Yeah well.... here we go again.
That is right, I am pissy today. It all started yesterday when I figured out that I am not going to make the trip to Reno in the morning to play in the poker event at the Eldorado. Planning to play cards, and then not playing, just rubs me the wrong way. Lord knows that any just about any sort of rubbing is welcomed by me with open arms these days! But no poker pisses me off!
Last night I went to the tattoo shop and played in the weekly cash game for a few hours and that left an even worse taste in my mouth. Some of the guys who play are not bad, but overall they are just chasing donkeys who are not afraid to keep throwing money at their habit. Now this I do not mind, but in my 2 trips to the shop I have been card dead and coolered for the most part the entire time. Every hand I have played with the exception of one, I have went into the hand after the flop with the best of it. Last night I played a total of 7 hands, got sucked out on twice and out kicked on the same flopped set once. The four hands I won brought me very little satisfaction to cure this itch I have to play cards right now. Then again that itch would go away if my middle name was not 'Poor Broke Bastard' these days! (I know you non poker players are saying 'WTF' right now.)
OK... enough about the card shit. So this morning on my way into work I watched a few people in pure amazement as they went through their morning as if no one else in the world existed. If was the lady in the Ford Probe on the freeway who turned her morning drive from 30 miles into 60 with the amount of road she covered. I mean this lady was just crossing lanes from left to right, and just filling any void should could between cars like a seat filler at the Oscars. Needless to say that with all of her driving skills put to use, we both arrived at the 680 off ramp at pretty much the same fricken time! Call Mark at Tyre Treads in Dublin, because you have worn that set on your car the hell out this morning!
Once I got into town and started my drive around the lake only to slam on my brakes. I must missed the sign that said 'Caution! Little Asian Man Crossing Area' because this fool just stepped off the curb between two parked and started walking across the street without a care in the world. There was no crosswalk and the man was shorter than the two cars that he came walking out in between! He never looked anywhere but at his feet as he just waddled across the road and passed by about 6 inches away from the grill of my car like it was no big deal. Then to top it all off some little Asian lady in her red beater behind me, had the nerve to blow her horn at me for stopping. Oh hell no! I may have just saved one of your family members bitch, so don't get all noise maker on me!
Oh and you thought that I was done with my horny friend in the red car didn't you? Oh no. So after I drive around the lake and come up to the office I go to turn on the street behind the parking garage. As I get ready to turn one of the members of the Street Dwellers Posse pulled the same trick as Martin Yan did a few minutes ago and just abuses the shit of the the pedestrian right of way law. I mean is little flashy hand signal was all red on his ass. How do I know you may ask? Because may ass was trying to run a yellow at the time, so I know his shit was red! Needless to say I am hard on my brakes once again and from looking in my mirror the little beat up red car that I am towing finds a way to stop in time as well. Being in the crosswalk I attempt to back up so the lady getting ready to cross does not need to walk out into the middle of the intersection, or across my hood! As I back up little red beater bitch lays on her horn once again! Are you fucking kidding me right now? First of all I see your ass stupid. Second of all my car has backup sensors and I had not gotten within 2 feet yet you little bitch, so get off your horn. I put my car back in drive and the little shit is still honking at me! I roll down my window and apologize to the nice elderly lady crossing the street in the middle of the intersection for the level of ignorance the person behind me is wielding. Once I see she is out of harms way I lean out my window, look back at red racer behind me, smile and lob her the bird. I then put my car in reverse knowing how close I can get with my backup sensors without hitting her and begin to backup. I can see the look of panic coming over her face in my mirror as I began to backup. I see my indicator lights starting to fill up as I moved closer and closer to her as her horn is now stuck on 'Piss off Toner Boy' mode. She changes gears and puts her car into reverse instead of blowing her horn and begins to slowly back up. I back up a little faster now. The next thing I know we are about 30 feet back from the intersection as a whole. Our light goes green and I put my car back into drive and creep forward ever so slowly. I wait until I see a solid yellow light and go through the intersection and make my turn leaving her sitting through another cycle of lights and pissed off to no end. Infidel I will have to ask you to translate what she said at a later date. I never knew there were so many curse words in your culture? I would say my job for the day is complete.
After my morning nap in the car I came into work and saw this man holding onto what he must think used to be a great head of hair. First of all the poor bastard has a head like Mighty Oak and Counselor combined! For those of you who don't know.... that is phucking huge!!! He had a strip of hair running just over his ears, around the back of his head and to the other side that was not wider than those beards the kids are sporting these days. Hell it could have been a foot wide with that head when you try looking at the proportions. It was just hard to tell through my tears of laughter. With his head being as big as it is the hair in the back of his head almost appeared to be back hair that had grown upwards because he had enough length to it that it went on the outside of his shirt collar. Yes... it was almost mulletish! The topper was that he had about 16 hairs on top of his head that had to be at least a foot in length brushed straight back. The real sad part.... they still were not long enough to reach the back of his head! These things ended just after the crest of his dome and the regurgitated neck hair on the backside was still a good 8 inches away from making any sort of connection. It makes Del Diggs hair look good in comparison for any of you old school Castro Village Bowl folks out there. Dude.... like your other follicles did before... let it go.
Toner Boy
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