hell does that matter? It's a printer! It's mechanical! It's going to make noise! Hopefully not as much as a car stereo would, where that sort of thing matters, but some."
Toner Boy - "Well one of the department heads here find that the current model he has from you is too loud and he would like something quieter with all of the same features."
Rep - "Tell him to get a secretary with a 6500 printer in the other room so he can't hear it, or her working." *Click*
I give up.
Toner Boy
Monday, June 14, 2010
Monday, Monday.... so bad to me.....
I walk over to get my water this morning and Wigglesworth is talking to Searching for Quarters. Wigglesworth says, "Blah, blah, blah.... so why don't you count these first." Quarters, "What counties?" Wigglesworth, "Count those first." Quarters, "Count what?" Wigglesworth, "Those!" Quarters, "Why am I counting counties?" Wigglesworth, "*SIGH*, You are not counting...." Wigglesworth walks away. And people wonder why I am the way I am about working here.
By the way... it is 9:26 and I am done with my work for the week. Nice huh? When you stay on top of your shit and simplify the processes (Like normal people would do in REAL jobs because it is crucial that you be efficient.) tasks can get done and people can be productive so you can have a positive impact on the bottom line. Wait... this is government work and they have not figured out that a good bottom line matters! Silly me. Guess I should be more like the rest of them and take a simple task and drag it out 3 weeks or so.
Well it is Monday once again and the weekends get shorter and shorter each time they come around. I beg them on during the week, and ask them to wait each weekend. What I have come to realize is that I am begging life to speed up and pass by, and that is the thing I hate the most. I would much rather have each and everyday be one that I wake up and look forward to. Yeah, OK. Welcome to Fantasy Island, right?
Oh wait... forgot that I had a software update to take care of. There goes 6 more minutes of my week. Then again the update is not have to be installed until August 1st. Wonder if I should hold off doing it until July 30th so I can have something to do on that day? Hack... get me out of here! I would settle for poor production and $10K a month at this point! Who am I kidding... you could get me out of here for a stick of gum and a hand job.
No news on the cooking front. It looks like that fire may have been put out before the first pot of water boiled. Who knows... it might come calling, but I am starting to feel like the girl waiting to get asked to the prom on the Thursday before. "I know he is going to call." Hey no worries. Not like I have a lot of free weekend time for the next 3 months to begin with. At this point I would have to make time to fit this in. Not that I would say no because it is something that I would love to do if I am creating my own menu, but I am not going to worry about it at this point.
Friday I ended up getting out of the office about an hour early so I could make in into town in time to watch the girls at their Camp Showcase. They each won awards for their work at camp that week, as well as other members of The SC. After the showcase we got together and went over the Chet's and had a great dinner and the girls went for a swim. Chet started a cupcake fight with the girls that got Foo's panties in a bunch before the night was through. Poor Foo!
Saturday came around and I watched the US World Cup match. England beat them like a drum the entire game, but the goal keeper Howard for the US was just off the hook sick! Dude is a stud. US should have lost that game 6-1 the way is was being played. Thunder went to a birthday party in the afternoon and Hunny went to a girls showery thingy down at the gym with the cheer family of moms that night. After Jordan's party me and the girls went to Turbo's to hang out for a bit and I gave McLovin a hand with his resume. Yes... resume! I hope for him that things work out, I know he would like to have something go his way these days as well.
Sunday we got an invite from Monkey and After 6 to come over for a BBQ and swim for the kids. Albert and the boys joined us and we hung out and watched some B-Ball and swam in our glasses while the kids were out in the pool. Pill and Little P stopped in for a pit stop as well. Pill chatted with the girls while Little P swam with the kids. Little Miss had a little too much fun as she was covered in Band-Aids before the day was done from jumping around on the rocks around the pool! Kids will be kids.
It is 10:26 and I have not heard Cracker once today. That is odd. But you know I have kept hearing, what sounded like, someone pouring something. Sure as shit I just walked by his cube and he has two 2-liter bottles of Coke sitting on his desk! Guess the old lady got tired of his ass spending $8 a day on sodas. Hope he can make it through the day with just the 2 bottles. Do I have to change his name from Cracker to Pourer if this trend holds out? How about, 2 Liter Charley? Double Bubble Burpa Cola?
I think the Mr. Obvious went to some, "How to assert yourself as a manager" classes over the weekend. He is walking around talking to people like he feels like I do about this place. You go boy! Or maybe he grew a set of balls? Anyway is in full "stuck on stutter" mode talking to him because he does not know how to respond over there. Either that or he is trying to find words other than "fuck off" to say to him!
Catching Flies needs to upgrade from Just for Men to a salon. His dye job has washed away to the point now where his head is a sad state of affairs. It looks like a calico cat was skinned and laid to rest of his head. White, black, red, gray, orange.... that mixed with the crap in the corners of his mouth he looks like he should be committed to a state hospital. This ad is just for him, ahhh... I mean men.
Not sure if I have ever mentioned this in the past to any of you.... but I really hate it here. Just sayin.
Skippy tried to follow me into the bathroom this morning. Hung a left and went the other way when I figured out where he was going. Sike! Find someone more impressive to look at you closet pole smoker.
I have currently been trapped here for 1 year, 4 months, 5 days and.... hold... hold... wait for it... 3 hours exactly.
I hear the 42nd showing of Master and Commander is going to be shown in my car at lunch today. Very excited. Wonder if they will defeat the French again this time?
Excuse me for a second... have the serious task of unjamming a printer because someone can't figure out the tough task of closing a paper tray without fucking things up. Even worse, no one over there can figure out how to resolve the matter. Really? ----- OK... well that took all over 7 seconds. Nimrods!
I can overhear Anyway telling someone on the phone that he is confused. No shit?
Wonder if I click my heels and chant, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." if this will all go away?
Influenza is back and sneezing up a storm. Lucky me! Though I do get a giggle when she sounds like a squeeze toy every once in a while.
Obvious just turned the corner too quick behind me and plowed into the wall. I almost just pissed myself with joy!
Creeper must be bored or playing I Spy with his boss and he wants to find something real good to use because he is doing hot laps around this place today.
I do have the high point of playing with an iPad today. No not those things in the wife's undies. That electronic thing from Apple people. Then again if those pads in the wife's undies were electronic maybe she would loosen up a bit huh? I need to market "Humming Pads. Cranky because you are on the rag? Try Humming Pads and wipe that puss off your face! Well... at least the monthly one." That might work! Can't do that with tampons though.... that market is already taken. OK... so they just sell the applicator, but still.
I could not pass this ad up either. Sorry. Do you notice that there is a new and best price offered? Who in the hell is going to want to buy one of these things if they are not new? For all of you sick bastard guys who just said, "Me!"..... that is just wrong. I am not even that twisted.
My season pass to Disneyland made it down there without me last week. I think that is a bunch of horse shit if you ask me.
The Looker is sporting a fly pair of light maple brown pants, black belt, dark brown shows, white shirt and a green tie. What in the hell is he supposed to be, a bad nature scene? Maybe he can wear a curly white wig to represent clouds? He is good enough to wear an undershirt so his man nipples are under wraps... I will give him that.
I think that I am going to save this thing here and see what else the day brings. I would hate to post now and the day is still so young. I am sure something will turn up that you will need to hear about. The way Obvious and Anyway have been going at it something is going to have to give! *BLESS YOU INFLUENZA!*
"Varity is the spice of life." Then what is day 5 in the last 7 of egg salad? Don't get me wrong it was good (Thanks again Hunny!) but my goodness (OK.... now there is going to be egg salad on my screen. Influenza is back to burping better then ever over there.) a man can only each the same thing so many times.... wait, strike that. A man can only eat so much egg salad in one weeks time!
Also I lied. Master and Commander was being shown today. But I did sleep through the last half of SWAT that was first shown on Friday. As far as I could tell.... they still took the bad guy to prison at the end today as well.
It is less then 4 weeks to the fundraiser in Tracy for the girls cheer. Come on people step up and be heard. We have raffle tickets for sale where you can win $500, we have poker seats available where you can win $600, there will be BBQ sold for $20 all you can eat and drink and a Bunco event for the ladies at night. You do not have to be present to win the raffle prize, but it may help if you were there to play the poker. Others of you, maybe not. Just sayin.
Cracker just walked by with a canned soda. He's two fisting it! "Take that old lady.", he says to himself as he cracks it open. What a rebel.
Putting water in your to-go coffee jug no matter how much you clean it.... still tastes like coffee.
Get this... Catching Flies wants to have a meeting! This will be worth talking about. So glad I waited to post this!!!
Ever read VCR instructions? They made more sense then this meeting. I still can't explain what it was even about after being out of it for 10 mins. If there was a good thing, it was no one was hit by those little white balls of mouth goo from Catching Flies. The topic was so, "WTF?" that even Penis passed up on attending!
It has been settled. I will be the new judge on American Idol.
Someone just dropped a stack of what sounded like books. Pissed that I missed it so I could have gotten a laugh. *Looking around the office* Oh damn! And it was The Looker. He dropped a stack of files that he was carrying. I would have truly appreciated that shit. I will laugh out of proxy on this one!
I have heartburn so bad right now that I could toss my cookies. In 3 hours when I get home I can take something for it. Yea!
Did you catch the name of the NASCAR race on Sunday? If not... look for yourself. Larry the Cable Guy is not too far off in his skit when he talks about the Summers Eve 250. Have they really reached the bottom of the sponsor barrel? Tell me again Wall Street how far we have come in this recovery. Nothing says NASCAR racing like a good chip and dip.
That is it... I got through most of my day with a good Monday vent.
Enjoy your week. I won't.
Toner Boy
By the way... it is 9:26 and I am done with my work for the week. Nice huh? When you stay on top of your shit and simplify the processes (Like normal people would do in REAL jobs because it is crucial that you be efficient.) tasks can get done and people can be productive so you can have a positive impact on the bottom line. Wait... this is government work and they have not figured out that a good bottom line matters! Silly me. Guess I should be more like the rest of them and take a simple task and drag it out 3 weeks or so.
Well it is Monday once again and the weekends get shorter and shorter each time they come around. I beg them on during the week, and ask them to wait each weekend. What I have come to realize is that I am begging life to speed up and pass by, and that is the thing I hate the most. I would much rather have each and everyday be one that I wake up and look forward to. Yeah, OK. Welcome to Fantasy Island, right?
Oh wait... forgot that I had a software update to take care of. There goes 6 more minutes of my week. Then again the update is not have to be installed until August 1st. Wonder if I should hold off doing it until July 30th so I can have something to do on that day? Hack... get me out of here! I would settle for poor production and $10K a month at this point! Who am I kidding... you could get me out of here for a stick of gum and a hand job.
No news on the cooking front. It looks like that fire may have been put out before the first pot of water boiled. Who knows... it might come calling, but I am starting to feel like the girl waiting to get asked to the prom on the Thursday before. "I know he is going to call." Hey no worries. Not like I have a lot of free weekend time for the next 3 months to begin with. At this point I would have to make time to fit this in. Not that I would say no because it is something that I would love to do if I am creating my own menu, but I am not going to worry about it at this point.
Friday I ended up getting out of the office about an hour early so I could make in into town in time to watch the girls at their Camp Showcase. They each won awards for their work at camp that week, as well as other members of The SC. After the showcase we got together and went over the Chet's and had a great dinner and the girls went for a swim. Chet started a cupcake fight with the girls that got Foo's panties in a bunch before the night was through. Poor Foo!
Saturday came around and I watched the US World Cup match. England beat them like a drum the entire game, but the goal keeper Howard for the US was just off the hook sick! Dude is a stud. US should have lost that game 6-1 the way is was being played. Thunder went to a birthday party in the afternoon and Hunny went to a girls showery thingy down at the gym with the cheer family of moms that night. After Jordan's party me and the girls went to Turbo's to hang out for a bit and I gave McLovin a hand with his resume. Yes... resume! I hope for him that things work out, I know he would like to have something go his way these days as well.
Sunday we got an invite from Monkey and After 6 to come over for a BBQ and swim for the kids. Albert and the boys joined us and we hung out and watched some B-Ball and swam in our glasses while the kids were out in the pool. Pill and Little P stopped in for a pit stop as well. Pill chatted with the girls while Little P swam with the kids. Little Miss had a little too much fun as she was covered in Band-Aids before the day was done from jumping around on the rocks around the pool! Kids will be kids.
It is 10:26 and I have not heard Cracker once today. That is odd. But you know I have kept hearing, what sounded like, someone pouring something. Sure as shit I just walked by his cube and he has two 2-liter bottles of Coke sitting on his desk! Guess the old lady got tired of his ass spending $8 a day on sodas. Hope he can make it through the day with just the 2 bottles. Do I have to change his name from Cracker to Pourer if this trend holds out? How about, 2 Liter Charley? Double Bubble Burpa Cola?
I think the Mr. Obvious went to some, "How to assert yourself as a manager" classes over the weekend. He is walking around talking to people like he feels like I do about this place. You go boy! Or maybe he grew a set of balls? Anyway is in full "stuck on stutter" mode talking to him because he does not know how to respond over there. Either that or he is trying to find words other than "fuck off" to say to him!
Catching Flies needs to upgrade from Just for Men to a salon. His dye job has washed away to the point now where his head is a sad state of affairs. It looks like a calico cat was skinned and laid to rest of his head. White, black, red, gray, orange.... that mixed with the crap in the corners of his mouth he looks like he should be committed to a state hospital. This ad is just for him, ahhh... I mean men.
Not sure if I have ever mentioned this in the past to any of you.... but I really hate it here. Just sayin.
Skippy tried to follow me into the bathroom this morning. Hung a left and went the other way when I figured out where he was going. Sike! Find someone more impressive to look at you closet pole smoker.
I have currently been trapped here for 1 year, 4 months, 5 days and.... hold... hold... wait for it... 3 hours exactly.
I hear the 42nd showing of Master and Commander is going to be shown in my car at lunch today. Very excited. Wonder if they will defeat the French again this time?
Excuse me for a second... have the serious task of unjamming a printer because someone can't figure out the tough task of closing a paper tray without fucking things up. Even worse, no one over there can figure out how to resolve the matter. Really? ----- OK... well that took all over 7 seconds. Nimrods!
I can overhear Anyway telling someone on the phone that he is confused. No shit?
Wonder if I click my heels and chant, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." if this will all go away?
Influenza is back and sneezing up a storm. Lucky me! Though I do get a giggle when she sounds like a squeeze toy every once in a while.
Obvious just turned the corner too quick behind me and plowed into the wall. I almost just pissed myself with joy!
Creeper must be bored or playing I Spy with his boss and he wants to find something real good to use because he is doing hot laps around this place today.
I do have the high point of playing with an iPad today. No not those things in the wife's undies. That electronic thing from Apple people. Then again if those pads in the wife's undies were electronic maybe she would loosen up a bit huh? I need to market "Humming Pads. Cranky because you are on the rag? Try Humming Pads and wipe that puss off your face! Well... at least the monthly one." That might work! Can't do that with tampons though.... that market is already taken. OK... so they just sell the applicator, but still.
I could not pass this ad up either. Sorry. Do you notice that there is a new and best price offered? Who in the hell is going to want to buy one of these things if they are not new? For all of you sick bastard guys who just said, "Me!"..... that is just wrong. I am not even that twisted.
My season pass to Disneyland made it down there without me last week. I think that is a bunch of horse shit if you ask me.
The Looker is sporting a fly pair of light maple brown pants, black belt, dark brown shows, white shirt and a green tie. What in the hell is he supposed to be, a bad nature scene? Maybe he can wear a curly white wig to represent clouds? He is good enough to wear an undershirt so his man nipples are under wraps... I will give him that.
I think that I am going to save this thing here and see what else the day brings. I would hate to post now and the day is still so young. I am sure something will turn up that you will need to hear about. The way Obvious and Anyway have been going at it something is going to have to give! *BLESS YOU INFLUENZA!*
"Varity is the spice of life." Then what is day 5 in the last 7 of egg salad? Don't get me wrong it was good (Thanks again Hunny!) but my goodness (OK.... now there is going to be egg salad on my screen. Influenza is back to burping better then ever over there.) a man can only each the same thing so many times.... wait, strike that. A man can only eat so much egg salad in one weeks time!
Also I lied. Master and Commander was being shown today. But I did sleep through the last half of SWAT that was first shown on Friday. As far as I could tell.... they still took the bad guy to prison at the end today as well.
It is less then 4 weeks to the fundraiser in Tracy for the girls cheer. Come on people step up and be heard. We have raffle tickets for sale where you can win $500, we have poker seats available where you can win $600, there will be BBQ sold for $20 all you can eat and drink and a Bunco event for the ladies at night. You do not have to be present to win the raffle prize, but it may help if you were there to play the poker. Others of you, maybe not. Just sayin.
Cracker just walked by with a canned soda. He's two fisting it! "Take that old lady.", he says to himself as he cracks it open. What a rebel.
Putting water in your to-go coffee jug no matter how much you clean it.... still tastes like coffee.
Get this... Catching Flies wants to have a meeting! This will be worth talking about. So glad I waited to post this!!!
Ever read VCR instructions? They made more sense then this meeting. I still can't explain what it was even about after being out of it for 10 mins. If there was a good thing, it was no one was hit by those little white balls of mouth goo from Catching Flies. The topic was so, "WTF?" that even Penis passed up on attending!
It has been settled. I will be the new judge on American Idol.
Someone just dropped a stack of what sounded like books. Pissed that I missed it so I could have gotten a laugh. *Looking around the office* Oh damn! And it was The Looker. He dropped a stack of files that he was carrying. I would have truly appreciated that shit. I will laugh out of proxy on this one!
I have heartburn so bad right now that I could toss my cookies. In 3 hours when I get home I can take something for it. Yea!
Did you catch the name of the NASCAR race on Sunday? If not... look for yourself. Larry the Cable Guy is not too far off in his skit when he talks about the Summers Eve 250. Have they really reached the bottom of the sponsor barrel? Tell me again Wall Street how far we have come in this recovery. Nothing says NASCAR racing like a good chip and dip.
That is it... I got through most of my day with a good Monday vent.
Enjoy your week. I won't.
Toner Boy
Friday, June 11, 2010
Yeah.......
I love to TGIF and stuff like that on days like today. Let's see.... it is 10:14 and means that I have been in my office exactly..... 83 hours today. Oh wait... that is just over 2 hours. Huh? This is like that one time I spent a month one week in Pennsylvania! Let's see.... I have already fixed 4 or 5 things for people, read some emails, completely redesigned my blog, went for a walk to buy my get out of jail free card, (Lotto tickets I think the rest of you call them!) ran all my reports and sent out patches to all the computers. Now what?
I think I am about out of mind farts to entertain Ducky with.
It is pay day. Now I can get a double scoop at Baskin Robbins tonight.
Thanks to Ducky it is also my last Subway Free Sandwich Friday! Thanks again Duck!
Raiders made another nice move and signed a stud DT today in John Henderson to help the run game. To bad this is the last season we are going to see football for a while.
Bonds is getting off. Who cares? I was just happy to no longer be reading his name in the damn paper to be honest with you. It is over people... just let him go and live out his last few years before his kidneys fail.
Let's look at the weekend.
Weather guy says we are one step closer to hell with the temperature's he is guessing.
The girls have their Camp Showcase tonight down at the gym and then The SC is going to get together and eat after over at Chet and Paparazzi's. Nice way to get things started.
US and England is tomorrow for World Cup. That should be a great game. Everyone has plans so I think I will melt into the couch for the day, avoid the heat and watch the boob tube. Hey if I get real, and I mean real lucky, maybe there will be a 3D showing of them at some point as well! I know... stop laughing.
Sunday I am talking The Fuzz into letting the girls swin in the water in the pool, so we can swim in the beer in our bottles. Why not?
Just read that a NHRA driver was just killed on the track in New Jersey. They are not releasing information on who it was. Very sad to hear. Going by the times on the schedule for the event it looks to be either a Pro Mod, Stock or Bike driver. If they are running behind it could be a Top Alcohol Dragster driver. More to follow.
**UPDATE**
NHRA Top Alcohol Dragster Driver Neal Parker dies in New Jersey.
Toner Boy
I think I am about out of mind farts to entertain Ducky with.
It is pay day. Now I can get a double scoop at Baskin Robbins tonight.
Thanks to Ducky it is also my last Subway Free Sandwich Friday! Thanks again Duck!
Raiders made another nice move and signed a stud DT today in John Henderson to help the run game. To bad this is the last season we are going to see football for a while.
Bonds is getting off. Who cares? I was just happy to no longer be reading his name in the damn paper to be honest with you. It is over people... just let him go and live out his last few years before his kidneys fail.
Let's look at the weekend.
Weather guy says we are one step closer to hell with the temperature's he is guessing.
The girls have their Camp Showcase tonight down at the gym and then The SC is going to get together and eat after over at Chet and Paparazzi's. Nice way to get things started.
US and England is tomorrow for World Cup. That should be a great game. Everyone has plans so I think I will melt into the couch for the day, avoid the heat and watch the boob tube. Hey if I get real, and I mean real lucky, maybe there will be a 3D showing of them at some point as well! I know... stop laughing.
Sunday I am talking The Fuzz into letting the girls swin in the water in the pool, so we can swim in the beer in our bottles. Why not?
Just read that a NHRA driver was just killed on the track in New Jersey. They are not releasing information on who it was. Very sad to hear. Going by the times on the schedule for the event it looks to be either a Pro Mod, Stock or Bike driver. If they are running behind it could be a Top Alcohol Dragster driver. More to follow.
**UPDATE**
NHRA Top Alcohol Dragster Driver Neal Parker dies in New Jersey.
Toner Boy
Thursday, June 10, 2010
"I'm comin Elizabeth!"
No I am not kicking the bucket.... just yet. Just paying homage to Fred Sanford.
"DUNT DUNT DUNNIT... DUNT DUNT DUNNIT DUNNIT DUN DUNT DUNT DUNNIT....DUNT DUNT DUNNIT DINIT DUNNN DUNT DUNT ...DINT DUNT DANT DANT DANT DERRT DERRRT DERRRNT DERRRNT DEERNT DERRRRRR...."
OK... I have nothing big today, I just have nothing else to fricken do! So I will attempt to humor you with some of my childish witticisms.
I hope that like my wife, you are all easily impressed! (How else can I explain why she is still with me?)
A few notes....
A note to any baby calf that is stepping up to the bar for a sip of milk..... There is a right way and a wrong way to do this. The wrong way is walking up behind your mother, or any udder mudder (other mother - for you slow people!) you see, and stick your head between her legs to get a drink. Take a few extra steps and walk to the side for optimal access with the least amount of fall out. Literally. If you have not noticed this before, you will notice it now, there is an escape hatch located on the backside right above your head when you use this point of access. This evacuation point can, and will be, used at any time without notification of your hosting bartender. So please be aware if you choose to proceed that you may get covered in excrement and ruin your beverage. Or in the case of the driver watching this happen... you ruin his ability to see where he is driving through his tears.
A note that you are never to old to learn the properties of physics..... Do you ever stop to think about what makes things happen? Or are you even aware things are happening without you noticing? If you pour water into a body of water, it will splash no matter what you do. The splash will be a little bigger when they first come into contact with one another, but there will still be some small residual splashing as you continue to pour. That is just what happens when two liquids meet. Now if you raise the height or intensify the stream of water you are pouring the splash and splatter while pouring will dramatically increase throughout this process. If you were to add say a solid object to the mix, any time the water begin poured would in turn spray or redirect itself as it is not able to penetrate through a solid object. Let's see how this works!
A note to people who have not learned that farts, are sticky..... If you leave your work space to seek help from others, it is a good idea not to drop wolf bait before you go and assume that it will be gone once you return! Farts are methane that is in your body. When you expel built up pressure out the backdoor odor will usually follow. Now not all farts have to smell, or hang around for a long time. Smell comes from sulfurs in your system, or methane going around the one you have in the chamber ready to launch and bringing little poop particles along for the ride so you can share with the rest of us. Hence the term, "Right off the turd." Now the more methane only... the more likely that the fart come and goes quickly.... low sticky factor. The more mud in the pipes that you have the longer the thing hangs around because those little turd crumbs are now stuck to everything around you and need some time to dry out. Now one should not take the chance and assume that it was a methane build up and bring someone back to their work space only to take a breath and figure out that a trip to the ass gasket motel may soon be in order. Now you see where the saying, "Assume.... makes an ass out of you and me." No... the real term was, "Share my ass with you and me."
A note to Carly about knowing when it is a good time to make jokes..... It is always fun to laugh at others, hence my blog. But if you are going to do it, be smart about it. If you are a public figure with every one's eyes and ears on you at all times, be VERY smart about it. No one is saying you can't enjoy these simple pleasures in life, just make sure that there are no electronic items within eye or ear shot of you when you do it! Just sayin. Not that she was lying about Barbara's hair, but to be caught laughing out loud with her mic turned on. Ouch! Hey Carly... it is not like you look like you spent more than $29.95 on a Flowbee for yours, but to rip into Barbara THREE times in a row with your mic open... wait... even wearing a mic while making those comments and just about rolling on the floor laughing about them! What were you thinking? Not the best thing to do the day after winning your seat so you can run for Senator of this jacked up state. More copious notes next time Carly. But, do you want to know the truth? Makes me want to vote for you more! GO Carly! You are going to get your ass handed to you, but that was classic. What about Meg and Jerry? Damn come out swinging at the first bell why don't you? I can tell her and Brown are going to drag each other through the mud on this one. Hey Meg... talk about his manhood like Carly did Barbara's hair! "Hey Jerry... You've got a little dick and I faked it with you!" Politicians... or comedians? You decide. All I know if Robin Williams ever runs for anything I will be his campaign manager. The Clown and Toner Boy!
For some reason I have had more today overall then I have had in quite a while. To all of you who have played your little part in my mind circus... I thank you. Time for me to catch the crosstown bus and see the sights and sounds of the city. Maybe I can see if Ron wants to go for a bus ride with me and Bill as we look for bad haircuts and small manhood of our candidates? I know I am not getting off until I see something that I have never seen before! Bill... go pee before we leave. I'd hate to ruin Ron's nice suit.
Toner Boy
"DUNT DUNT DUNNIT... DUNT DUNT DUNNIT DUNNIT DUN DUNT DUNT DUNNIT....DUNT DUNT DUNNIT DINIT DUNNN DUNT DUNT ...DINT DUNT DANT DANT DANT DERRT DERRRT DERRRNT DERRRNT DEERNT DERRRRRR...."
OK... I have nothing big today, I just have nothing else to fricken do! So I will attempt to humor you with some of my childish witticisms.
I hope that like my wife, you are all easily impressed! (How else can I explain why she is still with me?)
A few notes....
A note to any baby calf that is stepping up to the bar for a sip of milk..... There is a right way and a wrong way to do this. The wrong way is walking up behind your mother, or any udder mudder (other mother - for you slow people!) you see, and stick your head between her legs to get a drink. Take a few extra steps and walk to the side for optimal access with the least amount of fall out. Literally. If you have not noticed this before, you will notice it now, there is an escape hatch located on the backside right above your head when you use this point of access. This evacuation point can, and will be, used at any time without notification of your hosting bartender. So please be aware if you choose to proceed that you may get covered in excrement and ruin your beverage. Or in the case of the driver watching this happen... you ruin his ability to see where he is driving through his tears.
A note that you are never to old to learn the properties of physics..... Do you ever stop to think about what makes things happen? Or are you even aware things are happening without you noticing? If you pour water into a body of water, it will splash no matter what you do. The splash will be a little bigger when they first come into contact with one another, but there will still be some small residual splashing as you continue to pour. That is just what happens when two liquids meet. Now if you raise the height or intensify the stream of water you are pouring the splash and splatter while pouring will dramatically increase throughout this process. If you were to add say a solid object to the mix, any time the water begin poured would in turn spray or redirect itself as it is not able to penetrate through a solid object. Let's see how this works!
- We will call our test subject Bill. Bill enters the public restroom of the Alameda County Administration Building after being in his car for the past hour and has consumed 91 ounces of Starbucks coffee. Bill really has to pee. Once Bill parks his vehicle, walks a quarter of a mile, makes his way through the metal detectors after having to take his shoes off because the lights and sirens went off for no reason as he passed through them, has to sit down in a chair to try and cautiously put his shoes back on by leaning over and putting even more pressure of his already frail bladder! Once his shoes are half way back on, Bill races to the restroom. Bill, wearing shorts mind you, comes into the bathroom to find a man (me) it the far left hand stall of the three stalls that are on the wall. Not wanting to have his man card taken from him, or take any chance to someone looking at his goods, Bill goes to the far right hand stall that it located about an inch off of the floor for the short Pacific Rim people working in the building and any newborn who happens to come in to talk to the tax collector about his property tax bill. Bill, with his notepad and folder under one arm, is already releasing the Kraken from his shorts as he is walking up to receive his lesson in physics. Bill has no ability to stop this impending disaster, so this lesson was going to take place whether Bill wanted to learn it or not! Bill may also think twice before putting himself into this position in the future, and what he can do to prevent it from happening again. After watching this... I suggest rubber thigh high waders. Bill commences peeing with an initial urine stream at about 315 psi. The urine stream hits the top back wall of the urinal and proceeds to spray back onto Bill's exposed legs as if he were being hit by a Super Soaker 3000! Bill at this point is just so enthralled in the excitement of his actions that it takes him a moment to realize the error in his aim. As Bill peers down to see the mess he has caused he tries to reconcile by restricting the flow of urine and search for another target. Bill spots the water at the bottom of the urinal where his pee will eventually escape to the source of our drinking water. (Just sayin)
A note to people who have not learned that farts, are sticky..... If you leave your work space to seek help from others, it is a good idea not to drop wolf bait before you go and assume that it will be gone once you return! Farts are methane that is in your body. When you expel built up pressure out the backdoor odor will usually follow. Now not all farts have to smell, or hang around for a long time. Smell comes from sulfurs in your system, or methane going around the one you have in the chamber ready to launch and bringing little poop particles along for the ride so you can share with the rest of us. Hence the term, "Right off the turd." Now the more methane only... the more likely that the fart come and goes quickly.... low sticky factor. The more mud in the pipes that you have the longer the thing hangs around because those little turd crumbs are now stuck to everything around you and need some time to dry out. Now one should not take the chance and assume that it was a methane build up and bring someone back to their work space only to take a breath and figure out that a trip to the ass gasket motel may soon be in order. Now you see where the saying, "Assume.... makes an ass out of you and me." No... the real term was, "Share my ass with you and me."
A note to Carly about knowing when it is a good time to make jokes..... It is always fun to laugh at others, hence my blog. But if you are going to do it, be smart about it. If you are a public figure with every one's eyes and ears on you at all times, be VERY smart about it. No one is saying you can't enjoy these simple pleasures in life, just make sure that there are no electronic items within eye or ear shot of you when you do it! Just sayin. Not that she was lying about Barbara's hair, but to be caught laughing out loud with her mic turned on. Ouch! Hey Carly... it is not like you look like you spent more than $29.95 on a Flowbee for yours, but to rip into Barbara THREE times in a row with your mic open... wait... even wearing a mic while making those comments and just about rolling on the floor laughing about them! What were you thinking? Not the best thing to do the day after winning your seat so you can run for Senator of this jacked up state. More copious notes next time Carly. But, do you want to know the truth? Makes me want to vote for you more! GO Carly! You are going to get your ass handed to you, but that was classic. What about Meg and Jerry? Damn come out swinging at the first bell why don't you? I can tell her and Brown are going to drag each other through the mud on this one. Hey Meg... talk about his manhood like Carly did Barbara's hair! "Hey Jerry... You've got a little dick and I faked it with you!" Politicians... or comedians? You decide. All I know if Robin Williams ever runs for anything I will be his campaign manager. The Clown and Toner Boy!
For some reason I have had more today overall then I have had in quite a while. To all of you who have played your little part in my mind circus... I thank you. Time for me to catch the crosstown bus and see the sights and sounds of the city. Maybe I can see if Ron wants to go for a bus ride with me and Bill as we look for bad haircuts and small manhood of our candidates? I know I am not getting off until I see something that I have never seen before! Bill... go pee before we leave. I'd hate to ruin Ron's nice suit.
Toner Boy
Monday, June 7, 2010
Ever feel like you are talking to yourself?
Do you ever just know when you should not be doing something, but you do it anyway? That is me today. I am so tired that I can't see straight and being tired is going me a whole new level of dickatude.
Oh well... so be it.
I want to clear the air because there seems to be a lot of confusion about my statement last week about cooking out at the Delta. I had the word, 'possible', 'might' or 'maybe' mixed in there somewhere I am sure. I have talked to the owners of the place, and they are looking to open the first weekend of July but we have put nothing together at this point. So I will let everyone know as soon as I know something for sure about it. Thanks for your interest though. Hopefully there will be the same sort of interest when I have a place of my own down the line.
Real quick weekend wrap up for those of you who care to know.
Friday night we went over to Albert and Ednolb's place to hang out. I helped get Albert's new pool table somewhat leveled in his garage with what we had on hand. That can be a real bitch!
Saturday I got up, made breakfast and cleaned the kitchen before making a new mess. Hunny ran to the store to pick up what I needed to make a pasta dish to take over to The Fuzz and Smut Queen's place for their littlest ones swim party. The SC was in the house! Good times were had. Tried to plan a Disneyland trip this summer for the kids and an adult trip for Hunny's 40th birthday coming up, but that go no where. Went home to a party at the neighbors house that lasted until 2 in the morning and nothing better to do but sit and listen to it.
Sunday I got up and sat around the living room watching TV starting at 6 after a restless night of sleep. All of the girls managed to sleep until 10 or so. Once they were up I cleaned up a few odds and ends at the house and then we got read and went to Costco to pick up a few things. Went over to Turbo's to BBQ some burgers and eat with the family.
"Toner Boy's life is a non-stop thrill ride!" Dave Simmons, New York Post
Was lucky to have slept 3 hours in total last night... and here I am
The office is its typical pointless self.
Cracker is at it. Candy bar and Coke at 9:32 in the morning. I think I am going to take up his diet. He might be fighting with his old lady all of the time, but those Coke's, bags of chips and candy bars sure do seem to bring him down off of the ledge. I know if his wife were mine I would have been behind bars a long time ago, so there is something to be said for the calming affects of sugar!
Note to those of you who own shoes that sound like farm animals, or baby seals when you walk... THROW THE FUCKING THINGS AWAY AND BUY NEW ONES THAT FIT!
Ducky if you ever really wanted to get me back to bowling this is your prime chance. I could use nights of flinging my balls as hard as I can for no ones pleasure other than my own!
"I laugh out loud at his pain!" Walter Wise, Chicago Sun Times
Catching Flies has walked around my desk about 15 times. I think he is trying to figure out how to ask me on a date. He seems apprehensive.
Anyway is back. I am sure you are as thrilled as I am. I asked him for a quote for my blog... "Anyway."
I think McNasty learned to eat from Catching Flies. He is walking by chomping away on something that I am sure if you were directly in front of him you could get a eyeful of if you wanted to or not. Close your mouth when you eat!
Quasimodo just walked by. Looks like he got a new haircut. He looks so much more.... gross.
Penis must be under a lot of pressure today... looks like he is going to blow.
Trekkie is wearing a blue and white dress shirt with a square print pattern on it, with a blue and black diagonal striped tie. Looking good! The only thing better would have been a vertical print on the tie.
Ever have one of those dreams where you are yelling at the top of your lungs to people who are standing right there in the same room and they can not hear you? Or, is it that they just don't want to hear you? No. Just me? Well that is my world.
Strike that initial thought I had.... there seems to be no real point me in venting either besides giving you your occasional laughs.
I think I am going to start living by the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."
So...
Toner Boy
Oh well... so be it.
I want to clear the air because there seems to be a lot of confusion about my statement last week about cooking out at the Delta. I had the word, 'possible', 'might' or 'maybe' mixed in there somewhere I am sure. I have talked to the owners of the place, and they are looking to open the first weekend of July but we have put nothing together at this point. So I will let everyone know as soon as I know something for sure about it. Thanks for your interest though. Hopefully there will be the same sort of interest when I have a place of my own down the line.
Real quick weekend wrap up for those of you who care to know.
Friday night we went over to Albert and Ednolb's place to hang out. I helped get Albert's new pool table somewhat leveled in his garage with what we had on hand. That can be a real bitch!
Saturday I got up, made breakfast and cleaned the kitchen before making a new mess. Hunny ran to the store to pick up what I needed to make a pasta dish to take over to The Fuzz and Smut Queen's place for their littlest ones swim party. The SC was in the house! Good times were had. Tried to plan a Disneyland trip this summer for the kids and an adult trip for Hunny's 40th birthday coming up, but that go no where. Went home to a party at the neighbors house that lasted until 2 in the morning and nothing better to do but sit and listen to it.
Sunday I got up and sat around the living room watching TV starting at 6 after a restless night of sleep. All of the girls managed to sleep until 10 or so. Once they were up I cleaned up a few odds and ends at the house and then we got read and went to Costco to pick up a few things. Went over to Turbo's to BBQ some burgers and eat with the family.
"Toner Boy's life is a non-stop thrill ride!" Dave Simmons, New York Post
Was lucky to have slept 3 hours in total last night... and here I am
The office is its typical pointless self.
Cracker is at it. Candy bar and Coke at 9:32 in the morning. I think I am going to take up his diet. He might be fighting with his old lady all of the time, but those Coke's, bags of chips and candy bars sure do seem to bring him down off of the ledge. I know if his wife were mine I would have been behind bars a long time ago, so there is something to be said for the calming affects of sugar!
Note to those of you who own shoes that sound like farm animals, or baby seals when you walk... THROW THE FUCKING THINGS AWAY AND BUY NEW ONES THAT FIT!
Ducky if you ever really wanted to get me back to bowling this is your prime chance. I could use nights of flinging my balls as hard as I can for no ones pleasure other than my own!
"I laugh out loud at his pain!" Walter Wise, Chicago Sun Times
Catching Flies has walked around my desk about 15 times. I think he is trying to figure out how to ask me on a date. He seems apprehensive.
Anyway is back. I am sure you are as thrilled as I am. I asked him for a quote for my blog... "Anyway."
I think McNasty learned to eat from Catching Flies. He is walking by chomping away on something that I am sure if you were directly in front of him you could get a eyeful of if you wanted to or not. Close your mouth when you eat!
Quasimodo just walked by. Looks like he got a new haircut. He looks so much more.... gross.
Penis must be under a lot of pressure today... looks like he is going to blow.
Trekkie is wearing a blue and white dress shirt with a square print pattern on it, with a blue and black diagonal striped tie. Looking good! The only thing better would have been a vertical print on the tie.
Ever have one of those dreams where you are yelling at the top of your lungs to people who are standing right there in the same room and they can not hear you? Or, is it that they just don't want to hear you? No. Just me? Well that is my world.
Strike that initial thought I had.... there seems to be no real point me in venting either besides giving you your occasional laughs.
I think I am going to start living by the old saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."
So...
Toner Boy
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