OK I just went for my morning coffee pee and what else is new, I found a funny story to report while in there!
I walk in the bathroom and there is a guy over at the fall urinal finishing up his morning coffee pee when I come walking in. So I head over to the kiddie stall and begin to pass some of the caffeine out of my system so as to not stand right next to him and have him think that I am fishing for a date. He heads to the sink to wash his hands, turns the water on and then all of the sudden shuts it off and runs to the stalls! All I can hear is him ripping off his belt and it bangs off the wall in the stall, and the shuffling of his feet as he tires to assume the position! Yes.... emergency poop! Guess he forgot what OTHER side affects that coffee can have on us.
Knowing how bad this could turn out and not wanting to have to answer any questions that may be asked by the medical or cleaning staff when they arrive, I finish quick and wash up so I can get out of there. No sooner than when I open the door he let's out a bellowing roar of gas and shrapnel to a crowd of ladies walking in their bathroom next door as I run out ducking for cover!!!!
We are all laughing our asses off at what we were hearing and they thought it was funny as hell that I came out of there like a retreating soldier under heavy fire from the enemy! There were men walking towards the bathroom who heard and saw this and turned cheek it was so bad. Their theory was along the lines of... it can wait! With all of this going on I could not pass up the one liners as I walked back to the office. "You think that was bad you should have seen the pregame festivities!" "Lord I would hate to be his dry cleaner!" Last and certainly not least... "Ladies, I hear he is single. Any takers?" I God I hate to be that poor bastard having to face that crowd after I got them primed!
I know... I am going to hell.
Toner Boy
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Like a fart in church.....
That pretty much sums up how not going to Reno this weekend went over with me. Yeah... I was just a grumplestiltskin!
Spent the day Friday playing online poker, which just did not fill the bill for me, because most of those guys play like complete and total assholes! Ended up making money, but it was just not the same. Ass Clown did call me later and tell me that their turn out sucked on Friday when he was up there, so that eased my pain just a little. Did a little cooking for Foo's party on Saturday as well. Nothing much, just a couple of pasta salads that she loves to eat, but it was a nice little filler for my cranky day. Cooking always makes me feel better. But as pissy as I was, they were not my best effort. Sorry Foo! Finally chased to Counselor that afternoon as well to get some duckets for the food I cooked for Inez's party the weekend before and I could tell it killed him to hand it over. Good you big bitch! But Counselor.... You're simply irresistible! (That is the best and funniest video I have ever seen in my life. Counselor... you are one of a kind. Love ya man!)
Hunny was out for the entire day with the 'Bitches' getting a day of pampering and fun kicking off her 40th Birthday celebration a week early! Good for her, and them because it sounded like they had a complete blast! If you do not believe me... friend Ednolb on Facebook and see the pictures for yourself. They are classic! And per Albert, those are the ones that he was able to post!! She left the house at about 11 on Friday and they poured her back in the door some time close to 1 in the morning wearing plastic jewelry and a shot glass around her neck. So pretty!
*Crack*
As I was getting updates from her throughout the day I did some running around with Turbo and the kids once they got out of school and then had some dinner with the folks. The girls and I went home and they pretty much just crashed after their first full week back at school. They have it SO rough! I played cards online waiting for my little boobah to get home from her night on the town. Got tied up in a Omaha game that kept me busy until I hear a crash through the door as the apple of my eye fell through and asked 'Hunny! What are you still doing up?' with a slur. 'Just wanted to make sure you made it to bed safely Hunny.' a told her as I laughed at her current condition. Believe it or not she sat on the couch and filled me in on her night, watched Big Brother with me from the DVR, looked at pictures of her being posted on Facebook by her 'Bitches' laughing until she crashed about 2:30 in the morning, and despite burping up verde and tequila did not blow her cookies! I wrapped up the game I was playing about 3 and shuffled her off to bed before the whirly birds kicked in and she needed to navigate the staircase.
Saturday morning. The sounds of birds filled the air. You can hear kids off playing in the park as the girls and I say in the living room waiting for the queen of the night to arrive and grace us with her presence. We have 2 parties to attend ourselves and Thunder has a sleepover party to go to that night as well. With a stumble of the feet, a flush of the toilet, a twist of the shower knob and a Hi Ho Silver..... here comes Hunny looking like warmed death!!!! She needed to still go out and shop for all three of these events and it was almost 11 at this point in time. The first party was at 12:30!!! Well we did our thing while she was out and got ready to go upon her return. We headed over to the After 6 and Monkey's for Noodle's party and then it was off to Fuzz and Smut Queen's for the dual party for Tay and Foo. After a few beers for me and only a couple hours of sleep from the night before I was running out of gas before my journey really began. I departed the party early for my date with After 6 and Albert to grab some dinner and watch the Raider's game and the NASCAR race from Bristol that I was supposed to be attending this weekend. Once we got back with food After 6 tried to kick it back into gear with some Jack and Cokes, but my tank read 'E'! I sat on the couch and could not keep my eyes open to save my life. In and out of sleep I went for the rest of the night even in the middle of conversations!!! Sad that I can't keep it going on just 4 hours of sleep any more. Must be getting old. Well not as old as my wife, but you get the picture.
Sunday morning came and I know I must have been worn out because I slept until 9! Anyone who knows me is calling me a liar right now. Yeah... 9. Hunny got up to go and get Thunder from her party as me and Little Miss started our day doing some cleaning around the house. Now living in Tracy which has been farm land since the dawn of time you are going to come across bugs and things. It is just the nature of the beast. Well we came across heavy evidence of field mice in the house..... upstairs in the bedroom no less! Well I live in a house full of girls... so you can GUESS the reaction to this! Now the part that gets me is we have 2 rats as pets, and they are freaking out about mice??? So the Sunday cleaning process took on an entirely new meaning as we looked closer and closer the evidence on these little critters got pretty overwhelming. I think my rats are holding raves at night and these little bastards are living it up in our house without paying a fee to us! What gets me though is as much evidence that we found that these little guys are in there is that we have never seen them once! Now I am sure they were there before we took up residence since this house was built right in the middle of a previous Tracy farming field, but how is it that we have been there for over a year and a half and never seen one of these little guys running around? What is funny is any sign of them has only been upstairs and nothing downstairs where all the food is. Well I should not say all the food because we did locate a stash of candy bars under Thunders bed that they were living on! Well once most of the cleaning was taken care of with the help of Tubro, Pops and McLovin came over to have some dinner and took our rats over to their place for a few weeks so we could put out bait for our little home crashers without collateral damage to our own.
Sorry, side note. OK Mo just walked by with a new haircut that is one that Kojak would be envious of. Damn.... you are a girl, right?
Penis is back in the building. Guess he is ugly enough to even keep the bears at a safe distance while in Yosemite.
Obvious is MIA today. Thank God.
Trekkie has not been beamed back aboard just yet. Take your time, please!
They are unaware but I will have a sudden illness on Thursday called Deep Stack No Limit Holdem at the Peppermill in Reno at Noon that I must attend to before it gets worse.
I am already taking Friday off for Hunny's Birthday Weekend in Reno. It is going to be a blast this weekend with everyone, and I can't wait to get the party started!!!! Hunny is going to come up with Albert and Ednolb on Friday morning and meet up with me. Once we get into town we are going to hang out and spend my winnings from the day before and drink until I turn into a Prince in Hunny's eyes. Pace yourself Hunny... I don't want to become too cute, too fast! I may need to call some of my older friends and get some little blue pills if I get too cute!
Saturday we should have the whole crew who planned on making the trip in attendance by that point and then things are really going to cap off her birthday celebration. It is going to be a night of drinks, dinner, drinks, gambling, drinks, dancing, drinks and strip poker back in the room with the wife. No Hack you are not invited! Go spoon with your little friend.
Early Sunday morning, if we like it or not, we are getting out of town early and running to Truckee for some breakfast on our way home before we meet up with friends and family back in town for her actual birthday! Always nice to show up to a party already smelling like you are drunk with lingering stench on you from the night before. Turbo is putting together some cakes and food for everyone to come and pay their respects to the old lady. Ahhh... I mean the birthday girl who will be 40 years young. I Love you Hunny. More than bunnies!
OK..... side note. Ice Shaker just blew ass in his cube! Dirty rotten bastard!!!!!
*Crack* *Rip*
I don't think I can write after that. That was just wrong. I mean he shit his pants like he asked a kid to pull his finger.
Toner Boy
Spent the day Friday playing online poker, which just did not fill the bill for me, because most of those guys play like complete and total assholes! Ended up making money, but it was just not the same. Ass Clown did call me later and tell me that their turn out sucked on Friday when he was up there, so that eased my pain just a little. Did a little cooking for Foo's party on Saturday as well. Nothing much, just a couple of pasta salads that she loves to eat, but it was a nice little filler for my cranky day. Cooking always makes me feel better. But as pissy as I was, they were not my best effort. Sorry Foo! Finally chased to Counselor that afternoon as well to get some duckets for the food I cooked for Inez's party the weekend before and I could tell it killed him to hand it over. Good you big bitch! But Counselor.... You're simply irresistible! (That is the best and funniest video I have ever seen in my life. Counselor... you are one of a kind. Love ya man!)
Hunny was out for the entire day with the 'Bitches' getting a day of pampering and fun kicking off her 40th Birthday celebration a week early! Good for her, and them because it sounded like they had a complete blast! If you do not believe me... friend Ednolb on Facebook and see the pictures for yourself. They are classic! And per Albert, those are the ones that he was able to post!! She left the house at about 11 on Friday and they poured her back in the door some time close to 1 in the morning wearing plastic jewelry and a shot glass around her neck. So pretty!
*Crack*
As I was getting updates from her throughout the day I did some running around with Turbo and the kids once they got out of school and then had some dinner with the folks. The girls and I went home and they pretty much just crashed after their first full week back at school. They have it SO rough! I played cards online waiting for my little boobah to get home from her night on the town. Got tied up in a Omaha game that kept me busy until I hear a crash through the door as the apple of my eye fell through and asked 'Hunny! What are you still doing up?' with a slur. 'Just wanted to make sure you made it to bed safely Hunny.' a told her as I laughed at her current condition. Believe it or not she sat on the couch and filled me in on her night, watched Big Brother with me from the DVR, looked at pictures of her being posted on Facebook by her 'Bitches' laughing until she crashed about 2:30 in the morning, and despite burping up verde and tequila did not blow her cookies! I wrapped up the game I was playing about 3 and shuffled her off to bed before the whirly birds kicked in and she needed to navigate the staircase.
Saturday morning. The sounds of birds filled the air. You can hear kids off playing in the park as the girls and I say in the living room waiting for the queen of the night to arrive and grace us with her presence. We have 2 parties to attend ourselves and Thunder has a sleepover party to go to that night as well. With a stumble of the feet, a flush of the toilet, a twist of the shower knob and a Hi Ho Silver..... here comes Hunny looking like warmed death!!!! She needed to still go out and shop for all three of these events and it was almost 11 at this point in time. The first party was at 12:30!!! Well we did our thing while she was out and got ready to go upon her return. We headed over to the After 6 and Monkey's for Noodle's party and then it was off to Fuzz and Smut Queen's for the dual party for Tay and Foo. After a few beers for me and only a couple hours of sleep from the night before I was running out of gas before my journey really began. I departed the party early for my date with After 6 and Albert to grab some dinner and watch the Raider's game and the NASCAR race from Bristol that I was supposed to be attending this weekend. Once we got back with food After 6 tried to kick it back into gear with some Jack and Cokes, but my tank read 'E'! I sat on the couch and could not keep my eyes open to save my life. In and out of sleep I went for the rest of the night even in the middle of conversations!!! Sad that I can't keep it going on just 4 hours of sleep any more. Must be getting old. Well not as old as my wife, but you get the picture.
Sunday morning came and I know I must have been worn out because I slept until 9! Anyone who knows me is calling me a liar right now. Yeah... 9. Hunny got up to go and get Thunder from her party as me and Little Miss started our day doing some cleaning around the house. Now living in Tracy which has been farm land since the dawn of time you are going to come across bugs and things. It is just the nature of the beast. Well we came across heavy evidence of field mice in the house..... upstairs in the bedroom no less! Well I live in a house full of girls... so you can GUESS the reaction to this! Now the part that gets me is we have 2 rats as pets, and they are freaking out about mice??? So the Sunday cleaning process took on an entirely new meaning as we looked closer and closer the evidence on these little critters got pretty overwhelming. I think my rats are holding raves at night and these little bastards are living it up in our house without paying a fee to us! What gets me though is as much evidence that we found that these little guys are in there is that we have never seen them once! Now I am sure they were there before we took up residence since this house was built right in the middle of a previous Tracy farming field, but how is it that we have been there for over a year and a half and never seen one of these little guys running around? What is funny is any sign of them has only been upstairs and nothing downstairs where all the food is. Well I should not say all the food because we did locate a stash of candy bars under Thunders bed that they were living on! Well once most of the cleaning was taken care of with the help of Tubro, Pops and McLovin came over to have some dinner and took our rats over to their place for a few weeks so we could put out bait for our little home crashers without collateral damage to our own.
Sorry, side note. OK Mo just walked by with a new haircut that is one that Kojak would be envious of. Damn.... you are a girl, right?
Penis is back in the building. Guess he is ugly enough to even keep the bears at a safe distance while in Yosemite.
Obvious is MIA today. Thank God.
Trekkie has not been beamed back aboard just yet. Take your time, please!
They are unaware but I will have a sudden illness on Thursday called Deep Stack No Limit Holdem at the Peppermill in Reno at Noon that I must attend to before it gets worse.
I am already taking Friday off for Hunny's Birthday Weekend in Reno. It is going to be a blast this weekend with everyone, and I can't wait to get the party started!!!! Hunny is going to come up with Albert and Ednolb on Friday morning and meet up with me. Once we get into town we are going to hang out and spend my winnings from the day before and drink until I turn into a Prince in Hunny's eyes. Pace yourself Hunny... I don't want to become too cute, too fast! I may need to call some of my older friends and get some little blue pills if I get too cute!
Saturday we should have the whole crew who planned on making the trip in attendance by that point and then things are really going to cap off her birthday celebration. It is going to be a night of drinks, dinner, drinks, gambling, drinks, dancing, drinks and strip poker back in the room with the wife. No Hack you are not invited! Go spoon with your little friend.
Early Sunday morning, if we like it or not, we are getting out of town early and running to Truckee for some breakfast on our way home before we meet up with friends and family back in town for her actual birthday! Always nice to show up to a party already smelling like you are drunk with lingering stench on you from the night before. Turbo is putting together some cakes and food for everyone to come and pay their respects to the old lady. Ahhh... I mean the birthday girl who will be 40 years young. I Love you Hunny. More than bunnies!
OK..... side note. Ice Shaker just blew ass in his cube! Dirty rotten bastard!!!!!
*Crack* *Rip*
I don't think I can write after that. That was just wrong. I mean he shit his pants like he asked a kid to pull his finger.
Toner Boy
Thursday, August 19, 2010
It is your world and I am just living in it.....
Yeah well.... here we go again.
That is right, I am pissy today. It all started yesterday when I figured out that I am not going to make the trip to Reno in the morning to play in the poker event at the Eldorado. Planning to play cards, and then not playing, just rubs me the wrong way. Lord knows that any just about any sort of rubbing is welcomed by me with open arms these days! But no poker pisses me off!
Last night I went to the tattoo shop and played in the weekly cash game for a few hours and that left an even worse taste in my mouth. Some of the guys who play are not bad, but overall they are just chasing donkeys who are not afraid to keep throwing money at their habit. Now this I do not mind, but in my 2 trips to the shop I have been card dead and coolered for the most part the entire time. Every hand I have played with the exception of one, I have went into the hand after the flop with the best of it. Last night I played a total of 7 hands, got sucked out on twice and out kicked on the same flopped set once. The four hands I won brought me very little satisfaction to cure this itch I have to play cards right now. Then again that itch would go away if my middle name was not 'Poor Broke Bastard' these days! (I know you non poker players are saying 'WTF' right now.)
OK... enough about the card shit. So this morning on my way into work I watched a few people in pure amazement as they went through their morning as if no one else in the world existed. If was the lady in the Ford Probe on the freeway who turned her morning drive from 30 miles into 60 with the amount of road she covered. I mean this lady was just crossing lanes from left to right, and just filling any void should could between cars like a seat filler at the Oscars. Needless to say that with all of her driving skills put to use, we both arrived at the 680 off ramp at pretty much the same fricken time! Call Mark at Tyre Treads in Dublin, because you have worn that set on your car the hell out this morning!
Once I got into town and started my drive around the lake only to slam on my brakes. I must missed the sign that said 'Caution! Little Asian Man Crossing Area' because this fool just stepped off the curb between two parked and started walking across the street without a care in the world. There was no crosswalk and the man was shorter than the two cars that he came walking out in between! He never looked anywhere but at his feet as he just waddled across the road and passed by about 6 inches away from the grill of my car like it was no big deal. Then to top it all off some little Asian lady in her red beater behind me, had the nerve to blow her horn at me for stopping. Oh hell no! I may have just saved one of your family members bitch, so don't get all noise maker on me!
Oh and you thought that I was done with my horny friend in the red car didn't you? Oh no. So after I drive around the lake and come up to the office I go to turn on the street behind the parking garage. As I get ready to turn one of the members of the Street Dwellers Posse pulled the same trick as Martin Yan did a few minutes ago and just abuses the shit of the the pedestrian right of way law. I mean is little flashy hand signal was all red on his ass. How do I know you may ask? Because may ass was trying to run a yellow at the time, so I know his shit was red! Needless to say I am hard on my brakes once again and from looking in my mirror the little beat up red car that I am towing finds a way to stop in time as well. Being in the crosswalk I attempt to back up so the lady getting ready to cross does not need to walk out into the middle of the intersection, or across my hood! As I back up little red beater bitch lays on her horn once again! Are you fucking kidding me right now? First of all I see your ass stupid. Second of all my car has backup sensors and I had not gotten within 2 feet yet you little bitch, so get off your horn. I put my car back in drive and the little shit is still honking at me! I roll down my window and apologize to the nice elderly lady crossing the street in the middle of the intersection for the level of ignorance the person behind me is wielding. Once I see she is out of harms way I lean out my window, look back at red racer behind me, smile and lob her the bird. I then put my car in reverse knowing how close I can get with my backup sensors without hitting her and begin to backup. I can see the look of panic coming over her face in my mirror as I began to backup. I see my indicator lights starting to fill up as I moved closer and closer to her as her horn is now stuck on 'Piss off Toner Boy' mode. She changes gears and puts her car into reverse instead of blowing her horn and begins to slowly back up. I back up a little faster now. The next thing I know we are about 30 feet back from the intersection as a whole. Our light goes green and I put my car back into drive and creep forward ever so slowly. I wait until I see a solid yellow light and go through the intersection and make my turn leaving her sitting through another cycle of lights and pissed off to no end. Infidel I will have to ask you to translate what she said at a later date. I never knew there were so many curse words in your culture? I would say my job for the day is complete.
After my morning nap in the car I came into work and saw this man holding onto what he must think used to be a great head of hair. First of all the poor bastard has a head like Mighty Oak and Counselor combined! For those of you who don't know.... that is phucking huge!!! He had a strip of hair running just over his ears, around the back of his head and to the other side that was not wider than those beards the kids are sporting these days. Hell it could have been a foot wide with that head when you try looking at the proportions. It was just hard to tell through my tears of laughter. With his head being as big as it is the hair in the back of his head almost appeared to be back hair that had grown upwards because he had enough length to it that it went on the outside of his shirt collar. Yes... it was almost mulletish! The topper was that he had about 16 hairs on top of his head that had to be at least a foot in length brushed straight back. The real sad part.... they still were not long enough to reach the back of his head! These things ended just after the crest of his dome and the regurgitated neck hair on the backside was still a good 8 inches away from making any sort of connection. It makes Del Diggs hair look good in comparison for any of you old school Castro Village Bowl folks out there. Dude.... like your other follicles did before... let it go.
Toner Boy
That is right, I am pissy today. It all started yesterday when I figured out that I am not going to make the trip to Reno in the morning to play in the poker event at the Eldorado. Planning to play cards, and then not playing, just rubs me the wrong way. Lord knows that any just about any sort of rubbing is welcomed by me with open arms these days! But no poker pisses me off!
Last night I went to the tattoo shop and played in the weekly cash game for a few hours and that left an even worse taste in my mouth. Some of the guys who play are not bad, but overall they are just chasing donkeys who are not afraid to keep throwing money at their habit. Now this I do not mind, but in my 2 trips to the shop I have been card dead and coolered for the most part the entire time. Every hand I have played with the exception of one, I have went into the hand after the flop with the best of it. Last night I played a total of 7 hands, got sucked out on twice and out kicked on the same flopped set once. The four hands I won brought me very little satisfaction to cure this itch I have to play cards right now. Then again that itch would go away if my middle name was not 'Poor Broke Bastard' these days! (I know you non poker players are saying 'WTF' right now.)
OK... enough about the card shit. So this morning on my way into work I watched a few people in pure amazement as they went through their morning as if no one else in the world existed. If was the lady in the Ford Probe on the freeway who turned her morning drive from 30 miles into 60 with the amount of road she covered. I mean this lady was just crossing lanes from left to right, and just filling any void should could between cars like a seat filler at the Oscars. Needless to say that with all of her driving skills put to use, we both arrived at the 680 off ramp at pretty much the same fricken time! Call Mark at Tyre Treads in Dublin, because you have worn that set on your car the hell out this morning!
Once I got into town and started my drive around the lake only to slam on my brakes. I must missed the sign that said 'Caution! Little Asian Man Crossing Area' because this fool just stepped off the curb between two parked and started walking across the street without a care in the world. There was no crosswalk and the man was shorter than the two cars that he came walking out in between! He never looked anywhere but at his feet as he just waddled across the road and passed by about 6 inches away from the grill of my car like it was no big deal. Then to top it all off some little Asian lady in her red beater behind me, had the nerve to blow her horn at me for stopping. Oh hell no! I may have just saved one of your family members bitch, so don't get all noise maker on me!
Oh and you thought that I was done with my horny friend in the red car didn't you? Oh no. So after I drive around the lake and come up to the office I go to turn on the street behind the parking garage. As I get ready to turn one of the members of the Street Dwellers Posse pulled the same trick as Martin Yan did a few minutes ago and just abuses the shit of the the pedestrian right of way law. I mean is little flashy hand signal was all red on his ass. How do I know you may ask? Because may ass was trying to run a yellow at the time, so I know his shit was red! Needless to say I am hard on my brakes once again and from looking in my mirror the little beat up red car that I am towing finds a way to stop in time as well. Being in the crosswalk I attempt to back up so the lady getting ready to cross does not need to walk out into the middle of the intersection, or across my hood! As I back up little red beater bitch lays on her horn once again! Are you fucking kidding me right now? First of all I see your ass stupid. Second of all my car has backup sensors and I had not gotten within 2 feet yet you little bitch, so get off your horn. I put my car back in drive and the little shit is still honking at me! I roll down my window and apologize to the nice elderly lady crossing the street in the middle of the intersection for the level of ignorance the person behind me is wielding. Once I see she is out of harms way I lean out my window, look back at red racer behind me, smile and lob her the bird. I then put my car in reverse knowing how close I can get with my backup sensors without hitting her and begin to backup. I can see the look of panic coming over her face in my mirror as I began to backup. I see my indicator lights starting to fill up as I moved closer and closer to her as her horn is now stuck on 'Piss off Toner Boy' mode. She changes gears and puts her car into reverse instead of blowing her horn and begins to slowly back up. I back up a little faster now. The next thing I know we are about 30 feet back from the intersection as a whole. Our light goes green and I put my car back into drive and creep forward ever so slowly. I wait until I see a solid yellow light and go through the intersection and make my turn leaving her sitting through another cycle of lights and pissed off to no end. Infidel I will have to ask you to translate what she said at a later date. I never knew there were so many curse words in your culture? I would say my job for the day is complete.
After my morning nap in the car I came into work and saw this man holding onto what he must think used to be a great head of hair. First of all the poor bastard has a head like Mighty Oak and Counselor combined! For those of you who don't know.... that is phucking huge!!! He had a strip of hair running just over his ears, around the back of his head and to the other side that was not wider than those beards the kids are sporting these days. Hell it could have been a foot wide with that head when you try looking at the proportions. It was just hard to tell through my tears of laughter. With his head being as big as it is the hair in the back of his head almost appeared to be back hair that had grown upwards because he had enough length to it that it went on the outside of his shirt collar. Yes... it was almost mulletish! The topper was that he had about 16 hairs on top of his head that had to be at least a foot in length brushed straight back. The real sad part.... they still were not long enough to reach the back of his head! These things ended just after the crest of his dome and the regurgitated neck hair on the backside was still a good 8 inches away from making any sort of connection. It makes Del Diggs hair look good in comparison for any of you old school Castro Village Bowl folks out there. Dude.... like your other follicles did before... let it go.
Toner Boy
Monday, August 16, 2010
That was a blur....
Well Monday is here. Why????
I have a feeling that this entire week is going to feel like one giant Monday for some reason. My group is missing for starters and it is just Catching Flies, Anyway and yours truly in the house. Anyway has no clue about anything outside of a spreadsheet and Catching Flies only knows has to shoot spit bombs at people, or eating with his mouth open. FML. So the masses are bugging the shit out of me this morning while I am trying to get my blog on since Obvious is not here to babysit the booger eaters who think that I am the irritable one. Now where do they get that? Hold on... another dumb bastard needs my help. "Really? You can't figure that out for yourself? How do you even remember to breathe throughout the day?"
Quick round up of the weekend that was.
Thursday after I left work and did all of the shopping for Inez's party and got that out of the way. It was a bitch to shop within Counselor's budget for 50 people, but I made it work. Like there was ever a doubt?
I spent 11 hours of Friday cooking everything for the party before heading over to Albert's for Cam's birthday. Was supposed to meet up with Double L out in Tracy, but the task of being a parent got the best of him and he had to whip his kids into shape once he got into town. Hung out with the normal suspects and had a few laughs. I will never look at Liquid Bandage or hemorrhoids the same again Albert. Thanks.
On Saturday I spent the morning getting everything finished and ready to go for the party. After 6 came and picked me up and we headed out. Hunny had a cheer party for Thunder to attend to and her and Monkey met us there. As soon as the party gets going my phone starts blowing up! My class reunion was going on and people wanted to know where in the hell I was. Told them that I had other plans and would not be able to make it out. Well..... that went over like a fart in church. After making sure all of the food was out, and knocking down some moonshine, Jager Bombs, Irish Car Bombs, Crown, Jack Punch and beers..... Hunny took me for a ride to my reunion. From one party to another. Yeah..... THAT is what my body needed!
Well if that isn't a motley crew.... I don't know what is! AHAHA No it was real good to see everyone that was still there. It is hard to believe that it has been 20 years since I had seen some of those people! Hung out and closed the bar down at 2 before Hunny poured Albert and I into the car to take us home. Well Jack in the Box drive thru first.... then home. Nothing like a 3am pick me up off the dollar menu after your friend buys you shots of Wild Turkey for old time sake! Hey friend.... there is a reason we stopped drinking that crap when we were kids!!!! Then that same asshole friend cuts out because his babysitter had to go home. What the hell Topher? Next time get a 24 hall pass when you are going to drag me out of the wood work!
Sunday.... or the day from hell as my body called it. Damn that Wild Turkey. We sat like lumps on a log for most of the day after our bodies reminded us that we are getting too old for 21 hour days filled will liver and kidney damaging events. OK, so it was just my organs that were damaged. She is just too old. After peeling ourselves off of the couches we finally got ready and went over to my parents house to make some food and pick up the girls. Damn it was bright outside! Did my best to cook, but I was lacking any sort of energy at this point in the day. Seafood pasta came out OK..... I have done much better, but it was still a good meal to end the weekend off with. Wait. Are you sure these are my kids? They don't look like the ones I saw the day before. Oh yeah... I forgot the long term affects of Jager. They were mine after all.
Now it is back here to the land of Oz. This week looks to be one that I won't mind as much with Trekkie and Penis out on vacation all week. Don't get me wrong... it is still going to be as boring as hell, but with them gone I will be able to spend less time in full ultimate boredom mode by reading more articles on the web than I normally would.
Influenza is over in her cube talking to someone and all I can hear is her spelling something to someone that ends in 'tof'. She keeps saying, "TOF. TOF. TOF. F, F, F." Finally she goes, "You know. A, B, C, D, E, F. F. F. F. No just F! F. F. F. T, O, F. T, O, F. F. F. Ugh! No! F! F!" AHAHAHA OMG this has been going on for like 10 minutes now. Unreal!
I see with the masses gone Creeper is putting some miles on his shoes today making sure that us underlings are well behaved. I swear this is like a preschool daycare, more than a job. Do they think that people can't get things done if they are not being watched or something? OK enough about that... now back to my blog.
Just went to the bathroom and I was drying my hands by the door when I heard the 'click' of some lazy bastard pushing the handicap button so the door will open for them. Here comes Searching for Quarters through the door already undoing his belt as he is walking in. First of all, looking at him I will give him a pass for pushing the handicap button, and secondly he must have had to piss pretty bad because he was standing out there for the world to see while undoing his belt! Must be a bitch to get that old and no longer be able to control your bladder!!!!
Going to go up to Reno on Friday morning to play poker with Ass Clown and hang out for the day before turning around and coming back home at some point on Saturday. If I cash on Friday I very well may stay and play in the event on Saturday as well. Just going to play that by ear and see how it goes. Then again if I can't hunt down Counselor and collect my money from cooking this weekend I am not going to be going any place. He is such the big Jew bastard!
Speaking of him... I have to say that the video that he put together for Inez's party was one of the funniest things that I have ever seen in my life. Dude.... that video alone was worth the trip out to his place! Counselor, you are classic. Now pay up... bitch!
For those of you who are new to Toner Boy after listening to me tell you at the reunion to read this thing if you were in need of a good laugh, welcome. Jump around and read some of my stories over the last few months, read the Who's who to understand the people I am dealing with and most of all read how this all got started. This is not like a good book, so you need to read it all to have any idea what in the hell I am talking about!!!! You thought that I was crazy when I was younger? Hell no! I was just getting started.
I want to pass along my condolences to Yong and her family. Yong and her husband Randy were in Korea vacationing this month. While out for a walk on Saturday Randy had collapsed and passed away. Randy and Yong own the Heinbockel Bar in Tracy. Please keep her and their family in your prayers.
Be good and enjoy your week. One of us has too!
Toner Boy
I have a feeling that this entire week is going to feel like one giant Monday for some reason. My group is missing for starters and it is just Catching Flies, Anyway and yours truly in the house. Anyway has no clue about anything outside of a spreadsheet and Catching Flies only knows has to shoot spit bombs at people, or eating with his mouth open. FML. So the masses are bugging the shit out of me this morning while I am trying to get my blog on since Obvious is not here to babysit the booger eaters who think that I am the irritable one. Now where do they get that? Hold on... another dumb bastard needs my help. "Really? You can't figure that out for yourself? How do you even remember to breathe throughout the day?"
Quick round up of the weekend that was.
Thursday after I left work and did all of the shopping for Inez's party and got that out of the way. It was a bitch to shop within Counselor's budget for 50 people, but I made it work. Like there was ever a doubt?
I spent 11 hours of Friday cooking everything for the party before heading over to Albert's for Cam's birthday. Was supposed to meet up with Double L out in Tracy, but the task of being a parent got the best of him and he had to whip his kids into shape once he got into town. Hung out with the normal suspects and had a few laughs. I will never look at Liquid Bandage or hemorrhoids the same again Albert. Thanks.
On Saturday I spent the morning getting everything finished and ready to go for the party. After 6 came and picked me up and we headed out. Hunny had a cheer party for Thunder to attend to and her and Monkey met us there. As soon as the party gets going my phone starts blowing up! My class reunion was going on and people wanted to know where in the hell I was. Told them that I had other plans and would not be able to make it out. Well..... that went over like a fart in church. After making sure all of the food was out, and knocking down some moonshine, Jager Bombs, Irish Car Bombs, Crown, Jack Punch and beers..... Hunny took me for a ride to my reunion. From one party to another. Yeah..... THAT is what my body needed!
Well if that isn't a motley crew.... I don't know what is! AHAHA No it was real good to see everyone that was still there. It is hard to believe that it has been 20 years since I had seen some of those people! Hung out and closed the bar down at 2 before Hunny poured Albert and I into the car to take us home. Well Jack in the Box drive thru first.... then home. Nothing like a 3am pick me up off the dollar menu after your friend buys you shots of Wild Turkey for old time sake! Hey friend.... there is a reason we stopped drinking that crap when we were kids!!!! Then that same asshole friend cuts out because his babysitter had to go home. What the hell Topher? Next time get a 24 hall pass when you are going to drag me out of the wood work!
Sunday.... or the day from hell as my body called it. Damn that Wild Turkey. We sat like lumps on a log for most of the day after our bodies reminded us that we are getting too old for 21 hour days filled will liver and kidney damaging events. OK, so it was just my organs that were damaged. She is just too old. After peeling ourselves off of the couches we finally got ready and went over to my parents house to make some food and pick up the girls. Damn it was bright outside! Did my best to cook, but I was lacking any sort of energy at this point in the day. Seafood pasta came out OK..... I have done much better, but it was still a good meal to end the weekend off with. Wait. Are you sure these are my kids? They don't look like the ones I saw the day before. Oh yeah... I forgot the long term affects of Jager. They were mine after all.
Now it is back here to the land of Oz. This week looks to be one that I won't mind as much with Trekkie and Penis out on vacation all week. Don't get me wrong... it is still going to be as boring as hell, but with them gone I will be able to spend less time in full ultimate boredom mode by reading more articles on the web than I normally would.
Influenza is over in her cube talking to someone and all I can hear is her spelling something to someone that ends in 'tof'. She keeps saying, "TOF. TOF. TOF. F, F, F." Finally she goes, "You know. A, B, C, D, E, F. F. F. F. No just F! F. F. F. T, O, F. T, O, F. F. F. Ugh! No! F! F!" AHAHAHA OMG this has been going on for like 10 minutes now. Unreal!
I see with the masses gone Creeper is putting some miles on his shoes today making sure that us underlings are well behaved. I swear this is like a preschool daycare, more than a job. Do they think that people can't get things done if they are not being watched or something? OK enough about that... now back to my blog.
Just went to the bathroom and I was drying my hands by the door when I heard the 'click' of some lazy bastard pushing the handicap button so the door will open for them. Here comes Searching for Quarters through the door already undoing his belt as he is walking in. First of all, looking at him I will give him a pass for pushing the handicap button, and secondly he must have had to piss pretty bad because he was standing out there for the world to see while undoing his belt! Must be a bitch to get that old and no longer be able to control your bladder!!!!
Going to go up to Reno on Friday morning to play poker with Ass Clown and hang out for the day before turning around and coming back home at some point on Saturday. If I cash on Friday I very well may stay and play in the event on Saturday as well. Just going to play that by ear and see how it goes. Then again if I can't hunt down Counselor and collect my money from cooking this weekend I am not going to be going any place. He is such the big Jew bastard!
Speaking of him... I have to say that the video that he put together for Inez's party was one of the funniest things that I have ever seen in my life. Dude.... that video alone was worth the trip out to his place! Counselor, you are classic. Now pay up... bitch!
For those of you who are new to Toner Boy after listening to me tell you at the reunion to read this thing if you were in need of a good laugh, welcome. Jump around and read some of my stories over the last few months, read the Who's who to understand the people I am dealing with and most of all read how this all got started. This is not like a good book, so you need to read it all to have any idea what in the hell I am talking about!!!! You thought that I was crazy when I was younger? Hell no! I was just getting started.
I want to pass along my condolences to Yong and her family. Yong and her husband Randy were in Korea vacationing this month. While out for a walk on Saturday Randy had collapsed and passed away. Randy and Yong own the Heinbockel Bar in Tracy. Please keep her and their family in your prayers.
Be good and enjoy your week. One of us has too!
Toner Boy
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Thank God's it's Friday.....
Oh wait... is that just for me? Damn sucks for the rest of you!
That is it for me this week. In another 44 minutes I am out of this place! Need to do some running around and pick up food to make for Inez's 40th Birthday Bash this weekend, and tomorrow I need to get my cook on! Tonight I have Open House at the girls school, and the Raiders game to keep me busy between beers. I think Chickadee may be in town tonight as well so we will definitely be over my parents house to pay her a visit!
Tomorrow I am going to knock out some pork shoulders and get my salsas made in the morning so I can head over to Albert and Ednolb's house for Cam's Birthday Party. We might be getting a blast from the past as well tomorrow night as Double L and the kids may come through town. It has been about 10 years since I have seen any of them! It will be good to catch up and see everyone.
Corn just sent me a picture from the river of Uncle Shartly's beach. Boy get off the water and get your butt back to the shop and go to work! How are you ever going to clear your calendar and make time for me if you are going to be out having fun!?!?!
Saturday I am going to get the food finished and out to Counselor and Inez's place in the morning so I can come back and get ready to get my drink in full swing. Saturday is also my 20 year reunion that I will not be attending and will be sending Albert to represent me at my best. I am expecting him to grope and cop feels in my absence. Don't let me, or those expecting me to do it, down! If Ednolb asks... just tell her they are for me. She will understand. You are free to keep any face slaps I would have received for yourself. To all of you that I went to school with and follow this blog.... Piss off. I never liked any of your anyway. Just playin... Have a great night and have one or six for me! I will make sure I make the 25th if I am invited and will make up for lost gropes that I should have gotten on Saturday. You can thank, ahhh... slap me later! Get Albert drunk enough and he may agree to a BBQ party soon that I have to cook for!
Sunday we are going over to Turbo's for our Sunday meal. Going to have a blast from the past here as well it looks like. Another old friend that I have not spent much time with since high school is bringing his kids over for a visit to catch up with me and the family, Mr. Piss-on-you. He came out for our fundraiser and it was great to see him, but with so many people and so much going on we really did not have a chance to sit and talk too much. It will be great to meet his kids as well!
It's been real. It's been nice. But it hasn't been real nice.
That is it for me this week. Everyone have a great weekend. Like Ryan Seacrest, Toner Boy is OUT! (Go I hate that saying, but it worked soooo good today!)
Toner Boy
That is it for me this week. In another 44 minutes I am out of this place! Need to do some running around and pick up food to make for Inez's 40th Birthday Bash this weekend, and tomorrow I need to get my cook on! Tonight I have Open House at the girls school, and the Raiders game to keep me busy between beers. I think Chickadee may be in town tonight as well so we will definitely be over my parents house to pay her a visit!
Tomorrow I am going to knock out some pork shoulders and get my salsas made in the morning so I can head over to Albert and Ednolb's house for Cam's Birthday Party. We might be getting a blast from the past as well tomorrow night as Double L and the kids may come through town. It has been about 10 years since I have seen any of them! It will be good to catch up and see everyone.
Corn just sent me a picture from the river of Uncle Shartly's beach. Boy get off the water and get your butt back to the shop and go to work! How are you ever going to clear your calendar and make time for me if you are going to be out having fun!?!?!
Saturday I am going to get the food finished and out to Counselor and Inez's place in the morning so I can come back and get ready to get my drink in full swing. Saturday is also my 20 year reunion that I will not be attending and will be sending Albert to represent me at my best. I am expecting him to grope and cop feels in my absence. Don't let me, or those expecting me to do it, down! If Ednolb asks... just tell her they are for me. She will understand. You are free to keep any face slaps I would have received for yourself. To all of you that I went to school with and follow this blog.... Piss off. I never liked any of your anyway. Just playin... Have a great night and have one or six for me! I will make sure I make the 25th if I am invited and will make up for lost gropes that I should have gotten on Saturday. You can thank, ahhh... slap me later! Get Albert drunk enough and he may agree to a BBQ party soon that I have to cook for!
Sunday we are going over to Turbo's for our Sunday meal. Going to have a blast from the past here as well it looks like. Another old friend that I have not spent much time with since high school is bringing his kids over for a visit to catch up with me and the family, Mr. Piss-on-you. He came out for our fundraiser and it was great to see him, but with so many people and so much going on we really did not have a chance to sit and talk too much. It will be great to meet his kids as well!
It's been real. It's been nice. But it hasn't been real nice.
That is it for me this week. Everyone have a great weekend. Like Ryan Seacrest, Toner Boy is OUT! (Go I hate that saying, but it worked soooo good today!)
Toner Boy
Monday, August 9, 2010
Eight, Nine, Ten....
No I am not learning to count. That is today's date. August (8) (9)th, 20(10). Yes... like and other day on the calendar.... we will only see it once in our lifetime, but it is such a neat little package I can't help but point in out.
Today marks another day that I would rather not be marked. 18 months since the day I walked into this dumping ground for mental rejects. The pain.
OK... quick wrap on the weekend.
On Saturday I ended up smoking a bunch of pork shoulders for the Hayward High 20 year picnic in the park for Ednolb and Albert for them to take with them on Sunday. From what I hear all went well and everyone who attended is going to pull through. Nothing a stomach pump and some Ipecac can't fix. Bunch of babies. No all was good. I tell you what... they ate like champs for only putting in $5 each! Ednolb gave them pulled pork sandwiches, baked beans, green salad, chips and salsa, a bottle of water and tableware for that price! Damn. All I know is you are not allowed to quote for me on a normal basis because you gave them $15 in food for that price lady! You would be costing me money. Glad it went over well for you guys and you had a great reunion weekend.
Sunday me and Ass Clown met up with KP to play a little poker down at the Come Suck. I pull into the parking lot and here comes Game Time! He had hinted that he was going to come out for a morning drink, but seeing was believing. We went into the bar and had a few properly pouring Kettle's before he headed back home to him couch. After cards were done Ass Clown and I headed down to the Plate for some wings and video golf that I proceeded to kill to the point the game gave up and just froze on us! McLovin joined us for some food and then he and I left to make a Costco run with Turbo. Went over to make or Sunday dinner and Hunny and the girls got home in time to join us for some fish tacos.
All and all a busy weekend considering that I had nothing planned when Friday afternoon had rolled upon me. Made a few bucks, played some cards, and drank my drank. Still have an itch to play more cards so that story has not ended quite yet. Ass Clown brought me info on a tournament up in Reno next weekend that I think I am going to have to attend for a day or two. You know... sort of cure that itch.
CV's 20 year reunion is this weekend and I will not be in attendance. Initial plans were that I would be busy cooking out at the water from this point forward, but like I said things did not work out there. Instead I will be out in Manteca attending the 40th Birthday Party for Mrs. Inez. Damn all of you people around me are getting old. Shit. I need younger friends!!! OK... strike that... young people bug the crap out of me because they can't wear their pants the right way. Dude I don't care what color or style underwear you are wearing, and if you keep tempting me... I WILL pull the fucking things over your head.
I have spent most of the morning trying to get Counsel to let me make the food for Inez's party on Saturday instead of, and I quote, "I'll just run down and grab some Mexican food." Really? Dude it is your wife's 40th. Sack up and lets do it right! I will knock out some Pork Verde and some Carne Asada like I can actually habla espanol!!!! Or I can work the blackmail card and talk about your silky Garfield undies. Oh did I say that out loud? My bad. I am sure no one else saw this. No worries.
The kids go back to school this week, and I know Hunny could not be happier! Don't get us wrong... we love the girls, but when we were so used to the year round school schedule for the past 5 years and then make the switch to a traditional school year... Damn. That is a long ass 2 and a half months of them little rug rats in a row when you have the actress and little miss know it all for kids!
I am trying to say this as nicely as I can…. I walked out to go to the restroom and This THING (Sorry that is the nicest way I can think of putting it.) went walking into the men’s room. IT was wearing skinny jeans, Birkenstock's, an orange Abercrombie top sporting some man boobs (Not in the good way!), a rainbow striped man purse worn across his body, and his hair…. it was like…. OK Rod Stewart paid a visit to Dennis Rodman’s hair dresser for a rinse, color and set! It was a swirl of gold, purple, green and blue! Looked like a bad bowling ball design! Wow.
OK... I have entertained myself for a few hours today with this, and bored the hell out of the rest of you. I think that I am going to need a few of these road trips just for some new material because this place is even more boring than before. Believe it! Maybe Johnny Cocknozzle can snap me off or something at our Wednesday night poker league so I can talk about what an asshole he is and that his wife needs to use the ball gag on him when he gets home that night to even the score for me. Now that, is entertainment!
Toner Boy
Today marks another day that I would rather not be marked. 18 months since the day I walked into this dumping ground for mental rejects. The pain.
OK... quick wrap on the weekend.
On Saturday I ended up smoking a bunch of pork shoulders for the Hayward High 20 year picnic in the park for Ednolb and Albert for them to take with them on Sunday. From what I hear all went well and everyone who attended is going to pull through. Nothing a stomach pump and some Ipecac can't fix. Bunch of babies. No all was good. I tell you what... they ate like champs for only putting in $5 each! Ednolb gave them pulled pork sandwiches, baked beans, green salad, chips and salsa, a bottle of water and tableware for that price! Damn. All I know is you are not allowed to quote for me on a normal basis because you gave them $15 in food for that price lady! You would be costing me money. Glad it went over well for you guys and you had a great reunion weekend.
Sunday me and Ass Clown met up with KP to play a little poker down at the Come Suck. I pull into the parking lot and here comes Game Time! He had hinted that he was going to come out for a morning drink, but seeing was believing. We went into the bar and had a few properly pouring Kettle's before he headed back home to him couch. After cards were done Ass Clown and I headed down to the Plate for some wings and video golf that I proceeded to kill to the point the game gave up and just froze on us! McLovin joined us for some food and then he and I left to make a Costco run with Turbo. Went over to make or Sunday dinner and Hunny and the girls got home in time to join us for some fish tacos.
All and all a busy weekend considering that I had nothing planned when Friday afternoon had rolled upon me. Made a few bucks, played some cards, and drank my drank. Still have an itch to play more cards so that story has not ended quite yet. Ass Clown brought me info on a tournament up in Reno next weekend that I think I am going to have to attend for a day or two. You know... sort of cure that itch.
CV's 20 year reunion is this weekend and I will not be in attendance. Initial plans were that I would be busy cooking out at the water from this point forward, but like I said things did not work out there. Instead I will be out in Manteca attending the 40th Birthday Party for Mrs. Inez. Damn all of you people around me are getting old. Shit. I need younger friends!!! OK... strike that... young people bug the crap out of me because they can't wear their pants the right way. Dude I don't care what color or style underwear you are wearing, and if you keep tempting me... I WILL pull the fucking things over your head.
I have spent most of the morning trying to get Counsel to let me make the food for Inez's party on Saturday instead of, and I quote, "I'll just run down and grab some Mexican food." Really? Dude it is your wife's 40th. Sack up and lets do it right! I will knock out some Pork Verde and some Carne Asada like I can actually habla espanol!!!! Or I can work the blackmail card and talk about your silky Garfield undies. Oh did I say that out loud? My bad. I am sure no one else saw this. No worries.
The kids go back to school this week, and I know Hunny could not be happier! Don't get us wrong... we love the girls, but when we were so used to the year round school schedule for the past 5 years and then make the switch to a traditional school year... Damn. That is a long ass 2 and a half months of them little rug rats in a row when you have the actress and little miss know it all for kids!
I am trying to say this as nicely as I can…. I walked out to go to the restroom and This THING (Sorry that is the nicest way I can think of putting it.) went walking into the men’s room. IT was wearing skinny jeans, Birkenstock's, an orange Abercrombie top sporting some man boobs (Not in the good way!), a rainbow striped man purse worn across his body, and his hair…. it was like…. OK Rod Stewart paid a visit to Dennis Rodman’s hair dresser for a rinse, color and set! It was a swirl of gold, purple, green and blue! Looked like a bad bowling ball design! Wow.
OK... I have entertained myself for a few hours today with this, and bored the hell out of the rest of you. I think that I am going to need a few of these road trips just for some new material because this place is even more boring than before. Believe it! Maybe Johnny Cocknozzle can snap me off or something at our Wednesday night poker league so I can talk about what an asshole he is and that his wife needs to use the ball gag on him when he gets home that night to even the score for me. Now that, is entertainment!
Toner Boy
Friday, August 6, 2010
I will just say sorry for this from now....
So the week has come to an end. Time for all of us to spread our wings and fly into whatever makes the 5 prior days go away from our memories. Well the work part of those memories at least.
Not going to spend too much time reliving the week, but there are just a few high, ahhh.... low lights from the week in the news that I can't help but point out.
You will be glad to know that our money is not being wasted in the world of science. The University of West Florida has conducted a study on the 'booty call' and has found it to be a sexual act, and not an emotional one. Glad to see our tax money has gone to good use to solve this age old conundrum!
Speaking of pissing money into the wind. The some of the richest people in America have chosen to GIVE at least half of their personal wealth to charity. Gates, Buffett, Rockefeller, Bloomberg, Pickens, Lucas, Ellison, and Turner just to name a few. Buffett has pledged to give away 99% of his wealth, and Gates will has him only giving less than 3% of his wealth back to his family in his will. There is a charity that is searching for a cure to an ultra rare bone disease in dogs that is getting more money than his children are getting per his will! WTF? The 40 billionaires that have agreed to take part in this campaign have an estimated net worth of over $230 billion dollars. Yeah. That is a big ass number. They are estimating that these 40 people will be GIVING over $170 billion dollars of their wealth to charity. Dude... and I am just looking for a respectable job once again that pays me a wee 6 figures a year. These guys are giving, get this, 12 SOLID figures away. Do you understand what it takes to add just 1 figure to a number? Shift that decimal over one place? Lord. Why did the ones who built their wealth through products, or brands, have to fuck over the consumer as bad as you did to accumulate their mass fortunes if you were just going to turn around and give it all away? How do I become a charity? The Toner Boy Sanity Fund maybe? Think Gates will toss me a cool mil to get things started? Come on, I pimped his products for many years. Throw me a bone Bill!
For those of you who still talk on your cell phones while driving your cars, do yourself and your wallets a favor and break the habit. Starting next week there will be a crackdown by law enforcement and they will be giving tickets to anyone who is seen violating this law. They say it is one of the most ignored traffic laws next to the speed limit. You have been warned.
And last from the news.... This is coming from the downright freaky category! In Mexico City a newborn is declared as a still birth, cam alive inside of her coffin at the wake! The parents heard a strange noise coming from the casket and opened it to find their baby crying. The baby is currently in the hospital in stable condition. WTF?
Damn today is ultra boring. So is this blog. Well except for that last story... that shit creeped me out!
On the front lines here for Toner Boy things are pretty damn quiet. Most of my updates these days are on my Facebook Fan Page. If you do not follow me on Facebook, please do so if you want your daily updates from the office. To follow me just search for Toner Boy and click Like once you get to the page. All of my updates will appear on your Facebook Updates tab. You can also follow me on Twittter as well @Toner_Boy as all of my Facebook and blog updates get posted on Twitter.
As for my weekend... the girls are out of town today going down to visit grandma in Gilroy so I am going to be solo. I think I am going to run into Hayward tomorrow and play poker at the tattoo shop and visit Corn. Maybe I will get lucky and the chair will be open at some point while I am there and I can talk him into donating some ink to my body! That is about all she wrote though. Nothing else on the books. Maybe do some cooking at the house on Sunday. That is about it in my riveting life.
It looks as if my weekends will be free as the restaurant thing is not going to come to light. Well at least with me at the controls. She chose to stick with her base menu and not run my specials on the weekends. Best of luck to her and I hope it works out for them. As normal.... my food is always served upon request at home or abroad. One of these days soon I will be able to put together my kitchen, my way and with my style of food and service. To be honest.... that is the only way I really want to do it. No worries.
Yeah I know this post today lacks any real Toner Boy.... but I was bored and needed to do something! It is not even 11 and I am just drained in this place. Maybe it is because we are without our Penis? I miss Penis. Well I miss the other.... never mind.
Ice Shaker is booking a room at the Peppermill in Reno for this weekend on the other side of my cube in Spanish so the bosses can't understand what he is talking about. Nice. He is not as dumb as I thought.
Speaking of Reno it looks like there are about 12 to 14 of us going to Reno for Hunny's little birthday dinner and Dinners, Drive-Ins and Dives road trip. Can't wait to get away, should be a good time with everyone! I will have to tweet Guy after we get back and give him my feedback on these spots he has picked out! (As if my thoughts mean anything in his world!)
OK... lunch is just about here, and I have caused you as much pain as I possibly could in reading this crap today. Doubt anything will come up that makes me want to blog, but you never know what will show up on the Fan Page in Facebook.
Until I next time and I have something to actually say.
Toner Boy
Not going to spend too much time reliving the week, but there are just a few high, ahhh.... low lights from the week in the news that I can't help but point out.
You will be glad to know that our money is not being wasted in the world of science. The University of West Florida has conducted a study on the 'booty call' and has found it to be a sexual act, and not an emotional one. Glad to see our tax money has gone to good use to solve this age old conundrum!
Speaking of pissing money into the wind. The some of the richest people in America have chosen to GIVE at least half of their personal wealth to charity. Gates, Buffett, Rockefeller, Bloomberg, Pickens, Lucas, Ellison, and Turner just to name a few. Buffett has pledged to give away 99% of his wealth, and Gates will has him only giving less than 3% of his wealth back to his family in his will. There is a charity that is searching for a cure to an ultra rare bone disease in dogs that is getting more money than his children are getting per his will! WTF? The 40 billionaires that have agreed to take part in this campaign have an estimated net worth of over $230 billion dollars. Yeah. That is a big ass number. They are estimating that these 40 people will be GIVING over $170 billion dollars of their wealth to charity. Dude... and I am just looking for a respectable job once again that pays me a wee 6 figures a year. These guys are giving, get this, 12 SOLID figures away. Do you understand what it takes to add just 1 figure to a number? Shift that decimal over one place? Lord. Why did the ones who built their wealth through products, or brands, have to fuck over the consumer as bad as you did to accumulate their mass fortunes if you were just going to turn around and give it all away? How do I become a charity? The Toner Boy Sanity Fund maybe? Think Gates will toss me a cool mil to get things started? Come on, I pimped his products for many years. Throw me a bone Bill!
For those of you who still talk on your cell phones while driving your cars, do yourself and your wallets a favor and break the habit. Starting next week there will be a crackdown by law enforcement and they will be giving tickets to anyone who is seen violating this law. They say it is one of the most ignored traffic laws next to the speed limit. You have been warned.
And last from the news.... This is coming from the downright freaky category! In Mexico City a newborn is declared as a still birth, cam alive inside of her coffin at the wake! The parents heard a strange noise coming from the casket and opened it to find their baby crying. The baby is currently in the hospital in stable condition. WTF?
Damn today is ultra boring. So is this blog. Well except for that last story... that shit creeped me out!
On the front lines here for Toner Boy things are pretty damn quiet. Most of my updates these days are on my Facebook Fan Page. If you do not follow me on Facebook, please do so if you want your daily updates from the office. To follow me just search for Toner Boy and click Like once you get to the page. All of my updates will appear on your Facebook Updates tab. You can also follow me on Twittter as well @Toner_Boy as all of my Facebook and blog updates get posted on Twitter.
As for my weekend... the girls are out of town today going down to visit grandma in Gilroy so I am going to be solo. I think I am going to run into Hayward tomorrow and play poker at the tattoo shop and visit Corn. Maybe I will get lucky and the chair will be open at some point while I am there and I can talk him into donating some ink to my body! That is about all she wrote though. Nothing else on the books. Maybe do some cooking at the house on Sunday. That is about it in my riveting life.
It looks as if my weekends will be free as the restaurant thing is not going to come to light. Well at least with me at the controls. She chose to stick with her base menu and not run my specials on the weekends. Best of luck to her and I hope it works out for them. As normal.... my food is always served upon request at home or abroad. One of these days soon I will be able to put together my kitchen, my way and with my style of food and service. To be honest.... that is the only way I really want to do it. No worries.
Yeah I know this post today lacks any real Toner Boy.... but I was bored and needed to do something! It is not even 11 and I am just drained in this place. Maybe it is because we are without our Penis? I miss Penis. Well I miss the other.... never mind.
Ice Shaker is booking a room at the Peppermill in Reno for this weekend on the other side of my cube in Spanish so the bosses can't understand what he is talking about. Nice. He is not as dumb as I thought.
Speaking of Reno it looks like there are about 12 to 14 of us going to Reno for Hunny's little birthday dinner and Dinners, Drive-Ins and Dives road trip. Can't wait to get away, should be a good time with everyone! I will have to tweet Guy after we get back and give him my feedback on these spots he has picked out! (As if my thoughts mean anything in his world!)
OK... lunch is just about here, and I have caused you as much pain as I possibly could in reading this crap today. Doubt anything will come up that makes me want to blog, but you never know what will show up on the Fan Page in Facebook.
Until I next time and I have something to actually say.
Toner Boy
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Welcome to Fantasy Island.....
Hey, hey, hey. It's Fat Albert!
No... we are not going to be 'Havin a good time', but it sounded better than 'Happy Anti-Hump Day!'
 |
| It is such a pleasure to watch pure genius at work. |
Well it appears that I have been slanted in my views of the quality of person at this place. I feel I need to start out by offering an apology to those who work here at the County. It appears as though there are some great minds around me after all! Here is an example of a scientist at work trying to get answers to that ever present issue of true battery life by conducting the DieHard test. I mean, just how honest was Sears all of those years when they were telling us just how strong their brand of battery really is? I bet he can't wait until after work to see his results! I can not tell you how bad I feel knowing that I have short sided County employees like this. Wonder if he has a white board in his office where he came to his conclusion that the Sears commercials are full of crap? The sounds of *CLICK* *CLICK* when he turns his key are going to be SO satisfying to him knowing that his research was worth his oversight as he stepped out of his car this morning. God blessed a beautiful mind.
I came to work this morning and from the top of the Altimont on was pure fog! I mean we are in the first week of August and I have yet to see 100 on my outside temperature reading on my cars dash. Not that I am going to complain at all because I am a total fall and spring kind of guy, but damn! It was 59 when I got to Oakland this morning and the fog was so thick that my automatic windshield wipers turned on from the amount of dew on the window. I mean it was so bad I could hardly see where I was going, until.... off in the distance.... a beacon.... a beacon of hope.... a red light shined through the fog. The closer I got, the brighter the light shined. As a came up on this guiding light that was cutting through the fog like a snow plow of hope, I knew I had reached my destination.... Oakland. I have also been informed that my beacon can also bum rush a fast food counter and pile drive a doughnut like a champ.
I know just like that Iowa corn field many of you are going to want to flock to this magical place to see all of this wonderment first hand. But, as the keeper of the corn (So to speak) I urge you not to take any of the wildlife home with you. They are not domesticated! The mistake that was made here at the County by placing some of the weaker minded species into containment in hopes of evolving them into a rational member of our everyday society. That experiment has backfired and led us to here we are today... The County Administration Building, or Hells Gate as I like to call it. Yes as magical and mystical as this building appears on the outside, the inside it is filled with brainless mouth breathers committed to tormenting the few remaining souls who yearn to one day run free once again. Do not be lured by it's beauty as you gaze at its sophisticated architecture, as for in the bowels of this great beast lies a ring leader known as the Yellow Bus Driver. Consider yourself warned.Sorry. I guess drinking a Sugar Free Rockstar in place of my coffee this morning was not the best of ideas! My mind and ass are spinning out of control this morning. *CRACK* (Damn, it is getting later and later each day. He must be on budget constraints!) Here I am talking shit about Cracker and I busted open my Rockstar at 6:30 this morning while driving in! 'Hello Pot', said Kettle.
This is how bored and wired I am at the same time.... Smut Queen just tweeted that she is going to the library to look for some old world maps. So I went online and downloaded just about every map on the Internet and I am scanning them myself to try and find what she is looking for! There are no Toner Boy's in the old world, so why do I care? When she starts writing books and killing me in present time, then I will care! Library...? Real books...? Geez. Get with the times there Smut Queen. And she calls herself an author? Dear Lord. I want to see you write this next book with a typewriter! It is a digital world lady. (Like I know a damn thing of what I am talking about right now! AHAAHHA I am just being a dumb ass. Shock, I know.)
Let's see. I know this is going to sound real bad, but today it is just me and Penis. Penis, not my penis. I am alone with mine enough! Trekkie and Anyway are out. Obvious is leaving in 17 minutes, and Catching Flies is at a training workshop across the street. You would think that it would be a good day to screw off, right? Right. It is. Not like there is much for me to do in the first place, but it is funny because these guys get in a panic around here like it is some kind of high stress, heavy workload kind of place. Yeah they are right... I may have to limit myself to 20 minutes of wandering through the building today instead of my normal 30.
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* (I swear I am going to snap because of this one of these days!)
What's on tap....
Well today.... Subway! That is right... I am spoiling myself with a $5 footlong beeeaaatches! That's right... that's how I roll. After getting my grub on, later tonight going over to see Corn and play a little poker over at the shop. They have a running cash game on Wednesday's that I just might have to add to my route home from time to time!
This weekend is going to be known as either 'Sleepy Hollow' or 'Check Raise' depending on how tonight goes. If I walk out of the game tonight up anything decent I think I will spend my weekend playing cards while the wife and girls are out of town. There is no cooking going on for me at this point out at the restaurant so my weekend is now free. Then again I may stay home and cook all weekend as well. Or track down Albert, After 6 and Ass Clown to BBQ and watch some NASCAR on Sunday maybe? Never know. I have loves and long lost loves that I don't get to do NEARLY enough, so I guess I will see which one ends up speaking to me the most. Since the wife is going to be gone with one of those loves, I am going to have to choose between the others. (Not saying if it is love or long lost love that she is taking with her this weekend. Tired of being in trouble! Plus I have been told that some things are just better left unsaid.)
A-Rod has finally hit number 600. Good, now maybe everyone will shut the hell up about it! A-Rod would like to thank his fans, Barry Bonds Magic Flax Seed Cream, and Balco for his accomplishment. He will be celebrating with himself and a room full of mirrors tonight. He wants to be surrounded by those who love him.
The world just needs to slowdown. Technology's moving so fast, man. It's to the point where you can make stuff up, and people will believe you. You can be like, 'You seen the new Sony Teleporter?' People will be like, 'No, but I heard about it.' I end up saying that all the time myself... 'No, but I heard about it.' It really means I haven't heard about it, but I like you and don't want to sound disinterested or stupid. A-Rod's damn ball had not even cleared the fence yet today and tweets were popping up left and right saying that he had done it! I think I need to tweet that Brett Favre is retiring. I wonder if that will take off?
OK it is coming up on lunch time and I think that I am coming down off of my Rockstar rush. Be good ya'll, and if you can't.... make sure there are not pictures of what you have done!
Toner Boy
Monday, August 2, 2010
Mundane Monday.....
Right back at it once again this week.
Well hello one and all, I hope you had a weekend worthy of your awesomeness. I know mine was that of typical Toner Boy style, so let’s begin.
On Friday when I left the office I decided to go visit Corn for a few hours and hang out at the shop while traffic congestion thinned out like my hair. Hunny and Thunder were at the Coliseum as extra’s on the set for Moneyball
Damn Cracker is at it late today. Hell it is almost 11 and that is his first time to the snack cart outside.
On Saturday I went out to the restaurant to make a test run of the kitchen and some of the product that they have on hand with a meal for the families. Not too bad, but there are some concerns that I have with some product and how we are going to be able to work the menu in the space that we have. I think time will work a lot of these issues out on its own, and only one or two things would need to be addressed before things get going too far. We did 6 items for everyone to choose from, 3 from the core menu and 3 things that I put together based on what they had on hand. The 3 core menu items were a steak sandwich, build a burger, and build a chicken sandwich. *BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* Uncle Shartly had the steak, Lu had the chicken, and Thunder had a burger. The 3 specials that I put together from the product on hand was a fried shrimp poor boy, BBQ Asian chicken breast, and a grilled chicken salad. Well we had 5 people order the poor boy, and Little Miss had the Asian chicken. Both went over really well. I had a steak sandwich when all was said and done, and I was very happy with the product and the taste. More to come as this story unfolds….
Paparazzi took Momma Ruth down to Hollywood to go all ‘tourist’ on the place for her birthday. God help us all! Wait… God help the stars!!!! I am just jealous that they say Gordon Ramsay at the pool while they were there. Not that I would talk to the guy while he is sitting at the pool in his Speedo, but still.
Sunday was a bit of a day of rest. Thunder has not been feeling very well at night and not getting much sleep so she was in the sack until almost noon! Not that the rest of the house was up very early themselves. Went to the store to grab some stuff to make dinner and then took the girls to go and see Despicable Me. Great movie, and the 3D was really good. Made an Ancho Chile pork soup with hominy and some nuclear salsa that I will need to share with any takers out there. I know McLovin and Fuzz will be more than happy to eat it. I don’t think that it is too bad, but it will clear the sinuses and put beads of sweat on your scalp after a while that is for sure. Used a couples of the chipotle’s from Turbo’s garden to make it. Thanks Ma! Going to make some corn fritters this week that got my attention a few months back when watching TV. I love making things like this on the fly. Hell the soup idea only came up because I had some left over pork loin, and let me tell you… it was off the hook! Spent about $20 at Safeway to get what I needed to make enough soup to feed 6, about 4 quarts of salsa and everything I needed to make probably 30 corn fritters. And that is at Safeway prices. See… this is why I need my own kitchen.
For those of you who do not follow along on the Facebook fan page, you are missing out, you can tell by my words above…. yes, Influenza is back! Yeah that sniffling, sneezing, couching, aching, stuffy head and whistling nose to drive Toner Boy crazy lady is back. No to be cynical or anything, but I was sort of looking at her in the same light that Ron White looks at his in-laws. Just sayin. Yeah I know it’s bad, but you don’t have to listen to thing human noise maker!
Smut Queen has just returned from a writers gathering out in Florida. I hope she pimped Toner Boy while she was there. OK… you can stop laughing at any time now. It is obviously a somewhat fun read… you are here aren’t you? Glad you had a good trip! Now get another book done so I can start pimpin again!
I have a request for Hack, Albert and Ass Clown. Hack… remember our conversation on Friday. I was wrong…. I need it more! But I will do what is right and take one for the team. Wait, no I won’t. Yes I will. Shit… fine…. taking one for the team it is. Albert… you don’t have a relative or lost uncle out there who just died and left you boat loads of money so we can start our own version of Cheers?? Ass Clown…. what I said to Albert. You know it never hurts to check out all the branches on your family tree!!! Start beating the bushes people!
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA*
Anyway is walking hot laps around here today. Wonder if he needed to put some miles on is pedometer or something? Earlier I had a problem with an audit program that he wrote. So I show him the error and the error code. His reply to fixing it. “Don’t know. What did they do wrong? They saved it wrong. Tell them to do re-enter it and save it again.” Really? That is your fix? Have them re-enter 2 hours worth of work, cross your fingers, and pray it saves? Yeah you are a regular customer service dream come true aren’t you?
My left hand itch was full of shit last week. If it wasn’t you never would have heard me make the statement. I don’t think there is Wi-Fi on the beaches of Fiji!
On tap for this week…
Wednesday I am going to run to Corn’s shop to get into their weekly poker game they run over there. Should be interesting to report back on. Maybe I can make some headway on more guys for our fundraisers out of it?
This weekend the girls are going down to Gilroy to visit family before the girls go back to school. Me… yeah, I will be working if the restaurant gets past the fire inspector. If no I see a LOT of sleep in my future! Not that they say you can really ‘catch up’ on sleep, but I just think at this point in time my ass could use it. Maybe if I win some cash on Wednesday I will go and play the weekend tournaments over at the ‘Come Suck’. *CRACK* *RIP* I think what I really need is a trip to Vegas or something. Yeah… I will get a lot of sleep there! AHAHAH
Damn… even this is starting to feel like talking to myself. Huh. This might be worse than I thought. If I don’t feel like I am at least venting this crap out to anyone, what is the point? Does anyone else out there that is as crazy as I am understand my thought process on this?
Just checked Google Earth (Because I have nothing else to do.) and it looks like they have new satellite images over part of our little town. Not 100% sure what day of the week it was or from how long ago. There is no one at my house, all the cars are at my parents place, their boat though is parked on the dock at the beach and The Fuzz is home. Chet…. your house was still not built! Yeah like I said… part of our little town. The area around my house and my parents is pretty new because Pops new truck is out front and the race trailer is in the driveway. Pill is home, and Albert is not. The best part of all of this…. you can see my BBQ in the backyard. Yes… my BBQ is big enough to be seen from space! No not some distorted little dot in the backyard that the rest of you are going to see when you look for yourselves, but my big ass alien spacecraft BBQ can be seen clear as a bell! I feel like Danny Devito in that one Christmas movie he did with Ferris Bueller!
My trip to the restroom has brought up a couple of things that need to be noted –
If your son is old enough to ride all the rides at Disneyland, he is WAY too old to join you in the ladies restroom no matter what ‘number’ he needs to do!
I know I am here in Oaktown and some people cannot help but to be ‘pimpalishious’ but….. you do not wear those long pointy toed brown leather ankle boots, with your shorts, and no socks even if they are fly and do match!
Your cologne should never beat you to a location by 15 feet, when walking into a head wind and carrying a bag containing McDonald’s fries.
Last one before really taxing my brain on whether or not to go for a walk and see the latest installment of graffiti around the outside of the office… If your ass is wider than your shoulders, please stop saying super size it!
Yes, the last two were a couple.
RIP - Mitch Miller (I know... I thought he was dead a LONG time ago as well. He was 99!)
Toner Boy
Well hello one and all, I hope you had a weekend worthy of your awesomeness. I know mine was that of typical Toner Boy style, so let’s begin.
On Friday when I left the office I decided to go visit Corn for a few hours and hang out at the shop while traffic congestion thinned out like my hair. Hunny and Thunder were at the Coliseum as extra’s on the set for Moneyball
Damn Cracker is at it late today. Hell it is almost 11 and that is his first time to the snack cart outside.
On Saturday I went out to the restaurant to make a test run of the kitchen and some of the product that they have on hand with a meal for the families. Not too bad, but there are some concerns that I have with some product and how we are going to be able to work the menu in the space that we have. I think time will work a lot of these issues out on its own, and only one or two things would need to be addressed before things get going too far. We did 6 items for everyone to choose from, 3 from the core menu and 3 things that I put together based on what they had on hand. The 3 core menu items were a steak sandwich, build a burger, and build a chicken sandwich. *BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* Uncle Shartly had the steak, Lu had the chicken, and Thunder had a burger. The 3 specials that I put together from the product on hand was a fried shrimp poor boy, BBQ Asian chicken breast, and a grilled chicken salad. Well we had 5 people order the poor boy, and Little Miss had the Asian chicken. Both went over really well. I had a steak sandwich when all was said and done, and I was very happy with the product and the taste. More to come as this story unfolds….
Paparazzi took Momma Ruth down to Hollywood to go all ‘tourist’ on the place for her birthday. God help us all! Wait… God help the stars!!!! I am just jealous that they say Gordon Ramsay at the pool while they were there. Not that I would talk to the guy while he is sitting at the pool in his Speedo, but still.
Sunday was a bit of a day of rest. Thunder has not been feeling very well at night and not getting much sleep so she was in the sack until almost noon! Not that the rest of the house was up very early themselves. Went to the store to grab some stuff to make dinner and then took the girls to go and see Despicable Me. Great movie, and the 3D was really good. Made an Ancho Chile pork soup with hominy and some nuclear salsa that I will need to share with any takers out there. I know McLovin and Fuzz will be more than happy to eat it. I don’t think that it is too bad, but it will clear the sinuses and put beads of sweat on your scalp after a while that is for sure. Used a couples of the chipotle’s from Turbo’s garden to make it. Thanks Ma! Going to make some corn fritters this week that got my attention a few months back when watching TV. I love making things like this on the fly. Hell the soup idea only came up because I had some left over pork loin, and let me tell you… it was off the hook! Spent about $20 at Safeway to get what I needed to make enough soup to feed 6, about 4 quarts of salsa and everything I needed to make probably 30 corn fritters. And that is at Safeway prices. See… this is why I need my own kitchen.
For those of you who do not follow along on the Facebook fan page, you are missing out, you can tell by my words above…. yes, Influenza is back! Yeah that sniffling, sneezing, couching, aching, stuffy head and whistling nose to drive Toner Boy crazy lady is back. No to be cynical or anything, but I was sort of looking at her in the same light that Ron White looks at his in-laws. Just sayin. Yeah I know it’s bad, but you don’t have to listen to thing human noise maker!
Smut Queen has just returned from a writers gathering out in Florida. I hope she pimped Toner Boy while she was there. OK… you can stop laughing at any time now. It is obviously a somewhat fun read… you are here aren’t you? Glad you had a good trip! Now get another book done so I can start pimpin again!
I have a request for Hack, Albert and Ass Clown. Hack… remember our conversation on Friday. I was wrong…. I need it more! But I will do what is right and take one for the team. Wait, no I won’t. Yes I will. Shit… fine…. taking one for the team it is. Albert… you don’t have a relative or lost uncle out there who just died and left you boat loads of money so we can start our own version of Cheers?? Ass Clown…. what I said to Albert. You know it never hurts to check out all the branches on your family tree!!! Start beating the bushes people!
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA*
Anyway is walking hot laps around here today. Wonder if he needed to put some miles on is pedometer or something? Earlier I had a problem with an audit program that he wrote. So I show him the error and the error code. His reply to fixing it. “Don’t know. What did they do wrong? They saved it wrong. Tell them to do re-enter it and save it again.” Really? That is your fix? Have them re-enter 2 hours worth of work, cross your fingers, and pray it saves? Yeah you are a regular customer service dream come true aren’t you?
My left hand itch was full of shit last week. If it wasn’t you never would have heard me make the statement. I don’t think there is Wi-Fi on the beaches of Fiji!
On tap for this week…
Wednesday I am going to run to Corn’s shop to get into their weekly poker game they run over there. Should be interesting to report back on. Maybe I can make some headway on more guys for our fundraisers out of it?
This weekend the girls are going down to Gilroy to visit family before the girls go back to school. Me… yeah, I will be working if the restaurant gets past the fire inspector. If no I see a LOT of sleep in my future! Not that they say you can really ‘catch up’ on sleep, but I just think at this point in time my ass could use it. Maybe if I win some cash on Wednesday I will go and play the weekend tournaments over at the ‘Come Suck’. *CRACK* *RIP* I think what I really need is a trip to Vegas or something. Yeah… I will get a lot of sleep there! AHAHAH
Damn… even this is starting to feel like talking to myself. Huh. This might be worse than I thought. If I don’t feel like I am at least venting this crap out to anyone, what is the point? Does anyone else out there that is as crazy as I am understand my thought process on this?
Just checked Google Earth (Because I have nothing else to do.) and it looks like they have new satellite images over part of our little town. Not 100% sure what day of the week it was or from how long ago. There is no one at my house, all the cars are at my parents place, their boat though is parked on the dock at the beach and The Fuzz is home. Chet…. your house was still not built! Yeah like I said… part of our little town. The area around my house and my parents is pretty new because Pops new truck is out front and the race trailer is in the driveway. Pill is home, and Albert is not. The best part of all of this…. you can see my BBQ in the backyard. Yes… my BBQ is big enough to be seen from space! No not some distorted little dot in the backyard that the rest of you are going to see when you look for yourselves, but my big ass alien spacecraft BBQ can be seen clear as a bell! I feel like Danny Devito in that one Christmas movie he did with Ferris Bueller!
My trip to the restroom has brought up a couple of things that need to be noted –
If your son is old enough to ride all the rides at Disneyland, he is WAY too old to join you in the ladies restroom no matter what ‘number’ he needs to do!
I know I am here in Oaktown and some people cannot help but to be ‘pimpalishious’ but….. you do not wear those long pointy toed brown leather ankle boots, with your shorts, and no socks even if they are fly and do match!
Your cologne should never beat you to a location by 15 feet, when walking into a head wind and carrying a bag containing McDonald’s fries.
Last one before really taxing my brain on whether or not to go for a walk and see the latest installment of graffiti around the outside of the office… If your ass is wider than your shoulders, please stop saying super size it!
Yes, the last two were a couple.
RIP - Mitch Miller (I know... I thought he was dead a LONG time ago as well. He was 99!)
Toner Boy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)