Hello. How are you today? Good? That is just great.
Well it is another Monday. Just the crappiest day of the week for those of us who despise what we do! Not to mention the people that swarm around us to make sure you hate your day as much as humanly possible. After all, how can you be productive if you are enjoying yourself or your surroundings?
Let’s kick this off with a weekend recap from my land of Oz.
Friday after work I went and met McLovin, Pops and Fuzz at Hooters for a beer and wings. The downfall to what has been a pretty good weekend. Don’t get me wrong, had a good time hanging out with the boys and all, but I just have not felt right since that night. Maybe a bad wing or something? I know they only hire the top of the line chefs to work there so that can’t be it. Must have been a spoiled beer or something. Well anyway. Good time on Friday night.
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| Yeah. |
Saturday we got up and went over to Turbo’s to cook some grub. I wanted to make empanada’s to take over to Ass Clown’s for our poker night and then food for the family to eat. Mid way through we get a call from my cousin’s wife up in Paradise that their house was on fire. She was not home, so she had no idea what was going on. My cousin and their oldest son were at home and he had just called and told her to get home. That was all the information that any of us had to go on for quite awhile. Well then we get the follow up call once she got home. They lost everything. The house burnt to the ground and they have been unable to salvage much of anything. So sorry you guys!!! We have always been here for each other and we are all still here for you now. We have all been asking around and have had a great response from people about any old furniture, clothes or anything to help them get back on their feet. I want to thank all of you now who have helped and those who continue to help them moving forward. It will mean the world to them. They are starting over from scratch in every sense of the word. Bert I have some undies I can pass along to you. I will even give you the ones without any holes in them. Just the kind of guy I am.
That night I went over to Ass Clown’s place for a pick me up, some poker, a few drinks and some fun. Had McLovin drop me off over there so I did not have to drive after having a few drinks. Played cards with Johnny Cocknozzle, Ass Clown and a few of his other friends. Our buddy Sarge is transferring down to San Diego in a few days, so this was sort of a goodbye until next time party for him and his family from us. Or at least until he gets that phone call to come and bail us out of a So Cal jail! Well one drink led to another and before you knew it there were truths being spilled and too much information being shared by all! Had a great time and a ton of laughs though! Going to miss you and your wonderful family Sarge. Oh yeah… just a little bit of news to pass along… they were all my bitches on the poker table that night. Up yours Johnny Cocknozzle and Ass Clown! Long live Toner Boy! Won all three. Well until Sarge’s wife took all my money, hid it in her top, bottoms, and any other opening that she could find! They all seemed to have a good time fishing it out though. Got most of my money back, but at that point I really did not want them to look any further than they already have with a waiver of consent being signed! McLovin came and took me back home and got groped for his efforts by Sarge’s wife. Just her way of saying thanks I guess!
Once we pulled up I see my neighbors sitting outside having a drink. I can’t be rude so I wander over and sit down and enjoy some of their spirits before going in and calling it a night. Now over at Ass Clown’s house we have already had a large variety of booze as you can tell by how the night had ended over there. We had started with beer, Jagermeister shots, vodka shots, citron vodka shots, Goldschlager shots, Patron Silver shots, and then some green thing that Sarge’s wife brought me. The funny thing is I was not torn up! Well in the head at least. My stomach had a far different opinion still from the other night. Back to my neighbors gathering. I walk up and see that they are drinking from an almost frozen bottle of Hennessy. Now how in the hell can I pass that up? So I sit with them for 2 hours and proceed to finish their bottle and whatever beers we could find. Yeah… now I am tore up! Wander in the house and crash before my body decides to take matters into its own hands and self purifies! Would have tried to mount the wife, but at that point… I wouldn’t even do me, so why should she deal with it? Must not have been too drunk if I stopped to figure out how my current state would affect her. Must have known that grossing her out for me to get some drunk sex (that I won’t even recall in the morning!), would greatly diminish any chance of future sober sex that I would much rather have. In order for that to happen I first just have to get her drunk! Anywhoooo…..
Sunday….. not fun day. Got up after a typical 5 hours of sleep for me and wandered slowly and quietly downstairs at 7. Watched a little prerace for the Brickyard, ate some bread to calm the belly, text with Ass Clown to find out that he found another $30 at his place from the looting of my cash, ate some more bread and laid in my big chair. Got a text from Sarge and about pissed myself laughing at him and his wife from recalling the night before and events that took place that morning. We all agreed…. it was going to be a long day! The girls all finally made it downstairs one at a time. The little ones played on the computers while Hunny and I laid there and watched the race until Juan knocked Jr. out of it. We got ready and went over to my parents house to make some Sunday dinner. Pops and I ran out to the restaurant to check things out. Things are looking good and I can’ wait to get going in there on the weekends. I think it is going to be a LOT of fun. Pops had to hand me a beer or two to try and bring me around. They did good on contact, but the long term prognosis was not good! After getting home…. yeah no. I don’t like hearing about this stuff and I really don’t want to share. Let’s just say I feel better today. Tired as hell, but better. This mocha I am drinking with 6 shots of espresso in it right now is helping ease the weight on my eyelids. Not a lot, but easing it. After all this place is capable of putting a meth addict to sleep! I have got $20 that says I will still be out like a light in the Batmobile at lunch watching the insides of my eyelids and not Big Bang Theory!
Now we are right back here. Monday. The only thing that I know I can look forward to at this point is my haircut tonight. When that is all you know you have to look forward to in a day, life has become sad. But you know…. all 6 of the hairs on my head can really use a cut, so I am happy about that right now.
Creeper is pulling people aside into my lab for closed door conversations. Now if he really needs to talk to people and does not want others hearing what the conversation is all about, don’t you think a great place for that would be in his office WAY up front where no one else is? Why would you keep pulling them into the computer lab? Afraid that they will doze off if they have to sit in a chair and listen to you? Damn.
Funk and Wagnalls just tried to have a covert conversation with me under his breath. Now if you want to have a conversation with someone try not to use words that require a dictionary to translate at whisper levels. At those levels pedestrian and prostitution sound the same! Just sayin.
Influenza is still MIA. Bad for her… good for my sanity.
Skippy is wearing light gray slacks, a peach shirt, white belt and white leather shoes. Tell me he is not flaming!
Left hand itches. It is my turn to win the Lotto tonight. Bert we are going to have your stuff replaced in no time at all now! I will even swing for the handle of Crown!
Hmmm… wonder if I should have drank coffee with a stomach that is only a few hours on the side of good. Guess I will find out soon enough.
If I at least had nothing to do… it would be one thing on my plate right now! Now I know how that congressman got in trouble for looking at porn during one of their sessions. It is hard to look busy when you have nothing to do without porn being involved! I am down to writing dirty stories and reading them to myself! I must say… they read better than this thing does. “It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Now it places the lotion in the basket.” That is some good writing huh? I know… typical porn with no plot. Why does it sound familiar to me? Oh well. Is anyone else craving leg of lamb with mint jelly?
OK… well it is nap time. Sorry lunch time. Going to go heat up my food and go to sleep in it. I hope everyone has a good day and if you have any donations that you would like to pass along to my cousin and his family they are all greatly appreciated. If you are unsure what others have already donated, please contact Turbo and she will help you out with that information.
Toner Boy
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