Yeah, yeah. Happy whatever day. Piss off and just read....
Cracker just answered a call from his wife and on his end the conversation sounded like this...
“Yeah? (You know, that alternative way to answer a phone instead of hello.)
*Pause*
What do you mean?
*Pause*
You treat me like shit. You don’t even pay attention to me, and then when you do you patronize me. How dumb do you think I am?
*Long Paws* (For you Friends fans out there.)(Obviously needing the extra time to explain how dumb she thinks he is.)
No I am going to go and see my mom. (From what I have gathered is not doing really well.)
*Quick Pause*
No I don’t want you to go.
*Click*
Fuck off.”
I say, “Who doesn’t love, love?” (For my NASCAR fans.) “I love, love.”
Why is it that I feel there will be no makeup sex happening there tonight?
As I am typing this Corn on the Cob Through a Tennis Racket calls -
"Hi this is C.O.T.C.T.A.T.R. how are you?
Good.
I have no idea what I did but now it locks when I leave it."
Are you pushing the button on your car remote? Is it your last date locking the door behind you when he threw a slab of raw meat out the front door after he sobered up and saw what you looked like in the morning?
"What does?"
"The screen. I pushed and clicked a lot of things and I have no idea what I did, but now it locks. There is no message on the screen now, but I am telling you it locks."
"OK." So I run her through all of the steps to turn off the 'Lock on exit' within Windows after the screen saver has come on.
"OK thank you."
40 seconds later my phone rings.
"What did you say? Did you say go to the Control Panel? (Those words never crossed my lips.) Then what? I see Display. No never mind I will figure it out."
"No let me come back there. You figuring it out is what got us here in the first place."
I go back there and within that 10 second walk she is on the phone calling Obvious to ask the same question. WTF?
She then tells me, "Sorry I just get confused. I don't know what is going on. I just want it to work the way I want it to right now. I am so impatient. Then I have this book that I am looking through trying to find things. (Learning Windows Book. Great.) So what do I do? Wanna sit down? Here you take it." (31 individual sentences. Not one breath taken.)
"Slow down." I walk her back through what I told her on the phone and take away the security. Then I tell her, "That's it."
"Oh one other thing."
Here it comes. She runs off a countless number of just stupid questions one after another. Each one had something to do with what her 'Good Book' on her desk had been telling her. Technical book authors should have their facts checked before they are allowed to be published! Just sayin. These assholes will tell the uneducated reader, 'Do this.' 'Change that.' 'Type this.' ASSUMING that the dumb bastard is smart enough to know how to put it all back the way it was! By default there are about 12 program icons on all of the systems desktops and this damn cheater bar with 20 more.... she has nothing. Just a desktop wallpaper. Even worse... when I told her to 'Right mouse click on the desktop' she had NO idea what the desktop was. She went to the Start button and says, "Where?"
Toner Boy
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Mind Freeze......
Happy Hump Day as they say. Like anyone humps on a Wednesday? You know it is the middle of the week and I am just too tired to put my wife into a tequila induced comma in the middle of the week. Do you know hard it is to soak all the fruit in the house in that Mexican bath water and make sure the kids don’t eat it by mistake? You don’t think she is going to drink that willingly do you? I mean Wednesday is the middle of the work week after all, you would have thought they would have made some sort of reference to that instead of sex. Geez. They could have went with, ‘This crap is half over and it is all downhill from here day’ or something. Oh…. I get it now. My bad. Hump Day it is.
Yes another day has passed and I am still just the bitter bastard that you have come to wither laugh at or loath. There is not a lot going on in my world of chalk eaters these days, but I will do my best to pass my time and give you judgmental folks something to read that is worth your efforts. I still see that 50 or so of you a day look in to see what in the hell I am bitching about now. Not that you are a small number of people, but let’s just say that I had hoped for bigger crowds. Then again if I had not pissed a large number of them off before starting this blog, maybe I would have a better turn out! Nevertheless we will go onward and I will try and keep my thoughts about the rest of you to myself. The key word was try!
This alter ego stuff between myself and Toner Boy is becoming a total bitch! Is it possible to be bitter, nice, proud, ashamed, nasty, caring, horny, celibate, depressed and happy all at the same time without the use of Prozac or other mood altering drugs?
Catching Flies must have gotten a new shipment of Just for Men last night delivered to his house because his mop is black as the ace of spades today. Well now that I look closer he may have had it delivered to the office today, and not his home last night. It appears that he may have done a test run on his Sacagawea area before applying that squid ink to his dome. He is walking around the office with his fly down! Hey Uncle Shartly tests things out down there, so why not? To make this a perfect moment I just need to hear him walk up to The Whisperer while she is sitting in her chair and say, “Look me in the eye.” I would piss myself.
Cracker in back to his maddening ways. There are chips and sodas popping open like Dolly Parton’s bra over there!
Trekkie is out of this rat cage today, so all of the managers are a lot more lax in this place today. I just heard The Looker tell one of his people to walk out the backdoor if they needed to leave early today so Creeper did not see them! Damn. Getting a little bold here in sequestered county life. These people have no idea what it is like in the real world, I swear.
Infidel keeps posting pictures on Facebook of her blister riddled hands she claims is from working out. None of us asked WHAT she was working out, but either way DAMN they look like they hurt! I think the lack of questions in regards to those hands has a LOT to do with the ass kicking she will deliver to anyone who pisses her off. If she does attack, per her status, it would be a good idea to throw bacon at her to get her off of your scent. Just putting it out there, and you may want to listen. It may save your ass some day. She is not a caged animal, she is in the wild.
You know I don’t have another county free holiday until Labor Day and even then I will be cooking at the restaurant?!?! Damn… better find days and ways to screw off or I am going to go nuts! Well there is the Reno trip for Hunny’s birthday coming up in a few weeks. Guess I better make the most of that trip. “Hold onto your ass Reno, Toner Boy is going to bring the house down!” Fuzz make sure you make a contact for us on the inside to bail us out at some point!
Damn that Miss Piggy quote has got some legs to it. That is a funny one though. How many of us are guilty of it though? Then again, how many of us have benefited to from it? Think about it. No….. they were looking at you all night and did not have to courage to talk to you until the bar closed. You just keep telling yourself that. I know that time with me that girl needed to slam those final 4 shots she took during last call to have the courage to come talk to me. That was completely different. Who would have ever thought a girl that smokin hot wanted me? I was sad when she told me that she was going on a peace mission for 10 years to Alaska before she ran out the door that morning. Who knew there was so much violence in Alaska? Must be that bitter cold. Or that Palin bitch.
OK I have been just staring at my monitor for the last hour drawing a complete blank. I need some food to get my brain going again. You do the same and I will be back in 2 and 2 ala Chuck Woolery! Maybe I will have an epiphany! Or an aneurism. Either way, it would be worth writing about.
Nope. Nothing. Toner Boy is all humped out I guess. I need to go and hold a meeting with a few appraisers anyway to get the information I need to do some tech writing in their training manual for next season. I know….. you are excited for me. I can feel it.
Until next we meet.
Toner Boy
Yes another day has passed and I am still just the bitter bastard that you have come to wither laugh at or loath. There is not a lot going on in my world of chalk eaters these days, but I will do my best to pass my time and give you judgmental folks something to read that is worth your efforts. I still see that 50 or so of you a day look in to see what in the hell I am bitching about now. Not that you are a small number of people, but let’s just say that I had hoped for bigger crowds. Then again if I had not pissed a large number of them off before starting this blog, maybe I would have a better turn out! Nevertheless we will go onward and I will try and keep my thoughts about the rest of you to myself. The key word was try!
This alter ego stuff between myself and Toner Boy is becoming a total bitch! Is it possible to be bitter, nice, proud, ashamed, nasty, caring, horny, celibate, depressed and happy all at the same time without the use of Prozac or other mood altering drugs?
Catching Flies must have gotten a new shipment of Just for Men last night delivered to his house because his mop is black as the ace of spades today. Well now that I look closer he may have had it delivered to the office today, and not his home last night. It appears that he may have done a test run on his Sacagawea area before applying that squid ink to his dome. He is walking around the office with his fly down! Hey Uncle Shartly tests things out down there, so why not? To make this a perfect moment I just need to hear him walk up to The Whisperer while she is sitting in her chair and say, “Look me in the eye.” I would piss myself.
Cracker in back to his maddening ways. There are chips and sodas popping open like Dolly Parton’s bra over there!
Trekkie is out of this rat cage today, so all of the managers are a lot more lax in this place today. I just heard The Looker tell one of his people to walk out the backdoor if they needed to leave early today so Creeper did not see them! Damn. Getting a little bold here in sequestered county life. These people have no idea what it is like in the real world, I swear.
Infidel keeps posting pictures on Facebook of her blister riddled hands she claims is from working out. None of us asked WHAT she was working out, but either way DAMN they look like they hurt! I think the lack of questions in regards to those hands has a LOT to do with the ass kicking she will deliver to anyone who pisses her off. If she does attack, per her status, it would be a good idea to throw bacon at her to get her off of your scent. Just putting it out there, and you may want to listen. It may save your ass some day. She is not a caged animal, she is in the wild.
You know I don’t have another county free holiday until Labor Day and even then I will be cooking at the restaurant?!?! Damn… better find days and ways to screw off or I am going to go nuts! Well there is the Reno trip for Hunny’s birthday coming up in a few weeks. Guess I better make the most of that trip. “Hold onto your ass Reno, Toner Boy is going to bring the house down!” Fuzz make sure you make a contact for us on the inside to bail us out at some point!
Damn that Miss Piggy quote has got some legs to it. That is a funny one though. How many of us are guilty of it though? Then again, how many of us have benefited to from it? Think about it. No….. they were looking at you all night and did not have to courage to talk to you until the bar closed. You just keep telling yourself that. I know that time with me that girl needed to slam those final 4 shots she took during last call to have the courage to come talk to me. That was completely different. Who would have ever thought a girl that smokin hot wanted me? I was sad when she told me that she was going on a peace mission for 10 years to Alaska before she ran out the door that morning. Who knew there was so much violence in Alaska? Must be that bitter cold. Or that Palin bitch.
OK I have been just staring at my monitor for the last hour drawing a complete blank. I need some food to get my brain going again. You do the same and I will be back in 2 and 2 ala Chuck Woolery! Maybe I will have an epiphany! Or an aneurism. Either way, it would be worth writing about.
Nope. Nothing. Toner Boy is all humped out I guess. I need to go and hold a meeting with a few appraisers anyway to get the information I need to do some tech writing in their training manual for next season. I know….. you are excited for me. I can feel it.
Until next we meet.
Toner Boy
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Tuesday's house of whores... no wait, horrors....
It’s Tuesday. Got me some sleep until the garbage trucks showed up at 4:40 this morning, but overall feeling pretty good today thus far.
Funk and Wagnalls has already been in my ear this morning with his overextended lines of bullshit! Dude you are one of the rare guys I don’t mind around this place. Don’t ruin it or I will throw you square under the wheels of the Toner Boy bus!!!!
No Friends is wearing a new outfit today. It matches like no one’s business, but it is a little on the flashy side for shopping on Rodeo Drive let alone working here! It is a tan colored long sleeve top, with solid silky material sleeves, see through panels on the front and back, about a 3 inch wide gold sequence collar all the way around the neck running down the center of the top in the front and back. This thing looks like a red carpet top I shit you not! It has big ass gold buttons with designs on them to top it all off. The rest of the outfit is fine. She is wearing a black tank under it so her little boobies don’t show and black slacks and high heel shoes. And I thought that I was the only person in this place starving for some attention. Damn.
I think that I need one of those new Chevy Volt’s if I am going to keep commuting for any length of time. They say that the car gets about 40 miles on the battery and about 30 MPG on the motor. It uses a regular plug to charge it up. I drive 47 miles to the office and there are outlets on the walls of the parking garage. Drive to work almost completely on just the battery, charge the car during lunch and before I go into the office to maybe get it 15 or so miles worth of battery life. That would mean I would maybe use about a half gallon of gas each day with my 94 mile round trip. It has a 9 gallon gas tank so that means that I could drive to work about 3 weeks on one tank of gas and a fill up would only cost me about $30! The car is only about $35K after the $7,500 tax credit. I need one of these cars or a job where I don't care anymore what I am paying in gas!
Nigerian police made a bust on confiscated 990 pounds of cocaine. Something tells me that the shipment was a full 1,000 pounds and the Nigerian police needed to fill some budget gaps with the missing 10!
Football season has kicked off with training camp in many parts of the country this week. Sorry ladies. For those of you not on full speaking terms anyway with your mate you might want to look at what Direct TV is currently offering. That is one hell of a deal and it includes the NFL package where you can watch every game! Yeah… I will be getting it. Might as well at least watch football, right? Sorry…. if I am not getting any, why should you? I might as put the rest of you in the same boat so I don’t have to hear about your damn sex lives! If you get this and still get THAT…. I no longer wish to speak with you. You will just be pissing me off twice as much. Yeah Sarge, Ass Clown, Johnny… I am talking to you guys! Guess it is payback from when I used to rule that roost and talk shit to you. Well touché you old farts! Touché.
Anyone looking to bowl the 3 man scratch league at Dublin this year? Yeah I know, I said bowl. Need to get out and do something and it looks like I did not make the cut of Friday’s in Fremont with Ducky and the boys. Not that I could do it anyway with the restaurant opening soon. My Friday’s are going to be booked. Let me know. I have been told that I am no bargain, but I can promise that I am worth the price of admission in entertainment!
It is so funny how the days here mirror life. When you have a lot to do, or if you are doing something that you enjoy, life just flies by before you know it. Sort of like the weekends. When there is nothing going on, or if you have something that you are looking forward to later in the day, life will just drag its fucking feet to the point of pissing you off. What am I looking forward to you ask? How about 5 o’clock and I can get the hell out of here!?!?!
I mean there is nothing going on and not a damn thing to do around this place. I have very little to write about and I am not very inspired by anyone’s stupidity at this point in the day, but I just had to do something! Maybe a walk to look at the newest graffiti around the building? This place is such a hole! I used to walk through my parking lot at work, wherever I was working at the time, and just admire the cars to see what I wanted to shop for next. Here I walk through the garage and try and figure out how most of them even made it front point A to point B!
Cracker sounds like he is on a roll over there. He has been pretty quiet of late. Wonder if he has been bringing the 2 liters to work again? Damn this economy! His 2 liters take away from my material. See how all of this crap rolls downhill? Next thing you know Searching for Quarters will be looking for nickels and Munson is going to replace the rubber hand with a hook. Wait… that would be good material. OK. I need to hope for that to happen!
The Looker just came over and told Ice Shaker, “Don’t get caught eating your lunch at your desk.” Two things…. first of all…. Why? WTF does it matter if we eat our lunch at our deskwhatever we need to do on our lunch hour if I am able to eat while working? Or even eat our lunch at our desk during our lunch hour? I mean really, who wants to mingle with these sheet stains for an hour? Second thing, and the most obvious, you are his boss! Isn’t that already being caught? God I hate this place, the people in it, and the entire thought process about how it is run.
Anyway is in his office talking to someone on the phone in Mandarin. Mid sentence…., “Blah, ping, chow, ANYWAY, pong, fling, sip…” and never skipped a beat. Just to hear him throw ‘anyway’ out there in mid-sentence like that like it belonged. That was funny ass shit! I swear there was not better name I could have given this guy!
The Great Gazoo just walked past wearing her headphones again. Wonder if she is listening to a broadcast from Mars on those things? God I need a picture of her wearing those things to post! Wonder if they would all pose for a group shot? I would just love that. I am going to find some pictures around this place. You just need to put a face to these people and it will make a LOT more sense to you what I am dealing with here. For those who went to school with me… Beaker would fit in with all of them! Hell he would probably be in management.
My posture is getting so bad sitting on my ass in this place all day I swear that one of these days my head is just going to snap off from my neck it hurts so bad. Then again the fact that my shoulders are slouched over to express my disgust with working here. Yet tense from... well working here, is not helping anything!
Wonder if Bill Engvall would donate a stack of his signs for me to hand out in this place? Penis just walked up to me while I had the side off of a computer replacing the hard drive in it. I have a drive in my hand, a cable in my mouth and I am up to my elbows in the case. He asks, “You busy doing anything?” I SO badly wanted to tell him, “Nope. I hide all of my replacement parts in the working computers so no one steals them. I mean who is going to look for them in here?” Here’s your sign. What was even worse is that he wanted to ask me about doing a change in a training book that I had already done, and he had asked me to do before about a month ago. Guess if you would have looked at it first you would have known if it was done or not, huh? Glad he is leading the troops here and not overseas!
Went down to the kitchen to fill up my water bottle and I can’t help but laugh. Because of the ethnic diversity around her,e and the types of food that people eat, it has a big picture on the front of the microwaves about the types of food that you are not allowed to heat up in them because of the smell. So two of the things that are on there are fish and popcorn. There is a lady pulling what smells like a girls locker room on a hot day after gym class out of one, and the other sounds like pop rocks had been dropped into a half empty soda bottle. Nope. No seafood or popcorn here!
On that note of stupidity.
Toner Boy
Funk and Wagnalls has already been in my ear this morning with his overextended lines of bullshit! Dude you are one of the rare guys I don’t mind around this place. Don’t ruin it or I will throw you square under the wheels of the Toner Boy bus!!!!
No Friends is wearing a new outfit today. It matches like no one’s business, but it is a little on the flashy side for shopping on Rodeo Drive let alone working here! It is a tan colored long sleeve top, with solid silky material sleeves, see through panels on the front and back, about a 3 inch wide gold sequence collar all the way around the neck running down the center of the top in the front and back. This thing looks like a red carpet top I shit you not! It has big ass gold buttons with designs on them to top it all off. The rest of the outfit is fine. She is wearing a black tank under it so her little boobies don’t show and black slacks and high heel shoes. And I thought that I was the only person in this place starving for some attention. Damn.
I think that I need one of those new Chevy Volt’s if I am going to keep commuting for any length of time. They say that the car gets about 40 miles on the battery and about 30 MPG on the motor. It uses a regular plug to charge it up. I drive 47 miles to the office and there are outlets on the walls of the parking garage. Drive to work almost completely on just the battery, charge the car during lunch and before I go into the office to maybe get it 15 or so miles worth of battery life. That would mean I would maybe use about a half gallon of gas each day with my 94 mile round trip. It has a 9 gallon gas tank so that means that I could drive to work about 3 weeks on one tank of gas and a fill up would only cost me about $30! The car is only about $35K after the $7,500 tax credit. I need one of these cars or a job where I don't care anymore what I am paying in gas!
Nigerian police made a bust on confiscated 990 pounds of cocaine. Something tells me that the shipment was a full 1,000 pounds and the Nigerian police needed to fill some budget gaps with the missing 10!
Football season has kicked off with training camp in many parts of the country this week. Sorry ladies. For those of you not on full speaking terms anyway with your mate you might want to look at what Direct TV is currently offering. That is one hell of a deal and it includes the NFL package where you can watch every game! Yeah… I will be getting it. Might as well at least watch football, right? Sorry…. if I am not getting any, why should you? I might as put the rest of you in the same boat so I don’t have to hear about your damn sex lives! If you get this and still get THAT…. I no longer wish to speak with you. You will just be pissing me off twice as much. Yeah Sarge, Ass Clown, Johnny… I am talking to you guys! Guess it is payback from when I used to rule that roost and talk shit to you. Well touché you old farts! Touché.
Anyone looking to bowl the 3 man scratch league at Dublin this year? Yeah I know, I said bowl. Need to get out and do something and it looks like I did not make the cut of Friday’s in Fremont with Ducky and the boys. Not that I could do it anyway with the restaurant opening soon. My Friday’s are going to be booked. Let me know. I have been told that I am no bargain, but I can promise that I am worth the price of admission in entertainment!
It is so funny how the days here mirror life. When you have a lot to do, or if you are doing something that you enjoy, life just flies by before you know it. Sort of like the weekends. When there is nothing going on, or if you have something that you are looking forward to later in the day, life will just drag its fucking feet to the point of pissing you off. What am I looking forward to you ask? How about 5 o’clock and I can get the hell out of here!?!?!
I mean there is nothing going on and not a damn thing to do around this place. I have very little to write about and I am not very inspired by anyone’s stupidity at this point in the day, but I just had to do something! Maybe a walk to look at the newest graffiti around the building? This place is such a hole! I used to walk through my parking lot at work, wherever I was working at the time, and just admire the cars to see what I wanted to shop for next. Here I walk through the garage and try and figure out how most of them even made it front point A to point B!
Cracker sounds like he is on a roll over there. He has been pretty quiet of late. Wonder if he has been bringing the 2 liters to work again? Damn this economy! His 2 liters take away from my material. See how all of this crap rolls downhill? Next thing you know Searching for Quarters will be looking for nickels and Munson is going to replace the rubber hand with a hook. Wait… that would be good material. OK. I need to hope for that to happen!
The Looker just came over and told Ice Shaker, “Don’t get caught eating your lunch at your desk.” Two things…. first of all…. Why? WTF does it matter if we eat our lunch at our deskwhatever we need to do on our lunch hour if I am able to eat while working? Or even eat our lunch at our desk during our lunch hour? I mean really, who wants to mingle with these sheet stains for an hour? Second thing, and the most obvious, you are his boss! Isn’t that already being caught? God I hate this place, the people in it, and the entire thought process about how it is run.
Anyway is in his office talking to someone on the phone in Mandarin. Mid sentence…., “Blah, ping, chow, ANYWAY, pong, fling, sip…” and never skipped a beat. Just to hear him throw ‘anyway’ out there in mid-sentence like that like it belonged. That was funny ass shit! I swear there was not better name I could have given this guy!
The Great Gazoo just walked past wearing her headphones again. Wonder if she is listening to a broadcast from Mars on those things? God I need a picture of her wearing those things to post! Wonder if they would all pose for a group shot? I would just love that. I am going to find some pictures around this place. You just need to put a face to these people and it will make a LOT more sense to you what I am dealing with here. For those who went to school with me… Beaker would fit in with all of them! Hell he would probably be in management.
My posture is getting so bad sitting on my ass in this place all day I swear that one of these days my head is just going to snap off from my neck it hurts so bad. Then again the fact that my shoulders are slouched over to express my disgust with working here. Yet tense from... well working here, is not helping anything!
Wonder if Bill Engvall would donate a stack of his signs for me to hand out in this place? Penis just walked up to me while I had the side off of a computer replacing the hard drive in it. I have a drive in my hand, a cable in my mouth and I am up to my elbows in the case. He asks, “You busy doing anything?” I SO badly wanted to tell him, “Nope. I hide all of my replacement parts in the working computers so no one steals them. I mean who is going to look for them in here?” Here’s your sign. What was even worse is that he wanted to ask me about doing a change in a training book that I had already done, and he had asked me to do before about a month ago. Guess if you would have looked at it first you would have known if it was done or not, huh? Glad he is leading the troops here and not overseas!
Went down to the kitchen to fill up my water bottle and I can’t help but laugh. Because of the ethnic diversity around her,e and the types of food that people eat, it has a big picture on the front of the microwaves about the types of food that you are not allowed to heat up in them because of the smell. So two of the things that are on there are fish and popcorn. There is a lady pulling what smells like a girls locker room on a hot day after gym class out of one, and the other sounds like pop rocks had been dropped into a half empty soda bottle. Nope. No seafood or popcorn here!
On that note of stupidity.
Toner Boy
Monday, July 26, 2010
The weekend that was....
Need….. coffee. Need….. coffee.
Hello. How are you today? Good? That is just great.
Well it is another Monday. Just the crappiest day of the week for those of us who despise what we do! Not to mention the people that swarm around us to make sure you hate your day as much as humanly possible. After all, how can you be productive if you are enjoying yourself or your surroundings?
Let’s kick this off with a weekend recap from my land of Oz.
Friday after work I went and met McLovin, Pops and Fuzz at Hooters for a beer and wings. The downfall to what has been a pretty good weekend. Don’t get me wrong, had a good time hanging out with the boys and all, but I just have not felt right since that night. Maybe a bad wing or something? I know they only hire the top of the line chefs to work there so that can’t be it. Must have been a spoiled beer or something. Well anyway. Good time on Friday night.
Once we pulled up I see my neighbors sitting outside having a drink. I can’t be rude so I wander over and sit down and enjoy some of their spirits before going in and calling it a night. Now over at Ass Clown’s house we have already had a large variety of booze as you can tell by how the night had ended over there. We had started with beer, Jagermeister shots, vodka shots, citron vodka shots, Goldschlager shots, Patron Silver shots, and then some green thing that Sarge’s wife brought me. The funny thing is I was not torn up! Well in the head at least. My stomach had a far different opinion still from the other night. Back to my neighbors gathering. I walk up and see that they are drinking from an almost frozen bottle of Hennessy. Now how in the hell can I pass that up? So I sit with them for 2 hours and proceed to finish their bottle and whatever beers we could find. Yeah… now I am tore up! Wander in the house and crash before my body decides to take matters into its own hands and self purifies! Would have tried to mount the wife, but at that point… I wouldn’t even do me, so why should she deal with it? Must not have been too drunk if I stopped to figure out how my current state would affect her. Must have known that grossing her out for me to get some drunk sex (that I won’t even recall in the morning!), would greatly diminish any chance of future sober sex that I would much rather have. In order for that to happen I first just have to get her drunk! Anywhoooo…..
Sunday….. not fun day. Got up after a typical 5 hours of sleep for me and wandered slowly and quietly downstairs at 7. Watched a little prerace for the Brickyard, ate some bread to calm the belly, text with Ass Clown to find out that he found another $30 at his place from the looting of my cash, ate some more bread and laid in my big chair. Got a text from Sarge and about pissed myself laughing at him and his wife from recalling the night before and events that took place that morning. We all agreed…. it was going to be a long day! The girls all finally made it downstairs one at a time. The little ones played on the computers while Hunny and I laid there and watched the race until Juan knocked Jr. out of it. We got ready and went over to my parents house to make some Sunday dinner. Pops and I ran out to the restaurant to check things out. Things are looking good and I can’ wait to get going in there on the weekends. I think it is going to be a LOT of fun. Pops had to hand me a beer or two to try and bring me around. They did good on contact, but the long term prognosis was not good! After getting home…. yeah no. I don’t like hearing about this stuff and I really don’t want to share. Let’s just say I feel better today. Tired as hell, but better. This mocha I am drinking with 6 shots of espresso in it right now is helping ease the weight on my eyelids. Not a lot, but easing it. After all this place is capable of putting a meth addict to sleep! I have got $20 that says I will still be out like a light in the Batmobile at lunch watching the insides of my eyelids and not Big Bang Theory!
Now we are right back here. Monday. The only thing that I know I can look forward to at this point is my haircut tonight. When that is all you know you have to look forward to in a day, life has become sad. But you know…. all 6 of the hairs on my head can really use a cut, so I am happy about that right now.
Creeper is pulling people aside into my lab for closed door conversations. Now if he really needs to talk to people and does not want others hearing what the conversation is all about, don’t you think a great place for that would be in his office WAY up front where no one else is? Why would you keep pulling them into the computer lab? Afraid that they will doze off if they have to sit in a chair and listen to you? Damn.
Funk and Wagnalls just tried to have a covert conversation with me under his breath. Now if you want to have a conversation with someone try not to use words that require a dictionary to translate at whisper levels. At those levels pedestrian and prostitution sound the same! Just sayin.
Influenza is still MIA. Bad for her… good for my sanity.
Skippy is wearing light gray slacks, a peach shirt, white belt and white leather shoes. Tell me he is not flaming!
Left hand itches. It is my turn to win the Lotto tonight. Bert we are going to have your stuff replaced in no time at all now! I will even swing for the handle of Crown!
Hmmm… wonder if I should have drank coffee with a stomach that is only a few hours on the side of good. Guess I will find out soon enough.
If I at least had nothing to do… it would be one thing on my plate right now! Now I know how that congressman got in trouble for looking at porn during one of their sessions. It is hard to look busy when you have nothing to do without porn being involved! I am down to writing dirty stories and reading them to myself! I must say… they read better than this thing does. “It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Now it places the lotion in the basket.” That is some good writing huh? I know… typical porn with no plot. Why does it sound familiar to me? Oh well. Is anyone else craving leg of lamb with mint jelly?
OK… well it is nap time. Sorry lunch time. Going to go heat up my food and go to sleep in it. I hope everyone has a good day and if you have any donations that you would like to pass along to my cousin and his family they are all greatly appreciated. If you are unsure what others have already donated, please contact Turbo and she will help you out with that information.
Toner Boy
Hello. How are you today? Good? That is just great.
Well it is another Monday. Just the crappiest day of the week for those of us who despise what we do! Not to mention the people that swarm around us to make sure you hate your day as much as humanly possible. After all, how can you be productive if you are enjoying yourself or your surroundings?
Let’s kick this off with a weekend recap from my land of Oz.
Friday after work I went and met McLovin, Pops and Fuzz at Hooters for a beer and wings. The downfall to what has been a pretty good weekend. Don’t get me wrong, had a good time hanging out with the boys and all, but I just have not felt right since that night. Maybe a bad wing or something? I know they only hire the top of the line chefs to work there so that can’t be it. Must have been a spoiled beer or something. Well anyway. Good time on Friday night.
 |
| Yeah. |
Saturday we got up and went over to Turbo’s to cook some grub. I wanted to make empanada’s to take over to Ass Clown’s for our poker night and then food for the family to eat. Mid way through we get a call from my cousin’s wife up in Paradise that their house was on fire. She was not home, so she had no idea what was going on. My cousin and their oldest son were at home and he had just called and told her to get home. That was all the information that any of us had to go on for quite awhile. Well then we get the follow up call once she got home. They lost everything. The house burnt to the ground and they have been unable to salvage much of anything. So sorry you guys!!! We have always been here for each other and we are all still here for you now. We have all been asking around and have had a great response from people about any old furniture, clothes or anything to help them get back on their feet. I want to thank all of you now who have helped and those who continue to help them moving forward. It will mean the world to them. They are starting over from scratch in every sense of the word. Bert I have some undies I can pass along to you. I will even give you the ones without any holes in them. Just the kind of guy I am.
That night I went over to Ass Clown’s place for a pick me up, some poker, a few drinks and some fun. Had McLovin drop me off over there so I did not have to drive after having a few drinks. Played cards with Johnny Cocknozzle, Ass Clown and a few of his other friends. Our buddy Sarge is transferring down to San Diego in a few days, so this was sort of a goodbye until next time party for him and his family from us. Or at least until he gets that phone call to come and bail us out of a So Cal jail! Well one drink led to another and before you knew it there were truths being spilled and too much information being shared by all! Had a great time and a ton of laughs though! Going to miss you and your wonderful family Sarge. Oh yeah… just a little bit of news to pass along… they were all my bitches on the poker table that night. Up yours Johnny Cocknozzle and Ass Clown! Long live Toner Boy! Won all three. Well until Sarge’s wife took all my money, hid it in her top, bottoms, and any other opening that she could find! They all seemed to have a good time fishing it out though. Got most of my money back, but at that point I really did not want them to look any further than they already have with a waiver of consent being signed! McLovin came and took me back home and got groped for his efforts by Sarge’s wife. Just her way of saying thanks I guess!
Once we pulled up I see my neighbors sitting outside having a drink. I can’t be rude so I wander over and sit down and enjoy some of their spirits before going in and calling it a night. Now over at Ass Clown’s house we have already had a large variety of booze as you can tell by how the night had ended over there. We had started with beer, Jagermeister shots, vodka shots, citron vodka shots, Goldschlager shots, Patron Silver shots, and then some green thing that Sarge’s wife brought me. The funny thing is I was not torn up! Well in the head at least. My stomach had a far different opinion still from the other night. Back to my neighbors gathering. I walk up and see that they are drinking from an almost frozen bottle of Hennessy. Now how in the hell can I pass that up? So I sit with them for 2 hours and proceed to finish their bottle and whatever beers we could find. Yeah… now I am tore up! Wander in the house and crash before my body decides to take matters into its own hands and self purifies! Would have tried to mount the wife, but at that point… I wouldn’t even do me, so why should she deal with it? Must not have been too drunk if I stopped to figure out how my current state would affect her. Must have known that grossing her out for me to get some drunk sex (that I won’t even recall in the morning!), would greatly diminish any chance of future sober sex that I would much rather have. In order for that to happen I first just have to get her drunk! Anywhoooo…..
Sunday….. not fun day. Got up after a typical 5 hours of sleep for me and wandered slowly and quietly downstairs at 7. Watched a little prerace for the Brickyard, ate some bread to calm the belly, text with Ass Clown to find out that he found another $30 at his place from the looting of my cash, ate some more bread and laid in my big chair. Got a text from Sarge and about pissed myself laughing at him and his wife from recalling the night before and events that took place that morning. We all agreed…. it was going to be a long day! The girls all finally made it downstairs one at a time. The little ones played on the computers while Hunny and I laid there and watched the race until Juan knocked Jr. out of it. We got ready and went over to my parents house to make some Sunday dinner. Pops and I ran out to the restaurant to check things out. Things are looking good and I can’ wait to get going in there on the weekends. I think it is going to be a LOT of fun. Pops had to hand me a beer or two to try and bring me around. They did good on contact, but the long term prognosis was not good! After getting home…. yeah no. I don’t like hearing about this stuff and I really don’t want to share. Let’s just say I feel better today. Tired as hell, but better. This mocha I am drinking with 6 shots of espresso in it right now is helping ease the weight on my eyelids. Not a lot, but easing it. After all this place is capable of putting a meth addict to sleep! I have got $20 that says I will still be out like a light in the Batmobile at lunch watching the insides of my eyelids and not Big Bang Theory!
Now we are right back here. Monday. The only thing that I know I can look forward to at this point is my haircut tonight. When that is all you know you have to look forward to in a day, life has become sad. But you know…. all 6 of the hairs on my head can really use a cut, so I am happy about that right now.
Creeper is pulling people aside into my lab for closed door conversations. Now if he really needs to talk to people and does not want others hearing what the conversation is all about, don’t you think a great place for that would be in his office WAY up front where no one else is? Why would you keep pulling them into the computer lab? Afraid that they will doze off if they have to sit in a chair and listen to you? Damn.
Funk and Wagnalls just tried to have a covert conversation with me under his breath. Now if you want to have a conversation with someone try not to use words that require a dictionary to translate at whisper levels. At those levels pedestrian and prostitution sound the same! Just sayin.
Influenza is still MIA. Bad for her… good for my sanity.
Skippy is wearing light gray slacks, a peach shirt, white belt and white leather shoes. Tell me he is not flaming!
Left hand itches. It is my turn to win the Lotto tonight. Bert we are going to have your stuff replaced in no time at all now! I will even swing for the handle of Crown!
Hmmm… wonder if I should have drank coffee with a stomach that is only a few hours on the side of good. Guess I will find out soon enough.
If I at least had nothing to do… it would be one thing on my plate right now! Now I know how that congressman got in trouble for looking at porn during one of their sessions. It is hard to look busy when you have nothing to do without porn being involved! I am down to writing dirty stories and reading them to myself! I must say… they read better than this thing does. “It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told. It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Now it places the lotion in the basket.” That is some good writing huh? I know… typical porn with no plot. Why does it sound familiar to me? Oh well. Is anyone else craving leg of lamb with mint jelly?
OK… well it is nap time. Sorry lunch time. Going to go heat up my food and go to sleep in it. I hope everyone has a good day and if you have any donations that you would like to pass along to my cousin and his family they are all greatly appreciated. If you are unsure what others have already donated, please contact Turbo and she will help you out with that information.
Toner Boy
Friday, July 23, 2010
I have seen Elvis....
No that was Dale Earnhardt Sr. cause I don't think Elvis can drive like that!
Ya'll know how I am about the roads, and I can be a LITTLE judgemental when it comes to the way others drive. Well this morning I have seen the light! I watched the 2nd coming of Sr. slice and dice her way through traffic (What little there was.) like an absolute champ! What made it so special? She was nice about it! I mean this girl just rolled her way through cars like Mozart wrote the piano concerto's. It was a thing of beauty to behold for sure. About 5 miles later I confirmed this with some douche bag bump drafting his way through the fast lane and just driving up every cars ass until they moved out of his way!
Once I got to work I watched the pilot episode of Big Band Theory and laughed my ass off in the car. Sheldon just kills me! The best line of that episode is when they meet Penny for the first time and invite her to come to their apartment for lunch. Penny asks, "So what do you guys do for fun?' Sheldon tells her, "Today we tried to masturbate for money!" (They went to the genius sperm bank and Sheldon got scared so they just walked out.) Leonard just drops his head knowing she has no idea what in the hell he is talking about. I love it!
Happy Friday as they say! I don't know why people are so happy about Friday's to be honest. It just reminds me that in 2 days I need to be back in this house of emotional castration. I mean Saturday's are not bad, but Sunday's just suck! It is like waiting on death row knowing what tomorrow is going to bring me. The chair! God the chair would be SO much nicer at this point. At least I would have an excuse for wetting myself for the switch being flipped and hundreds of thousands of volts were running through my body. Here I just piss my pants because my brain has gone numb from dealing with this group of School House Rock failures! I mean how did, "Conjunction junction, what's your function?" not catch on with any of them? Hey I did not say I applied what I have learned, but I know the damn song!
Crap! How is it only 9:36? This is going to be a long ass day.
I have just lost all mojo to do this right now. Check back with you later. *Hold Music*
An hour and 7 minutes later.... still nothing. *Hold Music*
OK I have left you on hold long enough. I know it does not seem like it but it has been almost 4 hours since I first put you on hold. I love how good music makes the time go by so much faster. Even though I did have some great laughs from Big Bang Theory at lunch, I still have nothing. Damn and I was all fired up this morning too!
The only thing worth noting in the news is they are trying to let yet another POS free in Tracy. Like we don't have enough freaks out here in our neck of the woods? If you are a resident of Tracy make sure you are heard. Go online to tracypress.com and the number to call and voice your anger about them trying to release a convicted killer loose in our town!
If you are knocked up and trying to complete any sort of mortgage based transaction your odds of that happening just decreased 5 fold! They are now taking that into account when approving your application because of decreased income and the possibility that you make not be physically able to return to work because of any complications that may occur. Really???
Per the Fed if government stops giving us their money to spend we are up shit creek without a paddle. It took the Fed to point this out? Taking the average income and removing the cost of living, average debt carried by American's and then the number of people just on unemployment alone did not raise a red flag to you? That is not counting the millions who have either used it all up, or are not eligible for it in the first place! This is not like trying to unlock the mystery of the pharaohs here! Wall Street may not see the impact right away because that is a rich boys playground... but what is left of the middle class will be washed down the drain!
Lebron is the most hated man in Ohio. No shock there. Replace Lebron with Tiger. If Ohio were Tigers wife.... they would take him back. Hell they would take him back and set him up on dates each weekend. Never has one person destroyed the economy in one entire state like Lebron just did this month. If he really wants to have an hour TV special he should go reality and try driving across the state in a red and black Miami Heat painted convertible in three years, playing salsa music and see if he lives! Now that would be good TV. Hell... want to raise money? Make that sum-bitch Pay Per View. I would give up $19.95 for that all day long! I will throw in an extra Jackson if he gets ear holed by a bottle going through the financial district. At least what's left of it.
Speaking of bad things in the Mid-West.... Blagojevich. Now there is a real winner, huh? Guess we will know soon enough if the squirrel is going to be stay out of his cage, or get in one! Either way... what a used car salesman sleazeball this guy is. Elect Toner Boy, and I will fix politics. Hey no matter how bad I screw up I can never top half of the crap these guys have done! "No, you are going to be my humidor. Let me just put it in there and soak for a while. OK, now the White Owl skin tip. Ahhhahhhahhh" Thanks Bill!
How can I top Bill? Once you have gone there... you have to move on.
Toner Boy
Ya'll know how I am about the roads, and I can be a LITTLE judgemental when it comes to the way others drive. Well this morning I have seen the light! I watched the 2nd coming of Sr. slice and dice her way through traffic (What little there was.) like an absolute champ! What made it so special? She was nice about it! I mean this girl just rolled her way through cars like Mozart wrote the piano concerto's. It was a thing of beauty to behold for sure. About 5 miles later I confirmed this with some douche bag bump drafting his way through the fast lane and just driving up every cars ass until they moved out of his way!
Once I got to work I watched the pilot episode of Big Band Theory and laughed my ass off in the car. Sheldon just kills me! The best line of that episode is when they meet Penny for the first time and invite her to come to their apartment for lunch. Penny asks, "So what do you guys do for fun?' Sheldon tells her, "Today we tried to masturbate for money!" (They went to the genius sperm bank and Sheldon got scared so they just walked out.) Leonard just drops his head knowing she has no idea what in the hell he is talking about. I love it!
Happy Friday as they say! I don't know why people are so happy about Friday's to be honest. It just reminds me that in 2 days I need to be back in this house of emotional castration. I mean Saturday's are not bad, but Sunday's just suck! It is like waiting on death row knowing what tomorrow is going to bring me. The chair! God the chair would be SO much nicer at this point. At least I would have an excuse for wetting myself for the switch being flipped and hundreds of thousands of volts were running through my body. Here I just piss my pants because my brain has gone numb from dealing with this group of School House Rock failures! I mean how did, "Conjunction junction, what's your function?" not catch on with any of them? Hey I did not say I applied what I have learned, but I know the damn song!
Crap! How is it only 9:36? This is going to be a long ass day.
I have just lost all mojo to do this right now. Check back with you later. *Hold Music*
An hour and 7 minutes later.... still nothing. *Hold Music*
OK I have left you on hold long enough. I know it does not seem like it but it has been almost 4 hours since I first put you on hold. I love how good music makes the time go by so much faster. Even though I did have some great laughs from Big Bang Theory at lunch, I still have nothing. Damn and I was all fired up this morning too!
The only thing worth noting in the news is they are trying to let yet another POS free in Tracy. Like we don't have enough freaks out here in our neck of the woods? If you are a resident of Tracy make sure you are heard. Go online to tracypress.com and the number to call and voice your anger about them trying to release a convicted killer loose in our town!
If you are knocked up and trying to complete any sort of mortgage based transaction your odds of that happening just decreased 5 fold! They are now taking that into account when approving your application because of decreased income and the possibility that you make not be physically able to return to work because of any complications that may occur. Really???
Per the Fed if government stops giving us their money to spend we are up shit creek without a paddle. It took the Fed to point this out? Taking the average income and removing the cost of living, average debt carried by American's and then the number of people just on unemployment alone did not raise a red flag to you? That is not counting the millions who have either used it all up, or are not eligible for it in the first place! This is not like trying to unlock the mystery of the pharaohs here! Wall Street may not see the impact right away because that is a rich boys playground... but what is left of the middle class will be washed down the drain!
Lebron is the most hated man in Ohio. No shock there. Replace Lebron with Tiger. If Ohio were Tigers wife.... they would take him back. Hell they would take him back and set him up on dates each weekend. Never has one person destroyed the economy in one entire state like Lebron just did this month. If he really wants to have an hour TV special he should go reality and try driving across the state in a red and black Miami Heat painted convertible in three years, playing salsa music and see if he lives! Now that would be good TV. Hell... want to raise money? Make that sum-bitch Pay Per View. I would give up $19.95 for that all day long! I will throw in an extra Jackson if he gets ear holed by a bottle going through the financial district. At least what's left of it.
Speaking of bad things in the Mid-West.... Blagojevich. Now there is a real winner, huh? Guess we will know soon enough if the squirrel is going to be stay out of his cage, or get in one! Either way... what a used car salesman sleazeball this guy is. Elect Toner Boy, and I will fix politics. Hey no matter how bad I screw up I can never top half of the crap these guys have done! "No, you are going to be my humidor. Let me just put it in there and soak for a while. OK, now the White Owl skin tip. Ahhhahhhahhh" Thanks Bill!
How can I top Bill? Once you have gone there... you have to move on.
Toner Boy
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
And the hits just keep on comin...
Tired of me yet?
I must have some pent up energy or just need to get crap off of my chest these days because I am just a blogging fool! OK… just fool, but you get my point.
The Throat is driving me nuts as she is working with Anyway in the office right behind me. After a few minutes now I have noticed that she only clears her throat when she is not talking. Wonder if I slipped her some crank each morning and wired her to the flange so she would not be able to shut up if it would make the broken flapper in her throat go away from 8 to 5 each day? Hmm… no she is dumb as a box of rocks, so hearing her talk all day would be worse. Time to look for plan B.
Hunny’s birthday is coming up in about 6 weeks so those of you making the trip be sure to get your rooms booked as soon as you can. If you can only make it up there for one night, come up on Saturday and hang out all day before dinner that night. Thanks to Ednolb and her mom we got our room at the Atlantis for that weekend. You can stay any place you like though. Check around for the best prices… there are deals out there. Drinks will be at Roxy’s inside Eldorado on the 28th of next month at 4. Dinner will be at 7 in a yet to be determined place nearby. I do not want to price anyone out, especially myself, so we will choose a place that has something for everyone on the menu.
Would like to wish After 6 a belated birthday from Toner Boy!
Man The Throat is just in full piss everyone off mode today. She has been in and out of Anyway’s office this morning bitching about some of the reports that are being produced. She is telling Anyway that the reports are a waste of time because she still needs to sort the data to find what she is looking for. Anyway said that these are the same reports that have been produced (Saying, “Anyway” every time he gets a chance mind you!) for years and that no one has ever had a problem with them in the past. She is arguing with him that they never used to be this way and that they need to be changed right now! As she is stomping out of his office throwing her little temper tantrum her manager is walking past. She starts to spew the same story to her, and her manager tells her that she is on her way to a meeting and that she would talk with her after she was done. The entire time that her manager is talking she is clearing her throat in typical The Throat style of course! Seemingly deaf from clearing her throat she just keeps right on talking to her about her panties being in a wad as soon as the last word crosses her managers lips. Her manager just starts walking towards her meeting with The Throat in toe squawking in her ear. The Throat then eyeballs Anyway’s manager, Catching Flies, and drags him into the conversation to the point where her manager had to stop and participate. After 5 minutes of The Throat bitching away and not letting either manager get a word in edgewise her manager once again states that she has another scheduled meeting and would deal with it when she was finished and bolts in a fury! She is shaking her head and cursing under her breath as she walks down the hall. Classic! Damn.. that was the most drama around here since I threw a shoulder at Mo a few months back!
Macy’s made it official today that they will be opening a new store in the Tracy mall in the old Gottschalk’s location. I am glad to see we are going to get a higher class of thief’s in our little town. Maybe I will be able to pick up the wife a nice Coach handbag at a deep discounted price on Craigslist now?
The Looker just walked out for his 3rd break today and it is only 10:37 in the morning. Must be nice. Why is it if I take too long to go growl one out on the 5th floor the office narc’s are hunting me down? Hell this morning I spent 2 hours getting to work and walked in the door 10 minutes late and it was like I committed a 187. (murder for the rest of you.) Hell one of the guys in the office got here at 8:30 instead of 8 and they made him take it as vacation time! Vacation? Really? This place is a fucking joke. Sorry, but that is just stupid. Even for this place!
Speaking of jokes. For those of you who know my 2nd father Alice was killed about 2 years ago now, and the person charged with the crime has now been in jail for about a year and 3 months without a trial date in sight, has another PRE-TRIAL date for the end of September. Really? A year and 6 months in and they cannot come to terms on a trial date yet? It is bad enough that they have decided to not seek the death penalty on this little piece of shit because they feel that they will never get a conviction that results in the death penalty in Alameda County. Per the DA once they even agree to a trial date it is going to be at least 18 to 24 months out on the court docket. They said if it were a death penalty case the case would be set 5 to 7 years out on the docket! Yeah justice moves swift in these parts.
It is 11:02 and The Looker JUST returned. Damn… nice 15 minute break! Oh wait… you already had 2 of those today. This must have been your 25 minute break before you go to lunch in 58 minutes. Gotcha. If I had that kind of freedom around here my work life may not be so bad. Yeah it would. Who am I kidding?
Keystone Cop… ready to retire and open a nice sports based gastropub someplace? Very low key and classy. Not your typical bar, or bar food. You know… the kind of place you would want to hang out in. With the kinds of foods that you would want to eat. Oh wait you need a few more years to collect that second pension as well don’t you? =o) I will pose that question again in a few years! (If I am still sane by then!)
Just walked by The Looker’s desk and now he is over there having phone sex with his wife from what it sounds like. Wait… make that girlfriend. We are talking about something sexual after all.
I saw an article this morning on Yahoo Sports that Jimmy Johnson (No, not the fag driving the 48 car Monkey! The ex-Cowboys head coach.) is going to be on the next season of Survivor! Not only that, his 60+ year old ass is now a spokesperson for a male enhancement pill! Hey if that pill does for his Little Jimmy Johnson anything close to what Aqua Net did for his helmet hair… sign me up!
Corn…. Come out, come out wherever you are! I need good pain in my life right now.
I was glad to see my road rage yesterday made Infidel smile and think warmly about others being mean to people as well. Yeah I can see how it gave you the warm and fuzzies all over. After I blew her the kiss a was all happy with myself! It was good to be mean.
Need to pee. Hope I get some good material while I am there! *Hold music* Nope. Just me in there and there is no good material with that. Oh sure, there is plenty to laugh about but nothing that would make me feel good!
Stocks just fell through the floor on the Fed’s breaking news that the economy blows! Damn. Where would we be without their pearls of wisdom? How are people stunned by this shit is all I want to know? Oh yeah…. those with money have little to know idea that the rest of us are dumpster diving these days.
500 million of us use Facebook, but yet I have only 61 followers. That is a solid .000012%!!! Toner Boy ROCKS! Damn I have slept with more people. Hence why no one follows me!!!! AHAHAAH They are all - "Been there, done that, not worth any more of my time!" Now to the rest of you out there I say give me a chance to piss you off first. Then you can dump me.
For my NASCAR fans out there - What has crawled up Carl Edward's ass these days? For wrecking Keselowski once again last weekend NASCAR has fined Carl $25k and 60 drivers points. Sad. NASCAR should make him pay for the repairs on Brad's car if they want to send a message! I know that they say, "Rubbin is racin", but come on. I mean if that were true they should let me on the track. I have raced more in the past 10 years then the rest of my life combined! And there were a lot of 'getting to know your body' years in there. Just sayin.
OK I have had enough. Don't cry Sacagawea, I shall return. Or, maybe that is why you are crying? Huh.
Toner Boy
I must have some pent up energy or just need to get crap off of my chest these days because I am just a blogging fool! OK… just fool, but you get my point.
The Throat is driving me nuts as she is working with Anyway in the office right behind me. After a few minutes now I have noticed that she only clears her throat when she is not talking. Wonder if I slipped her some crank each morning and wired her to the flange so she would not be able to shut up if it would make the broken flapper in her throat go away from 8 to 5 each day? Hmm… no she is dumb as a box of rocks, so hearing her talk all day would be worse. Time to look for plan B.
Hunny’s birthday is coming up in about 6 weeks so those of you making the trip be sure to get your rooms booked as soon as you can. If you can only make it up there for one night, come up on Saturday and hang out all day before dinner that night. Thanks to Ednolb and her mom we got our room at the Atlantis for that weekend. You can stay any place you like though. Check around for the best prices… there are deals out there. Drinks will be at Roxy’s inside Eldorado on the 28th of next month at 4. Dinner will be at 7 in a yet to be determined place nearby. I do not want to price anyone out, especially myself, so we will choose a place that has something for everyone on the menu.
Would like to wish After 6 a belated birthday from Toner Boy!
Man The Throat is just in full piss everyone off mode today. She has been in and out of Anyway’s office this morning bitching about some of the reports that are being produced. She is telling Anyway that the reports are a waste of time because she still needs to sort the data to find what she is looking for. Anyway said that these are the same reports that have been produced (Saying, “Anyway” every time he gets a chance mind you!) for years and that no one has ever had a problem with them in the past. She is arguing with him that they never used to be this way and that they need to be changed right now! As she is stomping out of his office throwing her little temper tantrum her manager is walking past. She starts to spew the same story to her, and her manager tells her that she is on her way to a meeting and that she would talk with her after she was done. The entire time that her manager is talking she is clearing her throat in typical The Throat style of course! Seemingly deaf from clearing her throat she just keeps right on talking to her about her panties being in a wad as soon as the last word crosses her managers lips. Her manager just starts walking towards her meeting with The Throat in toe squawking in her ear. The Throat then eyeballs Anyway’s manager, Catching Flies, and drags him into the conversation to the point where her manager had to stop and participate. After 5 minutes of The Throat bitching away and not letting either manager get a word in edgewise her manager once again states that she has another scheduled meeting and would deal with it when she was finished and bolts in a fury! She is shaking her head and cursing under her breath as she walks down the hall. Classic! Damn.. that was the most drama around here since I threw a shoulder at Mo a few months back!
Macy’s made it official today that they will be opening a new store in the Tracy mall in the old Gottschalk’s location. I am glad to see we are going to get a higher class of thief’s in our little town. Maybe I will be able to pick up the wife a nice Coach handbag at a deep discounted price on Craigslist now?
The Looker just walked out for his 3rd break today and it is only 10:37 in the morning. Must be nice. Why is it if I take too long to go growl one out on the 5th floor the office narc’s are hunting me down? Hell this morning I spent 2 hours getting to work and walked in the door 10 minutes late and it was like I committed a 187. (murder for the rest of you.) Hell one of the guys in the office got here at 8:30 instead of 8 and they made him take it as vacation time! Vacation? Really? This place is a fucking joke. Sorry, but that is just stupid. Even for this place!
Speaking of jokes. For those of you who know my 2nd father Alice was killed about 2 years ago now, and the person charged with the crime has now been in jail for about a year and 3 months without a trial date in sight, has another PRE-TRIAL date for the end of September. Really? A year and 6 months in and they cannot come to terms on a trial date yet? It is bad enough that they have decided to not seek the death penalty on this little piece of shit because they feel that they will never get a conviction that results in the death penalty in Alameda County. Per the DA once they even agree to a trial date it is going to be at least 18 to 24 months out on the court docket. They said if it were a death penalty case the case would be set 5 to 7 years out on the docket! Yeah justice moves swift in these parts.
It is 11:02 and The Looker JUST returned. Damn… nice 15 minute break! Oh wait… you already had 2 of those today. This must have been your 25 minute break before you go to lunch in 58 minutes. Gotcha. If I had that kind of freedom around here my work life may not be so bad. Yeah it would. Who am I kidding?
Keystone Cop… ready to retire and open a nice sports based gastropub someplace? Very low key and classy. Not your typical bar, or bar food. You know… the kind of place you would want to hang out in. With the kinds of foods that you would want to eat. Oh wait you need a few more years to collect that second pension as well don’t you? =o) I will pose that question again in a few years! (If I am still sane by then!)
Just walked by The Looker’s desk and now he is over there having phone sex with his wife from what it sounds like. Wait… make that girlfriend. We are talking about something sexual after all.
I saw an article this morning on Yahoo Sports that Jimmy Johnson (No, not the fag driving the 48 car Monkey! The ex-Cowboys head coach.) is going to be on the next season of Survivor! Not only that, his 60+ year old ass is now a spokesperson for a male enhancement pill! Hey if that pill does for his Little Jimmy Johnson anything close to what Aqua Net did for his helmet hair… sign me up!
Corn…. Come out, come out wherever you are! I need good pain in my life right now.
I was glad to see my road rage yesterday made Infidel smile and think warmly about others being mean to people as well. Yeah I can see how it gave you the warm and fuzzies all over. After I blew her the kiss a was all happy with myself! It was good to be mean.
Need to pee. Hope I get some good material while I am there! *Hold music* Nope. Just me in there and there is no good material with that. Oh sure, there is plenty to laugh about but nothing that would make me feel good!
Stocks just fell through the floor on the Fed’s breaking news that the economy blows! Damn. Where would we be without their pearls of wisdom? How are people stunned by this shit is all I want to know? Oh yeah…. those with money have little to know idea that the rest of us are dumpster diving these days.
500 million of us use Facebook, but yet I have only 61 followers. That is a solid .000012%!!! Toner Boy ROCKS! Damn I have slept with more people. Hence why no one follows me!!!! AHAHAAH They are all - "Been there, done that, not worth any more of my time!" Now to the rest of you out there I say give me a chance to piss you off first. Then you can dump me.
For my NASCAR fans out there - What has crawled up Carl Edward's ass these days? For wrecking Keselowski once again last weekend NASCAR has fined Carl $25k and 60 drivers points. Sad. NASCAR should make him pay for the repairs on Brad's car if they want to send a message! I know that they say, "Rubbin is racin", but come on. I mean if that were true they should let me on the track. I have raced more in the past 10 years then the rest of my life combined! And there were a lot of 'getting to know your body' years in there. Just sayin.
OK I have had enough. Don't cry Sacagawea, I shall return. Or, maybe that is why you are crying? Huh.
Toner Boy
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Ya piss me off! Phuckin jerk! Get on my nerves!
“Here comes Johnny with his pecker in his hand, he’s a one ball man and he’s off to the rodeo….” Sing it!!! What? You don't know the song? For shame.
I know. Two days in a row. Gasp!
No full blown thing here, just a little bit of time to kill at the end of the day. Here is a little laugh from the roads -
After I get clear of Dublin and 680 most mornings, the rest of my drive into work is usually done at speed limit plus type of speeds. For some reason out of nowhere there was, what I have to assume, a brake check safety point! Everyone in front of me was on their brakes, fast and hard. As I come to my stop I hear the woman behind me with her horn stuck on asshole mode! I look back and this bitch is reading me the riot act like I had stopped for a red light in the middle of the freeway, and that I was the only fricken car out there that stopped. I yell, “Look around you whore there are 25 cars in front of me stopped! Don’t get pissed off at me like it was my idea!” (Like she can hear me?) She follows a car that made a move to the slow lanes to get around our little safety meeting over in the fast lanes and looks at me as she drives past. I am guessing that the rage of Toner Boy was in my eyes because she got this, “Oh shit!” look on her face. I instantly jumped out of my lane and road her ass like I had paid for an hour of her time at a cheap motel room! She did her best shake ‘n bake moves to try and get me off of her ass, but she does not know what kind of penny pincher I am these days. “Bitch I paid for an hour, I am getting an hour! Deal with it.” So I am drafting her like I was at Daytona through Castro Valley and to my pleasure she takes 580 towards Oakland. Ahhh… she just made my day! Two exits up she peels off at the Sheriff’s office exit there at 150th after cutting from the #1 lane to the exit. As she looked back in fear at me as I keep driving along on the freeway, I take a sip of my Tropa-Rocka Snapple, I look over at her, and blew her a kiss. See what a nice guy I am? I hope that pissed her off even more! Bet it is the last time she ever uses that horn without careful consideration. Just sayin.
The rest of my day has been a bore and a joke, so I guess she has gotten the last laugh. Yeah… I knew I would be punished somehow, someway.
I hope I see her tomorrow morning so we can do it all over again! I had fun.
Toner Boy
I know. Two days in a row. Gasp!
No full blown thing here, just a little bit of time to kill at the end of the day. Here is a little laugh from the roads -
After I get clear of Dublin and 680 most mornings, the rest of my drive into work is usually done at speed limit plus type of speeds. For some reason out of nowhere there was, what I have to assume, a brake check safety point! Everyone in front of me was on their brakes, fast and hard. As I come to my stop I hear the woman behind me with her horn stuck on asshole mode! I look back and this bitch is reading me the riot act like I had stopped for a red light in the middle of the freeway, and that I was the only fricken car out there that stopped. I yell, “Look around you whore there are 25 cars in front of me stopped! Don’t get pissed off at me like it was my idea!” (Like she can hear me?) She follows a car that made a move to the slow lanes to get around our little safety meeting over in the fast lanes and looks at me as she drives past. I am guessing that the rage of Toner Boy was in my eyes because she got this, “Oh shit!” look on her face. I instantly jumped out of my lane and road her ass like I had paid for an hour of her time at a cheap motel room! She did her best shake ‘n bake moves to try and get me off of her ass, but she does not know what kind of penny pincher I am these days. “Bitch I paid for an hour, I am getting an hour! Deal with it.” So I am drafting her like I was at Daytona through Castro Valley and to my pleasure she takes 580 towards Oakland. Ahhh… she just made my day! Two exits up she peels off at the Sheriff’s office exit there at 150th after cutting from the #1 lane to the exit. As she looked back in fear at me as I keep driving along on the freeway, I take a sip of my Tropa-Rocka Snapple, I look over at her, and blew her a kiss. See what a nice guy I am? I hope that pissed her off even more! Bet it is the last time she ever uses that horn without careful consideration. Just sayin.
The rest of my day has been a bore and a joke, so I guess she has gotten the last laugh. Yeah… I knew I would be punished somehow, someway.
I hope I see her tomorrow morning so we can do it all over again! I had fun.
Toner Boy
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