No I am not learning to count. That is today's date. August (8) (9)th, 20(10). Yes... like and other day on the calendar.... we will only see it once in our lifetime, but it is such a neat little package I can't help but point in out.
Today marks another day that I would rather not be marked. 18 months since the day I walked into this dumping ground for mental rejects. The pain.
OK... quick wrap on the weekend.
On Saturday I ended up smoking a bunch of pork shoulders for the Hayward High 20 year picnic in the park for Ednolb and Albert for them to take with them on Sunday. From what I hear all went well and everyone who attended is going to pull through. Nothing a stomach pump and some Ipecac can't fix. Bunch of babies. No all was good. I tell you what... they ate like champs for only putting in $5 each! Ednolb gave them pulled pork sandwiches, baked beans, green salad, chips and salsa, a bottle of water and tableware for that price! Damn. All I know is you are not allowed to quote for me on a normal basis because you gave them $15 in food for that price lady! You would be costing me money. Glad it went over well for you guys and you had a great reunion weekend.
Sunday me and Ass Clown met up with KP to play a little poker down at the Come Suck. I pull into the parking lot and here comes Game Time! He had hinted that he was going to come out for a morning drink, but seeing was believing. We went into the bar and had a few properly pouring Kettle's before he headed back home to him couch. After cards were done Ass Clown and I headed down to the Plate for some wings and video golf that I proceeded to kill to the point the game gave up and just froze on us! McLovin joined us for some food and then he and I left to make a Costco run with Turbo. Went over to make or Sunday dinner and Hunny and the girls got home in time to join us for some fish tacos.
All and all a busy weekend considering that I had nothing planned when Friday afternoon had rolled upon me. Made a few bucks, played some cards, and drank my drank. Still have an itch to play more cards so that story has not ended quite yet. Ass Clown brought me info on a tournament up in Reno next weekend that I think I am going to have to attend for a day or two. You know... sort of cure that itch.
CV's 20 year reunion is this weekend and I will not be in attendance. Initial plans were that I would be busy cooking out at the water from this point forward, but like I said things did not work out there. Instead I will be out in Manteca attending the 40th Birthday Party for Mrs. Inez. Damn all of you people around me are getting old. Shit. I need younger friends!!! OK... strike that... young people bug the crap out of me because they can't wear their pants the right way. Dude I don't care what color or style underwear you are wearing, and if you keep tempting me... I WILL pull the fucking things over your head.
I have spent most of the morning trying to get Counsel to let me make the food for Inez's party on Saturday instead of, and I quote, "I'll just run down and grab some Mexican food." Really? Dude it is your wife's 40th. Sack up and lets do it right! I will knock out some Pork Verde and some Carne Asada like I can actually habla espanol!!!! Or I can work the blackmail card and talk about your silky Garfield undies. Oh did I say that out loud? My bad. I am sure no one else saw this. No worries.
The kids go back to school this week, and I know Hunny could not be happier! Don't get us wrong... we love the girls, but when we were so used to the year round school schedule for the past 5 years and then make the switch to a traditional school year... Damn. That is a long ass 2 and a half months of them little rug rats in a row when you have the actress and little miss know it all for kids!
I am trying to say this as nicely as I can…. I walked out to go to the restroom and This THING (Sorry that is the nicest way I can think of putting it.) went walking into the men’s room. IT was wearing skinny jeans, Birkenstock's, an orange Abercrombie top sporting some man boobs (Not in the good way!), a rainbow striped man purse worn across his body, and his hair…. it was like…. OK Rod Stewart paid a visit to Dennis Rodman’s hair dresser for a rinse, color and set! It was a swirl of gold, purple, green and blue! Looked like a bad bowling ball design! Wow.
OK... I have entertained myself for a few hours today with this, and bored the hell out of the rest of you. I think that I am going to need a few of these road trips just for some new material because this place is even more boring than before. Believe it! Maybe Johnny Cocknozzle can snap me off or something at our Wednesday night poker league so I can talk about what an asshole he is and that his wife needs to use the ball gag on him when he gets home that night to even the score for me. Now that, is entertainment!
Toner Boy
Monday, August 9, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
I will just say sorry for this from now....
So the week has come to an end. Time for all of us to spread our wings and fly into whatever makes the 5 prior days go away from our memories. Well the work part of those memories at least.
Not going to spend too much time reliving the week, but there are just a few high, ahhh.... low lights from the week in the news that I can't help but point out.
You will be glad to know that our money is not being wasted in the world of science. The University of West Florida has conducted a study on the 'booty call' and has found it to be a sexual act, and not an emotional one. Glad to see our tax money has gone to good use to solve this age old conundrum!
Speaking of pissing money into the wind. The some of the richest people in America have chosen to GIVE at least half of their personal wealth to charity. Gates, Buffett, Rockefeller, Bloomberg, Pickens, Lucas, Ellison, and Turner just to name a few. Buffett has pledged to give away 99% of his wealth, and Gates will has him only giving less than 3% of his wealth back to his family in his will. There is a charity that is searching for a cure to an ultra rare bone disease in dogs that is getting more money than his children are getting per his will! WTF? The 40 billionaires that have agreed to take part in this campaign have an estimated net worth of over $230 billion dollars. Yeah. That is a big ass number. They are estimating that these 40 people will be GIVING over $170 billion dollars of their wealth to charity. Dude... and I am just looking for a respectable job once again that pays me a wee 6 figures a year. These guys are giving, get this, 12 SOLID figures away. Do you understand what it takes to add just 1 figure to a number? Shift that decimal over one place? Lord. Why did the ones who built their wealth through products, or brands, have to fuck over the consumer as bad as you did to accumulate their mass fortunes if you were just going to turn around and give it all away? How do I become a charity? The Toner Boy Sanity Fund maybe? Think Gates will toss me a cool mil to get things started? Come on, I pimped his products for many years. Throw me a bone Bill!
For those of you who still talk on your cell phones while driving your cars, do yourself and your wallets a favor and break the habit. Starting next week there will be a crackdown by law enforcement and they will be giving tickets to anyone who is seen violating this law. They say it is one of the most ignored traffic laws next to the speed limit. You have been warned.
And last from the news.... This is coming from the downright freaky category! In Mexico City a newborn is declared as a still birth, cam alive inside of her coffin at the wake! The parents heard a strange noise coming from the casket and opened it to find their baby crying. The baby is currently in the hospital in stable condition. WTF?
Damn today is ultra boring. So is this blog. Well except for that last story... that shit creeped me out!
On the front lines here for Toner Boy things are pretty damn quiet. Most of my updates these days are on my Facebook Fan Page. If you do not follow me on Facebook, please do so if you want your daily updates from the office. To follow me just search for Toner Boy and click Like once you get to the page. All of my updates will appear on your Facebook Updates tab. You can also follow me on Twittter as well @Toner_Boy as all of my Facebook and blog updates get posted on Twitter.
As for my weekend... the girls are out of town today going down to visit grandma in Gilroy so I am going to be solo. I think I am going to run into Hayward tomorrow and play poker at the tattoo shop and visit Corn. Maybe I will get lucky and the chair will be open at some point while I am there and I can talk him into donating some ink to my body! That is about all she wrote though. Nothing else on the books. Maybe do some cooking at the house on Sunday. That is about it in my riveting life.
It looks as if my weekends will be free as the restaurant thing is not going to come to light. Well at least with me at the controls. She chose to stick with her base menu and not run my specials on the weekends. Best of luck to her and I hope it works out for them. As normal.... my food is always served upon request at home or abroad. One of these days soon I will be able to put together my kitchen, my way and with my style of food and service. To be honest.... that is the only way I really want to do it. No worries.
Yeah I know this post today lacks any real Toner Boy.... but I was bored and needed to do something! It is not even 11 and I am just drained in this place. Maybe it is because we are without our Penis? I miss Penis. Well I miss the other.... never mind.
Ice Shaker is booking a room at the Peppermill in Reno for this weekend on the other side of my cube in Spanish so the bosses can't understand what he is talking about. Nice. He is not as dumb as I thought.
Speaking of Reno it looks like there are about 12 to 14 of us going to Reno for Hunny's little birthday dinner and Dinners, Drive-Ins and Dives road trip. Can't wait to get away, should be a good time with everyone! I will have to tweet Guy after we get back and give him my feedback on these spots he has picked out! (As if my thoughts mean anything in his world!)
OK... lunch is just about here, and I have caused you as much pain as I possibly could in reading this crap today. Doubt anything will come up that makes me want to blog, but you never know what will show up on the Fan Page in Facebook.
Until I next time and I have something to actually say.
Toner Boy
Not going to spend too much time reliving the week, but there are just a few high, ahhh.... low lights from the week in the news that I can't help but point out.
You will be glad to know that our money is not being wasted in the world of science. The University of West Florida has conducted a study on the 'booty call' and has found it to be a sexual act, and not an emotional one. Glad to see our tax money has gone to good use to solve this age old conundrum!
Speaking of pissing money into the wind. The some of the richest people in America have chosen to GIVE at least half of their personal wealth to charity. Gates, Buffett, Rockefeller, Bloomberg, Pickens, Lucas, Ellison, and Turner just to name a few. Buffett has pledged to give away 99% of his wealth, and Gates will has him only giving less than 3% of his wealth back to his family in his will. There is a charity that is searching for a cure to an ultra rare bone disease in dogs that is getting more money than his children are getting per his will! WTF? The 40 billionaires that have agreed to take part in this campaign have an estimated net worth of over $230 billion dollars. Yeah. That is a big ass number. They are estimating that these 40 people will be GIVING over $170 billion dollars of their wealth to charity. Dude... and I am just looking for a respectable job once again that pays me a wee 6 figures a year. These guys are giving, get this, 12 SOLID figures away. Do you understand what it takes to add just 1 figure to a number? Shift that decimal over one place? Lord. Why did the ones who built their wealth through products, or brands, have to fuck over the consumer as bad as you did to accumulate their mass fortunes if you were just going to turn around and give it all away? How do I become a charity? The Toner Boy Sanity Fund maybe? Think Gates will toss me a cool mil to get things started? Come on, I pimped his products for many years. Throw me a bone Bill!
For those of you who still talk on your cell phones while driving your cars, do yourself and your wallets a favor and break the habit. Starting next week there will be a crackdown by law enforcement and they will be giving tickets to anyone who is seen violating this law. They say it is one of the most ignored traffic laws next to the speed limit. You have been warned.
And last from the news.... This is coming from the downright freaky category! In Mexico City a newborn is declared as a still birth, cam alive inside of her coffin at the wake! The parents heard a strange noise coming from the casket and opened it to find their baby crying. The baby is currently in the hospital in stable condition. WTF?
Damn today is ultra boring. So is this blog. Well except for that last story... that shit creeped me out!
On the front lines here for Toner Boy things are pretty damn quiet. Most of my updates these days are on my Facebook Fan Page. If you do not follow me on Facebook, please do so if you want your daily updates from the office. To follow me just search for Toner Boy and click Like once you get to the page. All of my updates will appear on your Facebook Updates tab. You can also follow me on Twittter as well @Toner_Boy as all of my Facebook and blog updates get posted on Twitter.
As for my weekend... the girls are out of town today going down to visit grandma in Gilroy so I am going to be solo. I think I am going to run into Hayward tomorrow and play poker at the tattoo shop and visit Corn. Maybe I will get lucky and the chair will be open at some point while I am there and I can talk him into donating some ink to my body! That is about all she wrote though. Nothing else on the books. Maybe do some cooking at the house on Sunday. That is about it in my riveting life.
It looks as if my weekends will be free as the restaurant thing is not going to come to light. Well at least with me at the controls. She chose to stick with her base menu and not run my specials on the weekends. Best of luck to her and I hope it works out for them. As normal.... my food is always served upon request at home or abroad. One of these days soon I will be able to put together my kitchen, my way and with my style of food and service. To be honest.... that is the only way I really want to do it. No worries.
Yeah I know this post today lacks any real Toner Boy.... but I was bored and needed to do something! It is not even 11 and I am just drained in this place. Maybe it is because we are without our Penis? I miss Penis. Well I miss the other.... never mind.
Ice Shaker is booking a room at the Peppermill in Reno for this weekend on the other side of my cube in Spanish so the bosses can't understand what he is talking about. Nice. He is not as dumb as I thought.
Speaking of Reno it looks like there are about 12 to 14 of us going to Reno for Hunny's little birthday dinner and Dinners, Drive-Ins and Dives road trip. Can't wait to get away, should be a good time with everyone! I will have to tweet Guy after we get back and give him my feedback on these spots he has picked out! (As if my thoughts mean anything in his world!)
OK... lunch is just about here, and I have caused you as much pain as I possibly could in reading this crap today. Doubt anything will come up that makes me want to blog, but you never know what will show up on the Fan Page in Facebook.
Until I next time and I have something to actually say.
Toner Boy
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Welcome to Fantasy Island.....
Hey, hey, hey. It's Fat Albert!
No... we are not going to be 'Havin a good time', but it sounded better than 'Happy Anti-Hump Day!'
 |
| It is such a pleasure to watch pure genius at work. |
Well it appears that I have been slanted in my views of the quality of person at this place. I feel I need to start out by offering an apology to those who work here at the County. It appears as though there are some great minds around me after all! Here is an example of a scientist at work trying to get answers to that ever present issue of true battery life by conducting the DieHard test. I mean, just how honest was Sears all of those years when they were telling us just how strong their brand of battery really is? I bet he can't wait until after work to see his results! I can not tell you how bad I feel knowing that I have short sided County employees like this. Wonder if he has a white board in his office where he came to his conclusion that the Sears commercials are full of crap? The sounds of *CLICK* *CLICK* when he turns his key are going to be SO satisfying to him knowing that his research was worth his oversight as he stepped out of his car this morning. God blessed a beautiful mind.
I came to work this morning and from the top of the Altimont on was pure fog! I mean we are in the first week of August and I have yet to see 100 on my outside temperature reading on my cars dash. Not that I am going to complain at all because I am a total fall and spring kind of guy, but damn! It was 59 when I got to Oakland this morning and the fog was so thick that my automatic windshield wipers turned on from the amount of dew on the window. I mean it was so bad I could hardly see where I was going, until.... off in the distance.... a beacon.... a beacon of hope.... a red light shined through the fog. The closer I got, the brighter the light shined. As a came up on this guiding light that was cutting through the fog like a snow plow of hope, I knew I had reached my destination.... Oakland. I have also been informed that my beacon can also bum rush a fast food counter and pile drive a doughnut like a champ.
I know just like that Iowa corn field many of you are going to want to flock to this magical place to see all of this wonderment first hand. But, as the keeper of the corn (So to speak) I urge you not to take any of the wildlife home with you. They are not domesticated! The mistake that was made here at the County by placing some of the weaker minded species into containment in hopes of evolving them into a rational member of our everyday society. That experiment has backfired and led us to here we are today... The County Administration Building, or Hells Gate as I like to call it. Yes as magical and mystical as this building appears on the outside, the inside it is filled with brainless mouth breathers committed to tormenting the few remaining souls who yearn to one day run free once again. Do not be lured by it's beauty as you gaze at its sophisticated architecture, as for in the bowels of this great beast lies a ring leader known as the Yellow Bus Driver. Consider yourself warned.Sorry. I guess drinking a Sugar Free Rockstar in place of my coffee this morning was not the best of ideas! My mind and ass are spinning out of control this morning. *CRACK* (Damn, it is getting later and later each day. He must be on budget constraints!) Here I am talking shit about Cracker and I busted open my Rockstar at 6:30 this morning while driving in! 'Hello Pot', said Kettle.
This is how bored and wired I am at the same time.... Smut Queen just tweeted that she is going to the library to look for some old world maps. So I went online and downloaded just about every map on the Internet and I am scanning them myself to try and find what she is looking for! There are no Toner Boy's in the old world, so why do I care? When she starts writing books and killing me in present time, then I will care! Library...? Real books...? Geez. Get with the times there Smut Queen. And she calls herself an author? Dear Lord. I want to see you write this next book with a typewriter! It is a digital world lady. (Like I know a damn thing of what I am talking about right now! AHAAHHA I am just being a dumb ass. Shock, I know.)
Let's see. I know this is going to sound real bad, but today it is just me and Penis. Penis, not my penis. I am alone with mine enough! Trekkie and Anyway are out. Obvious is leaving in 17 minutes, and Catching Flies is at a training workshop across the street. You would think that it would be a good day to screw off, right? Right. It is. Not like there is much for me to do in the first place, but it is funny because these guys get in a panic around here like it is some kind of high stress, heavy workload kind of place. Yeah they are right... I may have to limit myself to 20 minutes of wandering through the building today instead of my normal 30.
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* (I swear I am going to snap because of this one of these days!)
What's on tap....
Well today.... Subway! That is right... I am spoiling myself with a $5 footlong beeeaaatches! That's right... that's how I roll. After getting my grub on, later tonight going over to see Corn and play a little poker over at the shop. They have a running cash game on Wednesday's that I just might have to add to my route home from time to time!
This weekend is going to be known as either 'Sleepy Hollow' or 'Check Raise' depending on how tonight goes. If I walk out of the game tonight up anything decent I think I will spend my weekend playing cards while the wife and girls are out of town. There is no cooking going on for me at this point out at the restaurant so my weekend is now free. Then again I may stay home and cook all weekend as well. Or track down Albert, After 6 and Ass Clown to BBQ and watch some NASCAR on Sunday maybe? Never know. I have loves and long lost loves that I don't get to do NEARLY enough, so I guess I will see which one ends up speaking to me the most. Since the wife is going to be gone with one of those loves, I am going to have to choose between the others. (Not saying if it is love or long lost love that she is taking with her this weekend. Tired of being in trouble! Plus I have been told that some things are just better left unsaid.)
A-Rod has finally hit number 600. Good, now maybe everyone will shut the hell up about it! A-Rod would like to thank his fans, Barry Bonds Magic Flax Seed Cream, and Balco for his accomplishment. He will be celebrating with himself and a room full of mirrors tonight. He wants to be surrounded by those who love him.
The world just needs to slowdown. Technology's moving so fast, man. It's to the point where you can make stuff up, and people will believe you. You can be like, 'You seen the new Sony Teleporter?' People will be like, 'No, but I heard about it.' I end up saying that all the time myself... 'No, but I heard about it.' It really means I haven't heard about it, but I like you and don't want to sound disinterested or stupid. A-Rod's damn ball had not even cleared the fence yet today and tweets were popping up left and right saying that he had done it! I think I need to tweet that Brett Favre is retiring. I wonder if that will take off?
OK it is coming up on lunch time and I think that I am coming down off of my Rockstar rush. Be good ya'll, and if you can't.... make sure there are not pictures of what you have done!
Toner Boy
Monday, August 2, 2010
Mundane Monday.....
Right back at it once again this week.
Well hello one and all, I hope you had a weekend worthy of your awesomeness. I know mine was that of typical Toner Boy style, so let’s begin.
On Friday when I left the office I decided to go visit Corn for a few hours and hang out at the shop while traffic congestion thinned out like my hair. Hunny and Thunder were at the Coliseum as extra’s on the set for Moneyball
Damn Cracker is at it late today. Hell it is almost 11 and that is his first time to the snack cart outside.
On Saturday I went out to the restaurant to make a test run of the kitchen and some of the product that they have on hand with a meal for the families. Not too bad, but there are some concerns that I have with some product and how we are going to be able to work the menu in the space that we have. I think time will work a lot of these issues out on its own, and only one or two things would need to be addressed before things get going too far. We did 6 items for everyone to choose from, 3 from the core menu and 3 things that I put together based on what they had on hand. The 3 core menu items were a steak sandwich, build a burger, and build a chicken sandwich. *BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* Uncle Shartly had the steak, Lu had the chicken, and Thunder had a burger. The 3 specials that I put together from the product on hand was a fried shrimp poor boy, BBQ Asian chicken breast, and a grilled chicken salad. Well we had 5 people order the poor boy, and Little Miss had the Asian chicken. Both went over really well. I had a steak sandwich when all was said and done, and I was very happy with the product and the taste. More to come as this story unfolds….
Paparazzi took Momma Ruth down to Hollywood to go all ‘tourist’ on the place for her birthday. God help us all! Wait… God help the stars!!!! I am just jealous that they say Gordon Ramsay at the pool while they were there. Not that I would talk to the guy while he is sitting at the pool in his Speedo, but still.
Sunday was a bit of a day of rest. Thunder has not been feeling very well at night and not getting much sleep so she was in the sack until almost noon! Not that the rest of the house was up very early themselves. Went to the store to grab some stuff to make dinner and then took the girls to go and see Despicable Me. Great movie, and the 3D was really good. Made an Ancho Chile pork soup with hominy and some nuclear salsa that I will need to share with any takers out there. I know McLovin and Fuzz will be more than happy to eat it. I don’t think that it is too bad, but it will clear the sinuses and put beads of sweat on your scalp after a while that is for sure. Used a couples of the chipotle’s from Turbo’s garden to make it. Thanks Ma! Going to make some corn fritters this week that got my attention a few months back when watching TV. I love making things like this on the fly. Hell the soup idea only came up because I had some left over pork loin, and let me tell you… it was off the hook! Spent about $20 at Safeway to get what I needed to make enough soup to feed 6, about 4 quarts of salsa and everything I needed to make probably 30 corn fritters. And that is at Safeway prices. See… this is why I need my own kitchen.
For those of you who do not follow along on the Facebook fan page, you are missing out, you can tell by my words above…. yes, Influenza is back! Yeah that sniffling, sneezing, couching, aching, stuffy head and whistling nose to drive Toner Boy crazy lady is back. No to be cynical or anything, but I was sort of looking at her in the same light that Ron White looks at his in-laws. Just sayin. Yeah I know it’s bad, but you don’t have to listen to thing human noise maker!
Smut Queen has just returned from a writers gathering out in Florida. I hope she pimped Toner Boy while she was there. OK… you can stop laughing at any time now. It is obviously a somewhat fun read… you are here aren’t you? Glad you had a good trip! Now get another book done so I can start pimpin again!
I have a request for Hack, Albert and Ass Clown. Hack… remember our conversation on Friday. I was wrong…. I need it more! But I will do what is right and take one for the team. Wait, no I won’t. Yes I will. Shit… fine…. taking one for the team it is. Albert… you don’t have a relative or lost uncle out there who just died and left you boat loads of money so we can start our own version of Cheers?? Ass Clown…. what I said to Albert. You know it never hurts to check out all the branches on your family tree!!! Start beating the bushes people!
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA*
Anyway is walking hot laps around here today. Wonder if he needed to put some miles on is pedometer or something? Earlier I had a problem with an audit program that he wrote. So I show him the error and the error code. His reply to fixing it. “Don’t know. What did they do wrong? They saved it wrong. Tell them to do re-enter it and save it again.” Really? That is your fix? Have them re-enter 2 hours worth of work, cross your fingers, and pray it saves? Yeah you are a regular customer service dream come true aren’t you?
My left hand itch was full of shit last week. If it wasn’t you never would have heard me make the statement. I don’t think there is Wi-Fi on the beaches of Fiji!
On tap for this week…
Wednesday I am going to run to Corn’s shop to get into their weekly poker game they run over there. Should be interesting to report back on. Maybe I can make some headway on more guys for our fundraisers out of it?
This weekend the girls are going down to Gilroy to visit family before the girls go back to school. Me… yeah, I will be working if the restaurant gets past the fire inspector. If no I see a LOT of sleep in my future! Not that they say you can really ‘catch up’ on sleep, but I just think at this point in time my ass could use it. Maybe if I win some cash on Wednesday I will go and play the weekend tournaments over at the ‘Come Suck’. *CRACK* *RIP* I think what I really need is a trip to Vegas or something. Yeah… I will get a lot of sleep there! AHAHAH
Damn… even this is starting to feel like talking to myself. Huh. This might be worse than I thought. If I don’t feel like I am at least venting this crap out to anyone, what is the point? Does anyone else out there that is as crazy as I am understand my thought process on this?
Just checked Google Earth (Because I have nothing else to do.) and it looks like they have new satellite images over part of our little town. Not 100% sure what day of the week it was or from how long ago. There is no one at my house, all the cars are at my parents place, their boat though is parked on the dock at the beach and The Fuzz is home. Chet…. your house was still not built! Yeah like I said… part of our little town. The area around my house and my parents is pretty new because Pops new truck is out front and the race trailer is in the driveway. Pill is home, and Albert is not. The best part of all of this…. you can see my BBQ in the backyard. Yes… my BBQ is big enough to be seen from space! No not some distorted little dot in the backyard that the rest of you are going to see when you look for yourselves, but my big ass alien spacecraft BBQ can be seen clear as a bell! I feel like Danny Devito in that one Christmas movie he did with Ferris Bueller!
My trip to the restroom has brought up a couple of things that need to be noted –
If your son is old enough to ride all the rides at Disneyland, he is WAY too old to join you in the ladies restroom no matter what ‘number’ he needs to do!
I know I am here in Oaktown and some people cannot help but to be ‘pimpalishious’ but….. you do not wear those long pointy toed brown leather ankle boots, with your shorts, and no socks even if they are fly and do match!
Your cologne should never beat you to a location by 15 feet, when walking into a head wind and carrying a bag containing McDonald’s fries.
Last one before really taxing my brain on whether or not to go for a walk and see the latest installment of graffiti around the outside of the office… If your ass is wider than your shoulders, please stop saying super size it!
Yes, the last two were a couple.
RIP - Mitch Miller (I know... I thought he was dead a LONG time ago as well. He was 99!)
Toner Boy
Well hello one and all, I hope you had a weekend worthy of your awesomeness. I know mine was that of typical Toner Boy style, so let’s begin.
On Friday when I left the office I decided to go visit Corn for a few hours and hang out at the shop while traffic congestion thinned out like my hair. Hunny and Thunder were at the Coliseum as extra’s on the set for Moneyball
Damn Cracker is at it late today. Hell it is almost 11 and that is his first time to the snack cart outside.
On Saturday I went out to the restaurant to make a test run of the kitchen and some of the product that they have on hand with a meal for the families. Not too bad, but there are some concerns that I have with some product and how we are going to be able to work the menu in the space that we have. I think time will work a lot of these issues out on its own, and only one or two things would need to be addressed before things get going too far. We did 6 items for everyone to choose from, 3 from the core menu and 3 things that I put together based on what they had on hand. The 3 core menu items were a steak sandwich, build a burger, and build a chicken sandwich. *BLESS YOU INFLUENZA* Uncle Shartly had the steak, Lu had the chicken, and Thunder had a burger. The 3 specials that I put together from the product on hand was a fried shrimp poor boy, BBQ Asian chicken breast, and a grilled chicken salad. Well we had 5 people order the poor boy, and Little Miss had the Asian chicken. Both went over really well. I had a steak sandwich when all was said and done, and I was very happy with the product and the taste. More to come as this story unfolds….
Paparazzi took Momma Ruth down to Hollywood to go all ‘tourist’ on the place for her birthday. God help us all! Wait… God help the stars!!!! I am just jealous that they say Gordon Ramsay at the pool while they were there. Not that I would talk to the guy while he is sitting at the pool in his Speedo, but still.
Sunday was a bit of a day of rest. Thunder has not been feeling very well at night and not getting much sleep so she was in the sack until almost noon! Not that the rest of the house was up very early themselves. Went to the store to grab some stuff to make dinner and then took the girls to go and see Despicable Me. Great movie, and the 3D was really good. Made an Ancho Chile pork soup with hominy and some nuclear salsa that I will need to share with any takers out there. I know McLovin and Fuzz will be more than happy to eat it. I don’t think that it is too bad, but it will clear the sinuses and put beads of sweat on your scalp after a while that is for sure. Used a couples of the chipotle’s from Turbo’s garden to make it. Thanks Ma! Going to make some corn fritters this week that got my attention a few months back when watching TV. I love making things like this on the fly. Hell the soup idea only came up because I had some left over pork loin, and let me tell you… it was off the hook! Spent about $20 at Safeway to get what I needed to make enough soup to feed 6, about 4 quarts of salsa and everything I needed to make probably 30 corn fritters. And that is at Safeway prices. See… this is why I need my own kitchen.
For those of you who do not follow along on the Facebook fan page, you are missing out, you can tell by my words above…. yes, Influenza is back! Yeah that sniffling, sneezing, couching, aching, stuffy head and whistling nose to drive Toner Boy crazy lady is back. No to be cynical or anything, but I was sort of looking at her in the same light that Ron White looks at his in-laws. Just sayin. Yeah I know it’s bad, but you don’t have to listen to thing human noise maker!
Smut Queen has just returned from a writers gathering out in Florida. I hope she pimped Toner Boy while she was there. OK… you can stop laughing at any time now. It is obviously a somewhat fun read… you are here aren’t you? Glad you had a good trip! Now get another book done so I can start pimpin again!
I have a request for Hack, Albert and Ass Clown. Hack… remember our conversation on Friday. I was wrong…. I need it more! But I will do what is right and take one for the team. Wait, no I won’t. Yes I will. Shit… fine…. taking one for the team it is. Albert… you don’t have a relative or lost uncle out there who just died and left you boat loads of money so we can start our own version of Cheers?? Ass Clown…. what I said to Albert. You know it never hurts to check out all the branches on your family tree!!! Start beating the bushes people!
*BLESS YOU INFLUENZA*
Anyway is walking hot laps around here today. Wonder if he needed to put some miles on is pedometer or something? Earlier I had a problem with an audit program that he wrote. So I show him the error and the error code. His reply to fixing it. “Don’t know. What did they do wrong? They saved it wrong. Tell them to do re-enter it and save it again.” Really? That is your fix? Have them re-enter 2 hours worth of work, cross your fingers, and pray it saves? Yeah you are a regular customer service dream come true aren’t you?
My left hand itch was full of shit last week. If it wasn’t you never would have heard me make the statement. I don’t think there is Wi-Fi on the beaches of Fiji!
On tap for this week…
Wednesday I am going to run to Corn’s shop to get into their weekly poker game they run over there. Should be interesting to report back on. Maybe I can make some headway on more guys for our fundraisers out of it?
This weekend the girls are going down to Gilroy to visit family before the girls go back to school. Me… yeah, I will be working if the restaurant gets past the fire inspector. If no I see a LOT of sleep in my future! Not that they say you can really ‘catch up’ on sleep, but I just think at this point in time my ass could use it. Maybe if I win some cash on Wednesday I will go and play the weekend tournaments over at the ‘Come Suck’. *CRACK* *RIP* I think what I really need is a trip to Vegas or something. Yeah… I will get a lot of sleep there! AHAHAH
Damn… even this is starting to feel like talking to myself. Huh. This might be worse than I thought. If I don’t feel like I am at least venting this crap out to anyone, what is the point? Does anyone else out there that is as crazy as I am understand my thought process on this?
Just checked Google Earth (Because I have nothing else to do.) and it looks like they have new satellite images over part of our little town. Not 100% sure what day of the week it was or from how long ago. There is no one at my house, all the cars are at my parents place, their boat though is parked on the dock at the beach and The Fuzz is home. Chet…. your house was still not built! Yeah like I said… part of our little town. The area around my house and my parents is pretty new because Pops new truck is out front and the race trailer is in the driveway. Pill is home, and Albert is not. The best part of all of this…. you can see my BBQ in the backyard. Yes… my BBQ is big enough to be seen from space! No not some distorted little dot in the backyard that the rest of you are going to see when you look for yourselves, but my big ass alien spacecraft BBQ can be seen clear as a bell! I feel like Danny Devito in that one Christmas movie he did with Ferris Bueller!
My trip to the restroom has brought up a couple of things that need to be noted –
If your son is old enough to ride all the rides at Disneyland, he is WAY too old to join you in the ladies restroom no matter what ‘number’ he needs to do!
I know I am here in Oaktown and some people cannot help but to be ‘pimpalishious’ but….. you do not wear those long pointy toed brown leather ankle boots, with your shorts, and no socks even if they are fly and do match!
Your cologne should never beat you to a location by 15 feet, when walking into a head wind and carrying a bag containing McDonald’s fries.
Last one before really taxing my brain on whether or not to go for a walk and see the latest installment of graffiti around the outside of the office… If your ass is wider than your shoulders, please stop saying super size it!
Yes, the last two were a couple.
RIP - Mitch Miller (I know... I thought he was dead a LONG time ago as well. He was 99!)
Toner Boy
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Quick hits....
Yeah, yeah. Happy whatever day. Piss off and just read....
Cracker just answered a call from his wife and on his end the conversation sounded like this...
“Yeah? (You know, that alternative way to answer a phone instead of hello.)
*Pause*
What do you mean?
*Pause*
You treat me like shit. You don’t even pay attention to me, and then when you do you patronize me. How dumb do you think I am?
*Long Paws* (For you Friends fans out there.)(Obviously needing the extra time to explain how dumb she thinks he is.)
No I am going to go and see my mom. (From what I have gathered is not doing really well.)
*Quick Pause*
No I don’t want you to go.
*Click*
Fuck off.”
I say, “Who doesn’t love, love?” (For my NASCAR fans.) “I love, love.”
Why is it that I feel there will be no makeup sex happening there tonight?
As I am typing this Corn on the Cob Through a Tennis Racket calls -
"Hi this is C.O.T.C.T.A.T.R. how are you?
Good.
I have no idea what I did but now it locks when I leave it."
Are you pushing the button on your car remote? Is it your last date locking the door behind you when he threw a slab of raw meat out the front door after he sobered up and saw what you looked like in the morning?
"What does?"
"The screen. I pushed and clicked a lot of things and I have no idea what I did, but now it locks. There is no message on the screen now, but I am telling you it locks."
"OK." So I run her through all of the steps to turn off the 'Lock on exit' within Windows after the screen saver has come on.
"OK thank you."
40 seconds later my phone rings.
"What did you say? Did you say go to the Control Panel? (Those words never crossed my lips.) Then what? I see Display. No never mind I will figure it out."
"No let me come back there. You figuring it out is what got us here in the first place."
I go back there and within that 10 second walk she is on the phone calling Obvious to ask the same question. WTF?
She then tells me, "Sorry I just get confused. I don't know what is going on. I just want it to work the way I want it to right now. I am so impatient. Then I have this book that I am looking through trying to find things. (Learning Windows Book. Great.) So what do I do? Wanna sit down? Here you take it." (31 individual sentences. Not one breath taken.)
"Slow down." I walk her back through what I told her on the phone and take away the security. Then I tell her, "That's it."
"Oh one other thing."
Here it comes. She runs off a countless number of just stupid questions one after another. Each one had something to do with what her 'Good Book' on her desk had been telling her. Technical book authors should have their facts checked before they are allowed to be published! Just sayin. These assholes will tell the uneducated reader, 'Do this.' 'Change that.' 'Type this.' ASSUMING that the dumb bastard is smart enough to know how to put it all back the way it was! By default there are about 12 program icons on all of the systems desktops and this damn cheater bar with 20 more.... she has nothing. Just a desktop wallpaper. Even worse... when I told her to 'Right mouse click on the desktop' she had NO idea what the desktop was. She went to the Start button and says, "Where?"
Toner Boy
Cracker just answered a call from his wife and on his end the conversation sounded like this...
“Yeah? (You know, that alternative way to answer a phone instead of hello.)
*Pause*
What do you mean?
*Pause*
You treat me like shit. You don’t even pay attention to me, and then when you do you patronize me. How dumb do you think I am?
*Long Paws* (For you Friends fans out there.)(Obviously needing the extra time to explain how dumb she thinks he is.)
No I am going to go and see my mom. (From what I have gathered is not doing really well.)
*Quick Pause*
No I don’t want you to go.
*Click*
Fuck off.”
I say, “Who doesn’t love, love?” (For my NASCAR fans.) “I love, love.”
Why is it that I feel there will be no makeup sex happening there tonight?
As I am typing this Corn on the Cob Through a Tennis Racket calls -
"Hi this is C.O.T.C.T.A.T.R. how are you?
Good.
I have no idea what I did but now it locks when I leave it."
Are you pushing the button on your car remote? Is it your last date locking the door behind you when he threw a slab of raw meat out the front door after he sobered up and saw what you looked like in the morning?
"What does?"
"The screen. I pushed and clicked a lot of things and I have no idea what I did, but now it locks. There is no message on the screen now, but I am telling you it locks."
"OK." So I run her through all of the steps to turn off the 'Lock on exit' within Windows after the screen saver has come on.
"OK thank you."
40 seconds later my phone rings.
"What did you say? Did you say go to the Control Panel? (Those words never crossed my lips.) Then what? I see Display. No never mind I will figure it out."
"No let me come back there. You figuring it out is what got us here in the first place."
I go back there and within that 10 second walk she is on the phone calling Obvious to ask the same question. WTF?
She then tells me, "Sorry I just get confused. I don't know what is going on. I just want it to work the way I want it to right now. I am so impatient. Then I have this book that I am looking through trying to find things. (Learning Windows Book. Great.) So what do I do? Wanna sit down? Here you take it." (31 individual sentences. Not one breath taken.)
"Slow down." I walk her back through what I told her on the phone and take away the security. Then I tell her, "That's it."
"Oh one other thing."
Here it comes. She runs off a countless number of just stupid questions one after another. Each one had something to do with what her 'Good Book' on her desk had been telling her. Technical book authors should have their facts checked before they are allowed to be published! Just sayin. These assholes will tell the uneducated reader, 'Do this.' 'Change that.' 'Type this.' ASSUMING that the dumb bastard is smart enough to know how to put it all back the way it was! By default there are about 12 program icons on all of the systems desktops and this damn cheater bar with 20 more.... she has nothing. Just a desktop wallpaper. Even worse... when I told her to 'Right mouse click on the desktop' she had NO idea what the desktop was. She went to the Start button and says, "Where?"
Toner Boy
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Mind Freeze......
Happy Hump Day as they say. Like anyone humps on a Wednesday? You know it is the middle of the week and I am just too tired to put my wife into a tequila induced comma in the middle of the week. Do you know hard it is to soak all the fruit in the house in that Mexican bath water and make sure the kids don’t eat it by mistake? You don’t think she is going to drink that willingly do you? I mean Wednesday is the middle of the work week after all, you would have thought they would have made some sort of reference to that instead of sex. Geez. They could have went with, ‘This crap is half over and it is all downhill from here day’ or something. Oh…. I get it now. My bad. Hump Day it is.
Yes another day has passed and I am still just the bitter bastard that you have come to wither laugh at or loath. There is not a lot going on in my world of chalk eaters these days, but I will do my best to pass my time and give you judgmental folks something to read that is worth your efforts. I still see that 50 or so of you a day look in to see what in the hell I am bitching about now. Not that you are a small number of people, but let’s just say that I had hoped for bigger crowds. Then again if I had not pissed a large number of them off before starting this blog, maybe I would have a better turn out! Nevertheless we will go onward and I will try and keep my thoughts about the rest of you to myself. The key word was try!
This alter ego stuff between myself and Toner Boy is becoming a total bitch! Is it possible to be bitter, nice, proud, ashamed, nasty, caring, horny, celibate, depressed and happy all at the same time without the use of Prozac or other mood altering drugs?
Catching Flies must have gotten a new shipment of Just for Men last night delivered to his house because his mop is black as the ace of spades today. Well now that I look closer he may have had it delivered to the office today, and not his home last night. It appears that he may have done a test run on his Sacagawea area before applying that squid ink to his dome. He is walking around the office with his fly down! Hey Uncle Shartly tests things out down there, so why not? To make this a perfect moment I just need to hear him walk up to The Whisperer while she is sitting in her chair and say, “Look me in the eye.” I would piss myself.
Cracker in back to his maddening ways. There are chips and sodas popping open like Dolly Parton’s bra over there!
Trekkie is out of this rat cage today, so all of the managers are a lot more lax in this place today. I just heard The Looker tell one of his people to walk out the backdoor if they needed to leave early today so Creeper did not see them! Damn. Getting a little bold here in sequestered county life. These people have no idea what it is like in the real world, I swear.
Infidel keeps posting pictures on Facebook of her blister riddled hands she claims is from working out. None of us asked WHAT she was working out, but either way DAMN they look like they hurt! I think the lack of questions in regards to those hands has a LOT to do with the ass kicking she will deliver to anyone who pisses her off. If she does attack, per her status, it would be a good idea to throw bacon at her to get her off of your scent. Just putting it out there, and you may want to listen. It may save your ass some day. She is not a caged animal, she is in the wild.
You know I don’t have another county free holiday until Labor Day and even then I will be cooking at the restaurant?!?! Damn… better find days and ways to screw off or I am going to go nuts! Well there is the Reno trip for Hunny’s birthday coming up in a few weeks. Guess I better make the most of that trip. “Hold onto your ass Reno, Toner Boy is going to bring the house down!” Fuzz make sure you make a contact for us on the inside to bail us out at some point!
Damn that Miss Piggy quote has got some legs to it. That is a funny one though. How many of us are guilty of it though? Then again, how many of us have benefited to from it? Think about it. No….. they were looking at you all night and did not have to courage to talk to you until the bar closed. You just keep telling yourself that. I know that time with me that girl needed to slam those final 4 shots she took during last call to have the courage to come talk to me. That was completely different. Who would have ever thought a girl that smokin hot wanted me? I was sad when she told me that she was going on a peace mission for 10 years to Alaska before she ran out the door that morning. Who knew there was so much violence in Alaska? Must be that bitter cold. Or that Palin bitch.
OK I have been just staring at my monitor for the last hour drawing a complete blank. I need some food to get my brain going again. You do the same and I will be back in 2 and 2 ala Chuck Woolery! Maybe I will have an epiphany! Or an aneurism. Either way, it would be worth writing about.
Nope. Nothing. Toner Boy is all humped out I guess. I need to go and hold a meeting with a few appraisers anyway to get the information I need to do some tech writing in their training manual for next season. I know….. you are excited for me. I can feel it.
Until next we meet.
Toner Boy
Yes another day has passed and I am still just the bitter bastard that you have come to wither laugh at or loath. There is not a lot going on in my world of chalk eaters these days, but I will do my best to pass my time and give you judgmental folks something to read that is worth your efforts. I still see that 50 or so of you a day look in to see what in the hell I am bitching about now. Not that you are a small number of people, but let’s just say that I had hoped for bigger crowds. Then again if I had not pissed a large number of them off before starting this blog, maybe I would have a better turn out! Nevertheless we will go onward and I will try and keep my thoughts about the rest of you to myself. The key word was try!
This alter ego stuff between myself and Toner Boy is becoming a total bitch! Is it possible to be bitter, nice, proud, ashamed, nasty, caring, horny, celibate, depressed and happy all at the same time without the use of Prozac or other mood altering drugs?
Catching Flies must have gotten a new shipment of Just for Men last night delivered to his house because his mop is black as the ace of spades today. Well now that I look closer he may have had it delivered to the office today, and not his home last night. It appears that he may have done a test run on his Sacagawea area before applying that squid ink to his dome. He is walking around the office with his fly down! Hey Uncle Shartly tests things out down there, so why not? To make this a perfect moment I just need to hear him walk up to The Whisperer while she is sitting in her chair and say, “Look me in the eye.” I would piss myself.
Cracker in back to his maddening ways. There are chips and sodas popping open like Dolly Parton’s bra over there!
Trekkie is out of this rat cage today, so all of the managers are a lot more lax in this place today. I just heard The Looker tell one of his people to walk out the backdoor if they needed to leave early today so Creeper did not see them! Damn. Getting a little bold here in sequestered county life. These people have no idea what it is like in the real world, I swear.
Infidel keeps posting pictures on Facebook of her blister riddled hands she claims is from working out. None of us asked WHAT she was working out, but either way DAMN they look like they hurt! I think the lack of questions in regards to those hands has a LOT to do with the ass kicking she will deliver to anyone who pisses her off. If she does attack, per her status, it would be a good idea to throw bacon at her to get her off of your scent. Just putting it out there, and you may want to listen. It may save your ass some day. She is not a caged animal, she is in the wild.
You know I don’t have another county free holiday until Labor Day and even then I will be cooking at the restaurant?!?! Damn… better find days and ways to screw off or I am going to go nuts! Well there is the Reno trip for Hunny’s birthday coming up in a few weeks. Guess I better make the most of that trip. “Hold onto your ass Reno, Toner Boy is going to bring the house down!” Fuzz make sure you make a contact for us on the inside to bail us out at some point!
Damn that Miss Piggy quote has got some legs to it. That is a funny one though. How many of us are guilty of it though? Then again, how many of us have benefited to from it? Think about it. No….. they were looking at you all night and did not have to courage to talk to you until the bar closed. You just keep telling yourself that. I know that time with me that girl needed to slam those final 4 shots she took during last call to have the courage to come talk to me. That was completely different. Who would have ever thought a girl that smokin hot wanted me? I was sad when she told me that she was going on a peace mission for 10 years to Alaska before she ran out the door that morning. Who knew there was so much violence in Alaska? Must be that bitter cold. Or that Palin bitch.
OK I have been just staring at my monitor for the last hour drawing a complete blank. I need some food to get my brain going again. You do the same and I will be back in 2 and 2 ala Chuck Woolery! Maybe I will have an epiphany! Or an aneurism. Either way, it would be worth writing about.
Nope. Nothing. Toner Boy is all humped out I guess. I need to go and hold a meeting with a few appraisers anyway to get the information I need to do some tech writing in their training manual for next season. I know….. you are excited for me. I can feel it.
Until next we meet.
Toner Boy
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Tuesday's house of whores... no wait, horrors....
It’s Tuesday. Got me some sleep until the garbage trucks showed up at 4:40 this morning, but overall feeling pretty good today thus far.
Funk and Wagnalls has already been in my ear this morning with his overextended lines of bullshit! Dude you are one of the rare guys I don’t mind around this place. Don’t ruin it or I will throw you square under the wheels of the Toner Boy bus!!!!
No Friends is wearing a new outfit today. It matches like no one’s business, but it is a little on the flashy side for shopping on Rodeo Drive let alone working here! It is a tan colored long sleeve top, with solid silky material sleeves, see through panels on the front and back, about a 3 inch wide gold sequence collar all the way around the neck running down the center of the top in the front and back. This thing looks like a red carpet top I shit you not! It has big ass gold buttons with designs on them to top it all off. The rest of the outfit is fine. She is wearing a black tank under it so her little boobies don’t show and black slacks and high heel shoes. And I thought that I was the only person in this place starving for some attention. Damn.
I think that I need one of those new Chevy Volt’s if I am going to keep commuting for any length of time. They say that the car gets about 40 miles on the battery and about 30 MPG on the motor. It uses a regular plug to charge it up. I drive 47 miles to the office and there are outlets on the walls of the parking garage. Drive to work almost completely on just the battery, charge the car during lunch and before I go into the office to maybe get it 15 or so miles worth of battery life. That would mean I would maybe use about a half gallon of gas each day with my 94 mile round trip. It has a 9 gallon gas tank so that means that I could drive to work about 3 weeks on one tank of gas and a fill up would only cost me about $30! The car is only about $35K after the $7,500 tax credit. I need one of these cars or a job where I don't care anymore what I am paying in gas!
Nigerian police made a bust on confiscated 990 pounds of cocaine. Something tells me that the shipment was a full 1,000 pounds and the Nigerian police needed to fill some budget gaps with the missing 10!
Football season has kicked off with training camp in many parts of the country this week. Sorry ladies. For those of you not on full speaking terms anyway with your mate you might want to look at what Direct TV is currently offering. That is one hell of a deal and it includes the NFL package where you can watch every game! Yeah… I will be getting it. Might as well at least watch football, right? Sorry…. if I am not getting any, why should you? I might as put the rest of you in the same boat so I don’t have to hear about your damn sex lives! If you get this and still get THAT…. I no longer wish to speak with you. You will just be pissing me off twice as much. Yeah Sarge, Ass Clown, Johnny… I am talking to you guys! Guess it is payback from when I used to rule that roost and talk shit to you. Well touché you old farts! Touché.
Anyone looking to bowl the 3 man scratch league at Dublin this year? Yeah I know, I said bowl. Need to get out and do something and it looks like I did not make the cut of Friday’s in Fremont with Ducky and the boys. Not that I could do it anyway with the restaurant opening soon. My Friday’s are going to be booked. Let me know. I have been told that I am no bargain, but I can promise that I am worth the price of admission in entertainment!
It is so funny how the days here mirror life. When you have a lot to do, or if you are doing something that you enjoy, life just flies by before you know it. Sort of like the weekends. When there is nothing going on, or if you have something that you are looking forward to later in the day, life will just drag its fucking feet to the point of pissing you off. What am I looking forward to you ask? How about 5 o’clock and I can get the hell out of here!?!?!
I mean there is nothing going on and not a damn thing to do around this place. I have very little to write about and I am not very inspired by anyone’s stupidity at this point in the day, but I just had to do something! Maybe a walk to look at the newest graffiti around the building? This place is such a hole! I used to walk through my parking lot at work, wherever I was working at the time, and just admire the cars to see what I wanted to shop for next. Here I walk through the garage and try and figure out how most of them even made it front point A to point B!
Cracker sounds like he is on a roll over there. He has been pretty quiet of late. Wonder if he has been bringing the 2 liters to work again? Damn this economy! His 2 liters take away from my material. See how all of this crap rolls downhill? Next thing you know Searching for Quarters will be looking for nickels and Munson is going to replace the rubber hand with a hook. Wait… that would be good material. OK. I need to hope for that to happen!
The Looker just came over and told Ice Shaker, “Don’t get caught eating your lunch at your desk.” Two things…. first of all…. Why? WTF does it matter if we eat our lunch at our deskwhatever we need to do on our lunch hour if I am able to eat while working? Or even eat our lunch at our desk during our lunch hour? I mean really, who wants to mingle with these sheet stains for an hour? Second thing, and the most obvious, you are his boss! Isn’t that already being caught? God I hate this place, the people in it, and the entire thought process about how it is run.
Anyway is in his office talking to someone on the phone in Mandarin. Mid sentence…., “Blah, ping, chow, ANYWAY, pong, fling, sip…” and never skipped a beat. Just to hear him throw ‘anyway’ out there in mid-sentence like that like it belonged. That was funny ass shit! I swear there was not better name I could have given this guy!
The Great Gazoo just walked past wearing her headphones again. Wonder if she is listening to a broadcast from Mars on those things? God I need a picture of her wearing those things to post! Wonder if they would all pose for a group shot? I would just love that. I am going to find some pictures around this place. You just need to put a face to these people and it will make a LOT more sense to you what I am dealing with here. For those who went to school with me… Beaker would fit in with all of them! Hell he would probably be in management.
My posture is getting so bad sitting on my ass in this place all day I swear that one of these days my head is just going to snap off from my neck it hurts so bad. Then again the fact that my shoulders are slouched over to express my disgust with working here. Yet tense from... well working here, is not helping anything!
Wonder if Bill Engvall would donate a stack of his signs for me to hand out in this place? Penis just walked up to me while I had the side off of a computer replacing the hard drive in it. I have a drive in my hand, a cable in my mouth and I am up to my elbows in the case. He asks, “You busy doing anything?” I SO badly wanted to tell him, “Nope. I hide all of my replacement parts in the working computers so no one steals them. I mean who is going to look for them in here?” Here’s your sign. What was even worse is that he wanted to ask me about doing a change in a training book that I had already done, and he had asked me to do before about a month ago. Guess if you would have looked at it first you would have known if it was done or not, huh? Glad he is leading the troops here and not overseas!
Went down to the kitchen to fill up my water bottle and I can’t help but laugh. Because of the ethnic diversity around her,e and the types of food that people eat, it has a big picture on the front of the microwaves about the types of food that you are not allowed to heat up in them because of the smell. So two of the things that are on there are fish and popcorn. There is a lady pulling what smells like a girls locker room on a hot day after gym class out of one, and the other sounds like pop rocks had been dropped into a half empty soda bottle. Nope. No seafood or popcorn here!
On that note of stupidity.
Toner Boy
Funk and Wagnalls has already been in my ear this morning with his overextended lines of bullshit! Dude you are one of the rare guys I don’t mind around this place. Don’t ruin it or I will throw you square under the wheels of the Toner Boy bus!!!!
No Friends is wearing a new outfit today. It matches like no one’s business, but it is a little on the flashy side for shopping on Rodeo Drive let alone working here! It is a tan colored long sleeve top, with solid silky material sleeves, see through panels on the front and back, about a 3 inch wide gold sequence collar all the way around the neck running down the center of the top in the front and back. This thing looks like a red carpet top I shit you not! It has big ass gold buttons with designs on them to top it all off. The rest of the outfit is fine. She is wearing a black tank under it so her little boobies don’t show and black slacks and high heel shoes. And I thought that I was the only person in this place starving for some attention. Damn.
I think that I need one of those new Chevy Volt’s if I am going to keep commuting for any length of time. They say that the car gets about 40 miles on the battery and about 30 MPG on the motor. It uses a regular plug to charge it up. I drive 47 miles to the office and there are outlets on the walls of the parking garage. Drive to work almost completely on just the battery, charge the car during lunch and before I go into the office to maybe get it 15 or so miles worth of battery life. That would mean I would maybe use about a half gallon of gas each day with my 94 mile round trip. It has a 9 gallon gas tank so that means that I could drive to work about 3 weeks on one tank of gas and a fill up would only cost me about $30! The car is only about $35K after the $7,500 tax credit. I need one of these cars or a job where I don't care anymore what I am paying in gas!
Nigerian police made a bust on confiscated 990 pounds of cocaine. Something tells me that the shipment was a full 1,000 pounds and the Nigerian police needed to fill some budget gaps with the missing 10!
Football season has kicked off with training camp in many parts of the country this week. Sorry ladies. For those of you not on full speaking terms anyway with your mate you might want to look at what Direct TV is currently offering. That is one hell of a deal and it includes the NFL package where you can watch every game! Yeah… I will be getting it. Might as well at least watch football, right? Sorry…. if I am not getting any, why should you? I might as put the rest of you in the same boat so I don’t have to hear about your damn sex lives! If you get this and still get THAT…. I no longer wish to speak with you. You will just be pissing me off twice as much. Yeah Sarge, Ass Clown, Johnny… I am talking to you guys! Guess it is payback from when I used to rule that roost and talk shit to you. Well touché you old farts! Touché.
Anyone looking to bowl the 3 man scratch league at Dublin this year? Yeah I know, I said bowl. Need to get out and do something and it looks like I did not make the cut of Friday’s in Fremont with Ducky and the boys. Not that I could do it anyway with the restaurant opening soon. My Friday’s are going to be booked. Let me know. I have been told that I am no bargain, but I can promise that I am worth the price of admission in entertainment!
It is so funny how the days here mirror life. When you have a lot to do, or if you are doing something that you enjoy, life just flies by before you know it. Sort of like the weekends. When there is nothing going on, or if you have something that you are looking forward to later in the day, life will just drag its fucking feet to the point of pissing you off. What am I looking forward to you ask? How about 5 o’clock and I can get the hell out of here!?!?!
I mean there is nothing going on and not a damn thing to do around this place. I have very little to write about and I am not very inspired by anyone’s stupidity at this point in the day, but I just had to do something! Maybe a walk to look at the newest graffiti around the building? This place is such a hole! I used to walk through my parking lot at work, wherever I was working at the time, and just admire the cars to see what I wanted to shop for next. Here I walk through the garage and try and figure out how most of them even made it front point A to point B!
Cracker sounds like he is on a roll over there. He has been pretty quiet of late. Wonder if he has been bringing the 2 liters to work again? Damn this economy! His 2 liters take away from my material. See how all of this crap rolls downhill? Next thing you know Searching for Quarters will be looking for nickels and Munson is going to replace the rubber hand with a hook. Wait… that would be good material. OK. I need to hope for that to happen!
The Looker just came over and told Ice Shaker, “Don’t get caught eating your lunch at your desk.” Two things…. first of all…. Why? WTF does it matter if we eat our lunch at our deskwhatever we need to do on our lunch hour if I am able to eat while working? Or even eat our lunch at our desk during our lunch hour? I mean really, who wants to mingle with these sheet stains for an hour? Second thing, and the most obvious, you are his boss! Isn’t that already being caught? God I hate this place, the people in it, and the entire thought process about how it is run.
Anyway is in his office talking to someone on the phone in Mandarin. Mid sentence…., “Blah, ping, chow, ANYWAY, pong, fling, sip…” and never skipped a beat. Just to hear him throw ‘anyway’ out there in mid-sentence like that like it belonged. That was funny ass shit! I swear there was not better name I could have given this guy!
The Great Gazoo just walked past wearing her headphones again. Wonder if she is listening to a broadcast from Mars on those things? God I need a picture of her wearing those things to post! Wonder if they would all pose for a group shot? I would just love that. I am going to find some pictures around this place. You just need to put a face to these people and it will make a LOT more sense to you what I am dealing with here. For those who went to school with me… Beaker would fit in with all of them! Hell he would probably be in management.
My posture is getting so bad sitting on my ass in this place all day I swear that one of these days my head is just going to snap off from my neck it hurts so bad. Then again the fact that my shoulders are slouched over to express my disgust with working here. Yet tense from... well working here, is not helping anything!
Wonder if Bill Engvall would donate a stack of his signs for me to hand out in this place? Penis just walked up to me while I had the side off of a computer replacing the hard drive in it. I have a drive in my hand, a cable in my mouth and I am up to my elbows in the case. He asks, “You busy doing anything?” I SO badly wanted to tell him, “Nope. I hide all of my replacement parts in the working computers so no one steals them. I mean who is going to look for them in here?” Here’s your sign. What was even worse is that he wanted to ask me about doing a change in a training book that I had already done, and he had asked me to do before about a month ago. Guess if you would have looked at it first you would have known if it was done or not, huh? Glad he is leading the troops here and not overseas!
Went down to the kitchen to fill up my water bottle and I can’t help but laugh. Because of the ethnic diversity around her,e and the types of food that people eat, it has a big picture on the front of the microwaves about the types of food that you are not allowed to heat up in them because of the smell. So two of the things that are on there are fish and popcorn. There is a lady pulling what smells like a girls locker room on a hot day after gym class out of one, and the other sounds like pop rocks had been dropped into a half empty soda bottle. Nope. No seafood or popcorn here!
On that note of stupidity.
Toner Boy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)