I said I was going to be nice, but she brings this on herself!
Phone call -
Dummy ~ "I was out yesterday and someone touched my computer! Everything on my desk has been moved and when I went to log in there was a name there other than mine! Are they watching me?"
Me ~ "It was only me installing updates, but I was not at your desk, I installed them from here at my desk."
Dummy ~ "Oh. OK. Yeah, maybe nothing on my desk was touched. So how do I log in? There is another name where mine is supposed to be."
Me ~ "Just type yours in."
Dummy ~ "What about the password? Do I just use mine?"
Me ~ "Sure. Just try yours and lets see if that works!" (Being a TOTAL smart ass when saying it!)
Dummy ~ "Waiting... waiting... Wow! That worked. That was weird."
Me ~ "Very."
Dummy ~ "So are they watching me?"
Me ~ "You did not hear it from me... but I would keep an eye out!"
Dummy ~ "I thought so! OK, thanks."
---------------------------------------------------
Another call from someone in office -
Person ~ "Yeah my light went out."
Me ~ "On your computer? Really? Which one? One of the monitor lights or something?"
Person ~ "No. The lamp on my desk."
Me ~ "Ahhhh ---- OK. I work on computers and the occasional printer, not lights. You need to call GSA or just replace it yourself."
Person ~ "But it is my computer lamp. Where would I get a bulb at?"
Me ~ "Any store."
Person ~ "Oh, OK. Once I get it you will be able to help me replace it."
Me ~ "No."
Person ~ "Why? This is my computer lamp."
Me ~ "Just because you use this lamp for your computer it has nothing to do with me. Buy and replace your bulb yourself."
------------------------------------------------
This all before 10 AM! WTF people?
DOUBLE CRASH!!!! This is SO cool! Within a 2 minute window we had our dinosaur mainframe server crash (putting a screeching halt to everyone in the office!), and a real crash of a moron standing on the arms of a chair in the lunchroom trying to hang up decorations for Halloween! His foot slipped off of the arm of the chair, he then fell and bounced off a table and then onto the floor... per reports from eyewitnesses. It is like mass chaos here now. Now THIS is entertainment!!!!
OK... Penis just walked by and blew ass! Not a gentle little squeal either. It sounded like he was stomping on ducks with each step!!!! Even Ice Shaker stood up and looked over his cube at me after he went past like 'WTF was that'!!! What kind of Third World place is this????
I swear this place is like a monkey phucking a football. There is a group for this, a group for that, 17 managers that have to report to one another before a decision can be made on should the coffee pot be turned on in the morning. No one is allowed to think for themselves in this damn place. This server issue have been a complete joke to the point that the one group that supports the applications had no clue that the group that runs the servers were having a problem. They are not allowed to pick up the phone and ask the simple question of 'why' or 'how long until it is fixed' because their manager needed to do it for them. Dude.... just fix the problem and let us know when it will be done so people can get back to work! If I had ever done anything like that when I was on the network side clients would have pitched a complete bitch. The bottom line to a client... time is money. Every second that server is down is money I am spending and not making anything in return. When I did work for Google the manager was in my ear reminding me every couple of minutes that he was losing close to $1 million dollars of revenue every hour! (Yeah... it was that long ago! I am sure that number is MUCH larger now, or even by the minute!)
OK... who pulled the e-brake on my day? Damn I was humming along and the clock was my friend, then BAM we are back to a snails pace. I think Hunny is putting pins in her voodoo doll of me for Albert and me talking about washing our car on Facebook today and making it sound like something completely different. It is so funny how easy it is to read one thing, and make it sound like something completely different in your mind! (By the way.... I really like it dirty! Don't believe what you read.) Time to go feed the animals here at the zoo and see if anything funny turns up.
Until we meat again!
Toner Boy
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
I don't wanna grow up....
.... I'm a Toys 'R Us kid! That is right... I am never going to grow up, or grow old. No not in everything! I will always take my work (Not what you people read! I take a LOT of pride 'my' level of work, just not in the current 'level' of my work. The smarter ones got that.) and parenting very seriously, but outside of all that.... yeah.. I am just a kid!
Well we are back from Disneyland and as tough as it was on the body to do that 700+ mile quick 3-day haul with a crowded park, with tons of walking, getting beat up on the rides, and very little sleep.... I am still very glad we went! Love the mindset a place like Disneyland puts you. It just takes you away from all the other grief of life and let's you (For one hell of a price!) just be a kid again.
Speaking of kids... I want to give credit where credit is due for one of my own spawn. Thunder rocked it in her first trimester with all A's & B's and will get honor roll for her first time! She has overcome many struggles that she has had in math in the past and I think has gotten herself into much better study habits. Even with her VERY active life, she has shown that she can do what it takes to get the job done. Very proud of you!
Well time for a quick rundown of the weekend that was.
On Thursday night I met up with McLovin, Fuzz, Albert and Chet at Rusty's and we had some pizza's and drinks while we watched the Giants game. Good time was had, and Rusty made sure of that with Jagerbombs on the house for most of the night! Fuzz made it in Rusty's 'Cooler Crew' with an invite by Rusty to join him for a shot during the game. Damn those Giant fans! I think there was more going on in the cooler than just a shot with Rusty though. Fuzz came out of the cooler with Rusty wearing pink lip gloss all of the sudden. Just sayin....
Friday it was time to get up and moving so we could meet up with everyone and head out of town! (We missed you Ed!) I went and picked up McLovin and Cat after I got my haircut, loaded everything up and we were OUT! Hack, Fuzz and Chet had a head start on us by about 20 mins, but we all slammed into traffic in downtown LA and met up with The SC at the park soon after. Well make that soon after I poured myself a cocktail to come down off of that 'flashback' of a drive I just had! Hack and the fam had tickets to the Halloween event over at Disney park while the rest of us hung out at California Adventure for the night. It was Cat's first trip to Disneyland so we started her off right and took her on Soarin (Turbo's favorite ride!) as soon as we got into the park with the rest of the crew grabbed a bite to eat. Since Paparazzi gets an early start in the park each morning we road a few rides and called it a night so we could beat the roosters to the punch in the morning! Not before stopping and getting Cat a Birthday Cupcake! Yes.... on top of it being her first trip to Disney, she spent her birthday with us as well! We hope you enjoyed yourself!
No time to yawn... rise and shine everyone!!! As the sun came up and the roosters were still trying to figure out why in the hell they were even up at this hour of the day, we were all showered and off into the parks! We had a great day of rides and hanging out as everything seemed to work out in our favor most of the day. We went on one ride and grabbed a Fast Pass for it again later in the day... then another, and another! None of the lines were bad at all throughout the day, even though the park was VERY busy. The only bitch I have... IT WAS HOT OUT! With no wind to speak of either. As we are walking back from Splash Mountain here comes someone running at me. WTF? My brain starts to function after my lack of sleep and I see it is CHiP's! CHiP's is one of my poker buddies who moved from the Bay, down to San Diego.... well, cause he could! Of all places that I would run into him, that would have been the last place in the world I would have picked. The first eight places I would have picked would have included 'Bar' in the title! That was a shocker. More to come on CHiP's and his family later.
Speaking of bar... Me, Fuzz and Chet ran back to my room to grab a few shots and some man soda's (OK Fuzz and I did that part... Chet just came to escape the girls for a while!) before going back to grab lunch with the girls. McLovin and Cat went and grabbed some food and headed back to the room for a nap while the rest of us had lunch over at the Napa Vineyard inside the park. Food was killer and I was just getting my 'fun hat' on when everyone, yes EVERYONE, left me to go back to their rooms and rest! What kind of old people am I hanging out with? Geez! So I sat outside and drank my beer only to call Ass Clown to bitch about being left alone. Needless to say he got a big kick out of that. He thinks that people need to leave me more often, and for even less reason.
After a few texts from CHiP's I headed down to ESPN Zone 'Bar' to meet up for a drink. McLovin was on his way as well. Ran into Hack powering down some doughnuts along the way in Downtown Disney and told them to come and join us when they were done. A couple of beers and a shitty diaper (I am not even going to tell you who had the shitty diaper.... going to let you wonder on this one!) later CHiP's and the fam headed out to find a place to stay for the night and The SC rolled in for dinner. Me, Hack and McLovin ran upstairs to get in a quick game or 4 of football in the arcade where Hack and I realized one important fact.... we are old! After dinner we headed out for some more rides and the World of Color show before the old people I was with needed to grab another nap. All I can say about the World of Color show is WOW! It is a must see. After the show we met back up with McLovin and Cat and went on a few more rides before leaving them and calling it a night as the little ones were done.
Dragging their asses out of bed at the butt crack of 8:30 (As my wife likes to call it!) we got everything loaded up and head back to the park to try and squeeze in a ride or two before leaving town. Once we got into the park it was a zoo and we only got a chance to ride a couple of rides before meeting up with Fuzz and the gang to eat and follow each other home.
Note - If you have any plans to go down to Disneyland soon... go ride the Halloween version of Space Mountain called Ghost Galaxy... OFF THE HOOK! They made a great ride even better, and bring a change of shorts if you scare easily!
All-in-all, a great trip in my book. Not a lot went on, but it was just good to get away and hang out with the family and some friends. Next on the old dance card is Halloween in a few weeks. Love it!
Pictures of the trip will soon follow on the Toner Boy Fan Page on Facebook. If you don't visit or follow the Fan Page.... sucks for you! Stay up to date with me and everything Toner Boy on my Facebook Fan Page. If you are already a fan make sure you check the Fan Page for all your updates because you will only see SO much on the Facebook News Feed. If you're not a fan, what are you waiting for? Like wine... sex.... and the ability to snore.... my blog is getting better with age. Dry farts only go away with age... sorry Uncle Shartly.
I am also going to be posting a gallery of Corn's work as well for those of you who are not friends with him on Facebook so you are able to see his work. I get asked all the time about him and getting him to do a road trip back out to the house and see us, but with his schedule at the shop these days he just does not have the time. Maybe all of these pictures will get you in the mood to make plans to get some work done down at the shop! That is my dawg and I always gotta pimp for him... ya know??? Once my arm is finished I will post his finished product as well. Posting just the outline will do him, or it, no justice!
That is it from Wonderland!
Toner Boy
Well we are back from Disneyland and as tough as it was on the body to do that 700+ mile quick 3-day haul with a crowded park, with tons of walking, getting beat up on the rides, and very little sleep.... I am still very glad we went! Love the mindset a place like Disneyland puts you. It just takes you away from all the other grief of life and let's you (For one hell of a price!) just be a kid again.
Speaking of kids... I want to give credit where credit is due for one of my own spawn. Thunder rocked it in her first trimester with all A's & B's and will get honor roll for her first time! She has overcome many struggles that she has had in math in the past and I think has gotten herself into much better study habits. Even with her VERY active life, she has shown that she can do what it takes to get the job done. Very proud of you!
Well time for a quick rundown of the weekend that was.
On Thursday night I met up with McLovin, Fuzz, Albert and Chet at Rusty's and we had some pizza's and drinks while we watched the Giants game. Good time was had, and Rusty made sure of that with Jagerbombs on the house for most of the night! Fuzz made it in Rusty's 'Cooler Crew' with an invite by Rusty to join him for a shot during the game. Damn those Giant fans! I think there was more going on in the cooler than just a shot with Rusty though. Fuzz came out of the cooler with Rusty wearing pink lip gloss all of the sudden. Just sayin....
Friday it was time to get up and moving so we could meet up with everyone and head out of town! (We missed you Ed!) I went and picked up McLovin and Cat after I got my haircut, loaded everything up and we were OUT! Hack, Fuzz and Chet had a head start on us by about 20 mins, but we all slammed into traffic in downtown LA and met up with The SC at the park soon after. Well make that soon after I poured myself a cocktail to come down off of that 'flashback' of a drive I just had! Hack and the fam had tickets to the Halloween event over at Disney park while the rest of us hung out at California Adventure for the night. It was Cat's first trip to Disneyland so we started her off right and took her on Soarin (Turbo's favorite ride!) as soon as we got into the park with the rest of the crew grabbed a bite to eat. Since Paparazzi gets an early start in the park each morning we road a few rides and called it a night so we could beat the roosters to the punch in the morning! Not before stopping and getting Cat a Birthday Cupcake! Yes.... on top of it being her first trip to Disney, she spent her birthday with us as well! We hope you enjoyed yourself!
No time to yawn... rise and shine everyone!!! As the sun came up and the roosters were still trying to figure out why in the hell they were even up at this hour of the day, we were all showered and off into the parks! We had a great day of rides and hanging out as everything seemed to work out in our favor most of the day. We went on one ride and grabbed a Fast Pass for it again later in the day... then another, and another! None of the lines were bad at all throughout the day, even though the park was VERY busy. The only bitch I have... IT WAS HOT OUT! With no wind to speak of either. As we are walking back from Splash Mountain here comes someone running at me. WTF? My brain starts to function after my lack of sleep and I see it is CHiP's! CHiP's is one of my poker buddies who moved from the Bay, down to San Diego.... well, cause he could! Of all places that I would run into him, that would have been the last place in the world I would have picked. The first eight places I would have picked would have included 'Bar' in the title! That was a shocker. More to come on CHiP's and his family later.
Speaking of bar... Me, Fuzz and Chet ran back to my room to grab a few shots and some man soda's (OK Fuzz and I did that part... Chet just came to escape the girls for a while!) before going back to grab lunch with the girls. McLovin and Cat went and grabbed some food and headed back to the room for a nap while the rest of us had lunch over at the Napa Vineyard inside the park. Food was killer and I was just getting my 'fun hat' on when everyone, yes EVERYONE, left me to go back to their rooms and rest! What kind of old people am I hanging out with? Geez! So I sat outside and drank my beer only to call Ass Clown to bitch about being left alone. Needless to say he got a big kick out of that. He thinks that people need to leave me more often, and for even less reason.
After a few texts from CHiP's I headed down to ESPN Zone 'Bar' to meet up for a drink. McLovin was on his way as well. Ran into Hack powering down some doughnuts along the way in Downtown Disney and told them to come and join us when they were done. A couple of beers and a shitty diaper (I am not even going to tell you who had the shitty diaper.... going to let you wonder on this one!) later CHiP's and the fam headed out to find a place to stay for the night and The SC rolled in for dinner. Me, Hack and McLovin ran upstairs to get in a quick game or 4 of football in the arcade where Hack and I realized one important fact.... we are old! After dinner we headed out for some more rides and the World of Color show before the old people I was with needed to grab another nap. All I can say about the World of Color show is WOW! It is a must see. After the show we met back up with McLovin and Cat and went on a few more rides before leaving them and calling it a night as the little ones were done.
Dragging their asses out of bed at the butt crack of 8:30 (As my wife likes to call it!) we got everything loaded up and head back to the park to try and squeeze in a ride or two before leaving town. Once we got into the park it was a zoo and we only got a chance to ride a couple of rides before meeting up with Fuzz and the gang to eat and follow each other home.
Note - If you have any plans to go down to Disneyland soon... go ride the Halloween version of Space Mountain called Ghost Galaxy... OFF THE HOOK! They made a great ride even better, and bring a change of shorts if you scare easily!
All-in-all, a great trip in my book. Not a lot went on, but it was just good to get away and hang out with the family and some friends. Next on the old dance card is Halloween in a few weeks. Love it!
Pictures of the trip will soon follow on the Toner Boy Fan Page on Facebook. If you don't visit or follow the Fan Page.... sucks for you! Stay up to date with me and everything Toner Boy on my Facebook Fan Page. If you are already a fan make sure you check the Fan Page for all your updates because you will only see SO much on the Facebook News Feed. If you're not a fan, what are you waiting for? Like wine... sex.... and the ability to snore.... my blog is getting better with age. Dry farts only go away with age... sorry Uncle Shartly.
I am also going to be posting a gallery of Corn's work as well for those of you who are not friends with him on Facebook so you are able to see his work. I get asked all the time about him and getting him to do a road trip back out to the house and see us, but with his schedule at the shop these days he just does not have the time. Maybe all of these pictures will get you in the mood to make plans to get some work done down at the shop! That is my dawg and I always gotta pimp for him... ya know??? Once my arm is finished I will post his finished product as well. Posting just the outline will do him, or it, no justice!
That is it from Wonderland!
Toner Boy
Thursday, October 7, 2010
That is all she wrote....
Well at least for this week. For some reason, for good or bad, I think I am going to have a whole lot to talk about when I get back!
OK let's wrap this S.O.B. up and call it a week!
Happy Birthday to 2-T! (No... not the Tootie I have seen naked playing Pictionary!)(If you don't know this story..... don't ask!)
First of all I am flying the coop at 3:30 today to get a jump on traffic and less aggravation to start my little vacation weekend with The SC and family! Yay me!
That just means I need to find a way to squirm through the next 5 hours and 39 minutes and I am home free to see the apple of my eye. God I am SO looking forward to getting away with everyone, even if it is only a couple of days, it is not even funny! Now if the DAMN weather service will make up their minds on the temperature down there for the weekend! One day it says it is going to be in the mid 90's, the next day it is the low 80's! I know those bastards are only guessing, but.... COME ON!
Here is a big newsflash... you will never guess it... Raiders game is blacked out locally. If they were kind they would black in out nationally and save us the embarrassment of having it be seen by others! It is bad enough that 30,000 people paid to attend the event in the first place. Must just be an universal meeting place for parole officers to talk with their clients or something. It sucks to have to love and hate your team at the same time.... every year! The plus side of it is I now have 13 open weekends to do whatever I want until the playoffs without having to feel like I missed something. It is now all about the draft baby! Oh wait... we gave our 1st round pick away for a player with 4 sacks in 20 games since joining the team. Nice trade off.
OK... I just shaved another half hour off of my departure time today! That and the fact that I have been busy giving my wife a ration of shit over email for the last hour, this day is coasting by! The plane is now leaving the terminal in 3 hours and 51 minutes! With my hour long lunch nap thrown in the mix, this looks to be a pretty good day for Toner Boy! I have got a little pep in my step. Can't get to full of myself. The last time I was feeling good like this I told my wife 'I am looking pretty good today. You might have to work a bit harder for this. I may be cheap.... but I am not easy!' she cut me off ever since. That was '02. There was the Great Christmas Eve Flashing of '06 that is still hold dear to my heart though. Good times.... good times.
Best Friend are you and 1-T going to make it out to visit us or not little lady? I have not heard anything from you except a picture of a penis pillow this week!!!
Halloween is coming up fast and I need to get my house decorated all proper like. Anyone who knows me knows that we really do it up every year for Halloween! This year is no different. We are going to have an all day cook out at the house leading up to Trick-or-Treating that night for the kids. If you are in the area come on out and enjoy the day with us! Stop in and say hello, or see what you can bring and hang out for the day. We will be hanging out under the Easy Ups in the back watching football and cooking all kinds of food!
OK let's wrap this S.O.B. up and call it a week!
Happy Birthday to 2-T! (No... not the Tootie I have seen naked playing Pictionary!)(If you don't know this story..... don't ask!)
First of all I am flying the coop at 3:30 today to get a jump on traffic and less aggravation to start my little vacation weekend with The SC and family! Yay me!
That just means I need to find a way to squirm through the next 5 hours and 39 minutes and I am home free to see the apple of my eye. God I am SO looking forward to getting away with everyone, even if it is only a couple of days, it is not even funny! Now if the DAMN weather service will make up their minds on the temperature down there for the weekend! One day it says it is going to be in the mid 90's, the next day it is the low 80's! I know those bastards are only guessing, but.... COME ON!
Here is a big newsflash... you will never guess it... Raiders game is blacked out locally. If they were kind they would black in out nationally and save us the embarrassment of having it be seen by others! It is bad enough that 30,000 people paid to attend the event in the first place. Must just be an universal meeting place for parole officers to talk with their clients or something. It sucks to have to love and hate your team at the same time.... every year! The plus side of it is I now have 13 open weekends to do whatever I want until the playoffs without having to feel like I missed something. It is now all about the draft baby! Oh wait... we gave our 1st round pick away for a player with 4 sacks in 20 games since joining the team. Nice trade off.
OK... I just shaved another half hour off of my departure time today! That and the fact that I have been busy giving my wife a ration of shit over email for the last hour, this day is coasting by! The plane is now leaving the terminal in 3 hours and 51 minutes! With my hour long lunch nap thrown in the mix, this looks to be a pretty good day for Toner Boy! I have got a little pep in my step. Can't get to full of myself. The last time I was feeling good like this I told my wife 'I am looking pretty good today. You might have to work a bit harder for this. I may be cheap.... but I am not easy!' she cut me off ever since. That was '02. There was the Great Christmas Eve Flashing of '06 that is still hold dear to my heart though. Good times.... good times.
Best Friend are you and 1-T going to make it out to visit us or not little lady? I have not heard anything from you except a picture of a penis pillow this week!!!
Halloween is coming up fast and I need to get my house decorated all proper like. Anyone who knows me knows that we really do it up every year for Halloween! This year is no different. We are going to have an all day cook out at the house leading up to Trick-or-Treating that night for the kids. If you are in the area come on out and enjoy the day with us! Stop in and say hello, or see what you can bring and hang out for the day. We will be hanging out under the Easy Ups in the back watching football and cooking all kinds of food!
Penis is off soaking in some vacation time himself today so that is just like icing on the cake. Not having to listen to him all day is a blessing that is for sure. But then again I did have a conversation with Anyway that made me want to cut his heart out with a spoon! Damn that guy drives me nuts when he get stuck on a word. I know Infidel.... I know! Some words get stuck, but when I already know what he is going to say I just go all - 'Smut Queen getting cutoff while driving' deep down inside!
Catching Flies is just about completely gray now that the squid ink has worn off of his head. What do you want to bet his shit will be Elvis black by the time I return next week? Dude... you're old.... let it go.
*SHIT* Damn that Wiggleworth! Scared me like Mere on Facebook the other day just now. I need that bell.
Ass Clown and Albert... while I am out of town... think 6 numbers... not 3! You are only thinking of yourselves and pocketing $10 at a time. Dicks!
Hey Hunny.... don't forget the Almond Salad Toppers!
 |
| OK... I am only going to look at the ones in the middle! |
That is all she wrote! Enjoy your weekends. I am going to kick mine off tonight at Rusty's with the boys and watch some playoff baseball while enjoying pizza and beers! Mix if you are out there and in town come over and join us.
Starting tomorrow I will be in Fantasyland looking at these....>
That is right... that is how I roll! HA HA HA!!!!!
Be good all, and just remember....
Life is not ALL that serious.... don't forget to stop and laugh at yourself once in a while. Humility is a good thing to have, it shows you are human.
2 months, 24 days, 10 hours and 35 minutes until Napa!
Toner Boy
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Da na na na na na, You say it's your birthday....
.... oh wait... you don't watch movies to know what I am talking about! Well that is a CLASSIC Anthony Michael Hall scene from 16 Candles right there Fuzz. An 80's cult film that the rest of The SC can't get enough of! Well maybe except Chet... there were no sports involved to peak his interest! Other great lines include ~
'Sofa city sweetheart.'
'The Donger need food!'
'I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up.'
'Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens.'
'What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... Hmmm? No, he's not retarded.'
'Oto-mo-biiile?'
'I can't believe it. You make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you.'
'What's happenin' hot stuff?'
Sorry... this was about your birthday and not one of the all-time best movies, huh? OK, my bad.
Well Happy '37' Years in this swirling shit bowl we call life my friend! Who would have ever thought I would have found a cheer weekend drinking buddy, (who lets me play with his guns mind you!) at my daughters cheer gym? Go figure! Fuzz... Happy Birthday my friend! I know we missed lunch yesterday so you could get the Foo-mo-biiile fixed, but we will kick the weekend off properly with some pizza and beers at Rusty's on Thursday. The part about the Giants winning their playoff game so everything is perfect in your little world... I can't offer any promises! No I think they are safe going through the first round, it is just what follows for them that has me worried. Rumor has it the first 4 rounds are on Albert! Then it is off to Disneyland and our Captain filled water bottles! We will have to take some 'Put a little Captain in you!' pictures of us around the park and add them to the Toner Boy Fan Page on Facebook!
Hack I hope this wife thinks we are funnier than the last one when we are down there!
OK... Tuesday is here. 2 days, 7 hours and 44 minutes until the weekend! What? OK... my weekend! Best Friend... are you going to join us when we are down there?
I had a night of fun filled computer work over at Creeper's house last night. But it was all good and away from this place the guy is not all that bad I must say. He holds the same opinion that I do of the County-Government being run like total shit and it this were a real business they would not last a month. And here I thought that all of these 'Ass Hats' (Thank you for that term Hunny!) were just blind ass cup droolers who did not know their ass from a hole in the ground. Go figure.
I have to give another shout out to Corn today. He has been posting some AWESOME new pictures of his work on Facebook over the last week! Very nice! And the cross you did on McLovin's friend was great! If you have not seen him in a while, or if you are looking to get some ink work done... go see my boy at Simms Ink in Hayward and he will take care of you.
I have another buddy Double R out in Danville who is doing it right as well and would be real glad to see you. I hear he will work for a double cheese burger if you catch him at the right time of the day! AHAHA Just kidding. He is out in Danville and has posted some really great looking work himself!
Oh yeah that hit the spot. Nothing like a Triple Mint Latte on an empty stomach to kick you into gear! The only problem that I have is that I have nothing to do that requires me to be put into any gear other than 'N'eutral! Maybe I will run laps in my car at lunch to burn it off? Or I can run to Castro Valley and pick up Val's, eat, run over a see Corn, swing by San Francisco and feed a sea lion and then head back to the office. No... I am wearing the wrong shoes for all that. I will just sit and hover in my car.
Just looked at my calendar on my Outlook sidebar.... damn Napa State Hospital is getting closer, and closer, and closer.... (Thanks for reminding me Lu!) FLY!!!!
The Looker is back in the office after a month away. I don't know if he was gone on vacation, or just another one of his extended breaks! He left at 10:30 for one this morning and strolled back in the office at 11:07. That is the best job of rounding off 15 minutes in your favor I have ever seen!
Well since no one except Ass Clown posted a joke when I asked, (It went over like a fart in church by the way!) I am going to try movies! Tell me your all-time favorite movie and the best quote from it. One movie, one quote. Fuzz give us a Star Wars quote. Oh yeah.... you have not seen that one either. 'Well? We're waiting!' <--- Name the movie and the actor. First person will get a signed original script from my first movie 'Toner Boy - All Inked Out!'
The sequel will be called 'Toner Boy - Life in Napa. Oh Look... FLY!!!!' in 3D!
It is getting close to lunch time. Time to vibrate off and go get the RIGHT 6 numbers. Can't depend on any of you to get it right it seems! VROOM, VROOM! Why are my teeth chattering?? Was that liquid crank or coffee? Wow!
Toner Boy
'Sofa city sweetheart.'
'The Donger need food!'
'I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up.'
'Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens.'
'What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... Hmmm? No, he's not retarded.'
'Oto-mo-biiile?'
'I can't believe it. You make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you.'
'What's happenin' hot stuff?'
Sorry... this was about your birthday and not one of the all-time best movies, huh? OK, my bad.
Well Happy '37' Years in this swirling shit bowl we call life my friend! Who would have ever thought I would have found a cheer weekend drinking buddy, (who lets me play with his guns mind you!) at my daughters cheer gym? Go figure! Fuzz... Happy Birthday my friend! I know we missed lunch yesterday so you could get the Foo-mo-biiile fixed, but we will kick the weekend off properly with some pizza and beers at Rusty's on Thursday. The part about the Giants winning their playoff game so everything is perfect in your little world... I can't offer any promises! No I think they are safe going through the first round, it is just what follows for them that has me worried. Rumor has it the first 4 rounds are on Albert! Then it is off to Disneyland and our Captain filled water bottles! We will have to take some 'Put a little Captain in you!' pictures of us around the park and add them to the Toner Boy Fan Page on Facebook!
Hack I hope this wife thinks we are funnier than the last one when we are down there!
OK... Tuesday is here. 2 days, 7 hours and 44 minutes until the weekend! What? OK... my weekend! Best Friend... are you going to join us when we are down there?
I had a night of fun filled computer work over at Creeper's house last night. But it was all good and away from this place the guy is not all that bad I must say. He holds the same opinion that I do of the County-Government being run like total shit and it this were a real business they would not last a month. And here I thought that all of these 'Ass Hats' (Thank you for that term Hunny!) were just blind ass cup droolers who did not know their ass from a hole in the ground. Go figure.
I have to give another shout out to Corn today. He has been posting some AWESOME new pictures of his work on Facebook over the last week! Very nice! And the cross you did on McLovin's friend was great! If you have not seen him in a while, or if you are looking to get some ink work done... go see my boy at Simms Ink in Hayward and he will take care of you.
I have another buddy Double R out in Danville who is doing it right as well and would be real glad to see you. I hear he will work for a double cheese burger if you catch him at the right time of the day! AHAHA Just kidding. He is out in Danville and has posted some really great looking work himself!
Oh yeah that hit the spot. Nothing like a Triple Mint Latte on an empty stomach to kick you into gear! The only problem that I have is that I have nothing to do that requires me to be put into any gear other than 'N'eutral! Maybe I will run laps in my car at lunch to burn it off? Or I can run to Castro Valley and pick up Val's, eat, run over a see Corn, swing by San Francisco and feed a sea lion and then head back to the office. No... I am wearing the wrong shoes for all that. I will just sit and hover in my car.
Just looked at my calendar on my Outlook sidebar.... damn Napa State Hospital is getting closer, and closer, and closer.... (Thanks for reminding me Lu!) FLY!!!!
The Looker is back in the office after a month away. I don't know if he was gone on vacation, or just another one of his extended breaks! He left at 10:30 for one this morning and strolled back in the office at 11:07. That is the best job of rounding off 15 minutes in your favor I have ever seen!
Well since no one except Ass Clown posted a joke when I asked, (It went over like a fart in church by the way!) I am going to try movies! Tell me your all-time favorite movie and the best quote from it. One movie, one quote. Fuzz give us a Star Wars quote. Oh yeah.... you have not seen that one either. 'Well? We're waiting!' <--- Name the movie and the actor. First person will get a signed original script from my first movie 'Toner Boy - All Inked Out!'
The sequel will be called 'Toner Boy - Life in Napa. Oh Look... FLY!!!!' in 3D!
It is getting close to lunch time. Time to vibrate off and go get the RIGHT 6 numbers. Can't depend on any of you to get it right it seems! VROOM, VROOM! Why are my teeth chattering?? Was that liquid crank or coffee? Wow!
Toner Boy
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Monday Blues....
Then again every Monday from September to December is a Monday that 'blows' after watching a Raiders game!
In the words of Smut Queen.... 'What up peeps?'
Yes it is Monday and I would rather be any other place in the world than here, but with a cup of coffee in my body I am going to make the most of it. After all, what are my options at this point?
Well it is October. I time for change. The leafs change, weather changes, and so do our waistlines! Because it is time for comfort food and my cooking has been known to raise hell on everybody's wardrobe around me! I promise to do better this year, but just in case I am wrong... get some new running shoes and get out there and enjoy the brisk fall and winter weather!
Since we last spoke... On Friday I had Monkey tip me off to a glorious commute home which just put me in a funk going home. The SC went to Tracy High's homecoming game and I had to play catch up once I got into town. I ran home to change and stop to grab a bite to eat before heading over, but after running into my neighbor out back and having a gab session for a little bit I just got in my car and ran to meet them. I was lucky enough that Paparazzi had a jumbo bag of sunflower seeds to fill the hole and she was happy to share! I made the mistake of asking Mama Ruth to go and grab me a hot dog during halftime. Not only was it not a real hot dog, but one of those jumbo cured Slim Jim types of things, she brought it to me with nothing on it! Just a dry ass dog when I asked for mustard and relish. Her words were, "They ran out of mustard and ewww I am not touching relish!" Thanks Pockey Huck!
Saturday I got up early to help Smut Queen only to get called off duty at the last minute. Gee... thanks... who needs sleep!?!? AHAHAHA Lucky for her I had other shit to do so I was on the go anyway. Made breakfast for everyone and then worked on Thunder's school project for a few hours before heading out to Pleasant Hill to work on Creeper's computers. Well 5 hours later I finally got out of there to go and meet Albert at the Crawl in CV. Ahhh CV. The good old days. Yeah right!!!
We went to Krayons and hung out waiting for Topher to show up after sending him one threatening message after the other. Glad you could make it with having to have your arm twisted to hard there Topher! Shortly after he showed up we ran into more friends of ours and went on with the Crawl. Albert and I headed to the Bowl while they went on to Don Jose's. You could say we sort of got ditched! We had a quick beer and then met up with them and a whole bunch more people from our class over at Don Jose's. Yes, the chairperson of the Crawl The CV Stroll Queen was at Don Jose's as well! All was right with the world at that point. We all wandered down the boulevard to a few more CV dives before calling it a night. Albert left me as we tried getting into the next bar, and I made a beeline out of there once the person I was talking to 'claimed' to have a stomach ache and went inside to look for her ride. Damn... I got ditched twice in one night by these people! I see how well I still fit in. I got left standing out front of the bar for bad belly and a guy in a kilt! The CV Stroll Queen text me about coming down to the bowl to meet back up with them as was leaving, but since I was planning on going home hours before hand I thought better of it. Went through the old Golden Arches drive thru for a couple of dollar menu chicken sandwiches and called it a night.
Sunday me and McLovin went to the Raiders game so I picked him up early and we stopped off at Bebe's and had some breakfast. Game was the shits, but we had a great time and a bunch of laughs. After all it is a Raiders game and most of the people there are entertainment all on their own. It is like an airport, people watching nirvana! The people who sat in the row in front of us literally drug their drugged drunk asses into the game and most of them proceeded to slip into an unconscious state of mind. I mean these fools were OUT! It was classic Raiders fans... for them it all ends in the parking lot before the game.
Back here at Monday. 3 days, 3 hours and 16 mins and it is vacation thirty! The SC and The Hack Family Robinson are off to the Happiest Place on Earth. Yes Thunder... Daddy is going to go to church and pray on Sunday morning. I will be praying for a good Bloody Mary while I wait for kickoff! Da Da Da! Da Da Da!
Fuzz text me today and tried to go to lunch with me since he was out here in the hood, but my strict County schedule would not permit that to happen. So instead we are going to go to Rusty's and watch the Giants playoff game on Thursday. Pops, Uncle Shartly, Albert, Chet, After 6, Game Time, George, KP, Sleeper Cell, Ass Clown, Cock Nozzle and anyone else who wants to go and hang out... this is your call! Rusty's about 6:30 for man soda's and pizza as the Giants battle the Braves. Yes Chet, you can have a regular soda if you want! Ducky I would list you, but we all know that you are not allowed to be that far away from home. McLovin... a few more years and you can join us. Actually if you sit in a booth you can go to Rusty's with us. You and Chet can drink Soda together!
Ass Clown, Albert and Hack... I am still waiting for the call the one of you have hit all 6 numbers! Not the 3 numbers that I heard about on Sunday from Ass Clown! I guess I am going to have to step up and shake off my 0 for 24 slump of even getting my money back and just win this thing myself. It would seem that I can't depend on you guys to get this done! Until then though I will only take calls from Ass Clown or Hack about a possible change in my work venue. If you got nothin... don't call me, I'll call you. Rat bastards. Hope you choke on a short and curly.
Tonight I need to run out to Creeper's place and finish what I started now that he has all the parts that I need. Just what I wanted... a trip to Pleasant Hill after work. It is all good though. He has beer and cash!
I hope to hell that this week flies by and the weekend seems to last forever for once. I know it is not going to be the case, but hey... you can't blame a guy for wishing! I mean this morning has gone by at a pretty good pace, so you never know. I could get lucky. (OK. Are you done laughing so I can go on?) Besides the 14 hours of the day when I am here in solitaire, the calendar is pretty full this week. Now if I can just find a way to resolve the 'still' 14 hour portion of the day I will be all good. I tried throwing some verbal jabs to sort of 'spark' up my day, but it seems that I was just punching myself. There is a shock!
The zoo here is getting quieter and quieter with each passing day. For these lifers here at the County many of them that are near retirement age are all bailing ship and taking their retirement because of purposed cutbacks by the government on their retirement benefits. This way they leave now and lock in a better retirement package than what the union is telling them is on the table. Looking at the age of most of these folks there should only be about 6 of us left when it is all said and done. This place is like a retirement home! What is most sad is that besides Quasimodo leaving a few months back, all of these others leaving... ARE NONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT I TALK ABOUT!!!! Yes.... there are that many fools in this place. The only person that I talk about that I know who is leaving soon is Creeper. Which has already retired once and is back as a consultant until the end of the year collecting two checks every other week! Besides sneaking around in squeaky shoes... pretty smart cookie!
The Throat just walked by... I swear one day I am going to give her a karate chop and clear up whatever it is she has lodged in there!!!
On that note.
Not that anyone should ever need to be told these words of wisdom, but never forget....
Live. Laugh. Love.
You only get one chance, so don't one of those chances pass you by. Live life to the fullest.
When I die I don't want people to look at me at my funeral and think 'He looks good'. I'm dead. I don't want to look good. I want people to look at me and say out loud, "God damn he looks like SHIT! But the bastard always put a smile on my face, and I know he had a lot of fun getting there. I am going to miss him." No shoulda, woulda, coulda's should ever follow that sentence.
Unlike Rachel on Big Brother you never will get the chance to say, "I'm back bitches!"
Toner Boy
In the words of Smut Queen.... 'What up peeps?'
Yes it is Monday and I would rather be any other place in the world than here, but with a cup of coffee in my body I am going to make the most of it. After all, what are my options at this point?
Well it is October. I time for change. The leafs change, weather changes, and so do our waistlines! Because it is time for comfort food and my cooking has been known to raise hell on everybody's wardrobe around me! I promise to do better this year, but just in case I am wrong... get some new running shoes and get out there and enjoy the brisk fall and winter weather!
Since we last spoke... On Friday I had Monkey tip me off to a glorious commute home which just put me in a funk going home. The SC went to Tracy High's homecoming game and I had to play catch up once I got into town. I ran home to change and stop to grab a bite to eat before heading over, but after running into my neighbor out back and having a gab session for a little bit I just got in my car and ran to meet them. I was lucky enough that Paparazzi had a jumbo bag of sunflower seeds to fill the hole and she was happy to share! I made the mistake of asking Mama Ruth to go and grab me a hot dog during halftime. Not only was it not a real hot dog, but one of those jumbo cured Slim Jim types of things, she brought it to me with nothing on it! Just a dry ass dog when I asked for mustard and relish. Her words were, "They ran out of mustard and ewww I am not touching relish!" Thanks Pockey Huck!
Saturday I got up early to help Smut Queen only to get called off duty at the last minute. Gee... thanks... who needs sleep!?!? AHAHAHA Lucky for her I had other shit to do so I was on the go anyway. Made breakfast for everyone and then worked on Thunder's school project for a few hours before heading out to Pleasant Hill to work on Creeper's computers. Well 5 hours later I finally got out of there to go and meet Albert at the Crawl in CV. Ahhh CV. The good old days. Yeah right!!!
We went to Krayons and hung out waiting for Topher to show up after sending him one threatening message after the other. Glad you could make it with having to have your arm twisted to hard there Topher! Shortly after he showed up we ran into more friends of ours and went on with the Crawl. Albert and I headed to the Bowl while they went on to Don Jose's. You could say we sort of got ditched! We had a quick beer and then met up with them and a whole bunch more people from our class over at Don Jose's. Yes, the chairperson of the Crawl The CV Stroll Queen was at Don Jose's as well! All was right with the world at that point. We all wandered down the boulevard to a few more CV dives before calling it a night. Albert left me as we tried getting into the next bar, and I made a beeline out of there once the person I was talking to 'claimed' to have a stomach ache and went inside to look for her ride. Damn... I got ditched twice in one night by these people! I see how well I still fit in. I got left standing out front of the bar for bad belly and a guy in a kilt! The CV Stroll Queen text me about coming down to the bowl to meet back up with them as was leaving, but since I was planning on going home hours before hand I thought better of it. Went through the old Golden Arches drive thru for a couple of dollar menu chicken sandwiches and called it a night.
Sunday me and McLovin went to the Raiders game so I picked him up early and we stopped off at Bebe's and had some breakfast. Game was the shits, but we had a great time and a bunch of laughs. After all it is a Raiders game and most of the people there are entertainment all on their own. It is like an airport, people watching nirvana! The people who sat in the row in front of us literally drug their drugged drunk asses into the game and most of them proceeded to slip into an unconscious state of mind. I mean these fools were OUT! It was classic Raiders fans... for them it all ends in the parking lot before the game.
Back here at Monday. 3 days, 3 hours and 16 mins and it is vacation thirty! The SC and The Hack Family Robinson are off to the Happiest Place on Earth. Yes Thunder... Daddy is going to go to church and pray on Sunday morning. I will be praying for a good Bloody Mary while I wait for kickoff! Da Da Da! Da Da Da!
Fuzz text me today and tried to go to lunch with me since he was out here in the hood, but my strict County schedule would not permit that to happen. So instead we are going to go to Rusty's and watch the Giants playoff game on Thursday. Pops, Uncle Shartly, Albert, Chet, After 6, Game Time, George, KP, Sleeper Cell, Ass Clown, Cock Nozzle and anyone else who wants to go and hang out... this is your call! Rusty's about 6:30 for man soda's and pizza as the Giants battle the Braves. Yes Chet, you can have a regular soda if you want! Ducky I would list you, but we all know that you are not allowed to be that far away from home. McLovin... a few more years and you can join us. Actually if you sit in a booth you can go to Rusty's with us. You and Chet can drink Soda together!
Ass Clown, Albert and Hack... I am still waiting for the call the one of you have hit all 6 numbers! Not the 3 numbers that I heard about on Sunday from Ass Clown! I guess I am going to have to step up and shake off my 0 for 24 slump of even getting my money back and just win this thing myself. It would seem that I can't depend on you guys to get this done! Until then though I will only take calls from Ass Clown or Hack about a possible change in my work venue. If you got nothin... don't call me, I'll call you. Rat bastards. Hope you choke on a short and curly.
Tonight I need to run out to Creeper's place and finish what I started now that he has all the parts that I need. Just what I wanted... a trip to Pleasant Hill after work. It is all good though. He has beer and cash!
I hope to hell that this week flies by and the weekend seems to last forever for once. I know it is not going to be the case, but hey... you can't blame a guy for wishing! I mean this morning has gone by at a pretty good pace, so you never know. I could get lucky. (OK. Are you done laughing so I can go on?) Besides the 14 hours of the day when I am here in solitaire, the calendar is pretty full this week. Now if I can just find a way to resolve the 'still' 14 hour portion of the day I will be all good. I tried throwing some verbal jabs to sort of 'spark' up my day, but it seems that I was just punching myself. There is a shock!
The zoo here is getting quieter and quieter with each passing day. For these lifers here at the County many of them that are near retirement age are all bailing ship and taking their retirement because of purposed cutbacks by the government on their retirement benefits. This way they leave now and lock in a better retirement package than what the union is telling them is on the table. Looking at the age of most of these folks there should only be about 6 of us left when it is all said and done. This place is like a retirement home! What is most sad is that besides Quasimodo leaving a few months back, all of these others leaving... ARE NONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT I TALK ABOUT!!!! Yes.... there are that many fools in this place. The only person that I talk about that I know who is leaving soon is Creeper. Which has already retired once and is back as a consultant until the end of the year collecting two checks every other week! Besides sneaking around in squeaky shoes... pretty smart cookie!
The Throat just walked by... I swear one day I am going to give her a karate chop and clear up whatever it is she has lodged in there!!!
On that note.
Not that anyone should ever need to be told these words of wisdom, but never forget....
Live. Laugh. Love.
You only get one chance, so don't one of those chances pass you by. Live life to the fullest.
When I die I don't want people to look at me at my funeral and think 'He looks good'. I'm dead. I don't want to look good. I want people to look at me and say out loud, "God damn he looks like SHIT! But the bastard always put a smile on my face, and I know he had a lot of fun getting there. I am going to miss him." No shoulda, woulda, coulda's should ever follow that sentence.
Unlike Rachel on Big Brother you never will get the chance to say, "I'm back bitches!"
Toner Boy
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Happy Hump Day....
.... I guess it would be if I were the 'humper' and not the 'humpee'! Guess that is why... never mind.
All I know is Fuzz better bring a BIG bottle of Captain with us to Disneyland in 9 days! Oh wait... you are not even going to be there until Saturday. Grrrrr...... OK Sleeper Cell I am counting on you for Friday! Ed... double check the supplies before you leave!
Think I have just about had enough of being Toner Boy. But Ass Clown and Albert can't seem to get the right 6 numbers for our Redneck Retirement Plan.
Seriously. One more day of 4 hours in a car that does not result in me being in Monterey teeing it up on a golf course with an ocean view or Disneyland acting like a fool, shit is going to hit the fan! Soon you will find me in a ball in the corner of the room talking to myself about $5 footlongs, toner, passwords, spreadsheets and..... FLY!!!! It is bad enough that I talk to myself on this damn thing.
Calgon..... take me away!
Even better yet... Just tried to send a message to Hunny through our phones and her chat is turned off. Don't know how I should take that. Damn.... there are a ton of ways and a whole bunch of puns that go with that sentence right off the top of my head. 'Guess I still can't turn her on even after all of these years.' is the first one that comes to mind. Story of my life. A punchline.
So glad to see that October 1st is only 2 days away. Love the fall weather more than any other time of the year. Just hate the fact it is also a sign of another year wasted here at Sandal's with Sock's Resort & Spa.
Just read that After 6 and Monkey are going on a cruise in June. Bite me. Maybe I can blow up a raft and circle around in your pool so I can go on a cruise as well!?!? 'Next stop... same as the last stop! All aboard!'
Why is it when you are trying to regain your footing in life the most you are always standing on algae covered rocks with bars of soap strapped to your feet?
This Saturday marks the 60th birthday of Peanuts specials being shown on TV. I bring this up because my all time favorite Peanuts is coming up next month with 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'. When you watch it (You know you will watch it!) and you hear the words, 'I got a rock.' cross Charlie Brown's lips I want you to think to yourself.... 'That's Toner Boy!'
If this season of the Biggest Loser does not make you want to get up off the couch and do something, nothing will. Best season by far when it comes to motivational reality. None of the fluff, just honest truth. Love it.
Need to go over to Creepers house this Saturday and do some side work on his home computer network. That should be an experience! All I know is he better have beer and cash. Albert.... meet you at The Crawl if we are going.
I would like to thank Mother Nature once again for this hot weather because she has given Ice Shaker back his name. Guess he ran out of apples to eat and he still needed a way to piss me off.
In only an hour and a half I am out of here and into traffic. Woot-Woot! Still better than Number 2 who is sitting at home in the heat with no AC in her house. I had no idea you could even get a house with no AC in it these days!?!?
Trekkie is doing hot laps like an expecting father today. Dude relax and go back to your office and play more World of Warcraft and think that no one knows. Well I am sure most of these other dip shits don't, but I know what you are doing for 6 hours of your day when I am typing this blog!
I just sneezed. Please, please bless me! I have been without Influenza here in the office now for over a month and a half!
Penis just shot out of here to go and take pictures of the sites of Alameda County for our yearly Budget Report. Try taking real pictures. You know empty commercial buildings, panhandlers, graffiti, pot holes in the roads you could hide a Sherman Tank in, or the Ferrari in the parking garage driven by an overpaid member of the Board of Supervisors.
As a fan... RIP Greg Giraldo.
Toner Boy
All I know is Fuzz better bring a BIG bottle of Captain with us to Disneyland in 9 days! Oh wait... you are not even going to be there until Saturday. Grrrrr...... OK Sleeper Cell I am counting on you for Friday! Ed... double check the supplies before you leave!
Think I have just about had enough of being Toner Boy. But Ass Clown and Albert can't seem to get the right 6 numbers for our Redneck Retirement Plan.
Seriously. One more day of 4 hours in a car that does not result in me being in Monterey teeing it up on a golf course with an ocean view or Disneyland acting like a fool, shit is going to hit the fan! Soon you will find me in a ball in the corner of the room talking to myself about $5 footlongs, toner, passwords, spreadsheets and..... FLY!!!! It is bad enough that I talk to myself on this damn thing.
Calgon..... take me away!
Even better yet... Just tried to send a message to Hunny through our phones and her chat is turned off. Don't know how I should take that. Damn.... there are a ton of ways and a whole bunch of puns that go with that sentence right off the top of my head. 'Guess I still can't turn her on even after all of these years.' is the first one that comes to mind. Story of my life. A punchline.
So glad to see that October 1st is only 2 days away. Love the fall weather more than any other time of the year. Just hate the fact it is also a sign of another year wasted here at Sandal's with Sock's Resort & Spa.
Just read that After 6 and Monkey are going on a cruise in June. Bite me. Maybe I can blow up a raft and circle around in your pool so I can go on a cruise as well!?!? 'Next stop... same as the last stop! All aboard!'
Why is it when you are trying to regain your footing in life the most you are always standing on algae covered rocks with bars of soap strapped to your feet?
This Saturday marks the 60th birthday of Peanuts specials being shown on TV. I bring this up because my all time favorite Peanuts is coming up next month with 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'. When you watch it (You know you will watch it!) and you hear the words, 'I got a rock.' cross Charlie Brown's lips I want you to think to yourself.... 'That's Toner Boy!'
If this season of the Biggest Loser does not make you want to get up off the couch and do something, nothing will. Best season by far when it comes to motivational reality. None of the fluff, just honest truth. Love it.
Need to go over to Creepers house this Saturday and do some side work on his home computer network. That should be an experience! All I know is he better have beer and cash. Albert.... meet you at The Crawl if we are going.
I would like to thank Mother Nature once again for this hot weather because she has given Ice Shaker back his name. Guess he ran out of apples to eat and he still needed a way to piss me off.
In only an hour and a half I am out of here and into traffic. Woot-Woot! Still better than Number 2 who is sitting at home in the heat with no AC in her house. I had no idea you could even get a house with no AC in it these days!?!?
Trekkie is doing hot laps like an expecting father today. Dude relax and go back to your office and play more World of Warcraft and think that no one knows. Well I am sure most of these other dip shits don't, but I know what you are doing for 6 hours of your day when I am typing this blog!
I just sneezed. Please, please bless me! I have been without Influenza here in the office now for over a month and a half!
Penis just shot out of here to go and take pictures of the sites of Alameda County for our yearly Budget Report. Try taking real pictures. You know empty commercial buildings, panhandlers, graffiti, pot holes in the roads you could hide a Sherman Tank in, or the Ferrari in the parking garage driven by an overpaid member of the Board of Supervisors.
As a fan... RIP Greg Giraldo.
Toner Boy
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Jokes....
Give me your best jokes! Here are a few to get you started. Infidel needed a pick me up today so I have used some of the better ones already today....
Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!
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Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
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What is the difference between a sin and shame?
It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.
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Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her cigarette.
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What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!
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Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.
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A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
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What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
He smashed his nose.
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What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can.
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One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."
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Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
Every once in a while, however, he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a veterinarian!"
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Toner Boy
Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!
---------------------------------------------------
Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
---------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a sin and shame?
It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.
---------------------------------------------------
Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her cigarette.
---------------------------------------------------
What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!
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Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.
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A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
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What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
He smashed his nose.
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What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can.
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One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."
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Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
Every once in a while, however, he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a veterinarian!"
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Toner Boy
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