Hey, hey, hey! Been a busy Toner Boy these days, so sorry for the delay. Let's get on with it!
Since my last post McLovin has turned 19, Thunder 10, Hack 61, Paparazzi 29 (Always 29) and Goo-Goo 90! Happy Birthday's to all of you!
I think I have settled on a blog format finally. Still not 100% how I would want it, so when I get the time I may transform it once again. Never know. Unlike Hack's undies, this could get changed often!
There have been some additions to The who's who! section. A few new SC members have been added, as well as some updates to those who were already on board my flight to insanity! All protests must be presented in writing and mailed to management for review. Good luck with that.
Real quick notes from around the office.
Influenza has been hacking up a fucking lung all week and I am about two coughs away from a case of the swine flu myself at the rate she is going. Dear Lord! I mean I even heard her hack a cough drop off of her monitor the other day as it shot out of her mouth during one of her gag fests! Well I guess it is better than that fake ass sounding sneeze. That cough drop was some pretty funny shit though if you ask me.
Penis needed a makeshift database/spreadsheet thingy created the other day, but could not articulate the words on what he was trying to accomplish when it was all said and done. So I tried for two days to beat out of him (Funny fucking pun right there!) and yesterday I finally told him I needed to walk through this data comparison step-by-step with him just so I could get a grasp of what it was he really wanted. Needing to explain fresh data and scrub data to him was beyond painful, because he just could not wrap him brain around it. Finally it clicked. (Guess being a professional beater paid off for someone besides myself finally. Thanks for the training Hunny!) After it was said and done he called in the other managers to show them what I had put together and how they were to use it. Instead of praising my penis alone, I was praised by Penis in front of others. Yep.... the truth be told, it was a nice change.
Wigglesworth has been bugging the crap out of me a lot these days. Strange bastard walking up behind me and just standing there waiting for me to turn around and address him. Freak. After talking with him I am always expecting him to give me that Mr. Burns, "Excellent." when we are done talking and he walks away. Dude is a trip.
One of the Muff-keteers, Larry, had her PC die this week so I had to swap out her PC for a new one. What a thrill a minute that was. She looked at me like I broke her shit. If she kept it up I was going to for real!
One of the ladies from our office across the street had a problem with some files that were not working and I explained to her that the group that controls the servers and backups would have to restore them for her. Once I contacted them they told me that the backup was off site and they would have to request it and it would take a couple of days. I explain this to her and told her as soon as they tell me that the files have been restored I will replace them and let her know. Ever since that day I have been called and emailed about 4 times a day asking if it is done yet. When I refused to respond to her for an hour, because there is obviously a translation problem from my mouth to her ears, she began calling Mr. Obvious and asking him for updates. Obviously he told her the same thing I did, just because that is how he rolls. She then calls Penis to see if he knew. Penis turned around and pissed on us looking for answers. I told Penis the same thing I have told everyone else and that as soon as they got the tape they would restore her files. Mr. Obvious calls the server group, who once again explains what I told them the first time and that they had not received it yet. He then hands that information back to Penis, again. (Had to get hand and penis in the same sentence, sorry!) Penis gets hard on her and tells her what was told to her from day one. I come in this morning to find Mr. Obvious had came into the office early and gotten an email telling us that the restore was done. He restores the files for her and then sends out an email to God and creation like he had just saved the users life. I mean this was sent to people who were not even part of this whole circle jerk. WTF is that all about? I guess if you are in need of recognition that bad.... more power to you. It was a 5 second job that took 3 days to complete because of how this cluster fuck it setup in the first place. Yippee you douche bag.
Hmmmm... Let's see. What else? The Cracker has been having blow outs with the wife on the phone all week and has enough empties in his cube to build a fort! Wonder if he is sleeping there? Trekkie has been gone all week. How will we ever get along? The Throat has been in full on clear mode. Munson left his hand on his desk when he went to the bathroom. Guess he has no real need for it, huh? Today is bring your little pain in the ass to work day. This is always a joy. I made some kick ass badges for them though. Better appreciate the hard work you little rat bastards! I love kids. Made some badges with super models on them for a few of the "very rare" nice ladies in the office that I don't mind talking to for the event. Needless to say... the pictures were a BIT of a stretch for one of them. That is about it from the work front.... now that I am all relaxed, let's talk about the "post race" vacation.
So we make it down to the hotel and as we get out to stretch our legs I notice there is oil on the back of the Suburban. Great. Look on the ground and I follow a trail of drips leading out to the street, and I don't mean the kids were laying in a line either! Crap. Make a call to Pops to see if he can reach into is deep ass bag of friends and come up with an out of town fix as we walk over to Disneyland. After a call or two he has a friend, of a friend, of a friend that will take a look at it for us while we are there. It seems to be a transmission leak. After a few hours in the park The Fuzz and I run down to an oil changer just to have them take a look and see if they can spot the source of the problem. Sure enough they said it was leaking from the transfer case. Going onto our 12th hour of being awake and with little sleep it only made since to us to..... drink. The Fuzz and I stopped off for a sip-n-sack on the way back to the room, and then another one about 4 mins later as we passed another store. What?
Once we got back to the room we got dinner ready for everyone and had a drink. We are parched at this point. Come on. After dinner we head back to the park for a few hours after the crowds have died down a weeee bit. Once it got to about 10 we packed it in and headed back to the room. After all we have been going for 18 hours at this point, and for some reason once the buzz wore off I was feeling a little rubber legged at this point. A good night sleep will do wonders for all of us at this point I am sure. We get back to the hotel and Paparazzi tells us we are meeting at 7 to go back to the park. Yes... 7AM!!! So much for that good night sleep. The girls crash out and Hunny sets the alarm on her phone for 6 so we can get up and get ready. She says, "Let's try this rooster alarm." Bad idea. There is nothing in this world like being woke up by the sounds of a artificial rooster on crack... let me tell you.
After doing my best Uncle Shartly, Smut Queen combo impersonation at the wifes phone we lumber our way out to the lobby to met the SC. Within a few steps we are transported into a large group of kids that are about to go to Disneyland. Had a great time in the park during the morning hours. We watched Sleeper Cell kill everything in Buzz Lightyear, Foo just about shit herself on Tower of Terror and The Fuzz and the girls going for a dip on Splash Mountain. Once the crowds came in the afternoon we got out of the park and made our way back to the hotel. Chet, The Fuzz and myself took the damaged vehicle down to the stop to get the leak fixed. Now Pops had warned me that this guy had all of the people skills of a stomach pump before I got there. Like I listened! I walk in and introduce myself to the man and he looks at the badge charm on my necklace and asks if I am a cop. (I wear a badge that honors my grandfather.) I look right at him without a breath and say, "No. But I play one on TV." Not even a blink. The guy just turns and walks out to the shop to write down my information. Yeah. On that note I tell The Fuzz that it is time for a drink! Lucky for us we brought a few beers with us.
The Fuzz calls Smut Queen to see what they are doing and the kids were all on their way back from the pool to eat some lunch and then they were all going to rest for a bit. Sounds like the perfect time to escape! We head over to ESPN Zone for a drink and end up having lunch. Big mistake! We are having an early dinner at Buca di Beppo and with 4 hours to go I went ahead and had a burger that was about the size of a VW Bug. Washed it down with a couple of adult sized Blue Moon's, and as full as a tick off we go. We get back to the hotel and Chet has some work to do and The Fuzz and I go to check on our families. *Side Note* - As I am typing this I can hear, what sounds like, a recycle salvage going on in The Crackers cube! Must be spring cleaning! AHAHAHAH - Everyone is crashed out cold and in my room. I watch the Masters for a little bit and try and get some rest, but at this point I am busting at the seams! Hoping that this too shall pass, I wake the girls up so they can all get ready for dinner and a trip back to the park later that night. We get to dinner and Sleeper Cell buys all of the guys a beer. To give you a hint how full I still was... I did not even get close to finishing that beer. Sad I know. I had about 3 bites of food as The Fuzz tried to rat me out to Hunny that I had been to ESPN Zone without her, and tried to suggest that I ate her favorite menu item as well. Shit disturber!
After they ate we went back to the park for a few rides and to take in the Electric Light Parade one last time before for they take it away forever again, and then bring it back in 5 years in a marketing campaign. Has anyone ever mentioned that people around those parades are a pain in the ass? Or back? Huh Smut Queen? Some little bastard child was kicking her until she lobbed him and his mother the bird before getting up. (OK. Not really, but that would have been some funny ass shit!) We got back to the room once again somewhere around 10 and were warned of the start time for the next days festivities. See you at 7 Paparazzi! God... glad this is a vacation. The plus is it is going to be a short day in the parks because the girl competition starts the following morning and they need some rest. As do I!
Had a great morning in the park and the kids went their own way for a little bit to give us some adult time. Notice I did not say give them some kid time.... yeah we needed the break from them! Nothing like owning 8 cheerleaders between 4 family's. Well that break ended up lasting one ride. They went one way... we went the other... the next thing you know we are all at Thunder Mountain Railroad together. Go figure. After an afternoon of heat we headed back to the hotel so the kids could rest and swim before dinner, and The Fuzz and I ran to go and pickup the Suburban. Couple of beers for travel. We get back to the hotel to find the kids at the pool with Smut Queen, Chet working again, Sleeper Cell starting to get tuned up, Ed and Paprazzi ran to the store and Hunny was not feeling well laying down back in the room. I told her we were going to grab a few drinks and going to head down to the pool to relax for a bit, so she joined us. We sat around and shot the shit for an hour or so, knocked down a few drinks and proceeded to head back and make dinner. After we ate one of the girls from the gym pretty much begged us to throw her in the pool. I think she said something like, "Hey what are you guys doing?" We have heard just about enough of that shit, in the pool you go little lady! Still healing from those claws of hers.
Well it is Saturday morning at 6 and that means that it is time for cheer. Well except for Hunny who has been up tossing her cookies all morning! But the trooper that she is she got Little Miss ready and off they went to the convention center. Thunder and I soon followed with the others who did not have to be there as early to go and watch her team perform. They did a good job, no real errors except the fact that they looked like they were asked to point out a serial killer in a line up without a one way mirror in between them! Odd... they are always a very confident, loosey goosey sort of group. Come to find out the coaches put a bit too much of a "No horsing around." scare into them than they intended too! After being a little stiff they started out in 3rd place after the first day. No worries. They have got it in them to still take it.
Time to go back and get the older girls ready and another prayer to the porcelain gods for Hunny. Thunder and Junior 3 were up next. You can really tell that all of the girls have been running a little ragged down there as they were not quite themselves. A few mistakes here and there, and a very lethargic performance left them in 4th after the first day with some teams that were very solid and clean in front of them. They have got some work to do just to make it to the podium at this point. Maybe that quick trip Thunder and I made back to the park on the down-low the night before to get in a few rides was not the wisest of choices by the old man. I must say it was worth the trip alone just for seeing the little Asian guy in the bathroom taking a leak like a 3 year old with his pants down around his ankles, and his bare ass sticking out as he took his piss. That was some funny shit to see at the Happiest Place on Earth! Guess he was going for the complete kid experience.
That night at dinner before Foo heads over for her turn on the mat with her Senior 5 team we get a text letting us know that the little ones need to be back at 6 the next morning instead of 7. Great. Considering that Foo did not go on until almost 9 that night that quick turnaround could be a killer for the little ones. Like a trooper Little Miss and Hunny were back up at 5 to get ready and go back over to give it their best. I beat Thunder into submission and got her up they left the room so we could get ready and be there to watch her perform. The coaches, having seen the error in their ways, must have told the girls to look like PEZ dispensers because they were smiling so hard their mouths were cutting their heads in half going ear to ear the entire time. They were much better though. They had a lot more energy and were clean as usual. They moved from 3rd to 2nd with that performance, and happy that they moved up at all Little Miss did not shank any judges after the results were announced for poor judgment. The world is safe for one more day.
With a little break between Little Miss and Thunder, Hunny went back to the room to rest up a bit since her stomach is still searching for the prize at the bottom of her belly like a kid riffling through a cereal box. Ed and Paparazzi lend a hand and get Thunder ready and we head over to the competition for check in and let Hunny rest a while longer. She makes it over just in time to watch Junior 3 perform, looking like Dawn of the Dead nonetheless, and was rewarded for her efforts with a solid performance by the girls. They looked so much better! Now it was just a matter of seeing if they did enough to make it to the podium. The three teams in front of them were also very good in their own right, and have the advantage of a higher score that they needed to make up on them. At the awards the call came in that they indeed moved up to 3rd place and they were all VERY happy! The fact that this was Thunders first time of not placing 1st at Nationals was not even a thought in her mind at this point. The fact that they worked their butts off and made the podium against some very solid teams meant the world to these girls. Very proud of them.
On the way back to the hotel for some rest and food, Ed and Sleeper Cell have Thunder convinced that there is a Hidden Mickey in the fountain in the front of the convention center! Absolutely infatuated with finding hidden Mickey's on this trip Thunder heads into the fountain for a gander. Looking on the lower levels, getting her feet and legs wet, was not good enough for Sleeper Cell. He tells Thunder that it is in the bowl at the top of the fountain and that he will give her a dollar if she goes up there to find it. Did he even need to offer it to her at this point? Right up she went and she is looking in the water like there is a lost treasure in there! She is going to lay claim to this hidden Mickey and the world is going to know her name for this find. Well Ed had bought a Mickey magnet earlier in the day and she was going to slip it in there when Thunder was not looking.... oops. She can't find the magnet and Thunder leaves the fountain a little dejected after Chet had to go in there to help her down. Once back at the hotel we ate dinner and then I took the kids, along with Sleeper Cell, Chet, and his crew back to the park for one last night of fun before heading back home the next day. Ed finally finds the magnet and places it on Thunders pillow so she can find it once we get back from the park that night. Her faith is restored!
The next morning Hunny is feeling a little better and so we joined The Fuzz and his crew at the park for a little bit after getting the Suburban all packed up. (They could not go the night before because Foo had yet to perform, or have her awards until after 10 that night.) We got through about 2 rides and then the rain came in and washed our butts out of the park. We stopped off at Rainforest Cafe for a bite to eat and then off to the car to start the ride home. All of this to go to bed and get my ass back up at 5 to come to work again. Now, minus the occasional drink mixed in there every once in a while, (What? Was there a pattern of drinks in there or something?) wasn't that just about the most relaxing vacation ever?
It was a fun trip and one that I look forward to going on each year. The girls all love it and it is amazing how well that they all get along no matter how much time they all spend together year round in and out of the gym.
Speaking of the gym. Little Miss has already tried out for next season and her little 6 year old butt did her back handspring on her own, and was not going to be told no she couldn't by the coaches! You go girl! After her only one full season. She is a freak I tell you. Thunder has her try outs tonight and she has told us she is doing her tuck. The coaches would like her to maybe double team this year and be a flyer on Senior 2 and tumble on Junior 3. Very proud of her and I think that this is going to be a big year of maturity for her in and out of the gym. I just hope that her funny ass personality does not go away with that maturity, because I don't know what I would do with out it. She is one funny ass bitch if you ask me. Just not her mother these days. She is going to string her up!
OK. That is all I got. Here you go Lu... some reading material for you. I hope you all enjoy it.
Toner Boy
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