Quick laugh....

Why is it anything worth talking about here happens in the bathroom?

I had just eaten some trail mix so I went to the bathroom to wash my hands.  A guy in a nice suit walks in and goes back to the crapper stalls instead of using the urinals which were vacant at the time.  He walks into the handicap stall, never closes the door, and leaves the seat down while he takes a leak.  Dude, people have to use that thing!  Well karma must have reared its ugly head on this guy and said, "3 strikes you're out!"

For those who have not had this conversation with me in person let me fill in the blanks on why this was not a good choice on his part.  The toilets here are about three inches off the ground, are filled to about 70% capacity before they receive any sort of deposit, and power flush like those death traps on airplanes!  The kicker is that flush is not the power it down the shoot thing that you would think it should have to get whatever man can growl into its bowl off to the Bay for the catch of the day to eat.  No.... this is a clockwise swirly wash that I guess is supposed to put on a show by parading whatever you left behind for a trip around the bowl so you can say your final goodbye's to it.  So what is the problem with that you say?  I like a show.

The munchkin level toilets come equipped with one of those cool auto flush features that has sick sense of humor to those who choose to stand and pee at it.  I am guessing the sensor picks you up as you walk up, but standing there with your legs apart as you piss it thinks that you are done with your business and it is time to go to work.  When you combine a jet powered swirly flush, with a now 80% full bowl of liquid, and nothing that is going to break its momentum what you get is a tidal wave of water looking to ruin someones day!

As I get done washing my hands I walk towards the mirror by the door and grumble as I see this old bastard looking back at me.  I can hear that all too well known "Click!" as the auto flush kicks in!  I watch in pure pleasure out of the corner of my eye I see in the mirror this man was still taking his leak.... now holding himself as he pinches off the flow.... and trying to DANCE to miss the water as it comes over the top of the bowl and onto his pants and shoes!!!!!  OMFG I am crying at this point!  He is standing about three feet away from the toilet.... bottom of his pants wet... one squishy shoe.... piss and water on the floor.... holding himself... and all he says, in a this did not just happen sort of way is, "Shit."

Nope. Piss.

I wonder if he just finished his business there on the floor with the door open or if he made his way back to the bowl to give it another try?  If he did I bet it all happened again!  If it were me I just would have walked through the bathroom and pissed every place I could at that point!  I mean what the hell it is already a GREAT fucking day!

Good times.  Good times.

Toner Boy