Well it has been a real long time since I have been here. My new home is here, and you can find my blogging pretty much daily throughout the work week. I just find the interaction with Facebook and the people on it to be more interesting, and it helps grind the time up in this hell hole!
Well I posted this the other day, but after bring gone for a few days it seemed to get lost in the shuffle of news and other things that I covered, and I am just not ready to let it go. So here is a post from my past week, and the events that transpired once I got back to the office!
Well it is Thursday, and Day 2 of being back here in The Swamp. Still status quo of SSDD around here except for one minor thing…. Funk has done the soft shoe out the door!!! Well not willingly. It was more of a trio he worked with two of Alameda County’s finest sheriffs!! Why does something good happen when I am not here to enjoy it? Well there is a lot to catch up on, so sit back and relax…
So yes it is true. We are now Funkless around this place. There is still a lot of funk, but no Funk! Ahhhh his cud smacking will be missed. NOT! Also while I was out McNasty retired. It may be time to start blogging again so I can update my ‘Who’s who’ section, as well as give me something to do during these slower months. Ok, they are all slow. Guess I am tired of sitting here planning for a restaurant that is never going to happen.
Real quick update from Nationals for Thunder and Little Miss for those of you who have not gotten the memo. Little Miss and Youth Gold came in second place, and suffered their first loss of the season. They were given a big penalty on Sat...urday for something the judges considered a level 3 skill, yet all level 2 teams in the gym perform the stunt the same way, and no other competition judge has ever brought this to our attention or even warned them about it prior. They ended day 1 in third place and even though they had a stunt fall on Sunday had battled back to come in second place only a few tenths of a point out of first. Yeah, that team is just that good. Very nice season to Little Miss and the rest of the Youth Gold team. Little Miss was to attend World’s for the younger teams in 2 weeks, but the gym as pulled out of the event because of injuries on Junior Red who also won an invite to LA. Unless something comes out of the woodwork Little Miss will take next season off to get some major orthodontic work done. Since she just got started she really does not want to take the year off, but you gotta do what you gotta do these days, right?
Thunder on the other hand is complete head scratcher. They were clean on both days, and pretty much flawless on Sunday and still only came in third place. Those girls deserved so much better than they got, but they left the event knowing ...that they were as good as they could be for two straight days. For Thunder it is a bit of a sour note to leave on though considering she is taking at least a year off to pursue her first passion, acting. Thunder you were awesome this season, and for 6 years straight. You never missed a practice and never fell out of a stunt while competing during that time. You showed a total commitment to the gym, your team and the sport, and for that I am very proud of you. If that happened to be your last time competing, you can walk away very proud of yourself and the person that you became while with AP. Good luck following your dreams, and Mommy and I are very proud of you.
We also really want to take a second to thank everyone from the bottom of our hearts who have joined in and truly helped us out by taking part in our fund raisers when we would have them over the years. It is in large part because of you that the girls even had a chance to experience this SPORT of cheer the past couple of years. You are all wonderful friends and family and for that we thank you.
Tuesday McLovin turned the BIG 20! I had taken the day off before coming back to this shit hole, so he and I could go out to see Corn and get some work done. You know, a little father son bonding. Well Corn had people with real money com...e in the door and it was a case of ‘Boats & Hoe’s’ for him. You know… they both cost money to have, and boat these days for Corn stands for, “Bust Out Another Thousand”! So we altered plans and went to get some lunch and headed to Umigo in Livermore to meet Pops and race. After figuring out that every place in town was closed for lunch just about as we drove around we settled on L&L and headed out to get our race on. Had a great time at the track and was impressed how much better McLovin is getting driving those things! It is funny how proud you get as a parent over just the littlest of things huh? But even though I caught up to him after 10 laps to put a lap on him, the little ass fought me off from being able to make the pass! I mean for 12 laps I could not get around the little prick! Well Happy Birthday McLovin from Toner Boy. I love you, and we will catch Corn next time around! FYI – You are still a DD for another year.
Well since the last time I have posted these are just a few of the events…. Wait…. “Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives.” Sorry. Felt needed. Besides this I just wanted to point out this year is already through... its first quarter, and if you ask me it pretty much blows just as much as the years that have preceded it. I have come to grips that Toner Boy has about the same size cult following as Chi Pet owners after 4 months, and my Gastropub hopes are the same as Sarah Palin’s White House aspirations without having to sneak in or hope Obama pulls a Bill turns to ‘the other white meat’. So much for writing my way into Adam Sandler’s heart, or cooking my way into others to save what is left of my mental state. Guess I will settle for making 6 of you laugh and feeding Ducky twice a year! Yes Ducky I know… there is nothing wrong with doing that, but for me this dog needs to hunt!
On a quick note – Government offices should be ran by only women because they can never just ask anyone straight question, or have a direct conversation on a topic without beating around the bush and having you fill in the phucking blanks like we are playing Wheel of Fortune!
Sorry… back to events. (and yes you know all kinds of news articles will follow today!) It seems that the world has turned into Jell-O in the last month. That is very fitting considering we are all going to be glowing a vibrant lime green very soon. Baseball season has kicked off and the world has picked the Red Sox to win it all. I guess someone forgot to mention that little tidbit to them considering they have yet to win a game this season. Maybe they just want to give everyone a head start to add to the excitement? The NBA and NHL playoffs are around the corner and the sports world is at a fevered pitch. So much so that Lebron’s mom took a swing at a hotel worker in Miami for talking shit about her juiced boy. I mean really… I thought he would be the one with the roid rage, not her! The NCAA March Madness ended with a thud and UConn was crowned king with a sad win over Butler. Word is Lebron wants them to either pay him royalties or use his likeness as the schools new mascot. Word on the street is if there is ever a mascot fight you would think that King James would have a large upper hand over all comers, but they have all learned if you place a championship trophy in the same room he is unable to hit anything when it counts.
OK. I have wasted a couple of hours today with this shit. Time to go outside and play Homerun Baseball on my phone. Maybe I should call the A’s over and see if they can pick up any tips from the game on how to score runs? Well I will only call the hitter since the pitching staff is well aware of this process. Peace out!
- Toner Boy
Friday, April 8, 2011
Monday, October 25, 2010
It's all in the hips....
Sorry that is just my favorite scene from Happy Gilmore. No really it's all in the coffee. Funny how a shot of Irish Cream in your morning coffee will change your outlook on the day! Then downside is when this wears off I will be either real cranky or looking for another drink!
See.... now this is how to start a day! No friends once again put something in the microwave that she shouldn't. I am going to guess she tried heating up her rocks in something new and did the same as she did on the day of the infamous 'wounded German Sheppard' shot from last week. Whatever it was she put it in her file cabinet so no one would see while it was still smoldering!!!! This time the molten rocks, and what smells like another melted plastic bowl, starts to burn the papers in the drawer! Everyone around her is in a panic because they think the place is burning to the ground and can't figure out where the smoke smell is coming from. Of course she is just sitting at her desk and is not telling anyone that the smell is coming from her file cabinet. After there are 20 people surrounding her desk she looks up and says that the smell is from something that she just 'over cooked' and it was no big deal. Creeper comes over and tells her to throw out whatever it is because the office smells like a plastic fire. She reaches over and opens the file cabinet to a plume of smoke! Panic has now set in and people are yelling and screaming to put it out. They get the bowl and the papers out into the janitors closet sink outside the door to run them under water while she just sits there at her desk like nothing has happened. So now we are all sitting here with major headaches for the chemical fumes that are in the air. Well... Good Morning Monday!
Crap... my head hurts too much to think at this point. Well lets cover the weekend and call this a day.
OK... quick side note. I just walked to the front of the office and ran into Creeper who calls me over about 'Firegate' and wanted to know if I had smelled anything. I told him no, but I told him it did not shock me because of 'Animal Planet' that occurred last week in the kitchen. I explained to him that she put rock in the microwave, in a plastic bowl and that the bottom fell out of it. I was kind and left out the visual wounds that I had received for the event. He says to me, "You are kidding me? What kind of phucking idiot puts rocks in a microwave in the first place, let alone in a plastic bowl?" We start laughing and then he says, "What is even worse is she did it again today! What a stupid shit." I about fell over because he says this to me right out in the middle of the office. Creeper, you have earned a pass in my book.
This is turning out to be a full blown 'Car 54' moment! People are being taken into offices for interrogations. I have been asked to give a recap of my ghastly scene last week in the kitchen. I really gotta give someone the 'full' story on that one! No. That will result in a trip to HR. Hey she flashed me! Send her! These people over react to everything because with people this stupid running and you let them work a microwave unattended, crap like this is going to happen!!!
OK... back to the weekend that was.... and it was not much!
Friday night I stopped off in Castro Valley and had a beer or three with Hack at Krayon's and watched most of the Playoff game while traffic died down. Had some good laughs and solved 2 of life's mysteries. No I am not going to tell you how they were solved, but let's just say on one of them we did confirmed that Aunt Jemima was NOT a real person, and just a well played marketing scheme. Just sayin. So once I got home we went over to visit once Pops and the crew made it back into town for a little bit and took a walk over to Albert's for a beer and some laughs in the Man Cave.
Saturday was a full on day of work around the house getting things ready for this weekends Halloween party on Sunday. McLovin came over and gave us a hand getting things cleaned up and some of the decorations in place. Once I ran out of gas we got cleaned up and ran over to Turbo's to make dinner for everyone and watched the Giants punch their ticket to the World Series in a great game! Uncle Shartly and Lu were over, and Lu was showing us her best 'step, ball, chain'! As for the Giants, I hope it ends better for them this time around because I don't want to hear Johnny Cock Nozzle, Game Time, Ass Clown, Fuzz, and all my other friends who are die hard Giants fans whine like they did back in '02! No I really like their chances with this team and they have been a lot of fun to watch this year that is for sure.
Sunday I got up early and went to the store before the rest of the house was awake and bought stuff to make breakfast and dinner with before going out and finishing my work around the house. Turbo and McLovin came by and gave us a hand during the day, and Rocco came to visit for the first half of the Raiders game. Once the game was over I threw dinner in the oven and got cleaned up because after we ate we're going over to visit Turbo and the gang for a few hours and a few drinks while we watched the Sunday night game. Rocco was in rare form!
As for around this place since Chernobyl all is quiet. Penis did one of his half in, half out tricks today. The downside for me is right now he is IN. Man... I am with you ladies... I like it more when Penis is OUT! I mean the guy just won't stop pounding on my nerves.
OK... enough bad puns and ongoing coverage of this train wreck I call life. Yeah I am pulling up my tent stakes and closing camp until there is something more interesting to report from this place. I think that even though this is a great way to pass the time, I need to find something else to entertain myself during the day. Maybe I will follow in Smut Queen's footsteps and start writing porn? Na.... bad writing about my office is one thing, but bad writing about fantasy sex is another. That would just show off all of my short comings.
So for McNasty (who just walked through and burped.) and the rest of the gang, I bid you adieu until there are news worthy headlines from here at Adventureland. This is TonerBoy signing off.
Toner Boy
PS - Just wanted to say WHOEVER keeps calling the person in my office with the 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' ring tone please stop. I will say I do giggle every time the phone rings and I hear that song in a place like this, but..... IF THE PERSON DOES NOT ANSWER THE PHONE THE FIRST 3 TIMES THAT YOU CALL BACK, TO BACK, TO BACK, ODDS ARE THEY ARE NOT NEAR THEIR PHONE TO ANSWER IT JERK WEED!
See.... now this is how to start a day! No friends once again put something in the microwave that she shouldn't. I am going to guess she tried heating up her rocks in something new and did the same as she did on the day of the infamous 'wounded German Sheppard' shot from last week. Whatever it was she put it in her file cabinet so no one would see while it was still smoldering!!!! This time the molten rocks, and what smells like another melted plastic bowl, starts to burn the papers in the drawer! Everyone around her is in a panic because they think the place is burning to the ground and can't figure out where the smoke smell is coming from. Of course she is just sitting at her desk and is not telling anyone that the smell is coming from her file cabinet. After there are 20 people surrounding her desk she looks up and says that the smell is from something that she just 'over cooked' and it was no big deal. Creeper comes over and tells her to throw out whatever it is because the office smells like a plastic fire. She reaches over and opens the file cabinet to a plume of smoke! Panic has now set in and people are yelling and screaming to put it out. They get the bowl and the papers out into the janitors closet sink outside the door to run them under water while she just sits there at her desk like nothing has happened. So now we are all sitting here with major headaches for the chemical fumes that are in the air. Well... Good Morning Monday!
Crap... my head hurts too much to think at this point. Well lets cover the weekend and call this a day.
OK... quick side note. I just walked to the front of the office and ran into Creeper who calls me over about 'Firegate' and wanted to know if I had smelled anything. I told him no, but I told him it did not shock me because of 'Animal Planet' that occurred last week in the kitchen. I explained to him that she put rock in the microwave, in a plastic bowl and that the bottom fell out of it. I was kind and left out the visual wounds that I had received for the event. He says to me, "You are kidding me? What kind of phucking idiot puts rocks in a microwave in the first place, let alone in a plastic bowl?" We start laughing and then he says, "What is even worse is she did it again today! What a stupid shit." I about fell over because he says this to me right out in the middle of the office. Creeper, you have earned a pass in my book.
This is turning out to be a full blown 'Car 54' moment! People are being taken into offices for interrogations. I have been asked to give a recap of my ghastly scene last week in the kitchen. I really gotta give someone the 'full' story on that one! No. That will result in a trip to HR. Hey she flashed me! Send her! These people over react to everything because with people this stupid running and you let them work a microwave unattended, crap like this is going to happen!!!
OK... back to the weekend that was.... and it was not much!
Friday night I stopped off in Castro Valley and had a beer or three with Hack at Krayon's and watched most of the Playoff game while traffic died down. Had some good laughs and solved 2 of life's mysteries. No I am not going to tell you how they were solved, but let's just say on one of them we did confirmed that Aunt Jemima was NOT a real person, and just a well played marketing scheme. Just sayin. So once I got home we went over to visit once Pops and the crew made it back into town for a little bit and took a walk over to Albert's for a beer and some laughs in the Man Cave.
Saturday was a full on day of work around the house getting things ready for this weekends Halloween party on Sunday. McLovin came over and gave us a hand getting things cleaned up and some of the decorations in place. Once I ran out of gas we got cleaned up and ran over to Turbo's to make dinner for everyone and watched the Giants punch their ticket to the World Series in a great game! Uncle Shartly and Lu were over, and Lu was showing us her best 'step, ball, chain'! As for the Giants, I hope it ends better for them this time around because I don't want to hear Johnny Cock Nozzle, Game Time, Ass Clown, Fuzz, and all my other friends who are die hard Giants fans whine like they did back in '02! No I really like their chances with this team and they have been a lot of fun to watch this year that is for sure.
Sunday I got up early and went to the store before the rest of the house was awake and bought stuff to make breakfast and dinner with before going out and finishing my work around the house. Turbo and McLovin came by and gave us a hand during the day, and Rocco came to visit for the first half of the Raiders game. Once the game was over I threw dinner in the oven and got cleaned up because after we ate we're going over to visit Turbo and the gang for a few hours and a few drinks while we watched the Sunday night game. Rocco was in rare form!
As for around this place since Chernobyl all is quiet. Penis did one of his half in, half out tricks today. The downside for me is right now he is IN. Man... I am with you ladies... I like it more when Penis is OUT! I mean the guy just won't stop pounding on my nerves.
OK... enough bad puns and ongoing coverage of this train wreck I call life. Yeah I am pulling up my tent stakes and closing camp until there is something more interesting to report from this place. I think that even though this is a great way to pass the time, I need to find something else to entertain myself during the day. Maybe I will follow in Smut Queen's footsteps and start writing porn? Na.... bad writing about my office is one thing, but bad writing about fantasy sex is another. That would just show off all of my short comings.
So for McNasty (who just walked through and burped.) and the rest of the gang, I bid you adieu until there are news worthy headlines from here at Adventureland. This is TonerBoy signing off.
Toner Boy
PS - Just wanted to say WHOEVER keeps calling the person in my office with the 'Peanut Butter Jelly Time' ring tone please stop. I will say I do giggle every time the phone rings and I hear that song in a place like this, but..... IF THE PERSON DOES NOT ANSWER THE PHONE THE FIRST 3 TIMES THAT YOU CALL BACK, TO BACK, TO BACK, ODDS ARE THEY ARE NOT NEAR THEIR PHONE TO ANSWER IT JERK WEED!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Freakin' Friday
I hear Ice Shaker got a new bushel of apples over there. *SMACK* *SMACK* *SLURP* CHEW* *CHEW* *SMACK* I was SO hoping the popcorn was going to do him and his sinuses in yesterday. No luck.
Funk and Wagnalls has already stopped over and taught me the proper technique for hanging up on your boss, who now only sits only a few cubicles away from you, without getting caught. He calls it the 'quietly extended index finger', and not what you really want to do in the 'slamming down handset' method. Judging by the look on Looker's face today, he already knew about the technique employed by Funk and Wagnalls and was not fond of it! Yeah these two are going to have a throw down REAL soon!!!
OK... enough of the office spat, let's wrap this bitch up and put a pretty bow on it, shall we?
The week that was. Was. Not a lot to report above what has already been posted throughout the week.
Last night I did go and meet Fuzz and his cohorts from work down at the Ale House in Livermore and it was like a CV High get together. There were people from classes across the board down there hanging out and watching the game. Ran into the 'ex-wife I never married' and my 'immaculate connception' daughter down there having a party, as well as Infidel! I know... WTF? There were no weights in sight either, so go figure that one out. No, it was great to see her for the first time in over 20 years. Nothing has changed, she was still looking to stir shit up by hanging out with people from the gym who were Phillies fans in a house full of Giants fans..... and me, the A's fan. I kept warning her that Fuzz had his gun and he was cranky and she was not wearing her Converse! (He was too tipsy to shoot anything but his foot at that point!) By the way Fuzz.... NICE GROUP!
The old people are going to be back tonight from their little get away cruise that they went on this week, and Rocco said he has restocked the Crown and Gin supplies. For some reason I think I will be going over to Turbo's house tonight to pay them all a visit!
I was planning on getting all of my decorations up for Halloween, but they say I am going to get rained out. So I think it is going to be a weekend of cleaning the garage and thumbing my bumpkin for the most part. I know... that is just how I roll. Speaking of Halloween.... for those of you attending the Cook-Out next weekend make sure to check the Event Page for details of what to bring and the plan of attack for next Sunday! I want to make sure we all get our eat and drink 'on' very proper like.
I would like to check out UFC this weekend with Brock and Cain, so if any of you out there are interested in checking it out on Saturday night let me know. Maybe there is a bar in town that we can go and watch it at, or we can just hang out and watch it at my place with some poker mixed in. Let me know. I sure could use more of Ass Clown's poker money this week... had to fill up the tank today with his money from Wednesday night. Damn those V-8's. Thanks Ass Clown!
Before signing off I went (where else do I get material?) to the bathroom and just had an odd occurrence. No, not that! I mean I had to look for a while, but I found it once I warmed my hands up a little. What? It's cold out. Anywhooo, there is a guy in the stall when I walk in and it looks like he is over there finishing up. You know... a lot of shit going on up there. So I walk to the far stall and do my business and the whole time he is still over there moving and shuffling things around. OK... WTF? I wash up and start to walk out and out of the corner of my eye I can see him still in the stall watching me leave very intently. Did I just walk in to the bathroom in the middle of this guys... ahhh.... hmmm.... how do I put this.... his personal rendition of 'Hand Jive'? I mean I never heard him pee and he was in there before I got there and for *WINCE* who knows how long after I left. *Ewwwwwww*
On a queasy, and deeply disturbed note.... Toner Boy, OUT!
Funk and Wagnalls has already stopped over and taught me the proper technique for hanging up on your boss, who now only sits only a few cubicles away from you, without getting caught. He calls it the 'quietly extended index finger', and not what you really want to do in the 'slamming down handset' method. Judging by the look on Looker's face today, he already knew about the technique employed by Funk and Wagnalls and was not fond of it! Yeah these two are going to have a throw down REAL soon!!!
OK... enough of the office spat, let's wrap this bitch up and put a pretty bow on it, shall we?
The week that was. Was. Not a lot to report above what has already been posted throughout the week.
Last night I did go and meet Fuzz and his cohorts from work down at the Ale House in Livermore and it was like a CV High get together. There were people from classes across the board down there hanging out and watching the game. Ran into the 'ex-wife I never married' and my 'immaculate connception' daughter down there having a party, as well as Infidel! I know... WTF? There were no weights in sight either, so go figure that one out. No, it was great to see her for the first time in over 20 years. Nothing has changed, she was still looking to stir shit up by hanging out with people from the gym who were Phillies fans in a house full of Giants fans..... and me, the A's fan. I kept warning her that Fuzz had his gun and he was cranky and she was not wearing her Converse! (He was too tipsy to shoot anything but his foot at that point!) By the way Fuzz.... NICE GROUP!
The old people are going to be back tonight from their little get away cruise that they went on this week, and Rocco said he has restocked the Crown and Gin supplies. For some reason I think I will be going over to Turbo's house tonight to pay them all a visit!
I was planning on getting all of my decorations up for Halloween, but they say I am going to get rained out. So I think it is going to be a weekend of cleaning the garage and thumbing my bumpkin for the most part. I know... that is just how I roll. Speaking of Halloween.... for those of you attending the Cook-Out next weekend make sure to check the Event Page for details of what to bring and the plan of attack for next Sunday! I want to make sure we all get our eat and drink 'on' very proper like.
I would like to check out UFC this weekend with Brock and Cain, so if any of you out there are interested in checking it out on Saturday night let me know. Maybe there is a bar in town that we can go and watch it at, or we can just hang out and watch it at my place with some poker mixed in. Let me know. I sure could use more of Ass Clown's poker money this week... had to fill up the tank today with his money from Wednesday night. Damn those V-8's. Thanks Ass Clown!
Before signing off I went (where else do I get material?) to the bathroom and just had an odd occurrence. No, not that! I mean I had to look for a while, but I found it once I warmed my hands up a little. What? It's cold out. Anywhooo, there is a guy in the stall when I walk in and it looks like he is over there finishing up. You know... a lot of shit going on up there. So I walk to the far stall and do my business and the whole time he is still over there moving and shuffling things around. OK... WTF? I wash up and start to walk out and out of the corner of my eye I can see him still in the stall watching me leave very intently. Did I just walk in to the bathroom in the middle of this guys... ahhh.... hmmm.... how do I put this.... his personal rendition of 'Hand Jive'? I mean I never heard him pee and he was in there before I got there and for *WINCE* who knows how long after I left. *Ewwwwwww*
On a queasy, and deeply disturbed note.... Toner Boy, OUT!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Quick shots across the bow today....
Ice Shaker is over there eating what sounds like popcorn by the handful. I mean he is just shoveling it in. He is doing this with with plugged sinuses. Have you ever try eating with plugged sinuses? Don't you normally ease food in small quantities because you know you need to pretty much do all of your breathing through the same hole in your face? I can't figure out what is worse... the ice, the apples, or him chewing and choking on popcorn while making that stuffy, pluggy sound as he tries to take in air and chew all at once! Hope he chokes.
I can feel my ears bleeding already. They have moved people around in the office and now Funk and Wagnalls to Cracker's cube! So I am going from hearing *CRACK* and *RIP* all day, to 'Blah, blah, blah Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, blah, blah.' Geee.... Thanks a lot Trekkie! But everyone rest easy... Cracker is still within ear shot! As a matter of fact (off in the distance) I think I hear a bag of chips giving their life so he can grow even fatter. Pig. (As I sit on my ass and eat my trail mix.)
The one thing that I can say that may have worked out good for me is that Funk and Wangnalls is now reporting to The Looker, and these two have been going at it all day long! There should be some good blog material, or police blotter news coming from these two working together at some point in the near future.
Speaking of Looker. He is in his finest fall fashion as Willy Wonka today as he sports a breathtaking combination of royal purple and citrus orange garb for us to mystically gaze upon. Looker... the Umpa Lumpa's would like to thank you for keeping hope alive for the factory to make its big come back, but they said next time you better keep Augustus Gloop's fat ass the hell out of there! Looker's reply - 'He ain't phuckin up my chocolate again... shiiiiit!'
I can't top that last one today, so with that I am Audi 5000.
Toner Boy
I can feel my ears bleeding already. They have moved people around in the office and now Funk and Wagnalls to Cracker's cube! So I am going from hearing *CRACK* and *RIP* all day, to 'Blah, blah, blah Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, blah, blah.' Geee.... Thanks a lot Trekkie! But everyone rest easy... Cracker is still within ear shot! As a matter of fact (off in the distance) I think I hear a bag of chips giving their life so he can grow even fatter. Pig. (As I sit on my ass and eat my trail mix.)
The one thing that I can say that may have worked out good for me is that Funk and Wangnalls is now reporting to The Looker, and these two have been going at it all day long! There should be some good blog material, or police blotter news coming from these two working together at some point in the near future.
Speaking of Looker. He is in his finest fall fashion as Willy Wonka today as he sports a breathtaking combination of royal purple and citrus orange garb for us to mystically gaze upon. Looker... the Umpa Lumpa's would like to thank you for keeping hope alive for the factory to make its big come back, but they said next time you better keep Augustus Gloop's fat ass the hell out of there! Looker's reply - 'He ain't phuckin up my chocolate again... shiiiiit!'
I can't top that last one today, so with that I am Audi 5000.
Toner Boy
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
It is just in my nature....
... to piss people off. I don't try to, but it just happens. I go for the 'charming, make you laugh' kind of guy and I get... 'what an asshole!' Oh well, I doubt anyone in Napa will know the difference to tell you the truth.
Well we are a day closer to the weekend, so Happy Tuesday to all of you! We will rename this to 'Lotto Winning Tuesday' since tonight all 6 numbers are going to come up. I did not say 'MY' numbers are going to come up, but there will be 6 numbers regardless when they are done. If things do not work out as planned, I think once I am in Napa I will change that name to 'Touch Yourself Tuesday' so it is more fitting to my new lifestyle.
It is 8:34 in the morning and Cracker has already come over and talked Raiders football with me. Why? What did I do to him to promote such actions? I mean do I really want to relive the fact that my team blows more than my place of work? Just go away and get yourself another can of Coke. *CRACK* Ahhhh... there it is! 8:36 and all is well in his world.
Corn posted more great pictures this week, and I really have to get them posted on the Fan Page on Facebook for all of you to see. I keep meaning to do it, but that damn task of sleeping keeps getting in the way after dinner each night. Unreal work Corn. No worries I will get those pictures up on the Fan Page soon!
Halloween is around the corner and it would not be me unless I did it up right and had my house looking like a haunted house. The problem is nothing has made it out of the boxes this year! What is even worse is we are having an all day cook out on Halloween with people coming over and I do not have a single decoration up outside! Sad... I have boxes and boxes of animated ghouls and creatures and they are doing nothing besides scaring the shit out of the insides of some boxes at this point in time! OK... starting tonight... it gets done, and pictures will follow for proof.
I am torn on getting a new phone when my contract comes to an end in a couple of months. Android phones have come a LONG way since I got mine, but they are still way behind when it comes to apps compared to Apple. Plus I watch McLovin walking around with his Droid and his iPod all the time and I think having 2 devices maybe to much for a person like me with limited brain power to handle. Yeah I think it is going to be Verizon's 32G iPod's for me and the misses this time around when they start selling them next year. Sorry Fuzz... you are going to Android and we are going to Apple. What is wrong with that picture??? AHAHAH
OK.... I am no longer talking to Father of our Country until he removes his profile picture of him wearing Niners gear because he lost a bet! Dude man up and wear like Dodgers or Phillies gear if you want to self inflict pain from a bet... but Niners gear? Never! Well unless you were getting some sort of freaky lovin or something if you won... then that is another story and I will let it slide. Just make sure you get yourself Bob Barker'ed (Help control the population and have your pet 'DAWG' spade or neutered...) or learn where they sell rubbers first Mr. Potent! It is getting harder and harder to keep track of your clan.
Damn this day hit the skids. Looked to be rolling along good and now the last 5 minutes has lasted an hour.
Maybe deep down I am missing Trekkie not being here today?
Or maybe it is because Ice Shaker forgot to bring his water bottle and a bushel of apples to keep me entertained?
Or the fact that I have not had Penis all up in my grill bugging me today?
Maybe I will feel better if I go over and give Munson a hand? I know... I need to back off and give the guy a fair shake.
What if I go over and see Catching Flies and chew the fat to see if that makes me feel any better?
Anyway. (Enough said there.)
OK... On to actual events here at Bellevue and enough funny puns on their short comings or idiosyncrasies.
Let me see if I can get this story out and give it the kind of justice that it deserves.
Have you even seen how people when they rob a bank wear nylons over their faces to sort of smoosh them all up so when they get caught people won't be able to spot them in a lineup?
So I go into the lunchroom to heat up my food before heading off to the car for another fun filled hour of movies I have now seen 100 times each. As I walk in No Friends is standing in there with a melted plastic bowl in her hand and rocks all over the ground. Yes, rocks. Now try and stay with me on this one. She put rocks in the microwave for 10 minutes to heat them up for a therapy pack for her back. Again... rocks, 10 minutes and plastic bowl. Can you see where her problem started?
This is also where my problem starts unfortunately! *GULP* She proceeds to clean up her mess and picks up all the little rocks on the floor... in a skirt.... wearing nylons... and I guess bad hips that don't allow her to apply inward pressure! Yeah.... now you see where this is going! There it was.... the money shot! I looked down to see what appears to be a German Sheppard, wrapped in nylon, with a hatchet wound in its fur. Oh dear lord! All I wanted to see what how many rocks there was left to pick up and see if she needed a hand. My bad!
All I can say is I will never look at German Sheppard's, or hatchet wounds in the same light again. And... ladies.... please.... I now understand the reason that crotchless nylons were created beyond easy access. (OK, and besides being sexy as hell!) Was has transpired ALMOST made me take into question the biggest admiration that men have for your bodies ladies. (Yeah I said it... the guys sucking up will still tell you it is your brains. Blah, blah, blah.) You girls think a penis looks funny as hell when it is all wrapped up in a raincoat? I am not going to go into any more detail than I already have, but I will just say.... not even close! There is a big difference from a guy in a straight jacket, to a bug hitting a windshield!
No matter what I did during my lunch.... it was there. The image burned into my mind like a tragic accident involving a school bus, a fifth of Jack, and a pack of Webelos in a crosswalk on a rainy day.
OK... I don't think I can go on after this. "Man down! I repeat, man down!!!"
Toner Boy
Well we are a day closer to the weekend, so Happy Tuesday to all of you! We will rename this to 'Lotto Winning Tuesday' since tonight all 6 numbers are going to come up. I did not say 'MY' numbers are going to come up, but there will be 6 numbers regardless when they are done. If things do not work out as planned, I think once I am in Napa I will change that name to 'Touch Yourself Tuesday' so it is more fitting to my new lifestyle.
It is 8:34 in the morning and Cracker has already come over and talked Raiders football with me. Why? What did I do to him to promote such actions? I mean do I really want to relive the fact that my team blows more than my place of work? Just go away and get yourself another can of Coke. *CRACK* Ahhhh... there it is! 8:36 and all is well in his world.
Corn posted more great pictures this week, and I really have to get them posted on the Fan Page on Facebook for all of you to see. I keep meaning to do it, but that damn task of sleeping keeps getting in the way after dinner each night. Unreal work Corn. No worries I will get those pictures up on the Fan Page soon!
Halloween is around the corner and it would not be me unless I did it up right and had my house looking like a haunted house. The problem is nothing has made it out of the boxes this year! What is even worse is we are having an all day cook out on Halloween with people coming over and I do not have a single decoration up outside! Sad... I have boxes and boxes of animated ghouls and creatures and they are doing nothing besides scaring the shit out of the insides of some boxes at this point in time! OK... starting tonight... it gets done, and pictures will follow for proof.
I am torn on getting a new phone when my contract comes to an end in a couple of months. Android phones have come a LONG way since I got mine, but they are still way behind when it comes to apps compared to Apple. Plus I watch McLovin walking around with his Droid and his iPod all the time and I think having 2 devices maybe to much for a person like me with limited brain power to handle. Yeah I think it is going to be Verizon's 32G iPod's for me and the misses this time around when they start selling them next year. Sorry Fuzz... you are going to Android and we are going to Apple. What is wrong with that picture??? AHAHAH
OK.... I am no longer talking to Father of our Country until he removes his profile picture of him wearing Niners gear because he lost a bet! Dude man up and wear like Dodgers or Phillies gear if you want to self inflict pain from a bet... but Niners gear? Never! Well unless you were getting some sort of freaky lovin or something if you won... then that is another story and I will let it slide. Just make sure you get yourself Bob Barker'ed (Help control the population and have your pet 'DAWG' spade or neutered...) or learn where they sell rubbers first Mr. Potent! It is getting harder and harder to keep track of your clan.
Damn this day hit the skids. Looked to be rolling along good and now the last 5 minutes has lasted an hour.
Maybe deep down I am missing Trekkie not being here today?
Or maybe it is because Ice Shaker forgot to bring his water bottle and a bushel of apples to keep me entertained?
Or the fact that I have not had Penis all up in my grill bugging me today?
Maybe I will feel better if I go over and give Munson a hand? I know... I need to back off and give the guy a fair shake.
What if I go over and see Catching Flies and chew the fat to see if that makes me feel any better?
Anyway. (Enough said there.)
OK... On to actual events here at Bellevue and enough funny puns on their short comings or idiosyncrasies.
Let me see if I can get this story out and give it the kind of justice that it deserves.
Have you even seen how people when they rob a bank wear nylons over their faces to sort of smoosh them all up so when they get caught people won't be able to spot them in a lineup?
So I go into the lunchroom to heat up my food before heading off to the car for another fun filled hour of movies I have now seen 100 times each. As I walk in No Friends is standing in there with a melted plastic bowl in her hand and rocks all over the ground. Yes, rocks. Now try and stay with me on this one. She put rocks in the microwave for 10 minutes to heat them up for a therapy pack for her back. Again... rocks, 10 minutes and plastic bowl. Can you see where her problem started?
This is also where my problem starts unfortunately! *GULP* She proceeds to clean up her mess and picks up all the little rocks on the floor... in a skirt.... wearing nylons... and I guess bad hips that don't allow her to apply inward pressure! Yeah.... now you see where this is going! There it was.... the money shot! I looked down to see what appears to be a German Sheppard, wrapped in nylon, with a hatchet wound in its fur. Oh dear lord! All I wanted to see what how many rocks there was left to pick up and see if she needed a hand. My bad!
All I can say is I will never look at German Sheppard's, or hatchet wounds in the same light again. And... ladies.... please.... I now understand the reason that crotchless nylons were created beyond easy access. (OK, and besides being sexy as hell!) Was has transpired ALMOST made me take into question the biggest admiration that men have for your bodies ladies. (Yeah I said it... the guys sucking up will still tell you it is your brains. Blah, blah, blah.) You girls think a penis looks funny as hell when it is all wrapped up in a raincoat? I am not going to go into any more detail than I already have, but I will just say.... not even close! There is a big difference from a guy in a straight jacket, to a bug hitting a windshield!
No matter what I did during my lunch.... it was there. The image burned into my mind like a tragic accident involving a school bus, a fifth of Jack, and a pack of Webelos in a crosswalk on a rainy day.
OK... I don't think I can go on after this. "Man down! I repeat, man down!!!"
Toner Boy
Monday, October 18, 2010
Well, well, well.... here we are.
Yeah it is Monday, and I don't mean Funday. I SO feel like Mr. Vernon is standing in front of me right now giving me his speech about spending the next 10 hours together. My biggest problem is the fact the I am SO John Bender getting busted and being told that he has me 'by the balls' for the next 732 weeks that I just want to cry! Maybe I can get Brian Johnson to hide my 'doobage' until he is not looking and get everyone loaded and dancing on the cubical walls around this place.
News from the road! You may not know but the old folks are on their way down to So. Cal to go on a quick 4 day cruise out of Long Beach.
Hold that thought really quick... Ice Shaker is over there eating an apple like it is a long lost girlfriends private parts, and Cracker is busting open cans of soda and ripping open bags of chips at 9:30 in the morning like they are going out of style. No doubt hungover from yesterday's GREAT day of football in Raider Nationland he is trying to get as much salt and caffeine into his system as he can!
Where was I? Oh yeah..... So on the trip is Turbo, Pops, Lu, Uncle Shartly, Rocco and Auntie and they stop off along the way for a 'pee break'. Oh course you already see this coming, but this update is brought to you by Uncle Shartly! So he proceeds to go into the restroom and he looks around and thinking that he is alone decides to 'RIP' one off! Well low and behold there goes a guy running out of the stalls and out the door thinking that Uncle Shartly may have crapped himself and that he might request a helping hand from his fellow man. After his faux pas Uncle Shartly tracks the man down inside 7-11 and apologies to the guy in case he wanted to stick around and at least wash his hands! The guy of course laughs in off uncomfortably with him and Uncle Shartly discloses that he thought that he may have shit his pants himself. Yeah, like that would be a first!
Just want to throw it out there and say that Bay Area sports fans may now clear up their calendar until the Stanley Cup Playoffs. We can wait until April to be disappointed again! Hate to be the one to break the news to you all, but the Giants are done. Tim can only win 2 games in a series and the Philly's have WAY too much team on both sides of the ball to beat them in a 7 game series. Sorry... that is all she wrote for Bay Area sports for the next 6 months. Then again the really twisted out there will think the Warriors are going to do something for us. Take it from a fellow Warriors fan... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
Damn McNasty is a gross little booger when it comes to chewing his food! Close your mouth man! He must be learning how to gross people out, more than he already does, by hanging out with Catching Flies at lunch or something. He just walked through the office smacking his lips like he had a mouth full of cud. Go chew an apple with Ice Shaker in the lunch room or something.
OK.... when did my stomach learn to speak? Phucking thing is talking like it is running for office or something! What the hell? I just fed you, now shut up!!!
Well let me do 'the weekend that was' and get the hell out of your hair. I would get you out of mine, but..... yeah well.... you all know that punchline.
Friday night we went over to Turbo's once I got home to hang out with Rocco and the gang for a few hours to watch a little baseball.
Saturday I got ready early and ran to Costco to pick up a few things before heading out to San Jose for Thomas the Train's birthday party. Came back that night and had a big turkey dinner over at Turbo's thanks to Auntie and Rocco. Later that night the old men and me ran over to the bar to have a couple of quick drinks before calling it a night.
Sunday morning I got over to Turbo's early and make breakfast for everyone while I 'soaked my meat' for the BBQ that afternoon. We all hung out and watched some sort of ball game on the TV with 2 teams of special needs children wearing butterscotch and silver helmets were running all over the field like lost ducklings in a storm. The butterscotch helmet wearing ducklings made less mistakes in the end and were crowned line leaders for the next bus ride! Woo hoo!!! Battle of the Pointless was won!!!
As for this week.... yeah.... I got nothin! Oh wait... We have Ed's Birthday on Wednesday! But me... yeah... nothin.
May your work week pass fast, but your actions be remembered forever.
Toner Boy
News from the road! You may not know but the old folks are on their way down to So. Cal to go on a quick 4 day cruise out of Long Beach.
Hold that thought really quick... Ice Shaker is over there eating an apple like it is a long lost girlfriends private parts, and Cracker is busting open cans of soda and ripping open bags of chips at 9:30 in the morning like they are going out of style. No doubt hungover from yesterday's GREAT day of football in Raider Nationland he is trying to get as much salt and caffeine into his system as he can!
Where was I? Oh yeah..... So on the trip is Turbo, Pops, Lu, Uncle Shartly, Rocco and Auntie and they stop off along the way for a 'pee break'. Oh course you already see this coming, but this update is brought to you by Uncle Shartly! So he proceeds to go into the restroom and he looks around and thinking that he is alone decides to 'RIP' one off! Well low and behold there goes a guy running out of the stalls and out the door thinking that Uncle Shartly may have crapped himself and that he might request a helping hand from his fellow man. After his faux pas Uncle Shartly tracks the man down inside 7-11 and apologies to the guy in case he wanted to stick around and at least wash his hands! The guy of course laughs in off uncomfortably with him and Uncle Shartly discloses that he thought that he may have shit his pants himself. Yeah, like that would be a first!
Just want to throw it out there and say that Bay Area sports fans may now clear up their calendar until the Stanley Cup Playoffs. We can wait until April to be disappointed again! Hate to be the one to break the news to you all, but the Giants are done. Tim can only win 2 games in a series and the Philly's have WAY too much team on both sides of the ball to beat them in a 7 game series. Sorry... that is all she wrote for Bay Area sports for the next 6 months. Then again the really twisted out there will think the Warriors are going to do something for us. Take it from a fellow Warriors fan... NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
Damn McNasty is a gross little booger when it comes to chewing his food! Close your mouth man! He must be learning how to gross people out, more than he already does, by hanging out with Catching Flies at lunch or something. He just walked through the office smacking his lips like he had a mouth full of cud. Go chew an apple with Ice Shaker in the lunch room or something.
OK.... when did my stomach learn to speak? Phucking thing is talking like it is running for office or something! What the hell? I just fed you, now shut up!!!
Well let me do 'the weekend that was' and get the hell out of your hair. I would get you out of mine, but..... yeah well.... you all know that punchline.
Friday night we went over to Turbo's once I got home to hang out with Rocco and the gang for a few hours to watch a little baseball.
Saturday I got ready early and ran to Costco to pick up a few things before heading out to San Jose for Thomas the Train's birthday party. Came back that night and had a big turkey dinner over at Turbo's thanks to Auntie and Rocco. Later that night the old men and me ran over to the bar to have a couple of quick drinks before calling it a night.
Sunday morning I got over to Turbo's early and make breakfast for everyone while I 'soaked my meat' for the BBQ that afternoon. We all hung out and watched some sort of ball game on the TV with 2 teams of special needs children wearing butterscotch and silver helmets were running all over the field like lost ducklings in a storm. The butterscotch helmet wearing ducklings made less mistakes in the end and were crowned line leaders for the next bus ride! Woo hoo!!! Battle of the Pointless was won!!!
As for this week.... yeah.... I got nothin! Oh wait... We have Ed's Birthday on Wednesday! But me... yeah... nothin.
May your work week pass fast, but your actions be remembered forever.
Toner Boy
Friday, October 15, 2010
Nothing will save this week....
Yeah, I am done. Don't get me wrong... I had a ton of laughs over the 'washing your car', 'the fit of your shoes', 'hitting a golf ball' and 'getting a tattoo' lines that were made to sound dirty to many of your filthy minds this week on Facebook. But just overall I am done. Done with this drive, done with these people, done with the lack of internal drive around me, done, done, done.
I am so done that I think I am just about done with this blog as well. For the little bit of therapy that it gives me when I am decompressing and letting some of this out... in the long run I am still just a dip shit sitting here talking to myself and wasting as much time as I can at work because there is nothing here to challenge me.
Hello!?!?! Opportunity? Are you out there??? I have been ringing your phucking doorbell for 3 years now!!!! Answer the damn thing already!
Don't mind me today. Really. I am just overly frustrated and burned out. I don't know why. After all Napa is only 2 months, 16 days, 11 hours, and 28 minutes away! Then it is off to a life of finger painting, endless Jell-O lunches, and Lane shower impersonations 4 times a day until I go blind! Yay me.
Yeah... it's confirmed... the cheese has officially slipped off my cracker. In case you had any doubts prior to this blog today. I doubt many of you will question that statement.
While I am still mentally capable I would like to send out some Happy Birthday wishes. It was my nephew Thomas the Train's birthday on Thursday and Chet's birthday today! Coming up in the next few weeks we have birthdays for Ed, George and Pops as well. Boy.. a lot of peoples parents had sex around New Year's and Valentine's Day I see! Must be those cold winter months and no cable TV in the bedrooms. The fact that my wife wears 14 layers of impenetrable jammies and we have a big ass TV at the foot of our bed explains a lot for my track record during those winter months! And summer.... well, and spring.... hmmmm.... fall is not so good either now that I think about it.
Moving on.....
Rocco is back in town so he and the old folks can go on their weekday cruise out of So Cal next week. But while he is here we are going to cook it up right on Sunday for the Raiders-Niners game. Should be a nice battle of two crap teams looking for bragging rights of football supremacy in the Bay Area. Yeah... more like Slopfest 2010!
OK... I just had a person call me telling me that their password does not work and that I 'NEED' to come over and fix it for them 'RIGHT NOW'. Oh did she pick the wrong day for this. OK... first of all anyone who has known me for more than 6 seconds will tell you that giving me orders and telling me that I 'HAVE' to do something is begging for the complete opposite to happen. Second of all computers are nothing more than dumb machines waiting to be told what they need to do. Yes, computers are GREAT at taking orders, not me. Computers don't make shit us as they go... they only do what they are told and odds are... you told it something that it didn't want to hear bitch! So... I walk down the street to the deli and get a Vitaminwater I come back into the office and make sure and talk to every person I can along the way to this woman's desk just to piss her off. Needless to say she was hotter than hell by the time I got there. Good!
So I ask her what she is doing and tell her to show me so I can see it with my own two eyes. She says (for example) that her password is 'sugar' and I tell her to go ahead and type it in so I can see the error she is getting. She let's out a *huff* then I watch her type... s-u-g-e-r and the error comes up 'Invalid Password' and she says 'See! Now fix it!'. Oh with pleasure. I walk right over and type in the password and it logs right in without a problem. She looks at me like I am a complete asshole and asks what I did to make it work. I looked right at her and told her the truth... In order for a password to work, you have to spell it right. Computers can not assume what you meant to spell, so in the future make sure you know how to spell the password you choose before you try and use it. Sugar is spelled s-u-g-a-r.... not s-u-g-e-r. You can't change how you spell something on a whim and think the computer will just figure it out. I think I made a new friend.
All I have to say.... Google Translate... BEST THING EVER!!!! I can now piss people off in all kinds of different languages!!! Huh Hunny??? Paso atrás. Me comí un burrito de frijoles y un camión intestino.
I sent her to the Mexican Market in town to get the stuff to make salsa for Thomas the Train's birthday party tomorrow. I told her if she has any problems finding anything to find a guy who works there and tell him - me llevan en la espalda y me muestran su pimienta! Once he helps you to tell him - Veo que tienes cebollas grandes también! If he tires to get fresh with you for some strange reason just tell him - mi gato está sucio. If that does not work try - tengo gas y lo voy a utilizar. As your last resort before you call 911 - oops. no estornudar con la influenza. peces mierda! peces mierda!
Yeah... I am going to hell. I know.
OK.... one more mind bender for CV Stroll Queen on my way out.... I like rubbing flavored oil on the breasts and thighs before pinning its legs back and stuffing it.
Toner Boy...... OUT!
I am so done that I think I am just about done with this blog as well. For the little bit of therapy that it gives me when I am decompressing and letting some of this out... in the long run I am still just a dip shit sitting here talking to myself and wasting as much time as I can at work because there is nothing here to challenge me.
Hello!?!?! Opportunity? Are you out there??? I have been ringing your phucking doorbell for 3 years now!!!! Answer the damn thing already!
Don't mind me today. Really. I am just overly frustrated and burned out. I don't know why. After all Napa is only 2 months, 16 days, 11 hours, and 28 minutes away! Then it is off to a life of finger painting, endless Jell-O lunches, and Lane shower impersonations 4 times a day until I go blind! Yay me.
Yeah... it's confirmed... the cheese has officially slipped off my cracker. In case you had any doubts prior to this blog today. I doubt many of you will question that statement.
While I am still mentally capable I would like to send out some Happy Birthday wishes. It was my nephew Thomas the Train's birthday on Thursday and Chet's birthday today! Coming up in the next few weeks we have birthdays for Ed, George and Pops as well. Boy.. a lot of peoples parents had sex around New Year's and Valentine's Day I see! Must be those cold winter months and no cable TV in the bedrooms. The fact that my wife wears 14 layers of impenetrable jammies and we have a big ass TV at the foot of our bed explains a lot for my track record during those winter months! And summer.... well, and spring.... hmmmm.... fall is not so good either now that I think about it.
Moving on.....
Rocco is back in town so he and the old folks can go on their weekday cruise out of So Cal next week. But while he is here we are going to cook it up right on Sunday for the Raiders-Niners game. Should be a nice battle of two crap teams looking for bragging rights of football supremacy in the Bay Area. Yeah... more like Slopfest 2010!
OK... I just had a person call me telling me that their password does not work and that I 'NEED' to come over and fix it for them 'RIGHT NOW'. Oh did she pick the wrong day for this. OK... first of all anyone who has known me for more than 6 seconds will tell you that giving me orders and telling me that I 'HAVE' to do something is begging for the complete opposite to happen. Second of all computers are nothing more than dumb machines waiting to be told what they need to do. Yes, computers are GREAT at taking orders, not me. Computers don't make shit us as they go... they only do what they are told and odds are... you told it something that it didn't want to hear bitch! So... I walk down the street to the deli and get a Vitaminwater I come back into the office and make sure and talk to every person I can along the way to this woman's desk just to piss her off. Needless to say she was hotter than hell by the time I got there. Good!
So I ask her what she is doing and tell her to show me so I can see it with my own two eyes. She says (for example) that her password is 'sugar' and I tell her to go ahead and type it in so I can see the error she is getting. She let's out a *huff* then I watch her type... s-u-g-e-r and the error comes up 'Invalid Password' and she says 'See! Now fix it!'. Oh with pleasure. I walk right over and type in the password and it logs right in without a problem. She looks at me like I am a complete asshole and asks what I did to make it work. I looked right at her and told her the truth... In order for a password to work, you have to spell it right. Computers can not assume what you meant to spell, so in the future make sure you know how to spell the password you choose before you try and use it. Sugar is spelled s-u-g-a-r.... not s-u-g-e-r. You can't change how you spell something on a whim and think the computer will just figure it out. I think I made a new friend.
All I have to say.... Google Translate... BEST THING EVER!!!! I can now piss people off in all kinds of different languages!!! Huh Hunny??? Paso atrás. Me comí un burrito de frijoles y un camión intestino.
I sent her to the Mexican Market in town to get the stuff to make salsa for Thomas the Train's birthday party tomorrow. I told her if she has any problems finding anything to find a guy who works there and tell him - me llevan en la espalda y me muestran su pimienta! Once he helps you to tell him - Veo que tienes cebollas grandes también! If he tires to get fresh with you for some strange reason just tell him - mi gato está sucio. If that does not work try - tengo gas y lo voy a utilizar. As your last resort before you call 911 - oops. no estornudar con la influenza. peces mierda! peces mierda!
Yeah... I am going to hell. I know.
OK.... one more mind bender for CV Stroll Queen on my way out.... I like rubbing flavored oil on the breasts and thighs before pinning its legs back and stuffing it.
Toner Boy...... OUT!
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