On Safari....

Ahhh Crikey!  Deep in the jungles of the Atlantis Hotel and Casino there lies an amazing creature.  Let's go in for a closer look.  Yes there she is the famed Diamond Cougar I have heard about.  You can tell she is the leader of the pack by the tiara she has on her head.  As I move in closer I can hear her talking with her pack.  Listen close and let's see if we can make out what she is saying.... "What up BITCHES?"

Yes.... it was a successful hunt and the 'Bitches' were in full affect in Reno this past weekend!  Now let's figure out how I got there in the first place!

Thursday I headed into the office in the morning to tell them that I did not feel good since I had already taken Friday as a vacation day.  You know... put on a good front!  What they did not know is my bags were packed and in the back of the car and with highway 80 within sight I was heading northeast to Reno, not back to Tracy!  There was a deep stack No Limit tournament going on at the Peppermill that I could not pass up.  Guess I should have!

I got up there about 11:30, and the event started at 12.  Played good tight poker for the first 2 hours and was right about even in chips for the most part.  After the break I came back to the table and had a couple of 'cooler' hands dealt to me that I had to fold out of to stay in the event because I got sucked out on.  With less than 20% of my starting stack I got my ducks back in a row and got to where I was 3rd big stack at my table and in pretty good shape to cash overall.  There were 122 people that played the event and we were just about half way through the group at this point.  Then it happens.... the recreation of Ass Clown and Johnny Cocknozzle arrives.

With a pre-flop raise by another player and 2 calls ahead of me I look down to see I am holding a pair of 5's.  Doing much better in chips at this point I take a chance and see a flop by calling the raise.  The dealer turns over 5-A-4 with no matching suits.  Nice 3 5's on the flop.  The initial raiser puts in a follow up raise that is pretty small.  The first caller folds and the player on my right doubles his raise over to me.  Nice... one of them has to have an ace and the other maybe a big pocket pair.  So I put in a pot sized raise that is about 4 times the re-raise put in by the player to my right.  The initial raiser thinks about it for a while and then folds.  There goes that pocket pair, right?  The player to my right re-raises me once again.  Now WTF?  There is no way he played pocket aces that soft.  Even though this guy has caught a ton of cards on draws or what have you, there is no way I am behind to him and I hope he has either 3 4's, two pair after playing a weak ace, or just think that a pair of aces is good enough to beat me.  I re-raise him for about 75% of my chips.  Without hesitation he puts me all in and at this point I can do nothing else but call even though I have been playing super tight and he knows it.  I turn over my 3 5's and he slow rolls over a 2-3 off suit.  Are you fucking me right now?  Great hand, don't get me wrong, but what in the hell was he doing calling a pre-flop raise and call that was in front of him with players to his left that still had to react?  Well donkey boy took all my chips since I never pair the board for my boat or hit the case 5.  I am happy to report that I did see him about 2 hours later in the casino and he did not cash either.  Not a big shock playing the way he was.  Well I finished in 61st, right in the damn middle and they only paid out the top 12 players.  To make any real money you had to at least finish in the top 7.

OK enough of cards.  So Thursday came and went and Hunny, Albert and Ednolb were on their way into town.  I got up and went down to the Atlantis to wait for them and hang out at the bar drinking my breakfast.  No sooner they got into town here comes Hack right behind them.  We all hung out for a bit and then got ready and went and grabbed some food over at the Peppermill until Keebler Elf got into town later that night.  We all hung out shot the shit and laughed to Keebler Elf's dumb ass until about 2 in the morning.  Headed back to our rooms and left Hack and Elf at the bar as they decided who was going to be the back spoon once they got back to their room!  Last chance for me to be with a woman in her 30's, so the Mrs. was a Princess and removed any dried ink from Toner Boy's lines.

A new day in upon us and Albert and Ednolb are already up and on the move.  They left us a note that they were going to her parents house and visit while they wait for her sister to get into town and join us.  So Hunny and I got up and went downtown to have some breakfast at the ass crack of dawn (in her mind) and hang out down there for a while.  Hack tracks us down and has breakfast with us as well as Elf is out trying to run off the effects of the night before.  After a few hours we head back to our hotel and meet back up with Albert and Ednolb to play in the casino for a little bit until it is time to go get ready for dinner.  What the hell happened to Elf?  Low and behold here comes the little guy, with a drink in his hand and a slur in his voice!  Oh my this is going to be a long night.  Elf sat with me and Hack and proceeded to tell us the same story 6 times and 5 different ways for an hour while we drank until we could no longer hear what he was saying.  Either that or he had started to make sense to us.

I went back to the room to get ready and I get a text from Hack telling me that Elf is passed out cold on the bed.  I told him to leave him and run!  Well the sissy that he is he woke him up and told him he had 5 minutes to get ready and meet us in the casino.  Glad he did because the drunk little bastard was funny as hell all night! (Besides the part where he kept spilling drinks!)  We went and met up with Mighty Oak and his girlfriend downtown at Roxy's for some good dinner and drinks.  Just another great night of talking, laughing and hanging out with a great group of people.  What more could you ask for?  Well if you were in the same part of the restaurant as we were, you could be like them and ask for another table.  Yeah we were loud as hell, but there was this one older man who sat right there with us and thought that we were just a group of young people having fun and he was great.  The lights were also real low so you can understand how he thought that we were a group of young people and not the immature adults that we really are!

After dinner we went down to the casino and hung out and had a few drinks waiting for 12 to roll around and we could finally crown Hunny a cougar!  Well not a cougar in the sense of the word that y'all are thinking.... basically I just wanted an excuse to bag her, so cougar it was!  Hence the safari theme to this long ass game of Scrabble I am playing.  Ednolb's sister Lefty had to get on the road BECAUSE HER DADDY WAS PICKING HER UP so they left and headed back to the hotel before my hunt was on.  Once 12 rolled around we went to another bar with the rest of our motley crew to have a birthday drink, relax and listen to a cover band play for a little bit.  I got the wife a night cap.  You know... to impair the hunt.  Went back to the hotel and left Hack and Elf to go decide their sleeping arrangements for the night once again. (Rumor has it that Elf front spooned it all weekend.  Such a giver!)  Went back to the room and tried to do my best Steve Irwin but once the lights in the room got turned off I realized I was without a trusty flashlight!  So I improvised and went all Team Edward on her!  That is right.... need to adjust in a pinch when needed to Get er Done!  Like a bat.... I can see better in the dark.  Lord knows I am blind as hell during the day!

Sunday morning we go up and rolling as soon as our bodies will let us.  My body let me get going MUCH sooner than Hunny's, but that goes without saying.  That's right.  That's how I roll.  We grabbed a bite to eat and heading back home after a great weekend to see family and friends who were unable to make the trip.  Albert and Ednolb were kind enough to host a great party for Hunny over at their place since they have enough room for all of us and places for the kids to run around outside.  Turbo did a great job busting out all of the food and cakes for everyone, and for that I once again thank her!  You are the best Ma!  Good food, good people and I got to see all my kids.  All in all.... a DAMN good weekend!

Now I am three days into the county fair out here in Oakland, and let me tell you they are just as puuuurrrrddeeee as they were when I left.  Just as dumb too.  Rocco is in town visiting and he says has pepper macs waiting for me over at my mom's tonight (Right next to a cocktail I am sure!) so I am going to go hang out and eat after work.  That makes the week move by SO much quicker, let me tell you.

Thank you once again to eveyone this weekend who made it out to Reno and over to Albert and Ednolb's house on Sunday.  We had a great time all weekend and it was good to see everyone.  Mighty Oak, Hack, Elf... it was great to see you guys again after all of this time. Well except Hack.. I see his dumb ass every few months.  Albert, Ednolb, thanks for a great weekend and being great hosts after a LONG weekend!  SC, glad you were in the house on Sunday.  Thanks again to Turbo, Pop's and McLovin for getting everything together for Sunday.  Smut Queen for her kickin fruit salad. (Yummy, yummy!)  You made her birthday one that she will remember for a long time.  Or at least until next year when her memory is completely shot. "Little Miss.  Did you brush your teeth today?"

This weekend appears to be as up in the air as a Chinese gymnast, so I am just going to keep my mouth shut and roll with the punches.  There is only one thing I know for sure.... I will be sporting the camo!  With that said, have a great weekend everyone and be safe out there.

Toner Boy