Do not ask me to explain it or why. Most of you already knew I am sure. Maybe I am just coming to grips with it, but I am just one bitter ass old man. Am I mad at the world? Myself? I have no clue, but I can tell you one thing for sure I am sick of it! Sure the world has turned its back on me, but after all who in the hell am I in the grand scheme of things? Getting nothing more than I deserve most of you would say I am sure.
It is time to be loved or hated, because the worst thing a person can be is forgotten.
So before I go all Ron White of the blog world and get all truthful on your ass, here is an update on my weekend for those of you who some how find my life remotely interesting for some reason. I know I sure in the hell don't!
On Friday we took Little Miss out for an early birthday. We went with Pops and Turbo to lunch and the movies to see Shrek 3D. Nice fun day with the family and a great day to be off of work as I heard horror stories from Monkey and Uncle Shartly about the drive over the hill. (Even though they are both already there!) Hung out at my mom's for a bit and went home to get some sleep for what should be a long tiring weekend.
Saturday was our anniversary and we got up early to go to Big Willy Style's graduation and party. Game Time manned the grill as I stayed inside to assist with the food line while the ladies talked. The MIL was coming out for Little Miss's birthday the next day, so Hunny went home to meet them at the house while I stayed for a while longer to help. McLovin and Albert hung out with me there for a while before everyone took off to do their own thing that afternoon. Hunny came and picked me back up and the family went out for a quick bite to eat for dinner. Nothing over exerting here. Early to bed, early to rise.
After a good night of sleep Sunday was Little Miss's birthday so I got up and made everyone a big breakfast and After 6 came over to watch the race for a little bit with me and McLovin. That afternoon we went over to Turbo's for her little party and had some snacks and cake. The adults talked while the kids were in the backyard playing for most of the day. Went home and put up her new flat screen TV that Turbo got her for her birthday and she crashed out in front of it soon after. An hour or so of TV and I went upstairs and did the same in my room.
Monday was a day of twists and turns as we went out to the water to bring the girls out to hang with Turbo. I talked with a person who owns the restaurant there on the water and she is interested in having me come out and cook for them when they open the place. Southern style and BBQ food is what they want to do, and that is something that I enjoy doing. So maybe in the near future you might find me getting my cook on out there on the weekends. For me it will be nice to make a few extra bucks and get some kitchen experience. Ran out to Manteca to hunt down some Trop-A-Rocka Snapple with Hunny that she wanted and then went to get a bite to eat. Grabbed the girls from the water and went over to The Fuzz's house for some dinner and a beer while the girls went swimming for a bit. He made a killer smoked pork shoulder the other day and shared some of the leftovers. Killer job! Best thing I ate all weekend.
Once again the weekend was over before I knew it. I did not even have a chance to buy my hand a drink, or relax. Like I said last time... maybe next year.
It was nice to hear that many of you out there now pay homage to the man nipple. Things like that need to be brought to the masses attention I believe.
So now it is Tuesday, I am surprisingly well rested, and I am just tickled down to my toes to be here with the Garbage Pale Kids once again.
Which one do I look at? has just been a thrill ride of joy today because after 3 days off she has had a brain lock on her passwords and apparently it is my fault that she can't remember them.
Anyway is out sick. Maybe he was sucking face with Influenza over the weekend or something? The is gross to even say, let alone think.
Penis and Mr. Obvious are just talking to hear themselves talk at this point telling me things that even Foo would get the first time around like they are breaking national secrets to me. Guys, please... you are just too dumb for words.
Dummy called. Duh.
Wigglesworth and Searching for Quarters were talking and I overheard Searching for Quarters needs to redo whatever it is he had been working on for the last few months because it was wrong. Well at least he will be busy now through the end of the year. Good for him. If I do something wrong it gives me something to do for the next 15 minutes. Hence reason "C" for the blog.
Cracker has to have "openers finger" over there! If he tapped the top like Hunny before opening a can his nail bed would have to be sore.
Someone in the admin department just called because her toner ran out and I went over to replace it for her. I walk in and she must have had eye surgery over the weekend or something because she is wearing a patch over her eye. The whole time I am in there all I wanted to do was go, "Aaarrrggghhh Matey, your toner is replaced. Aaaaarrrrr... now give me some booty!"
The Looker in his fine Grape Ape pants and Orange Crush tie are looking so fly today as he is talking to Ice Shaker and making no sense... "Ya dig?" He comes over and is getting all in Ice Shakers face about some files that were not completed and Ice Shaker tells him that he placed the files in the IN basket on his desk yesterday with questions for him to look at. His reply, "Oh. (Long ass pause.) Well I don't have time for that nonsense right now. Ahhhhh... just get them finished and bring them over to me." He walks away and Ice Shaker gives it the total Toner Boy... he growls, says, "WTF?" and laughs to to himself. Guess I am not the only one who thinks people here belong in a special needs class!
One of the unnamed people here in the office is going to think twice before he opens his mouth without thinking it through first after today. He needed some help so I go down to his cube to see what the problem is. After seeing that it was something rather trivial and pointing it out to him he got an attitude with me. Then again I am sure I brought it on myself with a deep breath and a sigh when I saw what the problem was! With his University of Michigan garb all over his cube he says, "So where did you go to school?" I tell him that I went to Heald trade school back in the early 90's. With a smug look on his face he tells me, "Well. Way to put that education to work." as I get ready to walk away. Bad idea on his part. I turn to him and say, "And you went to Michigan I take it?" "Yep.", he says. "Well finance was obviously not your primary focus.", I tell him. He says, "No it wasn't. Why would you say that?" I tell him, "Well for what cost me about $14K got me a job right after leaving school making almost $30 an hour. In less than 8 years I was making over $100K a year. You spent, what? $80 to $100K going to school there? And I am going to guess that you have been working here with the county ever since you got out of school and you have never made more than $65K a year as an appraiser? Way to put that education to work." I am so good at making friends. There was a whole conversation about me not making that now and so on and so forth that followed but I am not going to cover all of that again. We all know the road that got me here and I gave that thumbprint to him and told him he should know to whom he is speaking before being smug about where they came from. I can not believe that I am looked down upon by a county employee. My dear gawd! Can I get any lower? Yeah... Toner Boy. Excuse me while I go replace a cartridge for Creeper.
For those of you that read my last post you know that 3 hours of my Thursday were shot to shit when the blogger went all sideways. Well let me see if I can bring some of that crap back to a head for you to enjoy. After all what would this day be if I did not rub someone the wrong way? Not you Hunny. I know... only rub how you tell me, when you tell me. No freelance rubbing! After all "obey" was in my vows. Funny how that worked out in your favor when that used to be the other way around.
Damn these last 4 minutes have taken an hour!
Once again let me be clear.... this stuff is either things I have heard over the years, or seen. Nothing is about any one person I know nor SPECIFIC in ANY way. This is nothing recent that I am hashing up, but just a lot of years of the same stories I hear or articles I read. If you think it is reflective of you, or something you do, you can either look in the mirror and change it, if you like, or go on doing what you do. It is not for me to tell you what is right or wrong for you or your lives, nor am I judging you. I am just pointing this crap out. To each their own, right? That does not mean that I am not going to give you my thoughts on the matter! After all... it is my blog, and you are the one choosing to read it. Not your cup of tea, turn the channel.
I am pretty sure I got cut off when I was talking about that kid running his mom's life our at the snack shack. Bottom line to the story was the kid kept on touching everything and the mom pussy footed around having the kid stop and listen. His nose was running all over and then he wipes it off in his hand and then grabs an apple out of the basket! First thing I will state is I will never buy anything that is not packaged at places like this in the first place for reasons just like that. You never know who has touched what you are about to eat and then have put it back down. Second the lady that runs the stand had to basically throw away everything that the kid touched. All because she could not, or chose not to maintain her kid. Nothing pisses me off more than to watch these parents out there who let their kids run their lives. They are kids, you are supposed to run theirs! Some of these parents now see the freedom they give their kids as a good thing and that their kids are going to grow up to love them even more. Hey as long as you don't mind loving people through metal bars or during supervised visits, then more power to you. Be a parent, not a friend. They will respect you, and others (As they should.) for doing it. People have always bitched at me for how hard I was on my kids when they were little. Last time I checked you don't see me having to say much of anything to my kids these days. I wonder why that is? And if I do have to say anything it is over, without question, in about 2 seconds. Not that I even need to raise my voice or a hand to them to make them understand what it is that they are doing wrong. Kids respond to two things. Loud noises, and pain. Make them aware of these things at an early age and they will choose to not experience either one of them ever again. Those of you parents shaking your head "NO" at me right now... The Summer X Games are on soon, and pull up your fucking pants.
From the are you fucking kidding me department. http://www.insidebayarea.com/trivalleyherald/localnews/ci_15210994?source=rss
He is quite the looker though!
Yeah... don't teach your kids to respect other people, their property or their space.
http://www.insidebayarea.com/trivalleyherald/localnews/ci_15219414?source=rss
It only gets worse from here. Wanna bet?
I read a comedians quote regarding Facebook the other day and I thought that it was the best thing I have seen in years. I forgot who it was, but I grabbed the quote and saved it to my desktop here at work, and it goes, "Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?" Now I think it is funny as hell that I am posting this in my blog and soon will be placing this on my Facebook fan page, but I love the point behind it. With this quote last week I went through and cleaned house on who my friends are on Facebook. Nothing personal to any of you that I removed as a friend, I know this is like the ultimate sin, but we hardly talked then and we never talk now. I do not need 500 friends on Facebook to feel better about myself. I have this blog I can rip people down on all the time to feel better about myself. I do not care about your high score on Jewel Blitz or what you ate for dinner last night. Over 100 of you got the axe, and I am sure there are more to come. I wanted to be on Facebook to keep touch with people I talk to... not find people I stopped talking to 100 years ago. My guess is we stopped talking for a reason.
Which brings me to my own thoughts on the virtual world crap. I guess that I have just been around it so long that I am burnt out. (For those of you saying I am on mine all of the time.... 8-5 M-F. Wonder why that is? After that, you will only find a post by me once in a blue moon. So get off me.) Not to mention the fact that in between my blogging and comments here and there on Facebook during the day I read news feeds to help pass the time. Article, after article talks about how things such as Facebook have torn apart marriages and relationships. Really? Are people really willing to let a virtual "bar" full of people they have either never met or not talked to over the past 400 years come in between them and the person they have built a real relationship, or their family with? And for what? False statements and pipe dreams? Brad Paisley said it right, "So much cooler online." I have known people that have struggled with this personally as well, and it really is sad to think that people dive in feet first to dots on a screen and turn away the real world that is sitting right in front of them. Never forget... it is real easy to paint a pretty picture to someone who does not know your realities. Stop thinking that the grass is greener people and tend to your own lawn. Water your computer and see what happens. Just like what will happen when the virtual world meets reality.... shit blows up. If you want something virtual... keep dating your hand! I have found after 2 drinks mine is pretty much a push over.
Have I mentioned this?
Like I mentioned last time out ladies guys talk. Yes it is a shock, we do. We don't get down to your level of dirty details, but we do. Most of you could spot your friends man's penis in a line up from 40 feet with the amount of detail you have been given over the years! More along the lines of trying to figure you guys out 9 out of 10 times. Well here are some quick insights and tips for all of you. (Yeah this is where I get all deep on your ass!)
Ladies, guys do not change. I know you are floored. But this is not those stupid things like where he leaves his towel each morning. I mean we are who we are. If you married a lazy slob with no ambition, I bet if you look over on the couch right now you will see him there with a glazed over look on his face playing Call to Arms or something on his PS3. That is your own damn fault. But what I am getting at is the biggest bitch I have heard by most guys I have ever met.
You ladies are the ones who have changed. *GASP* I am going to guess when you met your man you put on some charm, kicked it into flirt overdrive and sexed him up every time you were left alone in a room for more than 5 minutes. Yeah well.... little secret. He has not forgotten that!
Yeah, yeah, yeah life changes.... we get that as men. Raising your kids is now top on your list, but to just take your pussy and hold it hostage is probably the main source of over half of your mans attitude problems! No one is asking you to fuck like minx when you were younger and had no responsibilities in life, but my lord! I have talked to guys who say they are lucky to get it once a month. Really? So your OBGYN gets to go down on you more than your man does? Sad. Give it up to him 4 or 5 times a month and I bet he walks around and acts more like the day you met him. Consider this a science experiment. Try it and see what happens. If I am wrong.... put your shit back under lock and key and bring it out for the token birthday, anniversary and holiday season. He deserves what he is getting, and maybe not even that.
Hate to tell ya'll who think differently... but sex is part of a relationship! And since when has it become something that needs to be avoided? You sure as hell did not avoid it when you were dating, so why it is the choice after you get married?
You ladies are sitting there thinking that us men are just dogs, and you are right! Men are dogs. We are loyal as hell and we need attention. But if you don't want to pet us anymore we tend to wander until we find someone who will give us attention. No it does not have to be sexual attention, just attention, so put your claws away! We want YOUR attention or we would not have married you. Why else limit ourselves to one source of attention when you out number us 2 to 1? Not being a dick... just being honest. If there was not a need out there God would not have created hookers when worse comes to worse to give men attention. Was all the sex and flirting so painful and terrible before the wedding day? If you want to think of us as dogs and your pussy as a golden treat, then do what owners does with their dogs. Give them a treat when they are doing what they should! You know... working hard, keeping a roof over your head, having a bad day and needing someone to make them feel better, etc. A little appreciation and attention goes a very long way when you know you have been moved out from your spouses top priority to raise a family.
I have heard this same story time, and time again. You wonder why sex sells and guys are buying? Because ladies get the ring they want, the kids they want, and then give their real attention to the pool boy. WTF is that???? If you gave your man 25% of the attention you gave to get him porn sales would reduce 10 fold. Just sayin. And when was the rule put in place after you say "I do." flirting or foreplay is no longer needed? Really... those of you who fall under these statements are missing the fun of relationships and life.
For all of my male friends who are jumping up and down because you feel that I am the one who said this for them, I didn't. And.... ahh it is a two way street boys!!!
Get up off your ass and do something for your lady instead of yourself once in a while. She could give two craps less that you mowed a lawn that you were supposed to mow anyway! Try cleaning around the house without having to be asked to help. Try making her dinner and having the kids cleaned up and in bed while she takes a night off from those duties. Give her a massage and not expect a piece of ass in return!
I mean boys, each time you do something good for your woman it does not mean that she has to roll over and lay spread eagle for your ass! Or all of the sudden start making porn scenes with you on a dirt road or letting you go where no (OK, few) men have gone before on a daily basis. Don't think only with your dick! Make sure what you are doing with your woman is something that SHE actually enjoys! (Ladies if your man is always doing something with or to you that you hate SPEAK UP! Men are dumb when it comes to a woman's body and what constitutes pleasure to you! If you don't tell him, he will just keep doing it. We are simple... shake that little guy until it throws up!) And guys don't be all ass sore when she tells you that you are doing something that she does not like, or to do something a different way! She is not trying to make you do what Juan the pool boy does to her when he is there while you are at work, so don't feel like you are filling someone elses shoes when she says something. You may find that she is enjoying herself more, and be more open because of the way it feels for her and your new level of communication turns her on.
Now just because she starts giving it up to you because she wants to try my test and sees that she really does enjoy it, don't think that she is obligated to be your 24/7 love slave! I think that you should feel that she is more open to your advances, but walking up to he and putting your junk in her face while she is sitting on the couch is not considered foreplay! Fucking Neanderthals.
If you are sitting here saying none of this reflects on me, then good for you! You have a healthy, normal relationship and you should feel real good about it! My ears tell me that there a a lot of people who don't, and for not a lot of good reason. We got in long term relationships because we loved what we have with a certain person and we wanted to have that experience for the rest of our lives. If you think that your partner is the one who changed and not you, try just being who you used to be with them and see how they react. If they are not happy to walk down that road with you, you may be right and they are the ones who have changed. Communication is the key that lets the other person know you have changed and your likes and dislikes are now somehow different. Let them know that. You may be shocked that they are willing to help fill those new needs and that they are in it for you. You may find a new passion walking down that new road together that has gone missing. New relationships are always fun, so make your relationship new and fun all the time. After all if that is the person you love, why not????
"Toner Boy, I don't have the time or energy for this kind of crap anymore." Really? But there is time for bitching to the girls about his attitude when all he did was try to spend some time with you, or flirt with you only to get shot down time and time again with a, "God I don't feel good again today.", "I am just so tired tonight and it is only 6.", "Stop being stupid, I am not looking, 'overly sexy today' as you call it!", or the super icy "No not tonight. Another night. Just go to bed." Yeah I don't know why he is pissy. Go figure. Also funny how you have time to read your smut books (No offense Smut Queen!) and double click your mouse or bring out your pocket friend when no one is around. Talk about your lacking sex life online in a chat or forum to past friends or people just hoping to hear you say something like that so they can become their online alter ego. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with a good 'hand jive' every once in a while, but like good candy... you should share!
"All he does is go to titty bars!" Look if you are doing all of these things that I say men bitch about and he still spends his free time and both of your money slipping it in some girls g-string... yeah.... he is a dog. Sorry fellas! But fair is fair. Can't bash on them and then turn and give you a free pass! But if you are on lockdown as suggested many of you are... well. Yeah that shoe fits on the other foot just as easy. After all he is only out there looking at what he does not get to see at home very often or at all. Remember that attention thing I was talking about before? Yeah... well they have legal versions of that dial-a-date going on too. Sure every once and again he is going to hit these kinds of places with the boys so don't hold that against him, but you guys better be prepared to do a little extra "Free" work around the house that weekend!
"But Toner Boy he never tries to come and 'get some' anymore so why should I bother with him just because he wants it?" You slam a door in a persons face enough times, they are afraid to try and open it again after a while. Show him that the door can be opened with the right key. Not a broken down fence at the playground he can run through whenever he wants, (Don't get me wrong.... if you want to have a free for all policy with your man, go for it!) and he will appreciate the challenge. Instead of the sympathy or obligation sex he feels like he is getting now 12 to 15 times a year. Gee... that is always so uplifting. "Damn! Only 4 pills left in the pack. It is that time already? *Sigh* Come here honey I guess I have 10 mins to kill before Leno comes on."
"Yeah well I was going to try what you said over the weekend but I ended up having to much to drink that night. It was his birthday and we went out with our friends to the bar and tied one on, so maybe next weekend or something." Ouch! Double whammy! You not only passed him up completely on his birthday, (You had the midnight prior to wake him and spoil him if he was sleeping, you had an early morning before the kids got up or you could have just given him something sloppy drunk that you both would have just passed out in the middle of and laughed about for years to come!) you need another weekend to give him 30 mins of your time and attention? First of all you need an event to spend time with your spouse? Really? Then get a sperm donor or a roommate, not married.
"I see those people all touchy-feely when I go out and it bugs the crap out of me. I am the one who usually tells them to get a room!" Yeah.... happy people bug the crap out of me to. Sick bastards. No one is advocating to mount your partner in the middle of the store while shopping for produce but two people playing, having fun, or sharing a kiss is nothing to have a checker yell out "Code 3!" over the loudspeaker because you are grossed out. If you have a problem with it... probably because you wish it were you getting that attention. Follow my easy steps and it very well might be.
Marriage should be an adventure, not a chore. Cheers.
This was not what I lost when I got the shaft the other day on here, but it is the same point. I am sure my Followers will decrease by 8 and not one GUY will make a comment other than, "I feel sorry for whoever you are talking about." so they keep their own ass out of hot water at home! For those of you who are pissed because you are convinced that I am talking about you.... I am not. Sorry you feel that way. Like I said, better to be hated or loved than forgotten. I can bet not one of you will forget this post... for better or worse! You hear enough shit in life over and over, you just feel the need to speak up. I am sure everyone was already more than aware of these issues... my question is why do they even need to be brought up? Live, laugh, love.
Toner Boy
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
The crap one will do when one is bored...
Greetings earthlings.
I am telling you this week can not end soon enough for me. Then again neither can the need for me to drive to Oakland 5 days a week. It will be 11 years on Saturday since my beautiful wife and I got married, and coming up on 19 years since we first met. No matter how much I talk shit to her because that is just the smart ass that I am, it seems like yesterday that we first talked and I have never loved her more than I do today. Thank you for the ride. Hmmm... let's change that to journey. My little baby is going to be 7 this Sunday and I could not be more proud of that little stubborn bitch!
On to why I, I mean WE, are here....
Ever notice when you are bored out of your skull from a lack of challenges or activity how you tend to notice or think about the oddest crap? Guess that can explain 50% of the posts on this blog. The other 50% is just out of pure frustration with my surroundings! I mean I notice most things that are going on around me, for the most part, but I am sure as hell my wife will disagree. My only suggestion to her is to show me your boobs more often and I might stop staring at them while you are talking to me. Anywhooo.... Just some tidbits and nuggets today for those of you who are following this omnidirectional circle jerk.
I have tried putting some of this stuff in My Soap Box and Random Rants, but none of you make your way into those sections to read them so I am just going to blast way here. Sorry if this rolls over to something that you feel is an attack on you, which it is not let's be clear, but I got set off this morning and it is time to let it all hang out! Like I said this is about NO ONE, when I get to some of those points you may feel like are hitting close to home, but when you hear and see enough of the same crap over and over again... odds are someone out there is going to go, "He is talking about me!" Nope... let's just say that these are epidemics in today's society and even though everyone knows they are going on, no one wants to talk about it. I have no fear, after all my wife stopped reading this this months ago because she already knew I was full of shit! But shocking as it is ladies.... guys do talk. No not that extreme detail talks that you have about us, but more along the lines of, "Does your wife do this to?" so let's just say that some of these are just things I have picked up over the years.
OK... batter up! Let's start out with what set me off. Note to people in a parking structure. I know when you start driving in one of these things you have flashbacks to your Hot Wheels sets when you were a kid, BUT that does not mean that it is OK to drive through them at 40 mph when people are getting in and out of their cars, walking to the stairs and needing to cross the lane, all while you have 6 feet of visibility as you squeal your tires and catching air on those POINTLESS speed bumps the entire way up! I had to jump to avoid a woman's headlight being driven half way up my ass this morning for just such a reason! To remind her there are people in the structure I went "Smut Queen" on her and told her to everything but have a nice day! She is the winner of my first ever, I know you hate this ladies and I will say sorry from right now, Cunt Monkey Award! Cheers to her.
I don't care to see your nipples. Men that is. Guys, when you wear a dress shirt please do the world a favor and put on an undershirt! It does not matter what color your shirt is, most dress shirts are thin enough to see through. Especially those cheap fuckers that most of you wear! Good silk dress shirts do not have this problem, but most of you cheap bastards are not putting out the kind of money to buy them. So do us all a favor and add $10 to your outfit and put an undershirt in the mix. I don't care to see your nipples, chest hair, tattoos, armpit hair or back hair! I know... all of this coming from a lower class P.O.S., but hey... I used to be one of you and it just looks tacky as hell. Girls.... forget any of these statements, I do enjoy seeing yours!
Heavy people should not wear textured clothing. I am sorry, but if you are big please do those around you a favor and do not wear clothing that will make noise when you walk around your office. This is annoying as hell to those who work around you! All I can sit here and think about is the Seinfeld episode where George is on an interview wearing a new suite that "Swooshed" when he walked! Come on people... I know you can hear it! Clothes are made to be seen, not heard.
People are so fucking lazy it is not funny. It kills me to watch these lazy bastards walk up to the restrooms and push the handicap buttons so the door will open for them. What did they do 5 months ago before the buttons were installed? These are the same people who walk an 1/8 of a mile to the parking garage and instead of walking up one flight of stairs to their car they will wait 5 mins for an elevator to carry their ass. You know if you kept walking maybe your pants would not sound like a sanding block on wood. I bet they walk their ass to McDonald's everyday and super size the fuck out of their meal though!
The morning blitz! I can only laugh each morning as I come into work and see the mad dash of early morning coffee drinkers as they all sprint to the bathroom for their morning constitutional. In the heavily public use first floor bathrooms nonetheless! Gross. Probably do not have the cheek strength to wait for the fat-o-vator to take them to the upper floors where the clean bathrooms are. I could not imagine sitting with dirty ass all day. You can only wipe so good and 12 hours of funk is gross! I threw up in my mouth a little when I thought about what their desk chair is going through.
Really? I walk in this morning to hear Cracker on the phone fighting with his wife once again. Now this is nothing new but in my pissy mood it made me think about relationships and the choices that people make in them. (Hang on!) He gets off the phone and is talking to Munson over his cube and just about called his wife every name under the sun. Talking about, "How fucking annoying she is." and "He does not know why he puts up with her and her crap." Dude, really? Ahhh... maybe because you said, "I do." to her at some point in time? I don't know... call me silly but if you have thoughts or comments about your spouse in that manner don't you think you should have beat the bushes a wee bit more before making that kind of commitment to her? Last time I checked a marriage is a two way commitment, not a, "Take them off the market for now until something better turns up!" If you are only window shopping people, leave it at that. I know I am one to talk since I have been divorced but I was young as hell and thought that I was doing the right thing. After all I was 17 and knew it all, right? I can say this much... I will defend my wife to the nth degree. I may not agree with what she says or her actions, but I would NEVER throw her under the bus like I just heard him do. Now my thoughts to Cracker... If she is annoying then why did you marry her in the first place? If you say pussy then you are stupid because if you turn any girl over and look.... they all have one! Put up with her crap... If it was the right relationship in the first place, would there even be crap to put up with? I will give Cracker some credit on this one... his wife did call back like 10 times in the 5 minutes that followed this conversation and each time he told her that they would talk about it later when he was not at work. Way to listen!
So I sit down to read my morning news feeds and come across the following news summaries -
SON OF A BITCH! Something happened to blogger and I lost about, ooohhh... 3 hours of typing that followed this when I tried to post. It is supposed to auto save like every few seconds and it told me that is what it was doing. I go back to bring to grab the page and repost it and this is what I got. I give up. Done.
Toner Boy
I am telling you this week can not end soon enough for me. Then again neither can the need for me to drive to Oakland 5 days a week. It will be 11 years on Saturday since my beautiful wife and I got married, and coming up on 19 years since we first met. No matter how much I talk shit to her because that is just the smart ass that I am, it seems like yesterday that we first talked and I have never loved her more than I do today. Thank you for the ride. Hmmm... let's change that to journey. My little baby is going to be 7 this Sunday and I could not be more proud of that little stubborn bitch!
On to why I, I mean WE, are here....
Ever notice when you are bored out of your skull from a lack of challenges or activity how you tend to notice or think about the oddest crap? Guess that can explain 50% of the posts on this blog. The other 50% is just out of pure frustration with my surroundings! I mean I notice most things that are going on around me, for the most part, but I am sure as hell my wife will disagree. My only suggestion to her is to show me your boobs more often and I might stop staring at them while you are talking to me. Anywhooo.... Just some tidbits and nuggets today for those of you who are following this omnidirectional circle jerk.
I have tried putting some of this stuff in My Soap Box and Random Rants, but none of you make your way into those sections to read them so I am just going to blast way here. Sorry if this rolls over to something that you feel is an attack on you, which it is not let's be clear, but I got set off this morning and it is time to let it all hang out! Like I said this is about NO ONE, when I get to some of those points you may feel like are hitting close to home, but when you hear and see enough of the same crap over and over again... odds are someone out there is going to go, "He is talking about me!" Nope... let's just say that these are epidemics in today's society and even though everyone knows they are going on, no one wants to talk about it. I have no fear, after all my wife stopped reading this this months ago because she already knew I was full of shit! But shocking as it is ladies.... guys do talk. No not that extreme detail talks that you have about us, but more along the lines of, "Does your wife do this to?" so let's just say that some of these are just things I have picked up over the years.
OK... batter up! Let's start out with what set me off. Note to people in a parking structure. I know when you start driving in one of these things you have flashbacks to your Hot Wheels sets when you were a kid, BUT that does not mean that it is OK to drive through them at 40 mph when people are getting in and out of their cars, walking to the stairs and needing to cross the lane, all while you have 6 feet of visibility as you squeal your tires and catching air on those POINTLESS speed bumps the entire way up! I had to jump to avoid a woman's headlight being driven half way up my ass this morning for just such a reason! To remind her there are people in the structure I went "Smut Queen" on her and told her to everything but have a nice day! She is the winner of my first ever, I know you hate this ladies and I will say sorry from right now, Cunt Monkey Award! Cheers to her.
I don't care to see your nipples. Men that is. Guys, when you wear a dress shirt please do the world a favor and put on an undershirt! It does not matter what color your shirt is, most dress shirts are thin enough to see through. Especially those cheap fuckers that most of you wear! Good silk dress shirts do not have this problem, but most of you cheap bastards are not putting out the kind of money to buy them. So do us all a favor and add $10 to your outfit and put an undershirt in the mix. I don't care to see your nipples, chest hair, tattoos, armpit hair or back hair! I know... all of this coming from a lower class P.O.S., but hey... I used to be one of you and it just looks tacky as hell. Girls.... forget any of these statements, I do enjoy seeing yours!
Heavy people should not wear textured clothing. I am sorry, but if you are big please do those around you a favor and do not wear clothing that will make noise when you walk around your office. This is annoying as hell to those who work around you! All I can sit here and think about is the Seinfeld episode where George is on an interview wearing a new suite that "Swooshed" when he walked! Come on people... I know you can hear it! Clothes are made to be seen, not heard.
People are so fucking lazy it is not funny. It kills me to watch these lazy bastards walk up to the restrooms and push the handicap buttons so the door will open for them. What did they do 5 months ago before the buttons were installed? These are the same people who walk an 1/8 of a mile to the parking garage and instead of walking up one flight of stairs to their car they will wait 5 mins for an elevator to carry their ass. You know if you kept walking maybe your pants would not sound like a sanding block on wood. I bet they walk their ass to McDonald's everyday and super size the fuck out of their meal though!
The morning blitz! I can only laugh each morning as I come into work and see the mad dash of early morning coffee drinkers as they all sprint to the bathroom for their morning constitutional. In the heavily public use first floor bathrooms nonetheless! Gross. Probably do not have the cheek strength to wait for the fat-o-vator to take them to the upper floors where the clean bathrooms are. I could not imagine sitting with dirty ass all day. You can only wipe so good and 12 hours of funk is gross! I threw up in my mouth a little when I thought about what their desk chair is going through.
Really? I walk in this morning to hear Cracker on the phone fighting with his wife once again. Now this is nothing new but in my pissy mood it made me think about relationships and the choices that people make in them. (Hang on!) He gets off the phone and is talking to Munson over his cube and just about called his wife every name under the sun. Talking about, "How fucking annoying she is." and "He does not know why he puts up with her and her crap." Dude, really? Ahhh... maybe because you said, "I do." to her at some point in time? I don't know... call me silly but if you have thoughts or comments about your spouse in that manner don't you think you should have beat the bushes a wee bit more before making that kind of commitment to her? Last time I checked a marriage is a two way commitment, not a, "Take them off the market for now until something better turns up!" If you are only window shopping people, leave it at that. I know I am one to talk since I have been divorced but I was young as hell and thought that I was doing the right thing. After all I was 17 and knew it all, right? I can say this much... I will defend my wife to the nth degree. I may not agree with what she says or her actions, but I would NEVER throw her under the bus like I just heard him do. Now my thoughts to Cracker... If she is annoying then why did you marry her in the first place? If you say pussy then you are stupid because if you turn any girl over and look.... they all have one! Put up with her crap... If it was the right relationship in the first place, would there even be crap to put up with? I will give Cracker some credit on this one... his wife did call back like 10 times in the 5 minutes that followed this conversation and each time he told her that they would talk about it later when he was not at work. Way to listen!
So I sit down to read my morning news feeds and come across the following news summaries -
- 17 years ago a man was convicted of a triple murder and prior to his trial he had requested that he defend himself at his trial. The requests were made 5 weeks before the set trial date and the judge denied his request on the grounds that he was trying to delay the trial itself since there was no way he could prepare for such a case in that amount of time. The man was assigned a new lawyer, convicted by a jury on all three accounts and given the death sentence. He has appealed the trial on the basis of not being allowed to defend himself in court and has had the entire case voided. He is getting a new trial.... with a DIFFERENT lawyer! I thought the grounds for the new trial were based on the fact that you did not get to defend yourself? Our justice system is a complete joke! I am with Texas on this. If you commit a heinous crime with more than 3 credible eye witnesses, admission of guilt or overwhelming physical evidence you are sentenced to death and THEY FOLLOW THROUGH ON IT! Not 15, 20 or 30 years down the road. It is more like, "We will see you in a few months buddy so go tend to any personal affairs that you need to, and pray to your maker!" The bottom he is not taking into question the evidence, a witness or anything else so why in the hell is he getting a new trial with a new lawyer? You were convicted of the crimes and you don't want to own up to it, so use taxpayers need to foot the bill on a new trial? You know odds are that this asshole will get off on some technicality, right? These murders were almost 30 years ago and I am sure witnesses have passed on during that time, files have been lost, people who heard the case have been accused of things after the fact that are now going to be held against them... whatever! This just pisses me off because since Alice has been killed and I have stayed in constant communication with the DA and it is sad to see how hard it is to put away bad guys. I mean they are not going to seek the death penalty on the dirt bag who killed him because they do not feel they will get the jury that they need here in Alameda to pull the trigger on it. The person who killed him is Asian and they said being a very Asian populated area they would most likely end up with Asian jurors who would not want to sentence him to death. Really? They have taped phone conversations of him admitting to murder is not enough to sentence a person to death? How in the hell is he even allowed to enter a not guilty plea? He fucking admitted it! Where is the confusion? The ball less justice system. What a joke. What ever happened to the approach of "Get a rope!" when you know someone was guilty? Oh yeah innocent until proven guilty. And his own words... not good enough. Up yours.
- Hidden video at a dairy farm shows workers beating cows with crowbars, stabbing them with pitchforks and punching them. There are 12 counts of this crime he is being accused of. One of them showed him using metal wire to tie a calf head to a pole on the ground while he beat it with another pole until it bled. This 25 year old genius was fired and can be fined up to $750 per count and 90 days for each. Is that really enough? Really? I think chemical castration to make sure he has no offspring would make a LOT more sense.
- For those that read my Rant yesterday... at 10 the market was full of nothing but positive financial news. Housing start ups were better than expected, and factory orders have risen. How are things so different in 24 hours? Maybe the fact that it is spring time and this is the time of the year that builders, build? Duh! You still have to get people to buy them and banks to be able to lend money. Little curve ball for you in 6 months! An hour later it says that investors were bargain hunting after yesterdays sell off. So shit that people considered crap yesterday is a bargain today? The day ends with the Euro sinking in value and the market falls and gives back all of its gains within 30 minutes before the final bell. Ahhh... last time I checked the Euro was crap yesterday... why the big shock? Did Greece find $40 trillion under a mattress that it forgot about in the morning only to have it be monopoly money or something? Until the regulate the markets better and kill off these power day traders it is nothing more than a get rich quick scheme that affects all of us. It is no longer a long term investment under today's mindset. (That was written yesterday. I know... it has taken 2 days to do this shit to this point!) Just for a laughing note, they say the economic rebound slowed last quarter. After all that good news yesterday? Stocks said the hell with it this morning and took off anyway, on get this, China having confidence in Europe! WTF? Let's be honest.... financial advisors are no better than weathermen! They have no idea what it is they are really doing. They are just looking for their next dollar and they will lie, cheat and steal to get people into the market with their money, so they can make money off of it. Lemmings!
- The Feds busted up a social networking site based one child porn. Does any more need to be said? I am sure they will get a $10 fine when they deserve to be stoned in the nearest town square. Sick fucks. Don't break that shit up. Leave it up, hunt them down and gut them like fish! There were 1,000 members on this site and they were exchanging millions of image files. These people have no place in this world and an example should be made of people like this.
SON OF A BITCH! Something happened to blogger and I lost about, ooohhh... 3 hours of typing that followed this when I tried to post. It is supposed to auto save like every few seconds and it told me that is what it was doing. I go back to bring to grab the page and repost it and this is what I got. I give up. Done.
Toner Boy
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Smut Queen's Eve of Samhain is out!!!!
Get your Irish supernatural porno thriller today!!!!!
Click HERE to buy Smut Queen's book!
I understand that it really is a great book and she is a great person who everyone should support! Go out, buy it, read it and look forward to the other books in her series. Help spread the word and post the link to her book on your Facebook page!
As far as something funny from me.... my life. Isn't that funny enough when you stop and think about it?
No?
Well then all I have is a quote - "Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge." ~ Scott Adams
Now piss off.
Toner Boy
Click HERE to buy Smut Queen's book!
I understand that it really is a great book and she is a great person who everyone should support! Go out, buy it, read it and look forward to the other books in her series. Help spread the word and post the link to her book on your Facebook page!
As far as something funny from me.... my life. Isn't that funny enough when you stop and think about it?
No?
Well then all I have is a quote - "Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge." ~ Scott Adams
Now piss off.
Toner Boy
Monday, May 24, 2010
Weekend wrap up....
Yeah... it's Monday again.
Overall the weekend was not too bad. It would get a 6 out of 10 on my fun shit meter.
Friday night after work we went to The SC book party for Smut Queen at their place. The SC was in the house, except Ed, Sleeper Cell and Cheese. Damn Livermore people! It was a low key event for the most part as we talked, snacked and drank in celebration of the release of her book this week. Sometime in the night, after another Sharks loss, The Fuzz called me and Chet into the other room where we found a pile of Nerf guns and ammo! This could only mean one thing.... WAR! I tell you what, this is why The SC is so exclusive and new members are going to have to pay monthly dues! We acted like jackass kids for the next 30 mins just running around and shooting anyone we could. Until we noticed that all of the ammo was missing. Well Hunny figured that if she could not get her hands on a gun to shoot people, then she was going to grab all of the ammo and put it down her top. Nice thought... wrong idea! The Fuzz and Chet grab her and bring her into the other room where I relieve her of her hoarded treasure! At this point we were all laughing so hard that the battle was over due to exhaustion! Never has so much fun been had for so damn cheap! Thanks for bringing out the "Fun Guns" Hun.. ahh, I mean The Fuzz!!!
A soon to happen night of "Stupid Adult Fun" will be held in one of the Tracy parks! Ed you guys better make it for that! We will rely on The Fuzz to keep us out of jail, or at least in our own collective cell once we are in the slammer!
On Saturday I got up and did a few things around the house in the morning before going and getting a much needed oil change in the car. I decided to rattle Game Time's cage to see if he was up for killing the time it was going to take for the service by going down a Rusty's for a few drinks. Low and behold he had to take his mom's car down to get its oil changed for her as well, so we went to watch the A's and Giant's game, NASCAR race, Laker's game and some sci-fi show with a bunch of hot looking girls on it! Needless to say they were slower than hell getting our oil changed, but with a well mixed Jack and Coke in your hand... you really don't give a crap! It was nice to just hang out with Game Time and chew the fat a little bit and talk about putting a few more things in our appointment books then we have in the past year over a few drinks. It got to late to cook so I went and grabbed some take and bakes and headed home. Thunder had a friend sleep over that night and the girls had fun playing all night long while I slept!
Sunday I got up and made the girls waffles and finished cleaning up a few things around the house. Went and met Pop's to run an errand before going over to their house to cook. Made some broccoli potato and cheddar soup, some Parmesan potato cakes and a couple of pork loins. Nothing overly tough, but it all came out very good and we ended up with leftovers for days as usual. Went home stuffed to the gills and started to watch Celebrity Apprentice through my eye lids before leaving Hunny at 9:45 to go to bed. Dude... I am getting old! My ass could not even stay up until 10. That is sad.
On the way into to work this morning I did at least have the pleasure of seeing why traffic sucked ass! No more then 1/2 mile before me a bike and a BUNCH of cars tried to get better acquainted. Oops. When I drove by the guy was laying on the shoulder with everyone out of their cars and as I looked down at him his foot was pointing in the wrong direction! So cool. That will teach the old fart that splitting lanes in heavy traffic on a rice rocket is not the best of choices he could have made for getting to work no matter who was at fault. These guys go through there just assuming that all of the drivers are looking out for them and see them coming up at 30 miles an hour faster then they are going. Shit is going to happen.... sorry.
Put in for my day off this Friday so we can take Little Miss out for her birthday weekend. She is going to be 17.... no wait.... 7 on Sunday. It just seems like 17 talking to little miss know it all! Just the fam is going to take her out for lunch and a show on Friday so it will be a nice her day! We decided to wait on our next trip to Disneyland for a few more weeks so we could see the new water show and wait for some of the rides that are currently being worked on to open back up. Sort of pissed because once again I am missing the Food and Wine Fest going on down there this year, but the trips to Disney are for the kids. Right? Saturday Big Willy Style is graduating from high school and we are going to attend that and his party after. Sort of odd because it is our 11 year anniversary on Saturday as well, but we will make the most of it. Then again being there with Zebra and Game Time making the most of it is never a doubt! Hell maybe I will pour Hunny some more tequila for some liquid courage later that night? Oh wait.... house guests that night as well. Well... there is always the 12 year, right? What's my hurry? Sunday we are going to have a little get together with cake for Little Miss over at Turbo's, and I believe that Monday is a day of rest.
Wow that is a lot of shit with not a laugh in sight. Guess it is time I stop writing this thing and find another way to stay off the ledge because I am boring myself with this.
Hey maybe I should check my lotto tickets and this is all just fo....... nope.... this is still my place of work.
Well if anything worth typing comes up this week you will hear from me again.... if not.... not.
Toner Boy
Overall the weekend was not too bad. It would get a 6 out of 10 on my fun shit meter.
Friday night after work we went to The SC book party for Smut Queen at their place. The SC was in the house, except Ed, Sleeper Cell and Cheese. Damn Livermore people! It was a low key event for the most part as we talked, snacked and drank in celebration of the release of her book this week. Sometime in the night, after another Sharks loss, The Fuzz called me and Chet into the other room where we found a pile of Nerf guns and ammo! This could only mean one thing.... WAR! I tell you what, this is why The SC is so exclusive and new members are going to have to pay monthly dues! We acted like jackass kids for the next 30 mins just running around and shooting anyone we could. Until we noticed that all of the ammo was missing. Well Hunny figured that if she could not get her hands on a gun to shoot people, then she was going to grab all of the ammo and put it down her top. Nice thought... wrong idea! The Fuzz and Chet grab her and bring her into the other room where I relieve her of her hoarded treasure! At this point we were all laughing so hard that the battle was over due to exhaustion! Never has so much fun been had for so damn cheap! Thanks for bringing out the "Fun Guns" Hun.. ahh, I mean The Fuzz!!!
A soon to happen night of "Stupid Adult Fun" will be held in one of the Tracy parks! Ed you guys better make it for that! We will rely on The Fuzz to keep us out of jail, or at least in our own collective cell once we are in the slammer!
On Saturday I got up and did a few things around the house in the morning before going and getting a much needed oil change in the car. I decided to rattle Game Time's cage to see if he was up for killing the time it was going to take for the service by going down a Rusty's for a few drinks. Low and behold he had to take his mom's car down to get its oil changed for her as well, so we went to watch the A's and Giant's game, NASCAR race, Laker's game and some sci-fi show with a bunch of hot looking girls on it! Needless to say they were slower than hell getting our oil changed, but with a well mixed Jack and Coke in your hand... you really don't give a crap! It was nice to just hang out with Game Time and chew the fat a little bit and talk about putting a few more things in our appointment books then we have in the past year over a few drinks. It got to late to cook so I went and grabbed some take and bakes and headed home. Thunder had a friend sleep over that night and the girls had fun playing all night long while I slept!
Sunday I got up and made the girls waffles and finished cleaning up a few things around the house. Went and met Pop's to run an errand before going over to their house to cook. Made some broccoli potato and cheddar soup, some Parmesan potato cakes and a couple of pork loins. Nothing overly tough, but it all came out very good and we ended up with leftovers for days as usual. Went home stuffed to the gills and started to watch Celebrity Apprentice through my eye lids before leaving Hunny at 9:45 to go to bed. Dude... I am getting old! My ass could not even stay up until 10. That is sad.
On the way into to work this morning I did at least have the pleasure of seeing why traffic sucked ass! No more then 1/2 mile before me a bike and a BUNCH of cars tried to get better acquainted. Oops. When I drove by the guy was laying on the shoulder with everyone out of their cars and as I looked down at him his foot was pointing in the wrong direction! So cool. That will teach the old fart that splitting lanes in heavy traffic on a rice rocket is not the best of choices he could have made for getting to work no matter who was at fault. These guys go through there just assuming that all of the drivers are looking out for them and see them coming up at 30 miles an hour faster then they are going. Shit is going to happen.... sorry.
Put in for my day off this Friday so we can take Little Miss out for her birthday weekend. She is going to be 17.... no wait.... 7 on Sunday. It just seems like 17 talking to little miss know it all! Just the fam is going to take her out for lunch and a show on Friday so it will be a nice her day! We decided to wait on our next trip to Disneyland for a few more weeks so we could see the new water show and wait for some of the rides that are currently being worked on to open back up. Sort of pissed because once again I am missing the Food and Wine Fest going on down there this year, but the trips to Disney are for the kids. Right? Saturday Big Willy Style is graduating from high school and we are going to attend that and his party after. Sort of odd because it is our 11 year anniversary on Saturday as well, but we will make the most of it. Then again being there with Zebra and Game Time making the most of it is never a doubt! Hell maybe I will pour Hunny some more tequila for some liquid courage later that night? Oh wait.... house guests that night as well. Well... there is always the 12 year, right? What's my hurry? Sunday we are going to have a little get together with cake for Little Miss over at Turbo's, and I believe that Monday is a day of rest.
Wow that is a lot of shit with not a laugh in sight. Guess it is time I stop writing this thing and find another way to stay off the ledge because I am boring myself with this.
Hey maybe I should check my lotto tickets and this is all just fo....... nope.... this is still my place of work.
Well if anything worth typing comes up this week you will hear from me again.... if not.... not.
Toner Boy
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My eyes!
OK... and strike me down right now Lord if I am even fudging this one bit!!!!
No Friends just walked by me as I was going to lunch (She must have been out this morning because there is no way in hell I would have missed this all day!) wearing.... get this... tight black and white striped pants with this sort of green floral pattern in parts of the white sections, a maroon leather Members Only style jacket, a fuchsia pink top, that black and white animal print neck-er-chief that she always wears, (It has a pink border so I can see where she was trying to go here.) a lavender glossy leather handbag the size of my wife's bra, (Yes that is fucking big!) black leather driving gloves, lime green heels, (To go with some of the plant life on her pants I guess?) and yes... a matching green belt! Can I throw in the fact that she is pasty white and she wears hooker red lipstick!?!?! (No Hunny... the red does not work on her like it does on you with me!!!!)
All I can say is, "What the hell?"
Toner Boy
**Get Eve of Samhain by Lisa Sanchez on Amazon.com starting May 25th!**
No Friends just walked by me as I was going to lunch (She must have been out this morning because there is no way in hell I would have missed this all day!) wearing.... get this... tight black and white striped pants with this sort of green floral pattern in parts of the white sections, a maroon leather Members Only style jacket, a fuchsia pink top, that black and white animal print neck-er-chief that she always wears, (It has a pink border so I can see where she was trying to go here.) a lavender glossy leather handbag the size of my wife's bra, (Yes that is fucking big!) black leather driving gloves, lime green heels, (To go with some of the plant life on her pants I guess?) and yes... a matching green belt! Can I throw in the fact that she is pasty white and she wears hooker red lipstick!?!?! (No Hunny... the red does not work on her like it does on you with me!!!!)
All I can say is, "What the hell?"
Toner Boy
**Get Eve of Samhain by Lisa Sanchez on Amazon.com starting May 25th!**
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Smut Queen's Eve of Samhain!!!!
I know that only 4 of you out there still read this thing, (one of you is the person of topic, and the rest of you already know her!) but do yourself a favor, or your wife, and go and out get Smut Queen's book as soon as it is released! You will thank me later. This is the first of many books that she is doing and she will become your favorite author before you know it!
Unlike me. Her crap is readable!
I have pointed you to her blog many times, but here it again! You can take a look at the artwork for her book here. She will have a site dedicated to her book up soon, so make sure you check back here often and I will get you that information as soon as it is available. Or you can choose to follow her blog so you can stay on top of her latest projects!
For those of you looking for Toner Boy in print. You're looking at it! See the screen. It's print. My stories have proven to only tickle the fancies of the truly twisted. Yes... the 4 of you are twisted! Maybe I will make it as a porn writer? My new handle will be.... Solo Sam.
So stay updated and go out and get Lisa Sanchez's book Eve of Samhain as soon as it is released and support your local talent. No Ass Clown not the hookers!
Congrats once again Smut Queen! Now go give them filth!
Toner Boy
**Release date is May 25th and you can get your copy through Amazon.com!**
**Her website is up (Hell that was quick!) for the book. Take a look!**
Unlike me. Her crap is readable!
I have pointed you to her blog many times, but here it again! You can take a look at the artwork for her book here. She will have a site dedicated to her book up soon, so make sure you check back here often and I will get you that information as soon as it is available. Or you can choose to follow her blog so you can stay on top of her latest projects!
For those of you looking for Toner Boy in print. You're looking at it! See the screen. It's print. My stories have proven to only tickle the fancies of the truly twisted. Yes... the 4 of you are twisted! Maybe I will make it as a porn writer? My new handle will be.... Solo Sam.
So stay updated and go out and get Lisa Sanchez's book Eve of Samhain as soon as it is released and support your local talent. No Ass Clown not the hookers!
Congrats once again Smut Queen! Now go give them filth!
Toner Boy
**Release date is May 25th and you can get your copy through Amazon.com!**
**Her website is up (Hell that was quick!) for the book. Take a look!**
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Quick laugh....
Why is it anything worth talking about here happens in the bathroom?
I had just eaten some trail mix so I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. A guy in a nice suit walks in and goes back to the crapper stalls instead of using the urinals which were vacant at the time. He walks into the handicap stall, never closes the door, and leaves the seat down while he takes a leak. Dude, people have to use that thing! Well karma must have reared its ugly head on this guy and said, "3 strikes you're out!"
For those who have not had this conversation with me in person let me fill in the blanks on why this was not a good choice on his part. The toilets here are about three inches off the ground, are filled to about 70% capacity before they receive any sort of deposit, and power flush like those death traps on airplanes! The kicker is that flush is not the power it down the shoot thing that you would think it should have to get whatever man can growl into its bowl off to the Bay for the catch of the day to eat. No.... this is a clockwise swirly wash that I guess is supposed to put on a show by parading whatever you left behind for a trip around the bowl so you can say your final goodbye's to it. So what is the problem with that you say? I like a show.
The munchkin level toilets come equipped with one of those cool auto flush features that has sick sense of humor to those who choose to stand and pee at it. I am guessing the sensor picks you up as you walk up, but standing there with your legs apart as you piss it thinks that you are done with your business and it is time to go to work. When you combine a jet powered swirly flush, with a now 80% full bowl of liquid, and nothing that is going to break its momentum what you get is a tidal wave of water looking to ruin someones day!
As I get done washing my hands I walk towards the mirror by the door and grumble as I see this old bastard looking back at me. I can hear that all too well known "Click!" as the auto flush kicks in! I watch in pure pleasure out of the corner of my eye I see in the mirror this man was still taking his leak.... now holding himself as he pinches off the flow.... and trying to DANCE to miss the water as it comes over the top of the bowl and onto his pants and shoes!!!!! OMFG I am crying at this point! He is standing about three feet away from the toilet.... bottom of his pants wet... one squishy shoe.... piss and water on the floor.... holding himself... and all he says, in a this did not just happen sort of way is, "Shit."
Nope. Piss.
I wonder if he just finished his business there on the floor with the door open or if he made his way back to the bowl to give it another try? If he did I bet it all happened again! If it were me I just would have walked through the bathroom and pissed every place I could at that point! I mean what the hell it is already a GREAT fucking day!
Good times. Good times.
Toner Boy
I had just eaten some trail mix so I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. A guy in a nice suit walks in and goes back to the crapper stalls instead of using the urinals which were vacant at the time. He walks into the handicap stall, never closes the door, and leaves the seat down while he takes a leak. Dude, people have to use that thing! Well karma must have reared its ugly head on this guy and said, "3 strikes you're out!"
For those who have not had this conversation with me in person let me fill in the blanks on why this was not a good choice on his part. The toilets here are about three inches off the ground, are filled to about 70% capacity before they receive any sort of deposit, and power flush like those death traps on airplanes! The kicker is that flush is not the power it down the shoot thing that you would think it should have to get whatever man can growl into its bowl off to the Bay for the catch of the day to eat. No.... this is a clockwise swirly wash that I guess is supposed to put on a show by parading whatever you left behind for a trip around the bowl so you can say your final goodbye's to it. So what is the problem with that you say? I like a show.
The munchkin level toilets come equipped with one of those cool auto flush features that has sick sense of humor to those who choose to stand and pee at it. I am guessing the sensor picks you up as you walk up, but standing there with your legs apart as you piss it thinks that you are done with your business and it is time to go to work. When you combine a jet powered swirly flush, with a now 80% full bowl of liquid, and nothing that is going to break its momentum what you get is a tidal wave of water looking to ruin someones day!
As I get done washing my hands I walk towards the mirror by the door and grumble as I see this old bastard looking back at me. I can hear that all too well known "Click!" as the auto flush kicks in! I watch in pure pleasure out of the corner of my eye I see in the mirror this man was still taking his leak.... now holding himself as he pinches off the flow.... and trying to DANCE to miss the water as it comes over the top of the bowl and onto his pants and shoes!!!!! OMFG I am crying at this point! He is standing about three feet away from the toilet.... bottom of his pants wet... one squishy shoe.... piss and water on the floor.... holding himself... and all he says, in a this did not just happen sort of way is, "Shit."
Nope. Piss.
I wonder if he just finished his business there on the floor with the door open or if he made his way back to the bowl to give it another try? If he did I bet it all happened again! If it were me I just would have walked through the bathroom and pissed every place I could at that point! I mean what the hell it is already a GREAT fucking day!
Good times. Good times.
Toner Boy
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