First I go over to our other office and Dummy gives me 2 bags on mini Baby Ruth's and says thanks for helping her all the time. Plus she gives me a leather car visor tissue holder and says winter is coming. Grrrr...... Now how can I be mean to her????
The other is a whole different WTF. Munson is resting his arm on his head while he reads and his hand falls off and bounces off the ground and into the walkway as I go past and I end up kicking it! Dude! Keep your hand out of the walkway! I almost fell... over laughing that is!
Toner Boy
Friday, September 24, 2010
How do ya do?
It is Friday and the world smiles. Well so they say. I am here at work while the family lays to rest one of our own who was taken from us too soon. RIP.
Sorry I have not been myself of late as I 'herd my kittens of life'. Just been one of those times in life when it was time to stop what you are doing and try and gather life back in and reflect on what it is you are doing. For those of you who stop this process after you pour yourself cereal each morning, so you can follow along with my thought process here, it is like how you found out that you have to eat All Bran a hell of a lot faster than Captain Crunch before it gets soggy! It was time VERY well spent though because going forward from here life is going to be so much better I feel.
OK... enough of the total enlightenment, that is not why you have cum, sorry.... come. Eye hate when eye cross words up when righting. You no the mind starts going on with thoughts and the fingers just dew what they want. Dam it two hell. Sun of a bith. Write Ed?
So Hunny really is getting into college football for reasons unknown after I have watched it for all of these years with no interest on her part in the past. She is looking for a team to get behind and so far her biggest reason for liking any team has been the colors that they wear. So pretty! She tried to tell me that USC was going to be her team because their colors were close to the Niners. Being a Notre Dame fan I just about burst a vein in my head hearing that, but I think I talked some common sense into her since they are the 'brotherhood of lined handshakes' and the 'devil children' of collegiate sports. I told her to go for respectable teams local to us that she would be able to see most of their games being played on Saturday's.... and to piss off Chet I told her that Stanford would be the perfect fit! Good team, and probably the best college QB in the country. Who unfortunately will kill the Irish in South Bend this week I hate to say.
14 days until our Disneyland trip! I don't know who is looking forward to it more at this point... me or the kids? McLovin can't make it because his mom is getting married that weekend, (Go Lisa!) but I am sure we will make another one or two before the year is out with The SC that he can attend and run around with me, Chet, Sleeper Cell and Fuzz!
Foo got a Blue VW Bug this week from the folks. Very fitting I thought since is will be bouncing off of everything just like a bug as she buzzes around town! Congrats Foo! Sorry City of Tracy.
I get a text this morning from Ducky asking if I was bringing apps to the bowl tomorrow night. I am guessing that the term 'Empanada' is what he really meant to say. I don't know Ducky, even though it is your birthday I will see what I can do for you! Those things are a ton of work on short notice, but I am sure I will come up with something if my schedule permits me too. You should have sent in that request last week!!! Then I could have went all 'Peter Brady' on you!
I was thinking about our next fundraiser for the girls cheer and I have come up with the perfect idea! For $20 per person I am going to give tours of my office so everyone can put a face to the names in this blog. As a bonus I will offer to the highest bidder the chance to spend a day here on 'Take our Child to Work Day' as my kid! Just think... you can spend a day looking through my eyes at the world of Toner Boy! All bids will start at $200 and go up in $20 increments. God I hope Game Time wins so I can explain his tan to these people! This should raise a few grand without fail!
Just went for a time wasting stroll (chewed up a big 4 minutes!) to find that they have installed a new pay phone in what had been an old gutted phone booth in the lobby ever since I started here 46 and a half years ago. A few questions.... first, do people really still have a need for pay phones in this day and age? It is sort of like offering a Beta VCR selection at Blockbuster. (oh wait they are gone now too!) Next if you were on a cell phone call why would you take your call inside the pay phone booth? One of the dumbasses from the office was in the booth (that has no door mind you!) talking on his cell phone! It just looked odd.
Obvious is out today. Penis is just being nutty. Anyway... yeah, anyway. Which one do I look at? just walked past my cube wearing her yoga outfit. There goes my lunch. Yeah these group of goobers go out onto the roof of the parking garage at lunch and yoga it up on their little mats. You would think I was in Berkeley! Her and The Muff-keteers go up there most days. Hell I have even seen Catching Flies with his mat in hand joining them. Maybe I should go up there and watch? You know... for some new material!
Well that is it from the trenches today. Going to go to our other office and.... FIX A PRINTER! FML.
Toner Boy
Sorry I have not been myself of late as I 'herd my kittens of life'. Just been one of those times in life when it was time to stop what you are doing and try and gather life back in and reflect on what it is you are doing. For those of you who stop this process after you pour yourself cereal each morning, so you can follow along with my thought process here, it is like how you found out that you have to eat All Bran a hell of a lot faster than Captain Crunch before it gets soggy! It was time VERY well spent though because going forward from here life is going to be so much better I feel.
OK... enough of the total enlightenment, that is not why you have cum, sorry.... come. Eye hate when eye cross words up when righting. You no the mind starts going on with thoughts and the fingers just dew what they want. Dam it two hell. Sun of a bith. Write Ed?
So Hunny really is getting into college football for reasons unknown after I have watched it for all of these years with no interest on her part in the past. She is looking for a team to get behind and so far her biggest reason for liking any team has been the colors that they wear. So pretty! She tried to tell me that USC was going to be her team because their colors were close to the Niners. Being a Notre Dame fan I just about burst a vein in my head hearing that, but I think I talked some common sense into her since they are the 'brotherhood of lined handshakes' and the 'devil children' of collegiate sports. I told her to go for respectable teams local to us that she would be able to see most of their games being played on Saturday's.... and to piss off Chet I told her that Stanford would be the perfect fit! Good team, and probably the best college QB in the country. Who unfortunately will kill the Irish in South Bend this week I hate to say.
14 days until our Disneyland trip! I don't know who is looking forward to it more at this point... me or the kids? McLovin can't make it because his mom is getting married that weekend, (Go Lisa!) but I am sure we will make another one or two before the year is out with The SC that he can attend and run around with me, Chet, Sleeper Cell and Fuzz!
Foo got a Blue VW Bug this week from the folks. Very fitting I thought since is will be bouncing off of everything just like a bug as she buzzes around town! Congrats Foo! Sorry City of Tracy.
I get a text this morning from Ducky asking if I was bringing apps to the bowl tomorrow night. I am guessing that the term 'Empanada' is what he really meant to say. I don't know Ducky, even though it is your birthday I will see what I can do for you! Those things are a ton of work on short notice, but I am sure I will come up with something if my schedule permits me too. You should have sent in that request last week!!! Then I could have went all 'Peter Brady' on you!
I was thinking about our next fundraiser for the girls cheer and I have come up with the perfect idea! For $20 per person I am going to give tours of my office so everyone can put a face to the names in this blog. As a bonus I will offer to the highest bidder the chance to spend a day here on 'Take our Child to Work Day' as my kid! Just think... you can spend a day looking through my eyes at the world of Toner Boy! All bids will start at $200 and go up in $20 increments. God I hope Game Time wins so I can explain his tan to these people! This should raise a few grand without fail!
Just went for a time wasting stroll (chewed up a big 4 minutes!) to find that they have installed a new pay phone in what had been an old gutted phone booth in the lobby ever since I started here 46 and a half years ago. A few questions.... first, do people really still have a need for pay phones in this day and age? It is sort of like offering a Beta VCR selection at Blockbuster. (oh wait they are gone now too!) Next if you were on a cell phone call why would you take your call inside the pay phone booth? One of the dumbasses from the office was in the booth (that has no door mind you!) talking on his cell phone! It just looked odd.
Obvious is out today. Penis is just being nutty. Anyway... yeah, anyway. Which one do I look at? just walked past my cube wearing her yoga outfit. There goes my lunch. Yeah these group of goobers go out onto the roof of the parking garage at lunch and yoga it up on their little mats. You would think I was in Berkeley! Her and The Muff-keteers go up there most days. Hell I have even seen Catching Flies with his mat in hand joining them. Maybe I should go up there and watch? You know... for some new material!
Well that is it from the trenches today. Going to go to our other office and.... FIX A PRINTER! FML.
Toner Boy
Monday, September 20, 2010
Make the bad man stop....
No not the boogie man. The guy who has placed this black cloud over my head a few years back and forgot where he left it.
Well it is Monday once again and another weekend that has come and gone way to fast for my taste. I will say that this is no weekend that I am going to lock away in the old 'memory prize vault', but it is one that I will look back on at some point and feel I learned some life lessons because of it.
First of all, tell those around you what they mean to you more often because you never know when you won't have that opportunity. Life changes in the blink of an eye. 4 teens died in a car accident in Tracy early Saturday morning near our home. Godspeed.
Make time to live. We are all tired at the end of the day once you come home from work, but there are those who have waited all day for you to come home just to see you. They do not know what kind of day you have had, nor do they care. They are just happy to see you. Remember that.
I would say God created this... but it would be a lie. The truth is... some little Asian guy created DVR's so we could go on with our lives and not be tied to the whims of the television networks and their advertisers who make sure there is something that we all want to watch every night of the week. So hit record and don't forget that their is a world outside of your electronic devices that are 'must see'!
Live by the 3 L's - Live, Laugh, Love. There is no wrong order with these three words. If you are living by them.... they will all happen together without even trying. Those are the words of Toner Boy.
Before a quick rundown of the weekend I want to give a very special Thank You to Corn for working on my arm last night. We only worked on the outline (His back was killing him!), but it looks great and I can not wait to see it when it is completed. Yes... I will have a half sleeve when all is said and done. We have it from the shoulder cap, to the elbow with some arm pit in-between! That entire arm is dedicated to my family with one koi fish for each of my kids with a very special 'extra large' water lily for my wife that they are all swimming around. Just below the roses I have added a Japanese character that reads 'Family Love'. When it is finished the koi will be in a calico style with each of the kids favorite colors (Green for McLovin (But he wants neon green for his fish!), Red for Thunder, and Pink for Little Miss) in each of the fish scales, the lily in some of my wife's favorite colors (Pink, Purple and Yellow) and will have a blue and white water splash. Can't wait until it is all done and just wanted tell Corn thank you once again for the work. It really means a lot to me personally!!! Not that it is a big secret anymore, but we will be doing my other arm in a half sleeve as well with more things that I hold near and dear to my heart. As for what it is... just going to have to wait and see once it is done!
As for the rest of the weekend. First and foremost I hope y'all had a great one, and enjoyed yourselves. Rocco and Auntie came into town for the Raiders game and like normal Turbo's house was jumping because of it! Auntie's birthday was Friday so once everyone got into town it was a gathering at Pops place.
Saturday morning rolled around and I rolled out of bed early to go shopping for cooking my MIL's 60th birthday dinner out at Goobie's that night. We loaded up in the car and headed out to San Jose for my version of Panko Rolled Chicken Cordon Bleu, Roasted Dijon Red Potatoes and Fresh Green Beans. Looking at all the plates when we were done and the lack of talking during the meal I would say that it all came out pretty darn good. This is where I get my first message from Corn telling me the chair was clear and that I needed to come out. Damn. Told him we were busy in San Jose with the family and that if it were open on Sunday to drop me a line. Once we got back into town we stopped over Pops to visit Rocco and the family for a little bit before heading home.
Sunday morning I got up and made Texas style Eggs Benedict for Hunny. Toasted Jalapeno Cheddar Bread, Smoked Ham, Poached Egg, Garlic Lemon Mustard Sauce and some fresh dill and Spanish Lemon seasoning to top it all off. Off the hook! Of course I hit mine will a little Sriracha at the end for a lil sumpthin, sumpthin. Just sayin.... Ran out the the Bockle with Pops to help Yong out with the food prep for the Crawdad races to get them started. Felt bad that their turn out was not what it has been in the past. Especially since losing her husband such a short time ago. But it was good to see her and the kids carrying on the tradition of the event and being so strong. Hunny and I ran out to Manteca with the girls once we were done and got the girls some pants that actually fit them before the winter months come calling. Those two are just growing like weeds these days I swear it!
Here we are today. Back at the grind. OK, it is not really a grind.. it is a place for me to blog! Penis is MIA today and everyone else has been in their caves leaving me alone for the most part. Well besides Wigglesworth! That jackass has been creeping up on me all day. It is all good though.... I wore my 'drop the soap safe' boxers today! Yep... some lead lined drawers for Toner Boy today! Speaking of creeping... Creeper wants me to come to his place and connect all of his new computers and printers in the coming days. Wonder if he will wander around me while I am at his house as well? "No it is normal for me to check for wireless signal strength in your wife jewelry box!"
Game Time has a birthday this Wednesday. If I get to corral him this week it will be nice. If not we will do like we did for mine and have a birthday drink 5 months later! Just sent him a dirty email... let's see what comes of it! Like most of you, he doesn't read this thing either!
Ducky has a birthday this Sunday. It looks like me and McLovin will be joining the old guys down at the bowl on Saturday night to get him drunk and send him home with the wife. What are friends for? I am going to drag a few others down there yelling and screaming..... they just don't know it yet! It is a sight to be seen. How often do you get to see a guy as old as Ducky try and bowl with shot glasses glued to his eyes? It is worth the trip!
Turbo looks to be lining me up a catering event in Dublin for a college graduation next year. I am telling you.... one of these days Ass Clown... Lotto = Sports Bar = Gastropub = Retirement of Toner Boy, HELLO Happy Boy! Hunny, Ass Clown and Albert Run the bar, and me, McLovin, Turbo and Lu run the kitchen. Don't worry... Lu is just there to keep things clean! No eggs for her to monitor. Sorry Hack and Ducky... you two would eat all the profits!!!! Uncle Shartly and Pops are the bouncers. Shartly can scare the shit out of them. Or vice versa.
OK it is 2 hours until Niners kick off and they are already down 7. Sorry Fuzz... this is how you are going to end your 3 day weekend! But hey.... if the Raiders can win... anyone has a shot! Who Dat????
Countdown to Disneyland trip with The SC and Hack's family.... 17 days! I would like to send my apologies to the rest of the park for Foo. She knows not what she does. So put ice on any lumps, and rub dirt in any wounds as she blows through!
Toner Boy
Well it is Monday once again and another weekend that has come and gone way to fast for my taste. I will say that this is no weekend that I am going to lock away in the old 'memory prize vault', but it is one that I will look back on at some point and feel I learned some life lessons because of it.
First of all, tell those around you what they mean to you more often because you never know when you won't have that opportunity. Life changes in the blink of an eye. 4 teens died in a car accident in Tracy early Saturday morning near our home. Godspeed.
Make time to live. We are all tired at the end of the day once you come home from work, but there are those who have waited all day for you to come home just to see you. They do not know what kind of day you have had, nor do they care. They are just happy to see you. Remember that.
I would say God created this... but it would be a lie. The truth is... some little Asian guy created DVR's so we could go on with our lives and not be tied to the whims of the television networks and their advertisers who make sure there is something that we all want to watch every night of the week. So hit record and don't forget that their is a world outside of your electronic devices that are 'must see'!
Live by the 3 L's - Live, Laugh, Love. There is no wrong order with these three words. If you are living by them.... they will all happen together without even trying. Those are the words of Toner Boy.
Before a quick rundown of the weekend I want to give a very special Thank You to Corn for working on my arm last night. We only worked on the outline (His back was killing him!), but it looks great and I can not wait to see it when it is completed. Yes... I will have a half sleeve when all is said and done. We have it from the shoulder cap, to the elbow with some arm pit in-between! That entire arm is dedicated to my family with one koi fish for each of my kids with a very special 'extra large' water lily for my wife that they are all swimming around. Just below the roses I have added a Japanese character that reads 'Family Love'. When it is finished the koi will be in a calico style with each of the kids favorite colors (Green for McLovin (But he wants neon green for his fish!), Red for Thunder, and Pink for Little Miss) in each of the fish scales, the lily in some of my wife's favorite colors (Pink, Purple and Yellow) and will have a blue and white water splash. Can't wait until it is all done and just wanted tell Corn thank you once again for the work. It really means a lot to me personally!!! Not that it is a big secret anymore, but we will be doing my other arm in a half sleeve as well with more things that I hold near and dear to my heart. As for what it is... just going to have to wait and see once it is done!
As for the rest of the weekend. First and foremost I hope y'all had a great one, and enjoyed yourselves. Rocco and Auntie came into town for the Raiders game and like normal Turbo's house was jumping because of it! Auntie's birthday was Friday so once everyone got into town it was a gathering at Pops place.
Saturday morning rolled around and I rolled out of bed early to go shopping for cooking my MIL's 60th birthday dinner out at Goobie's that night. We loaded up in the car and headed out to San Jose for my version of Panko Rolled Chicken Cordon Bleu, Roasted Dijon Red Potatoes and Fresh Green Beans. Looking at all the plates when we were done and the lack of talking during the meal I would say that it all came out pretty darn good. This is where I get my first message from Corn telling me the chair was clear and that I needed to come out. Damn. Told him we were busy in San Jose with the family and that if it were open on Sunday to drop me a line. Once we got back into town we stopped over Pops to visit Rocco and the family for a little bit before heading home.
Sunday morning I got up and made Texas style Eggs Benedict for Hunny. Toasted Jalapeno Cheddar Bread, Smoked Ham, Poached Egg, Garlic Lemon Mustard Sauce and some fresh dill and Spanish Lemon seasoning to top it all off. Off the hook! Of course I hit mine will a little Sriracha at the end for a lil sumpthin, sumpthin. Just sayin.... Ran out the the Bockle with Pops to help Yong out with the food prep for the Crawdad races to get them started. Felt bad that their turn out was not what it has been in the past. Especially since losing her husband such a short time ago. But it was good to see her and the kids carrying on the tradition of the event and being so strong. Hunny and I ran out to Manteca with the girls once we were done and got the girls some pants that actually fit them before the winter months come calling. Those two are just growing like weeds these days I swear it!
Here we are today. Back at the grind. OK, it is not really a grind.. it is a place for me to blog! Penis is MIA today and everyone else has been in their caves leaving me alone for the most part. Well besides Wigglesworth! That jackass has been creeping up on me all day. It is all good though.... I wore my 'drop the soap safe' boxers today! Yep... some lead lined drawers for Toner Boy today! Speaking of creeping... Creeper wants me to come to his place and connect all of his new computers and printers in the coming days. Wonder if he will wander around me while I am at his house as well? "No it is normal for me to check for wireless signal strength in your wife jewelry box!"
Game Time has a birthday this Wednesday. If I get to corral him this week it will be nice. If not we will do like we did for mine and have a birthday drink 5 months later! Just sent him a dirty email... let's see what comes of it! Like most of you, he doesn't read this thing either!
Ducky has a birthday this Sunday. It looks like me and McLovin will be joining the old guys down at the bowl on Saturday night to get him drunk and send him home with the wife. What are friends for? I am going to drag a few others down there yelling and screaming..... they just don't know it yet! It is a sight to be seen. How often do you get to see a guy as old as Ducky try and bowl with shot glasses glued to his eyes? It is worth the trip!
Turbo looks to be lining me up a catering event in Dublin for a college graduation next year. I am telling you.... one of these days Ass Clown... Lotto = Sports Bar = Gastropub = Retirement of Toner Boy, HELLO Happy Boy! Hunny, Ass Clown and Albert Run the bar, and me, McLovin, Turbo and Lu run the kitchen. Don't worry... Lu is just there to keep things clean! No eggs for her to monitor. Sorry Hack and Ducky... you two would eat all the profits!!!! Uncle Shartly and Pops are the bouncers. Shartly can scare the shit out of them. Or vice versa.
OK it is 2 hours until Niners kick off and they are already down 7. Sorry Fuzz... this is how you are going to end your 3 day weekend! But hey.... if the Raiders can win... anyone has a shot! Who Dat????
Countdown to Disneyland trip with The SC and Hack's family.... 17 days! I would like to send my apologies to the rest of the park for Foo. She knows not what she does. So put ice on any lumps, and rub dirt in any wounds as she blows through!
Toner Boy
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
What was learned from Week 1 in the NFL.....
No real shock.... the Raiders are still the Raiders, and will be as long as Al still owns them. Lets face fast people. The only time we have been good in the last 19 years was a 4 year window when Al let Gruden run the show. Chucky became a cult icon and Al wanted no one to forget that the sweatsuit still owns the show. Someone please tell me who looked more confused.... Campbell figuring out how to slide feet first, or Al wearing a sweater and a jacket in balmy Tennessee? Campbell kept sitting down and I hate to tell Al that it was in the low 90's and 90% humidity!
The Ravens have Godzilla as a middle linebacker because I saw Jets crashing all over that field last night around him! Dude is straight savage and you have to be out of your mind to think that you are going to get out of 60 minutes with him unscathed! He was all over the field and there were two hits that had guys blowing snot bubbles! Trust me Greene and Keller will go into the fetal position right there in the huddle if their numbers are called to go across the middle of the field against the Ravens again in their careers. I bet you after that last hit Keller went to the sidelines and when he was asked if he was OK he came back with, 'Of course. I am Batman!' (Insert old Snickers commercial from 90's here!) Ray Lewis is a man among boys.
Not throwing jabs here, but the biggest 'WTF' of Sunday has to go to the Niners! This is a team that some people said would have home field advantage throughout the playoffs this season, and they got their asses handed to them by the Seachickens! The D did not play anywhere near their billing and they looked lost on offense. Davis's ripping of Crabtree looks well founded as he was running around like a lost puppy out there. I know everyone and their brother wants to rip Alex Smith, and to a point you should, but when your receivers routes look like the lunch bell just rang at a Latch Key class.... you try throwing to them!
I hate touted prodigies for the most part, and teams in the AFC West... but the Chiefs are for real! Between the world blowing Cassel and Haley before they had ever accomplished anything, just because they are the spawn of that voyeur Belichick, they were just instantly put on my shit list. Those kids can play some ball and will own the AFC West real quick if the other teams in the division are not on top of their game. Last night was no fluke. They can win some games and may not do it all this year. I am sure their youth will show its face from time to time and they will get gashed like the Raiders do week in and week out, but in the long run... these guys are going to be good!
The Chiefs rivals for the next few years in the AFC?? The Texans! They are big, young, strong, and fast! Johnson is the best overall receiver in the league and Schaub is no flash in the pan. With Foster running the rock, and Slaton catching passes out of the backfield in addition to that aerial attack.... ouch! Stout defense, a great owner and smart coaching staff.... yeah they are going to be a team to fear come January! Consider yourself warned.
The Pats are going to be doing things with smoke and mirrors this season, and their fans are going to have a roller coaster ride until the end. Their schedule is brutal as hell and that defense will give up more than they will stop in the long run. You know sort of like a fat hooker.... you may think it is OK to rent her for an hour because she probably has low mileage on her, but the brunt reality is she has been ridden more than Seattle Slew! Those extra LB's just make her feel like low mileage.... if you get my drift. *Wink-Wink* Doubt me now.... acknowledge me later.
Cowboys your fate is the same as the Pats. The only difference is you have 99% of the players you need to make a long run, but with a QB as bright as a port-a-potty cleaners outlook on life after clean up call from a Raiders home game.... an owner who is worse than the cast of The View when it comes to getting into peoples business.... and a coaching staff that is better suited for running a Tijuana Churro cart because the recipe won't confuse them! Yeah, my Spidey Senses don't tell me that this is a recipe for success for some reason.
Hate to say it Payton, but the Colts are done. Very simple... no Bob Saunders... no title. There are more holes that need to be filled in that defense than a gang bang at a Roman bathhouse! And you are not going to be able to throw your way through the playoffs again this season, like you did last season. The Texans are going to be your worst nightmare going forward, and your new contract extension that you want is going to kill your chance to reload. I think you are the best QB in football by a long shot, but sorry. Not going to happen this year.
Steelers are a team that I am not sold on just because of the issues with QB and what seems to be an all to often injured secondary. I mean Big Ben is doing his best to plug all the wrong holes and Troy is bound to have neck issues with all that hair! Get Ben a date, and Troy a haircut and I may have a change of heart.
J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets! Fighter Jets on defense, crop dusters on offense. Unless they can go down the field like a cop goes down on a doughnut, (Sorry Fuzz!) they are not going to be able to win games the way the Ravens did 10 years ago. I know Rex is having flashbacks of Dilfer not giving games away and Ray winning them for the Ravens with his current roster, but it is just not going to happen. Rivas is going to have a so-so year and teams are going to score just enough to force them to throw the ball. That is when the shit is going to hit the fan! Sanchez is OK, but he is not going to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat very often.
A prime example of only going as far as your leader can guide you... the Chargers. The ongoing displays of 'hissy fits' that are thrown by Rivers has tones of Ryan Leaf ringing in my ears. No I am not comparing their abilities so save your comments. I am talking about neither one of them being very tightly wrapped! Between him on offense, the HGH machine on defense, and Capt. Norm at the helm... they will do as they always do and set themselves up for failure in the playoffs. It will be the dumb call, bad penalty, or bad decision made by one of them that will lead to their downfall once again. Better luck next year. NOT!
Packers just got dealt a huge blow in losing Ryan Grant for the season, but they have enough tools to play with the big boys. Rogers is a fantasy stud without question, but lets see if that translates into big wins on the field of play before we hand them the title. I know the are the 'hot pick' this season, but coming from a Tedford system has my jumpy. Great for the highlights... so-so for the big win. Hawk and the defense are a good group that will give them lots of chances though. Rooting for them... cautiously.
Don't pin your hopes on 'Brett.... Faaaav-ra' recreating that old black magic again this season unless he has sold his soul to the devil! The numbers he put up last year were the best of his 19 career at that point, and there is no room for him to improve upon them. His wide outs consist of Bill his mechanic, Fred the doorman and his cousin Earl from Kentucky currently. Brett was a little too pigheaded to think he was going to repeat last years performance by staying home and playing catch with the kids at the local high school. They have no timing and once they do his regular batch with receivers will be back and far from football shape. Even though the defense is a stout one that will not give up a lot of points, this team is destined to be a mess by seasons end.
Who Dat? Yes, yes, yes... the Saints are good. Stop crowing. Just the feel good story of the decades at this point. Blah, blah, blah. The nuts and blots of it are simply this.... Brees plays and they will score a lot of points in their new aged 'Run & Shoot' offense. The defense is solid and will be playing with a lead most of the time that will allow them to be aggressive as they want to be. BUT, don't count your chickens just yet.... They are not going to have a turnover ratio like they did last season to take advantage of and will have to play better on the road. Their schedule is not the toughest out there and they will walk into the playoffs, but the real test will come in January for this team.
Anyone with two first names worries me. Yeah Matt Ryan has put up some good numbers since coming into the league, but after showing little fight in Week 1 against a Steelers team that was not at 100% is just a sin. They seems to have all of the parts to make a run and are the sexy pick to unseat the Saints, but...... I don't know. Something just stinks in Hotlanta and I don't think it is just the B.O.!
They were nice, but not THAT impressive. I mean the beat up on a Raiders team who I guess thought that it was still preseason when they got off the bus. CJ is a ghetto fabulous running back that I just can't get behind. He wants to take claim to the best back in the league, but up until he busted one out for 75 yards he was only averaging 3 yards a carry against the leagues worst run defense last season. He is like a poor man's Barry Sanders that can score. He in no way has the gift of jelly legs and swivel hips like Barry, but he is more of the 'enough I run the ball enough... I will break free at some point' type of guy. No real respect for that... nor a guy with a gold grill! Young is much better as a QB in the league now, but I just can't see a team running the option going real far in the NFL. Very young defense may hurt them at times in the season as well. This Titan is more of a Mermaid!
Then there are the teams not even worth my breath to bring up.... the Rams (Though there is hope in the long run!), Lions (See Rams.), Cardinals (Done), Bears (With Cutler in control? He is more psycho than Rivers!), Broncos (Hope they go 0-16!), Browns (Named after marked undies.), Bengals (Come on they will have more arrests than wins!), Giants (Is it me or does Eli always look like he is lost and needs directions?), Redskins (When he retires ABC will do a mini series - 17 NFC titles, no rings. The McNabb Story), Dolphins (Nice... but not that nice.), Jags (Come on.), Panthers, (Pussy Cats.), Bucs (Gay pirates!), Bills (They are full of bullshit.), Seahawks (Too afraid of Colonel Sanders. Plus if they won they would have the trophy stripped from Carroll's rules violations.), and the Eagles (Wings were clipped at QB and sold to Hooters!)
For the record - The rule for possession in the end zone is an absolute joke! The catch by Calvin Johnson was a catch in the eyes of common sense. I mean it would be like saying that sticking it in and pulling it right back out is not considered rape. Hell he did everything but give her the money shot! The NFL is taking the best product on the market and turning it into a 'Guiding Light' sports soap opera for men. "No. Be gentle and tag, not tackle!" or "OK. I saw two feet down but my law office really wants me to get more face time so I am going to make up some shit as I go! So you grab the ball and start wandering around like you are counting shit off and try not to laugh at me as I wing this."
My picks for the season with Week 1 in the books -
AFC West - Chargers
AFC North - Ravens
AFC South - Texans
AFC East - Pats (9-7 wins the East!)
Wild Cards - Colts, Steelers
AFC Champs - Ravens
NFC West - Does it really matter? Seahawks (8-8)
NFC North - Packers
NFC South - Saints
NFC East - Giants (Could be any of them, but just throwing this out there for Ducky! Don't be too happy... whoever wins is gone in the first round!)
Wild Cards - Redskins, Falcons (Only because they have 4 free games against the Panthers and Bucs!)
*The streak lives on that the hosting cities team will not play in the Super Bowl. Sorry Cowboys, but you are not even going to make it to the playoffs this year. On the bright side... you will have another new head coach like the Raiders will next year to blame for your short comings. Too bad it is the teams owners who are the source of the problems!!!!*
NFC Champ - Saints
Super Bowl Champs - Ravens
Raiders Record - 6-10 (Rams, Cards, Denver, Seattle, Jags and a meaningless game to KC)
Niners Record - 7-9 (Raiders, Denver, Rams, Bucs, Cards, Rams, and Cards)
There are my visions from the week that was in the NFL. Just call me the Swami!!!!
Toner Boy
The Ravens have Godzilla as a middle linebacker because I saw Jets crashing all over that field last night around him! Dude is straight savage and you have to be out of your mind to think that you are going to get out of 60 minutes with him unscathed! He was all over the field and there were two hits that had guys blowing snot bubbles! Trust me Greene and Keller will go into the fetal position right there in the huddle if their numbers are called to go across the middle of the field against the Ravens again in their careers. I bet you after that last hit Keller went to the sidelines and when he was asked if he was OK he came back with, 'Of course. I am Batman!' (Insert old Snickers commercial from 90's here!) Ray Lewis is a man among boys.
Not throwing jabs here, but the biggest 'WTF' of Sunday has to go to the Niners! This is a team that some people said would have home field advantage throughout the playoffs this season, and they got their asses handed to them by the Seachickens! The D did not play anywhere near their billing and they looked lost on offense. Davis's ripping of Crabtree looks well founded as he was running around like a lost puppy out there. I know everyone and their brother wants to rip Alex Smith, and to a point you should, but when your receivers routes look like the lunch bell just rang at a Latch Key class.... you try throwing to them!
I hate touted prodigies for the most part, and teams in the AFC West... but the Chiefs are for real! Between the world blowing Cassel and Haley before they had ever accomplished anything, just because they are the spawn of that voyeur Belichick, they were just instantly put on my shit list. Those kids can play some ball and will own the AFC West real quick if the other teams in the division are not on top of their game. Last night was no fluke. They can win some games and may not do it all this year. I am sure their youth will show its face from time to time and they will get gashed like the Raiders do week in and week out, but in the long run... these guys are going to be good!
The Chiefs rivals for the next few years in the AFC?? The Texans! They are big, young, strong, and fast! Johnson is the best overall receiver in the league and Schaub is no flash in the pan. With Foster running the rock, and Slaton catching passes out of the backfield in addition to that aerial attack.... ouch! Stout defense, a great owner and smart coaching staff.... yeah they are going to be a team to fear come January! Consider yourself warned.
The Pats are going to be doing things with smoke and mirrors this season, and their fans are going to have a roller coaster ride until the end. Their schedule is brutal as hell and that defense will give up more than they will stop in the long run. You know sort of like a fat hooker.... you may think it is OK to rent her for an hour because she probably has low mileage on her, but the brunt reality is she has been ridden more than Seattle Slew! Those extra LB's just make her feel like low mileage.... if you get my drift. *Wink-Wink* Doubt me now.... acknowledge me later.
Cowboys your fate is the same as the Pats. The only difference is you have 99% of the players you need to make a long run, but with a QB as bright as a port-a-potty cleaners outlook on life after clean up call from a Raiders home game.... an owner who is worse than the cast of The View when it comes to getting into peoples business.... and a coaching staff that is better suited for running a Tijuana Churro cart because the recipe won't confuse them! Yeah, my Spidey Senses don't tell me that this is a recipe for success for some reason.
Hate to say it Payton, but the Colts are done. Very simple... no Bob Saunders... no title. There are more holes that need to be filled in that defense than a gang bang at a Roman bathhouse! And you are not going to be able to throw your way through the playoffs again this season, like you did last season. The Texans are going to be your worst nightmare going forward, and your new contract extension that you want is going to kill your chance to reload. I think you are the best QB in football by a long shot, but sorry. Not going to happen this year.
Steelers are a team that I am not sold on just because of the issues with QB and what seems to be an all to often injured secondary. I mean Big Ben is doing his best to plug all the wrong holes and Troy is bound to have neck issues with all that hair! Get Ben a date, and Troy a haircut and I may have a change of heart.
J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets! Fighter Jets on defense, crop dusters on offense. Unless they can go down the field like a cop goes down on a doughnut, (Sorry Fuzz!) they are not going to be able to win games the way the Ravens did 10 years ago. I know Rex is having flashbacks of Dilfer not giving games away and Ray winning them for the Ravens with his current roster, but it is just not going to happen. Rivas is going to have a so-so year and teams are going to score just enough to force them to throw the ball. That is when the shit is going to hit the fan! Sanchez is OK, but he is not going to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat very often.
A prime example of only going as far as your leader can guide you... the Chargers. The ongoing displays of 'hissy fits' that are thrown by Rivers has tones of Ryan Leaf ringing in my ears. No I am not comparing their abilities so save your comments. I am talking about neither one of them being very tightly wrapped! Between him on offense, the HGH machine on defense, and Capt. Norm at the helm... they will do as they always do and set themselves up for failure in the playoffs. It will be the dumb call, bad penalty, or bad decision made by one of them that will lead to their downfall once again. Better luck next year. NOT!
Packers just got dealt a huge blow in losing Ryan Grant for the season, but they have enough tools to play with the big boys. Rogers is a fantasy stud without question, but lets see if that translates into big wins on the field of play before we hand them the title. I know the are the 'hot pick' this season, but coming from a Tedford system has my jumpy. Great for the highlights... so-so for the big win. Hawk and the defense are a good group that will give them lots of chances though. Rooting for them... cautiously.
Don't pin your hopes on 'Brett.... Faaaav-ra' recreating that old black magic again this season unless he has sold his soul to the devil! The numbers he put up last year were the best of his 19 career at that point, and there is no room for him to improve upon them. His wide outs consist of Bill his mechanic, Fred the doorman and his cousin Earl from Kentucky currently. Brett was a little too pigheaded to think he was going to repeat last years performance by staying home and playing catch with the kids at the local high school. They have no timing and once they do his regular batch with receivers will be back and far from football shape. Even though the defense is a stout one that will not give up a lot of points, this team is destined to be a mess by seasons end.
Who Dat? Yes, yes, yes... the Saints are good. Stop crowing. Just the feel good story of the decades at this point. Blah, blah, blah. The nuts and blots of it are simply this.... Brees plays and they will score a lot of points in their new aged 'Run & Shoot' offense. The defense is solid and will be playing with a lead most of the time that will allow them to be aggressive as they want to be. BUT, don't count your chickens just yet.... They are not going to have a turnover ratio like they did last season to take advantage of and will have to play better on the road. Their schedule is not the toughest out there and they will walk into the playoffs, but the real test will come in January for this team.
Anyone with two first names worries me. Yeah Matt Ryan has put up some good numbers since coming into the league, but after showing little fight in Week 1 against a Steelers team that was not at 100% is just a sin. They seems to have all of the parts to make a run and are the sexy pick to unseat the Saints, but...... I don't know. Something just stinks in Hotlanta and I don't think it is just the B.O.!
They were nice, but not THAT impressive. I mean the beat up on a Raiders team who I guess thought that it was still preseason when they got off the bus. CJ is a ghetto fabulous running back that I just can't get behind. He wants to take claim to the best back in the league, but up until he busted one out for 75 yards he was only averaging 3 yards a carry against the leagues worst run defense last season. He is like a poor man's Barry Sanders that can score. He in no way has the gift of jelly legs and swivel hips like Barry, but he is more of the 'enough I run the ball enough... I will break free at some point' type of guy. No real respect for that... nor a guy with a gold grill! Young is much better as a QB in the league now, but I just can't see a team running the option going real far in the NFL. Very young defense may hurt them at times in the season as well. This Titan is more of a Mermaid!
Then there are the teams not even worth my breath to bring up.... the Rams (Though there is hope in the long run!), Lions (See Rams.), Cardinals (Done), Bears (With Cutler in control? He is more psycho than Rivers!), Broncos (Hope they go 0-16!), Browns (Named after marked undies.), Bengals (Come on they will have more arrests than wins!), Giants (Is it me or does Eli always look like he is lost and needs directions?), Redskins (When he retires ABC will do a mini series - 17 NFC titles, no rings. The McNabb Story), Dolphins (Nice... but not that nice.), Jags (Come on.), Panthers, (Pussy Cats.), Bucs (Gay pirates!), Bills (They are full of bullshit.), Seahawks (Too afraid of Colonel Sanders. Plus if they won they would have the trophy stripped from Carroll's rules violations.), and the Eagles (Wings were clipped at QB and sold to Hooters!)
For the record - The rule for possession in the end zone is an absolute joke! The catch by Calvin Johnson was a catch in the eyes of common sense. I mean it would be like saying that sticking it in and pulling it right back out is not considered rape. Hell he did everything but give her the money shot! The NFL is taking the best product on the market and turning it into a 'Guiding Light' sports soap opera for men. "No. Be gentle and tag, not tackle!" or "OK. I saw two feet down but my law office really wants me to get more face time so I am going to make up some shit as I go! So you grab the ball and start wandering around like you are counting shit off and try not to laugh at me as I wing this."
My picks for the season with Week 1 in the books -
AFC West - Chargers
AFC North - Ravens
AFC South - Texans
AFC East - Pats (9-7 wins the East!)
Wild Cards - Colts, Steelers
AFC Champs - Ravens
NFC West - Does it really matter? Seahawks (8-8)
NFC North - Packers
NFC South - Saints
NFC East - Giants (Could be any of them, but just throwing this out there for Ducky! Don't be too happy... whoever wins is gone in the first round!)
Wild Cards - Redskins, Falcons (Only because they have 4 free games against the Panthers and Bucs!)
*The streak lives on that the hosting cities team will not play in the Super Bowl. Sorry Cowboys, but you are not even going to make it to the playoffs this year. On the bright side... you will have another new head coach like the Raiders will next year to blame for your short comings. Too bad it is the teams owners who are the source of the problems!!!!*
NFC Champ - Saints
Super Bowl Champs - Ravens
Raiders Record - 6-10 (Rams, Cards, Denver, Seattle, Jags and a meaningless game to KC)
Niners Record - 7-9 (Raiders, Denver, Rams, Bucs, Cards, Rams, and Cards)
There are my visions from the week that was in the NFL. Just call me the Swami!!!!
Toner Boy
Monday, September 13, 2010
Yep, Monday the 13th.....
The lessor known and far worse day on the calendar. At least on Friday the 13th you have the weekend to recover from whatever horror was brought upon you. On Monday the 13th, you have all week to be reminded of it as you look at your co-workers!
Well I hope that every ones weekend lived up to its billing. *Crack* Wow... an early start for Cracker today. Must have been that weekend in football that has him reaching for the soda so early. You know... to settle the belly. I know that the performance of the Bay Area teams made me sick! Wow, they sucked!
Well my Monday is in full flight first thing in the morning today. First of all let me state that I am thankful to get out of the weekend with my life. Found out there is an organ snatcher on the loose. Yeah. It was texted to me. No really. We Googled it and Snooki said so. Whew....
Back to today.... Yeah here at the Colonoscopy Training Center for the Blind we are in full bore!
Trekkie came in and then beamed out for some reason known only to him. Must have been a World of Warcraft meeting he had to attend.
Obvious is being a full blown pain in my ass today. You know.... he is talking to me without a request on my part for him to do so. What da hell?
The Whisperer, Funk and Wagnalls and one of the other turd pushers are unable to push the proper keys on their keyboards as they locked themselves out of their computers this morning.
No Friends is wearing brown stretchy pants with a fuchsia skirt with what looks like bed skirts layered on it, black shoes, black shirt, brown vest and her Duraflame red hair. *Crack* (Not as bad as it appears... it has been an hour. I know Ednolb would be going into soda shock waiting that long, but it was only about 5 minutes of reading after all!)
Speaking of the devil.... Cracker just came over and told me things are not as bad as they looked for the Raiders after yesterday. I told him he was right. There are only 15 games left on the schedule, and not 16 like before. He got mad and left. What? He knows I am a Raiders fan right? Could be worse.... could be a Niners fan after this weekend. Wait Hunny, come here!
So what about the weekend that was now that I have pissed everyone off? Damn it is cold in this place. You would swear I was in an ice bath or something. No Hunny really, come back!
Friday was a great drive home. Only took 2 and a half hours. Woot-woot! I did drive by a truck-b-que that made me hungry after 2 hours. Made me crave... what was it again Infidel? Fried chicken and corn bread?
Saturday we got up early and went to the Bean Festival in the morning. Met up with much of The SC while we were there and had a good time hanging out with everyone. Our friends daughters are part of the Royal Court and they did a talent show that was a lot of fun as well. Bought some fudge from Momma Ruth at her grandparents booth while we were there. Damn good stuff I must say! In the afternoon me and McLovin went out to the tattoo shop so I could play in the poker tournament they were having and visit corn. Needless to say, like everything else, it was not my day! Played soft with AQ in the big blind and tried to nail someone to the wall VERY early in the event and hit a pair of Q's on the flop. I checked them and then spiked an A on the turn for top 2 pair. Yeah well some ass hat flopped a set of 6's and road me like Seabiscuit to the river for all my chips. Buh-bye. The only plus to the day is I got all of my artwork in place for Corn to do my next tat when he gets the time. We went back to Turbo's and had a killer dinner made by Hunny. No not 'Man Down' killer.... kick ass killer! See... told you that you could cook more than tater tots! (Can you feel the air as I try and suck up from my earlier bombs?)
Sunday we got up with the chickens to go over to After 6 and Monkey's house for the kick in the nuts, I mean kickoff to the football season. I have been to funner wakes. There was some good grub though! The fun kicked in until we ran out of ice. Then the fun really kicked in when we found out there was a real need for the ice if we wanted to live. Or at least visit Mardi Gras and live once they cut out your kidneys and liver. We also learned that texted is a noun for some of us. Others of us would rather not admit that it is a word. I am one of those people who thinks that Webster's Dictionary is on crack for saying it is! Dictionary.com from now on is the only way I fly... they are with me! When you type in texted on Dictionary.com and click search, the results come back 'Are you serious?' I like this site more than porn now. OK.... more than gay porn at least. OK... guy on guy gay porn. There. What is funny that blogger is even saying that texted is not a word as I am typing it right now! AHAHAHA Texted, texted, texted... that is some funny shit! Late addition!!!! I forgot to mention that we also learned that OJ is innocent of going Ginsu on his wife and her hump per Monkey. Yeah figure that one out!
OK now that my wife and Ednolb are no longer talking to me..... can a brother get some ice to slow the bleeding? (For those of you not laughing.... you missed-ed a moment in time that just can not be recreated! Thanks for the laughs girls!! You too McLovin... you were quick on the draw! Don't let word of that get out to the ladies though!)
Thunder is playing in her first volleyball game for the school today! Good luck and don't hurt anyone like Foo would!
Warren Buffett rules out any chance of a double dip recession with the growth of the economy. Really? Dude, not only do we NOT live in your world.... you lose more money in the dryer falling out of your pants pockets than most of us will ever see again. Keep your opinions to yourself! Ask someone looking for a job if they feel the same way. These fools need a clear dose of reality. Why do people listen to the opinions of the filthy rich? Because they are rich? What is going on in the day to day lives of us normal folks tidal waves of economic change... for them someone just skipped a penny across a glass-like pond. You have no sense of reality when you have that much money, so shut your hole and go back to Nebraska!
Keystone Cop and Corn got those new HTC Evo phones and let me tell you they are nice! The only downside that I can find to them is a just horrible battery life, even for smart phones. When will these phone companies stop teasing us and give us a phone what we can use without being attached to a wall charger at the same time? I mean if you have an iPho... hello? Are you still there? Hello?
Just went up stairs and walked past Pigpen's cube. I am guessing she attended the Bean Festival as well for some reason. Damn. I think Bean-O should sponser next years event. Just sayin....
Well like bad yeast in a loaf of bread, I once again I did not rise to the occasion.
Toner Boy
Also for those of you who have searched texted on Dictionary.com..... I thank you for giving my little joke the extra legs it deserved.
Well I hope that every ones weekend lived up to its billing. *Crack* Wow... an early start for Cracker today. Must have been that weekend in football that has him reaching for the soda so early. You know... to settle the belly. I know that the performance of the Bay Area teams made me sick! Wow, they sucked!
Well my Monday is in full flight first thing in the morning today. First of all let me state that I am thankful to get out of the weekend with my life. Found out there is an organ snatcher on the loose. Yeah. It was texted to me. No really. We Googled it and Snooki said so. Whew....
Back to today.... Yeah here at the Colonoscopy Training Center for the Blind we are in full bore!
Trekkie came in and then beamed out for some reason known only to him. Must have been a World of Warcraft meeting he had to attend.
Obvious is being a full blown pain in my ass today. You know.... he is talking to me without a request on my part for him to do so. What da hell?
The Whisperer, Funk and Wagnalls and one of the other turd pushers are unable to push the proper keys on their keyboards as they locked themselves out of their computers this morning.
No Friends is wearing brown stretchy pants with a fuchsia skirt with what looks like bed skirts layered on it, black shoes, black shirt, brown vest and her Duraflame red hair. *Crack* (Not as bad as it appears... it has been an hour. I know Ednolb would be going into soda shock waiting that long, but it was only about 5 minutes of reading after all!)
Speaking of the devil.... Cracker just came over and told me things are not as bad as they looked for the Raiders after yesterday. I told him he was right. There are only 15 games left on the schedule, and not 16 like before. He got mad and left. What? He knows I am a Raiders fan right? Could be worse.... could be a Niners fan after this weekend. Wait Hunny, come here!
So what about the weekend that was now that I have pissed everyone off? Damn it is cold in this place. You would swear I was in an ice bath or something. No Hunny really, come back!
Friday was a great drive home. Only took 2 and a half hours. Woot-woot! I did drive by a truck-b-que that made me hungry after 2 hours. Made me crave... what was it again Infidel? Fried chicken and corn bread?
Saturday we got up early and went to the Bean Festival in the morning. Met up with much of The SC while we were there and had a good time hanging out with everyone. Our friends daughters are part of the Royal Court and they did a talent show that was a lot of fun as well. Bought some fudge from Momma Ruth at her grandparents booth while we were there. Damn good stuff I must say! In the afternoon me and McLovin went out to the tattoo shop so I could play in the poker tournament they were having and visit corn. Needless to say, like everything else, it was not my day! Played soft with AQ in the big blind and tried to nail someone to the wall VERY early in the event and hit a pair of Q's on the flop. I checked them and then spiked an A on the turn for top 2 pair. Yeah well some ass hat flopped a set of 6's and road me like Seabiscuit to the river for all my chips. Buh-bye. The only plus to the day is I got all of my artwork in place for Corn to do my next tat when he gets the time. We went back to Turbo's and had a killer dinner made by Hunny. No not 'Man Down' killer.... kick ass killer! See... told you that you could cook more than tater tots! (Can you feel the air as I try and suck up from my earlier bombs?)
Sunday we got up with the chickens to go over to After 6 and Monkey's house for the kick in the nuts, I mean kickoff to the football season. I have been to funner wakes. There was some good grub though! The fun kicked in until we ran out of ice. Then the fun really kicked in when we found out there was a real need for the ice if we wanted to live. Or at least visit Mardi Gras and live once they cut out your kidneys and liver. We also learned that texted is a noun for some of us. Others of us would rather not admit that it is a word. I am one of those people who thinks that Webster's Dictionary is on crack for saying it is! Dictionary.com from now on is the only way I fly... they are with me! When you type in texted on Dictionary.com and click search, the results come back 'Are you serious?' I like this site more than porn now. OK.... more than gay porn at least. OK... guy on guy gay porn. There. What is funny that blogger is even saying that texted is not a word as I am typing it right now! AHAHAHA Texted, texted, texted... that is some funny shit! Late addition!!!! I forgot to mention that we also learned that OJ is innocent of going Ginsu on his wife and her hump per Monkey. Yeah figure that one out!
OK now that my wife and Ednolb are no longer talking to me..... can a brother get some ice to slow the bleeding? (For those of you not laughing.... you missed-ed a moment in time that just can not be recreated! Thanks for the laughs girls!! You too McLovin... you were quick on the draw! Don't let word of that get out to the ladies though!)
Thunder is playing in her first volleyball game for the school today! Good luck and don't hurt anyone like Foo would!
Warren Buffett rules out any chance of a double dip recession with the growth of the economy. Really? Dude, not only do we NOT live in your world.... you lose more money in the dryer falling out of your pants pockets than most of us will ever see again. Keep your opinions to yourself! Ask someone looking for a job if they feel the same way. These fools need a clear dose of reality. Why do people listen to the opinions of the filthy rich? Because they are rich? What is going on in the day to day lives of us normal folks tidal waves of economic change... for them someone just skipped a penny across a glass-like pond. You have no sense of reality when you have that much money, so shut your hole and go back to Nebraska!
Keystone Cop and Corn got those new HTC Evo phones and let me tell you they are nice! The only downside that I can find to them is a just horrible battery life, even for smart phones. When will these phone companies stop teasing us and give us a phone what we can use without being attached to a wall charger at the same time? I mean if you have an iPho... hello? Are you still there? Hello?
Just went up stairs and walked past Pigpen's cube. I am guessing she attended the Bean Festival as well for some reason. Damn. I think Bean-O should sponser next years event. Just sayin....
Well like bad yeast in a loaf of bread, I once again I did not rise to the occasion.
Toner Boy
Also for those of you who have searched texted on Dictionary.com..... I thank you for giving my little joke the extra legs it deserved.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Be warned.... I was bored....
Well I have nothing else to do, so I am going to do you. In the eyes at least. Well you are the ones reading this, and trust me... I am phucking you. Like my wife... you just don't know it yet, so I will remind you when I am finished. Will you tell me how much you enjoyed it at the end to make me feel good as well? Yeah... her either.
Since this place and my life are more and more like a morgue each and every day, and no one wants to hear about my life, let's talk....... hmmmm, well whatever in the hell I can come up with I guess.
*Takes a sip of coffee. Scratches himself.* Yeah I got nothin.
Sorry I am bored and you are paying the price. God as much as I would hate to be you right now reading this.... well, I am already me so you have a leg up on me. I already know my way out of this mess as I will be swinging from a tree. If I were you I would dig my eyes out with a spoon to make the pain from this blog stop!
Oh look! We got our yearly batch of spare/replacement computers delivered just now. All 9 of them???? Yeah I guess jobs are not the only things being hit hard by the economy considering we normally get 50 or so. How in the hell am I supposed to get through 12 months with 9 spare computers for over 220 users? Do you know what these dip shits do to these things? Then again if I am still working here in another 3 months, 20 days, 6 hours and 43 minutes I have much bigger problems to concern myself with. Oh well their funeral.... Or mine depending on how you look at it I guess. Remember Ass Clown you promised to come and play cards with me if the doctors can pull me through!
Oh my gawd I have never been this bored in my life! My biggest fear in life is being alone, and these days I feel like I have been living in solitary confinement for the better part of a year in a half just about every waking moment of my life. I always thought that it was strange that people freaked out when prisons placed them in solitary. I thought that if it were me I would rather be in there then deal with the scum in the jail. Well I was wrong... they would both suck!!!! Guess we are all now clear on why I drink. Before it was for fun.... now it is for need!
Got side tracked there for a minute, because now it is post-lunch hour. Thinking about walking over to our other office and working from there the rest of the day. At least that office has a view outside. Maybe that will help my gloominess???
Nope. It is just brighter over here. Not the people, the light. Still feeling like a rain cloud is over my head. Either that or I am being pissed on by flying crickets. I need to defunk. Any thoughts out there? And before you say it Fuzz I took a shower! I think Corn needs to clear the chair and get me some new ink. Yeah a little fresh color in my life is a good start! What do you say Corn? How's my credit?? AHAHA
Ice Shaker just hit his knee on his file cabinet and is rolling around in pain over there. I almost had water come out my nose I was laughing so hard!! Bet that hurt. Sucks for him.
Penis is now sitting in the cube behind me working on another computer. What is it about having 'penis' and 'behind me' combined in a sentence that bothers me?
After months of waiting for the new Kindle to come out, and then weeks of waiting for the order to finally get filled Thunder's new Kindle got delivered today. Cool huh? I just read an article on CNET that says in a few weeks Best Buy will be selling the Kindle 3 in their retail stores for the same price as well. Go figure.
I think I am going to add to my frustrations today and go home and play online poker. Nothing like getting sucked out on to finish off a good day! Then again there is truly nothing like getting suc..... sorry. Flashback.
I know... my mind is always in the gutter. I am a male. What can I say? Maybe if I had the sex drive of a Eunuch we would all get along. Then again if sex were on the table like it was during those courting years this would be much less of a problem to begin with. And the couch. And the bathroom. The stairs. The car. Kitchen counter. The floor. Yeah.....
Yeah I know. All that passion and stuff is just gross! Especially when it does not live up to the 47 smut books you have in your nightstand drawer when they depict you getting mounted by Fabio. How could we live up to that, right? Yeah I take a good read over the real thing myself. You should really check this author out.... Toner Boy. His stuff is hot!
With that.... I leave you with Ben Stiller's best line ever, "Oh, and Jack.... Pam's pregnant. Focker, OUT!" - Meet the Focker's
Toner Boy
Since this place and my life are more and more like a morgue each and every day, and no one wants to hear about my life, let's talk....... hmmmm, well whatever in the hell I can come up with I guess.
*Takes a sip of coffee. Scratches himself.* Yeah I got nothin.
Sorry I am bored and you are paying the price. God as much as I would hate to be you right now reading this.... well, I am already me so you have a leg up on me. I already know my way out of this mess as I will be swinging from a tree. If I were you I would dig my eyes out with a spoon to make the pain from this blog stop!
Oh look! We got our yearly batch of spare/replacement computers delivered just now. All 9 of them???? Yeah I guess jobs are not the only things being hit hard by the economy considering we normally get 50 or so. How in the hell am I supposed to get through 12 months with 9 spare computers for over 220 users? Do you know what these dip shits do to these things? Then again if I am still working here in another 3 months, 20 days, 6 hours and 43 minutes I have much bigger problems to concern myself with. Oh well their funeral.... Or mine depending on how you look at it I guess. Remember Ass Clown you promised to come and play cards with me if the doctors can pull me through!
Oh my gawd I have never been this bored in my life! My biggest fear in life is being alone, and these days I feel like I have been living in solitary confinement for the better part of a year in a half just about every waking moment of my life. I always thought that it was strange that people freaked out when prisons placed them in solitary. I thought that if it were me I would rather be in there then deal with the scum in the jail. Well I was wrong... they would both suck!!!! Guess we are all now clear on why I drink. Before it was for fun.... now it is for need!
Got side tracked there for a minute, because now it is post-lunch hour. Thinking about walking over to our other office and working from there the rest of the day. At least that office has a view outside. Maybe that will help my gloominess???
Nope. It is just brighter over here. Not the people, the light. Still feeling like a rain cloud is over my head. Either that or I am being pissed on by flying crickets. I need to defunk. Any thoughts out there? And before you say it Fuzz I took a shower! I think Corn needs to clear the chair and get me some new ink. Yeah a little fresh color in my life is a good start! What do you say Corn? How's my credit?? AHAHA
Ice Shaker just hit his knee on his file cabinet and is rolling around in pain over there. I almost had water come out my nose I was laughing so hard!! Bet that hurt. Sucks for him.
Penis is now sitting in the cube behind me working on another computer. What is it about having 'penis' and 'behind me' combined in a sentence that bothers me?
After months of waiting for the new Kindle to come out, and then weeks of waiting for the order to finally get filled Thunder's new Kindle got delivered today. Cool huh? I just read an article on CNET that says in a few weeks Best Buy will be selling the Kindle 3 in their retail stores for the same price as well. Go figure.
I think I am going to add to my frustrations today and go home and play online poker. Nothing like getting sucked out on to finish off a good day! Then again there is truly nothing like getting suc..... sorry. Flashback.
I know... my mind is always in the gutter. I am a male. What can I say? Maybe if I had the sex drive of a Eunuch we would all get along. Then again if sex were on the table like it was during those courting years this would be much less of a problem to begin with. And the couch. And the bathroom. The stairs. The car. Kitchen counter. The floor. Yeah.....
Yeah I know. All that passion and stuff is just gross! Especially when it does not live up to the 47 smut books you have in your nightstand drawer when they depict you getting mounted by Fabio. How could we live up to that, right? Yeah I take a good read over the real thing myself. You should really check this author out.... Toner Boy. His stuff is hot!
With that.... I leave you with Ben Stiller's best line ever, "Oh, and Jack.... Pam's pregnant. Focker, OUT!" - Meet the Focker's
Toner Boy
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)