Toner Boy in the HOUSE!

Sorry for the delay but Toner Boy had to get away from the office for a few to stretch his legs! A little update from my time away from the Funny Farm.

Thunder and Little Miss had their National Cheer Competition down in Anaheim over the weekend with the Original Gangster SC Cast. (OG-SC)(Members have been noted on The who's who! page.) They cheer for the local gym Athletic Perfection here in Tracy. They love it there and love to cheer! Thunder cheers on their Junior Level 3 team and Little Miss on their Youth Level 1 team.

So time away from the office and a group get away to So. Cal Toner Boy should be good and relaxed, right? No! Don't get me wrong.... had a great time but I know that this was more work than the office. Then again the office is not really work. It is more like a life draining leech that has been attached to my head! Back on topic.... the "vacation", or the 10 days away from the "Crappiest Place on Earth" and a pit stop at the "Happiest Place on Earth".

Let's get this started, shall we? So the first weekend off was Easter weekend and we were busy with the family hiding eggs and having fun like everyone else in American that weekend. Not to mention McLovin's 19th Birthday. Well his birthday was on Monday, but it was the time we were getting together. Had some food, went to the movies and some cake and gifts. Very nice. Went to a late show so we did not make it home until close to 12 that night. Weather was not the best, but hey what can you do, huh? Monday brought shopping for food for our trip to So. Cal. Better food and it saves a few bucks these days! Turbo, Thunder, Little Miss and myself ran to the store and picked up everything that we would need for the trip so I could get everything cooked and ready to go. That night the girls had a showcase down at the gym for the half year teams, some team building for the girls and let family who could not make the trip with us watch them one last time this season.

After getting home from the gym I started cooking for the trip starting with the beef for our taco and nacho nights. The next morning, about 7, I followed that up with some shredded pork Verde, Mexican rice, pot roast and veggies which ended right around 11pm. This is only worth noting because the fact that we are meeting The Fuzz and the family at 4am to drive down to So. Cal! Got in a few winks and got back up at 3 got the car loaded and off we went.

Could someone have mentioned to me that 4am is the magical hour on I-5 that "special needs" people are allowed to venture out onto the road to test their skills? How The Fuzz refrained from pulling a weapon, less then 5 seconds into the trip, and dusting some of the young "stars of tomorrow" is beyond me! Must be all that training they go through that helps them to cope with the stupidity in this world, because I would have unloaded MANY clips! We enter the freeway nose to tail with "GO A.P.!", "A.P. Senior 5 Baby!", and "Junior 3 Rocks!" written all over our car windows. (I am going to guess we know each other!) These two young girls from let's say... out of town, who have a hankering for things like fish heads and rice maybe, are in the BMW daddy bought them in the fast lane cruising about 70. Nothing wrong with that... to each their own, but we are on a mission and a little over 80 is more what we were looking for.

Once we get up to ramming speed I notice that they are not going to move out of the fast lane, so I go around them on the right so we can march to our own drummer. As we pass we see that they are watching a movie or something in the front seat of the car, and may not have noticed us coming up on them. After all it is 4 in the morning and we were the only 3 cars within miles of freeway at this time. Right? WRONG! As I pass the taillights of the Suburban must have converted her from BMW cruising fish head and rice eater, to Kyle Busch because she drove like the biggest asshole on the face of the earth!

After we pass her and roll back into the fast lane a few more cars go by her and have made it into our little group of what The Fuzz has come to know as Daytona! From the back of the draft she starts parting cars like the Red Sea to get back to the front using the slow lane every chance that she got. Then with NO cars in front of her she dives in between The Fuzz's car and mine in the fast lane like a teacher at your first high school dance with you hands buried in your partners denim! After singing her a course of four letter words, not to mention Smut Queen's lobbing flying birds & "F" bombs in their general direction, he hits her with the high beams a few times to make sure she knew how fricken stupid she was. The Fuzz then tried to get back around her only to find the pack had caught up again as well and had him boxed in. Once they had got The Fuzz in their grips the herd slowed their pace down to about 75 and would not let him escape for a mile or two, causing him to drift back.

This was the point in time where it seems the crew chiefs called into all the drivers and told them that it was to early in the race for all of this nonsense and to just stay in line. This has all taken place within 5 minutes of getting on the freeway I shit you not! I was watching all of this happen out my mirror with my cruise set for 83 and at the time setting a pace that would allow some separation of the herd so those could come and go as they please. After his daring escape and Smut Queen hanging out the window yelling slurs about their mothers at the two girls in the BMW with the windows up, watching a movie, and still having no clue what in the hell is going on around them he catches up and we are back in a drafting line again.

Until.... 5 minutes later.... Here they come again. Rolling up in the slow lane they catch us once again... Dear Lord! Almost taunting Smut Queen for more trash talk they literally side draft us for the next 15 miles. Not going any slower, or faster than we are. Sort of tucked in like we are going to protect them. Little do they know Smut Queen has grabbed a gun from her husband at this point and has the laser site pointed at their heads! Still clueless how pissed off they have made the people around them. Here comes a text from Smut Queen to Hunny asking what in the hell their problem is, with puns and jokes from one car to another giving us a morning laugh to help ease the stress that was just caused.

Still never have broken from my cruising speed other then to pause from a truck or two making its pass into the fast lane, I notice that BMW has now placed herself back between both or our cars! Well to test her conviction of driving in our drafting group I press the issue a little more and bring her up to 90. Still she stays right there. OK.. plan B. Down to 70 we go. That got her! She unhitches her car from my bumper and takes off in a blaze of glory in the fast lane. Now I remind you... she started this adventure out doing 70 when we first met! So I set the cruise back to 83 and we get back on track. Guess what? Low and behold.... I see me a BMW once again in about 10 minutes coming back to me in the fast lane. Are you kidding me? Don't any of you kids with us need to pee or something so we can get off the road and separate from this damn car? After all we have been on the road for 45 mins already! None of the adults had their coffee kick in and need a morning stop, drop, and flush?

Well I am happy to report once we got to Anaheim we were without Kyle Busch! My guess is the movie they were watching ended and they realized that they missed their turn off back in Walnut Creek!

Next time.... I pick up where this left off.... from one thing to the next!!!! Just think... this was a few minutes of the drive down, so it can only get better from here. New cast members to be added as well, and Thunder's search for the Hidden Mickey's!

Toner Boy