Then again every Monday from September to December is a Monday that 'blows' after watching a Raiders game!
In the words of Smut Queen.... 'What up peeps?'
Yes it is Monday and I would rather be any other place in the world than here, but with a cup of coffee in my body I am going to make the most of it. After all, what are my options at this point?
Well it is October. I time for change. The leafs change, weather changes, and so do our waistlines! Because it is time for comfort food and my cooking has been known to raise hell on everybody's wardrobe around me! I promise to do better this year, but just in case I am wrong... get some new running shoes and get out there and enjoy the brisk fall and winter weather!
Since we last spoke... On Friday I had Monkey tip me off to a glorious commute home which just put me in a funk going home. The SC went to Tracy High's homecoming game and I had to play catch up once I got into town. I ran home to change and stop to grab a bite to eat before heading over, but after running into my neighbor out back and having a gab session for a little bit I just got in my car and ran to meet them. I was lucky enough that Paparazzi had a jumbo bag of sunflower seeds to fill the hole and she was happy to share! I made the mistake of asking Mama Ruth to go and grab me a hot dog during halftime. Not only was it not a real hot dog, but one of those jumbo cured Slim Jim types of things, she brought it to me with nothing on it! Just a dry ass dog when I asked for mustard and relish. Her words were, "They ran out of mustard and ewww I am not touching relish!" Thanks Pockey Huck!
Saturday I got up early to help Smut Queen only to get called off duty at the last minute. Gee... thanks... who needs sleep!?!? AHAHAHA Lucky for her I had other shit to do so I was on the go anyway. Made breakfast for everyone and then worked on Thunder's school project for a few hours before heading out to Pleasant Hill to work on Creeper's computers. Well 5 hours later I finally got out of there to go and meet Albert at the Crawl in CV. Ahhh CV. The good old days. Yeah right!!!
We went to Krayons and hung out waiting for Topher to show up after sending him one threatening message after the other. Glad you could make it with having to have your arm twisted to hard there Topher! Shortly after he showed up we ran into more friends of ours and went on with the Crawl. Albert and I headed to the Bowl while they went on to Don Jose's. You could say we sort of got ditched! We had a quick beer and then met up with them and a whole bunch more people from our class over at Don Jose's. Yes, the chairperson of the Crawl The CV Stroll Queen was at Don Jose's as well! All was right with the world at that point. We all wandered down the boulevard to a few more CV dives before calling it a night. Albert left me as we tried getting into the next bar, and I made a beeline out of there once the person I was talking to 'claimed' to have a stomach ache and went inside to look for her ride. Damn... I got ditched twice in one night by these people! I see how well I still fit in. I got left standing out front of the bar for bad belly and a guy in a kilt! The CV Stroll Queen text me about coming down to the bowl to meet back up with them as was leaving, but since I was planning on going home hours before hand I thought better of it. Went through the old Golden Arches drive thru for a couple of dollar menu chicken sandwiches and called it a night.
Sunday me and McLovin went to the Raiders game so I picked him up early and we stopped off at Bebe's and had some breakfast. Game was the shits, but we had a great time and a bunch of laughs. After all it is a Raiders game and most of the people there are entertainment all on their own. It is like an airport, people watching nirvana! The people who sat in the row in front of us literally drug their drugged drunk asses into the game and most of them proceeded to slip into an unconscious state of mind. I mean these fools were OUT! It was classic Raiders fans... for them it all ends in the parking lot before the game.
Back here at Monday. 3 days, 3 hours and 16 mins and it is vacation thirty! The SC and The Hack Family Robinson are off to the Happiest Place on Earth. Yes Thunder... Daddy is going to go to church and pray on Sunday morning. I will be praying for a good Bloody Mary while I wait for kickoff! Da Da Da! Da Da Da!
Fuzz text me today and tried to go to lunch with me since he was out here in the hood, but my strict County schedule would not permit that to happen. So instead we are going to go to Rusty's and watch the Giants playoff game on Thursday. Pops, Uncle Shartly, Albert, Chet, After 6, Game Time, George, KP, Sleeper Cell, Ass Clown, Cock Nozzle and anyone else who wants to go and hang out... this is your call! Rusty's about 6:30 for man soda's and pizza as the Giants battle the Braves. Yes Chet, you can have a regular soda if you want! Ducky I would list you, but we all know that you are not allowed to be that far away from home. McLovin... a few more years and you can join us. Actually if you sit in a booth you can go to Rusty's with us. You and Chet can drink Soda together!
Ass Clown, Albert and Hack... I am still waiting for the call the one of you have hit all 6 numbers! Not the 3 numbers that I heard about on Sunday from Ass Clown! I guess I am going to have to step up and shake off my 0 for 24 slump of even getting my money back and just win this thing myself. It would seem that I can't depend on you guys to get this done! Until then though I will only take calls from Ass Clown or Hack about a possible change in my work venue. If you got nothin... don't call me, I'll call you. Rat bastards. Hope you choke on a short and curly.
Tonight I need to run out to Creeper's place and finish what I started now that he has all the parts that I need. Just what I wanted... a trip to Pleasant Hill after work. It is all good though. He has beer and cash!
I hope to hell that this week flies by and the weekend seems to last forever for once. I know it is not going to be the case, but hey... you can't blame a guy for wishing! I mean this morning has gone by at a pretty good pace, so you never know. I could get lucky. (OK. Are you done laughing so I can go on?) Besides the 14 hours of the day when I am here in solitaire, the calendar is pretty full this week. Now if I can just find a way to resolve the 'still' 14 hour portion of the day I will be all good. I tried throwing some verbal jabs to sort of 'spark' up my day, but it seems that I was just punching myself. There is a shock!
The zoo here is getting quieter and quieter with each passing day. For these lifers here at the County many of them that are near retirement age are all bailing ship and taking their retirement because of purposed cutbacks by the government on their retirement benefits. This way they leave now and lock in a better retirement package than what the union is telling them is on the table. Looking at the age of most of these folks there should only be about 6 of us left when it is all said and done. This place is like a retirement home! What is most sad is that besides Quasimodo leaving a few months back, all of these others leaving... ARE NONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT I TALK ABOUT!!!! Yes.... there are that many fools in this place. The only person that I talk about that I know who is leaving soon is Creeper. Which has already retired once and is back as a consultant until the end of the year collecting two checks every other week! Besides sneaking around in squeaky shoes... pretty smart cookie!
The Throat just walked by... I swear one day I am going to give her a karate chop and clear up whatever it is she has lodged in there!!!
On that note.
Not that anyone should ever need to be told these words of wisdom, but never forget....
Live. Laugh. Love.
You only get one chance, so don't one of those chances pass you by. Live life to the fullest.
When I die I don't want people to look at me at my funeral and think 'He looks good'. I'm dead. I don't want to look good. I want people to look at me and say out loud, "God damn he looks like SHIT! But the bastard always put a smile on my face, and I know he had a lot of fun getting there. I am going to miss him." No shoulda, woulda, coulda's should ever follow that sentence.
Unlike Rachel on Big Brother you never will get the chance to say, "I'm back bitches!"
Toner Boy
Monday, October 4, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Happy Hump Day....
.... I guess it would be if I were the 'humper' and not the 'humpee'! Guess that is why... never mind.
All I know is Fuzz better bring a BIG bottle of Captain with us to Disneyland in 9 days! Oh wait... you are not even going to be there until Saturday. Grrrrr...... OK Sleeper Cell I am counting on you for Friday! Ed... double check the supplies before you leave!
Think I have just about had enough of being Toner Boy. But Ass Clown and Albert can't seem to get the right 6 numbers for our Redneck Retirement Plan.
Seriously. One more day of 4 hours in a car that does not result in me being in Monterey teeing it up on a golf course with an ocean view or Disneyland acting like a fool, shit is going to hit the fan! Soon you will find me in a ball in the corner of the room talking to myself about $5 footlongs, toner, passwords, spreadsheets and..... FLY!!!! It is bad enough that I talk to myself on this damn thing.
Calgon..... take me away!
Even better yet... Just tried to send a message to Hunny through our phones and her chat is turned off. Don't know how I should take that. Damn.... there are a ton of ways and a whole bunch of puns that go with that sentence right off the top of my head. 'Guess I still can't turn her on even after all of these years.' is the first one that comes to mind. Story of my life. A punchline.
So glad to see that October 1st is only 2 days away. Love the fall weather more than any other time of the year. Just hate the fact it is also a sign of another year wasted here at Sandal's with Sock's Resort & Spa.
Just read that After 6 and Monkey are going on a cruise in June. Bite me. Maybe I can blow up a raft and circle around in your pool so I can go on a cruise as well!?!? 'Next stop... same as the last stop! All aboard!'
Why is it when you are trying to regain your footing in life the most you are always standing on algae covered rocks with bars of soap strapped to your feet?
This Saturday marks the 60th birthday of Peanuts specials being shown on TV. I bring this up because my all time favorite Peanuts is coming up next month with 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'. When you watch it (You know you will watch it!) and you hear the words, 'I got a rock.' cross Charlie Brown's lips I want you to think to yourself.... 'That's Toner Boy!'
If this season of the Biggest Loser does not make you want to get up off the couch and do something, nothing will. Best season by far when it comes to motivational reality. None of the fluff, just honest truth. Love it.
Need to go over to Creepers house this Saturday and do some side work on his home computer network. That should be an experience! All I know is he better have beer and cash. Albert.... meet you at The Crawl if we are going.
I would like to thank Mother Nature once again for this hot weather because she has given Ice Shaker back his name. Guess he ran out of apples to eat and he still needed a way to piss me off.
In only an hour and a half I am out of here and into traffic. Woot-Woot! Still better than Number 2 who is sitting at home in the heat with no AC in her house. I had no idea you could even get a house with no AC in it these days!?!?
Trekkie is doing hot laps like an expecting father today. Dude relax and go back to your office and play more World of Warcraft and think that no one knows. Well I am sure most of these other dip shits don't, but I know what you are doing for 6 hours of your day when I am typing this blog!
I just sneezed. Please, please bless me! I have been without Influenza here in the office now for over a month and a half!
Penis just shot out of here to go and take pictures of the sites of Alameda County for our yearly Budget Report. Try taking real pictures. You know empty commercial buildings, panhandlers, graffiti, pot holes in the roads you could hide a Sherman Tank in, or the Ferrari in the parking garage driven by an overpaid member of the Board of Supervisors.
As a fan... RIP Greg Giraldo.
Toner Boy
All I know is Fuzz better bring a BIG bottle of Captain with us to Disneyland in 9 days! Oh wait... you are not even going to be there until Saturday. Grrrrr...... OK Sleeper Cell I am counting on you for Friday! Ed... double check the supplies before you leave!
Think I have just about had enough of being Toner Boy. But Ass Clown and Albert can't seem to get the right 6 numbers for our Redneck Retirement Plan.
Seriously. One more day of 4 hours in a car that does not result in me being in Monterey teeing it up on a golf course with an ocean view or Disneyland acting like a fool, shit is going to hit the fan! Soon you will find me in a ball in the corner of the room talking to myself about $5 footlongs, toner, passwords, spreadsheets and..... FLY!!!! It is bad enough that I talk to myself on this damn thing.
Calgon..... take me away!
Even better yet... Just tried to send a message to Hunny through our phones and her chat is turned off. Don't know how I should take that. Damn.... there are a ton of ways and a whole bunch of puns that go with that sentence right off the top of my head. 'Guess I still can't turn her on even after all of these years.' is the first one that comes to mind. Story of my life. A punchline.
So glad to see that October 1st is only 2 days away. Love the fall weather more than any other time of the year. Just hate the fact it is also a sign of another year wasted here at Sandal's with Sock's Resort & Spa.
Just read that After 6 and Monkey are going on a cruise in June. Bite me. Maybe I can blow up a raft and circle around in your pool so I can go on a cruise as well!?!? 'Next stop... same as the last stop! All aboard!'
Why is it when you are trying to regain your footing in life the most you are always standing on algae covered rocks with bars of soap strapped to your feet?
This Saturday marks the 60th birthday of Peanuts specials being shown on TV. I bring this up because my all time favorite Peanuts is coming up next month with 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown'. When you watch it (You know you will watch it!) and you hear the words, 'I got a rock.' cross Charlie Brown's lips I want you to think to yourself.... 'That's Toner Boy!'
If this season of the Biggest Loser does not make you want to get up off the couch and do something, nothing will. Best season by far when it comes to motivational reality. None of the fluff, just honest truth. Love it.
Need to go over to Creepers house this Saturday and do some side work on his home computer network. That should be an experience! All I know is he better have beer and cash. Albert.... meet you at The Crawl if we are going.
I would like to thank Mother Nature once again for this hot weather because she has given Ice Shaker back his name. Guess he ran out of apples to eat and he still needed a way to piss me off.
In only an hour and a half I am out of here and into traffic. Woot-Woot! Still better than Number 2 who is sitting at home in the heat with no AC in her house. I had no idea you could even get a house with no AC in it these days!?!?
Trekkie is doing hot laps like an expecting father today. Dude relax and go back to your office and play more World of Warcraft and think that no one knows. Well I am sure most of these other dip shits don't, but I know what you are doing for 6 hours of your day when I am typing this blog!
I just sneezed. Please, please bless me! I have been without Influenza here in the office now for over a month and a half!
Penis just shot out of here to go and take pictures of the sites of Alameda County for our yearly Budget Report. Try taking real pictures. You know empty commercial buildings, panhandlers, graffiti, pot holes in the roads you could hide a Sherman Tank in, or the Ferrari in the parking garage driven by an overpaid member of the Board of Supervisors.
As a fan... RIP Greg Giraldo.
Toner Boy
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Jokes....
Give me your best jokes! Here are a few to get you started. Infidel needed a pick me up today so I have used some of the better ones already today....
Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!
---------------------------------------------------
Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
---------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a sin and shame?
It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.
---------------------------------------------------
Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her cigarette.
---------------------------------------------------
What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!
---------------------------------------------------
Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.
---------------------------------------------------
A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
---------------------------------------------------
What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
He smashed his nose.
---------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
---------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can.
---------------------------------------------------
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."
--------------------------------------------------
Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
Every once in a while, however, he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a veterinarian!"
-------------------------------------------------
Toner Boy
Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!
---------------------------------------------------
Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
---------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a sin and shame?
It's a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.
---------------------------------------------------
Q. How can you tell when a women is having a bad day?
A. She has her tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her cigarette.
---------------------------------------------------
What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!
---------------------------------------------------
Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.
---------------------------------------------------
A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
---------------------------------------------------
What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
He smashed his nose.
---------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
---------------------------------------------------
A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast as I can.
---------------------------------------------------
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."
--------------------------------------------------
Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
Every once in a while, however, he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go."
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: "Bob, you're a veterinarian!"
-------------------------------------------------
Toner Boy
Monday, September 27, 2010
Same shit....
... different Monday. Well that is not true. I am one step closer to becoming a resident of the Napa State Hospital!
I hope everyone had a fun filled weekend of food and football. Wait... we live in the Bay Area... there is no such thing as fun and football anymore. No need to go into any details here, we all saw the crap with our own two eyes. Then again with the great weather that we had I don't blame you one bit if you did not see one second of football this weekend. There will be plenty of 'indoor' required Sunday's in the months to come that you can see all the football you want guilt free!
Moving on. I would like to thank Albert for putting the curse of bad juju on the rest of us this fine morning with my 2 hour and 15 minute commute into work this morning. Why would I think that this Monday would be any different than the rest? Damn positive outlook on life crap.
I want to thank Ass Clown for not winning the Lotto over the weekend and me having to come in here in the first place as well. I know he wants to blame me, but it is SO his fault!! But hey... if you get that job and need to fill a team.... I put out. I may not be cheap, but I am easy. Just sayin.
As for my weekend.... I know... you are all riveted to your seats waiting to hear how I roll. Friday night once I made it into town after 7, we went over to George's for dinner with the family. Auntie and Rocco were back in town for a family funeral on Friday, along with Bert and Lippis. Good to see everyone, but sucks as to the reason why.
Saturday we got up and went over to Turbo's and I made breakfast for Hunny, McLovin and the girls. Then we went and worked on reports that they both have for school within the next two weeks. Thunder on Native American Tribes which is due on the day we leave for Disneyland, and Little Miss on ancestry due this Friday. I feel pretty good that Hunny and I will get A's on both of our, ahhhh... I mean, THEY will both get A's on THEIR reports once again that is. Once they were done the four of us played Wii for a little while and it was good for some laughs!
Later in the day Hunny and the girls went to a SC get together over at Chet's place, while McLovin and I went to Dublin to go and bowl with Ass Clown and Ducky for Ducky's birthday. Well needless to say, (Even though my dear, dear friends reminded me of it non stop the entire time I was there!) bowling 3 games twice in a 4 year period.... good things are NOT going to happen. McLovin beat me the first game, as did the 2 jackasses like a drum. I had a fair second game and beat all of them shooting a low 200. The wheels came off my cart as well as Ass Clown's the last game and we pretty much bowled like crap to round off the night. I know my excuse... what is theirs to even let me win one game? Per them I was never good to begin with. God I love my friends. Always there to pick you up! Guess I will stick with what I am good at.... don't know what that is anymore, but I am going to stick with it once I find it. Either that, or I need to get new friends! I can't even go with cooking and playing with myself... I even screw those up on occasion.
Sunday morning I got up early and went with Rocco and Pops to Costco to pick up BBQ goodies so we could hang out and watch some football with the family. Rocco picked up some links from Lockeford Meat the day before and I cooked up a pork loin, chicken and asparagus for good measure. It was more of a family gab session, than it was a football gathering! So regardless of the outcomes of the games a good time was had by most it appeared. The kids hung out in one room and let the adults chat in the other. It was almost like Facebook in real life! Go figure.
Hey Hunny.... "FLY!"
Is it just me or does everyone find it pretty ironic that the owner of Segway (An investor, not the creator) dies by falling off of a cliff while riding one of their devices? Hell with ironic... I find it funny as hell! Can I say it? Can I? OK..... It looks like he made a bad investment! *Bazinga*
Did you see The Race last night? I know the commercials have been playing for some time now showing that girl getting hit in the face with the watermelon, but nothing compared to watching it last night and hearing her say 15 times, "I can't feel my face." No shit? You just took a watermelon off the grill at 80mph! You are lucky it was not a seeded watermelon or you would have turned into a Gatling Gun the first time you sneezed!
11 days until Disneyland. Not that it is a big trip or a long trip, but for some reason I think it is going to be a real good trip. Then again... I have been known to be wrong in the past. Hell I bet I was wrong in my last paragraph to some degree. I guess as long as we don't eat any hot dogs this time we will be OK. We are all going to go on this trip and McLovin is even bringing his girlfriend who has never been to Disneyland before. At some point The SC is going to kidnap Hack and the 'Boys' are going to have to go out and ride a few rides together while the girls do what they do... 'cluck and shop!'
Oh I know you are thinking that I am going to get myself into trouble by saying these things.... no worries. Anyone reading this knows that I am full of shit to begin with! There is something to be said about being a jackass 24/7!
The CV Crawl is this weekend and rumor has it that Albert and I may make a run out there and make an appearance. Don't hold your breath.... we have not gotten final approval from the bosses yet! McLovin and I are going to go to the Raiders game on Sunday as well, so an all night bender it will not be. But it will be good to see those of you still locals that I missed when I crashed the reunion at midnight earlier this year. So look for us at the first couple of stops if you make it out! The CV Stroll Queen agreed to pick up my tab if I made it out, so how can I turn that down?
OK I am off to finger paint! (Getting ready for my time in Napa)
Toner Boy
I hope everyone had a fun filled weekend of food and football. Wait... we live in the Bay Area... there is no such thing as fun and football anymore. No need to go into any details here, we all saw the crap with our own two eyes. Then again with the great weather that we had I don't blame you one bit if you did not see one second of football this weekend. There will be plenty of 'indoor' required Sunday's in the months to come that you can see all the football you want guilt free!
Moving on. I would like to thank Albert for putting the curse of bad juju on the rest of us this fine morning with my 2 hour and 15 minute commute into work this morning. Why would I think that this Monday would be any different than the rest? Damn positive outlook on life crap.
I want to thank Ass Clown for not winning the Lotto over the weekend and me having to come in here in the first place as well. I know he wants to blame me, but it is SO his fault!! But hey... if you get that job and need to fill a team.... I put out. I may not be cheap, but I am easy. Just sayin.
As for my weekend.... I know... you are all riveted to your seats waiting to hear how I roll. Friday night once I made it into town after 7, we went over to George's for dinner with the family. Auntie and Rocco were back in town for a family funeral on Friday, along with Bert and Lippis. Good to see everyone, but sucks as to the reason why.
Saturday we got up and went over to Turbo's and I made breakfast for Hunny, McLovin and the girls. Then we went and worked on reports that they both have for school within the next two weeks. Thunder on Native American Tribes which is due on the day we leave for Disneyland, and Little Miss on ancestry due this Friday. I feel pretty good that Hunny and I will get A's on both of our, ahhhh... I mean, THEY will both get A's on THEIR reports once again that is. Once they were done the four of us played Wii for a little while and it was good for some laughs!
Later in the day Hunny and the girls went to a SC get together over at Chet's place, while McLovin and I went to Dublin to go and bowl with Ass Clown and Ducky for Ducky's birthday. Well needless to say, (Even though my dear, dear friends reminded me of it non stop the entire time I was there!) bowling 3 games twice in a 4 year period.... good things are NOT going to happen. McLovin beat me the first game, as did the 2 jackasses like a drum. I had a fair second game and beat all of them shooting a low 200. The wheels came off my cart as well as Ass Clown's the last game and we pretty much bowled like crap to round off the night. I know my excuse... what is theirs to even let me win one game? Per them I was never good to begin with. God I love my friends. Always there to pick you up! Guess I will stick with what I am good at.... don't know what that is anymore, but I am going to stick with it once I find it. Either that, or I need to get new friends! I can't even go with cooking and playing with myself... I even screw those up on occasion.
Sunday morning I got up early and went with Rocco and Pops to Costco to pick up BBQ goodies so we could hang out and watch some football with the family. Rocco picked up some links from Lockeford Meat the day before and I cooked up a pork loin, chicken and asparagus for good measure. It was more of a family gab session, than it was a football gathering! So regardless of the outcomes of the games a good time was had by most it appeared. The kids hung out in one room and let the adults chat in the other. It was almost like Facebook in real life! Go figure.
Hey Hunny.... "FLY!"
Is it just me or does everyone find it pretty ironic that the owner of Segway (An investor, not the creator) dies by falling off of a cliff while riding one of their devices? Hell with ironic... I find it funny as hell! Can I say it? Can I? OK..... It looks like he made a bad investment! *Bazinga*
Did you see The Race last night? I know the commercials have been playing for some time now showing that girl getting hit in the face with the watermelon, but nothing compared to watching it last night and hearing her say 15 times, "I can't feel my face." No shit? You just took a watermelon off the grill at 80mph! You are lucky it was not a seeded watermelon or you would have turned into a Gatling Gun the first time you sneezed!
11 days until Disneyland. Not that it is a big trip or a long trip, but for some reason I think it is going to be a real good trip. Then again... I have been known to be wrong in the past. Hell I bet I was wrong in my last paragraph to some degree. I guess as long as we don't eat any hot dogs this time we will be OK. We are all going to go on this trip and McLovin is even bringing his girlfriend who has never been to Disneyland before. At some point The SC is going to kidnap Hack and the 'Boys' are going to have to go out and ride a few rides together while the girls do what they do... 'cluck and shop!'
Oh I know you are thinking that I am going to get myself into trouble by saying these things.... no worries. Anyone reading this knows that I am full of shit to begin with! There is something to be said about being a jackass 24/7!
The CV Crawl is this weekend and rumor has it that Albert and I may make a run out there and make an appearance. Don't hold your breath.... we have not gotten final approval from the bosses yet! McLovin and I are going to go to the Raiders game on Sunday as well, so an all night bender it will not be. But it will be good to see those of you still locals that I missed when I crashed the reunion at midnight earlier this year. So look for us at the first couple of stops if you make it out! The CV Stroll Queen agreed to pick up my tab if I made it out, so how can I turn that down?
OK I am off to finger paint! (Getting ready for my time in Napa)
Toner Boy
Friday, September 24, 2010
OK two quick 'WTF's!?!?'
First I go over to our other office and Dummy gives me 2 bags on mini Baby Ruth's and says thanks for helping her all the time. Plus she gives me a leather car visor tissue holder and says winter is coming. Grrrr...... Now how can I be mean to her????
The other is a whole different WTF. Munson is resting his arm on his head while he reads and his hand falls off and bounces off the ground and into the walkway as I go past and I end up kicking it! Dude! Keep your hand out of the walkway! I almost fell... over laughing that is!
Toner Boy
The other is a whole different WTF. Munson is resting his arm on his head while he reads and his hand falls off and bounces off the ground and into the walkway as I go past and I end up kicking it! Dude! Keep your hand out of the walkway! I almost fell... over laughing that is!
Toner Boy
How do ya do?
It is Friday and the world smiles. Well so they say. I am here at work while the family lays to rest one of our own who was taken from us too soon. RIP.
Sorry I have not been myself of late as I 'herd my kittens of life'. Just been one of those times in life when it was time to stop what you are doing and try and gather life back in and reflect on what it is you are doing. For those of you who stop this process after you pour yourself cereal each morning, so you can follow along with my thought process here, it is like how you found out that you have to eat All Bran a hell of a lot faster than Captain Crunch before it gets soggy! It was time VERY well spent though because going forward from here life is going to be so much better I feel.
OK... enough of the total enlightenment, that is not why you have cum, sorry.... come. Eye hate when eye cross words up when righting. You no the mind starts going on with thoughts and the fingers just dew what they want. Dam it two hell. Sun of a bith. Write Ed?
So Hunny really is getting into college football for reasons unknown after I have watched it for all of these years with no interest on her part in the past. She is looking for a team to get behind and so far her biggest reason for liking any team has been the colors that they wear. So pretty! She tried to tell me that USC was going to be her team because their colors were close to the Niners. Being a Notre Dame fan I just about burst a vein in my head hearing that, but I think I talked some common sense into her since they are the 'brotherhood of lined handshakes' and the 'devil children' of collegiate sports. I told her to go for respectable teams local to us that she would be able to see most of their games being played on Saturday's.... and to piss off Chet I told her that Stanford would be the perfect fit! Good team, and probably the best college QB in the country. Who unfortunately will kill the Irish in South Bend this week I hate to say.
14 days until our Disneyland trip! I don't know who is looking forward to it more at this point... me or the kids? McLovin can't make it because his mom is getting married that weekend, (Go Lisa!) but I am sure we will make another one or two before the year is out with The SC that he can attend and run around with me, Chet, Sleeper Cell and Fuzz!
Foo got a Blue VW Bug this week from the folks. Very fitting I thought since is will be bouncing off of everything just like a bug as she buzzes around town! Congrats Foo! Sorry City of Tracy.
I get a text this morning from Ducky asking if I was bringing apps to the bowl tomorrow night. I am guessing that the term 'Empanada' is what he really meant to say. I don't know Ducky, even though it is your birthday I will see what I can do for you! Those things are a ton of work on short notice, but I am sure I will come up with something if my schedule permits me too. You should have sent in that request last week!!! Then I could have went all 'Peter Brady' on you!
I was thinking about our next fundraiser for the girls cheer and I have come up with the perfect idea! For $20 per person I am going to give tours of my office so everyone can put a face to the names in this blog. As a bonus I will offer to the highest bidder the chance to spend a day here on 'Take our Child to Work Day' as my kid! Just think... you can spend a day looking through my eyes at the world of Toner Boy! All bids will start at $200 and go up in $20 increments. God I hope Game Time wins so I can explain his tan to these people! This should raise a few grand without fail!
Just went for a time wasting stroll (chewed up a big 4 minutes!) to find that they have installed a new pay phone in what had been an old gutted phone booth in the lobby ever since I started here 46 and a half years ago. A few questions.... first, do people really still have a need for pay phones in this day and age? It is sort of like offering a Beta VCR selection at Blockbuster. (oh wait they are gone now too!) Next if you were on a cell phone call why would you take your call inside the pay phone booth? One of the dumbasses from the office was in the booth (that has no door mind you!) talking on his cell phone! It just looked odd.
Obvious is out today. Penis is just being nutty. Anyway... yeah, anyway. Which one do I look at? just walked past my cube wearing her yoga outfit. There goes my lunch. Yeah these group of goobers go out onto the roof of the parking garage at lunch and yoga it up on their little mats. You would think I was in Berkeley! Her and The Muff-keteers go up there most days. Hell I have even seen Catching Flies with his mat in hand joining them. Maybe I should go up there and watch? You know... for some new material!
Well that is it from the trenches today. Going to go to our other office and.... FIX A PRINTER! FML.
Toner Boy
Sorry I have not been myself of late as I 'herd my kittens of life'. Just been one of those times in life when it was time to stop what you are doing and try and gather life back in and reflect on what it is you are doing. For those of you who stop this process after you pour yourself cereal each morning, so you can follow along with my thought process here, it is like how you found out that you have to eat All Bran a hell of a lot faster than Captain Crunch before it gets soggy! It was time VERY well spent though because going forward from here life is going to be so much better I feel.
OK... enough of the total enlightenment, that is not why you have cum, sorry.... come. Eye hate when eye cross words up when righting. You no the mind starts going on with thoughts and the fingers just dew what they want. Dam it two hell. Sun of a bith. Write Ed?
So Hunny really is getting into college football for reasons unknown after I have watched it for all of these years with no interest on her part in the past. She is looking for a team to get behind and so far her biggest reason for liking any team has been the colors that they wear. So pretty! She tried to tell me that USC was going to be her team because their colors were close to the Niners. Being a Notre Dame fan I just about burst a vein in my head hearing that, but I think I talked some common sense into her since they are the 'brotherhood of lined handshakes' and the 'devil children' of collegiate sports. I told her to go for respectable teams local to us that she would be able to see most of their games being played on Saturday's.... and to piss off Chet I told her that Stanford would be the perfect fit! Good team, and probably the best college QB in the country. Who unfortunately will kill the Irish in South Bend this week I hate to say.
14 days until our Disneyland trip! I don't know who is looking forward to it more at this point... me or the kids? McLovin can't make it because his mom is getting married that weekend, (Go Lisa!) but I am sure we will make another one or two before the year is out with The SC that he can attend and run around with me, Chet, Sleeper Cell and Fuzz!
Foo got a Blue VW Bug this week from the folks. Very fitting I thought since is will be bouncing off of everything just like a bug as she buzzes around town! Congrats Foo! Sorry City of Tracy.
I get a text this morning from Ducky asking if I was bringing apps to the bowl tomorrow night. I am guessing that the term 'Empanada' is what he really meant to say. I don't know Ducky, even though it is your birthday I will see what I can do for you! Those things are a ton of work on short notice, but I am sure I will come up with something if my schedule permits me too. You should have sent in that request last week!!! Then I could have went all 'Peter Brady' on you!
I was thinking about our next fundraiser for the girls cheer and I have come up with the perfect idea! For $20 per person I am going to give tours of my office so everyone can put a face to the names in this blog. As a bonus I will offer to the highest bidder the chance to spend a day here on 'Take our Child to Work Day' as my kid! Just think... you can spend a day looking through my eyes at the world of Toner Boy! All bids will start at $200 and go up in $20 increments. God I hope Game Time wins so I can explain his tan to these people! This should raise a few grand without fail!
Just went for a time wasting stroll (chewed up a big 4 minutes!) to find that they have installed a new pay phone in what had been an old gutted phone booth in the lobby ever since I started here 46 and a half years ago. A few questions.... first, do people really still have a need for pay phones in this day and age? It is sort of like offering a Beta VCR selection at Blockbuster. (oh wait they are gone now too!) Next if you were on a cell phone call why would you take your call inside the pay phone booth? One of the dumbasses from the office was in the booth (that has no door mind you!) talking on his cell phone! It just looked odd.
Obvious is out today. Penis is just being nutty. Anyway... yeah, anyway. Which one do I look at? just walked past my cube wearing her yoga outfit. There goes my lunch. Yeah these group of goobers go out onto the roof of the parking garage at lunch and yoga it up on their little mats. You would think I was in Berkeley! Her and The Muff-keteers go up there most days. Hell I have even seen Catching Flies with his mat in hand joining them. Maybe I should go up there and watch? You know... for some new material!
Well that is it from the trenches today. Going to go to our other office and.... FIX A PRINTER! FML.
Toner Boy
Monday, September 20, 2010
Make the bad man stop....
No not the boogie man. The guy who has placed this black cloud over my head a few years back and forgot where he left it.
Well it is Monday once again and another weekend that has come and gone way to fast for my taste. I will say that this is no weekend that I am going to lock away in the old 'memory prize vault', but it is one that I will look back on at some point and feel I learned some life lessons because of it.
First of all, tell those around you what they mean to you more often because you never know when you won't have that opportunity. Life changes in the blink of an eye. 4 teens died in a car accident in Tracy early Saturday morning near our home. Godspeed.
Make time to live. We are all tired at the end of the day once you come home from work, but there are those who have waited all day for you to come home just to see you. They do not know what kind of day you have had, nor do they care. They are just happy to see you. Remember that.
I would say God created this... but it would be a lie. The truth is... some little Asian guy created DVR's so we could go on with our lives and not be tied to the whims of the television networks and their advertisers who make sure there is something that we all want to watch every night of the week. So hit record and don't forget that their is a world outside of your electronic devices that are 'must see'!
Live by the 3 L's - Live, Laugh, Love. There is no wrong order with these three words. If you are living by them.... they will all happen together without even trying. Those are the words of Toner Boy.
Before a quick rundown of the weekend I want to give a very special Thank You to Corn for working on my arm last night. We only worked on the outline (His back was killing him!), but it looks great and I can not wait to see it when it is completed. Yes... I will have a half sleeve when all is said and done. We have it from the shoulder cap, to the elbow with some arm pit in-between! That entire arm is dedicated to my family with one koi fish for each of my kids with a very special 'extra large' water lily for my wife that they are all swimming around. Just below the roses I have added a Japanese character that reads 'Family Love'. When it is finished the koi will be in a calico style with each of the kids favorite colors (Green for McLovin (But he wants neon green for his fish!), Red for Thunder, and Pink for Little Miss) in each of the fish scales, the lily in some of my wife's favorite colors (Pink, Purple and Yellow) and will have a blue and white water splash. Can't wait until it is all done and just wanted tell Corn thank you once again for the work. It really means a lot to me personally!!! Not that it is a big secret anymore, but we will be doing my other arm in a half sleeve as well with more things that I hold near and dear to my heart. As for what it is... just going to have to wait and see once it is done!
As for the rest of the weekend. First and foremost I hope y'all had a great one, and enjoyed yourselves. Rocco and Auntie came into town for the Raiders game and like normal Turbo's house was jumping because of it! Auntie's birthday was Friday so once everyone got into town it was a gathering at Pops place.
Saturday morning rolled around and I rolled out of bed early to go shopping for cooking my MIL's 60th birthday dinner out at Goobie's that night. We loaded up in the car and headed out to San Jose for my version of Panko Rolled Chicken Cordon Bleu, Roasted Dijon Red Potatoes and Fresh Green Beans. Looking at all the plates when we were done and the lack of talking during the meal I would say that it all came out pretty darn good. This is where I get my first message from Corn telling me the chair was clear and that I needed to come out. Damn. Told him we were busy in San Jose with the family and that if it were open on Sunday to drop me a line. Once we got back into town we stopped over Pops to visit Rocco and the family for a little bit before heading home.
Sunday morning I got up and made Texas style Eggs Benedict for Hunny. Toasted Jalapeno Cheddar Bread, Smoked Ham, Poached Egg, Garlic Lemon Mustard Sauce and some fresh dill and Spanish Lemon seasoning to top it all off. Off the hook! Of course I hit mine will a little Sriracha at the end for a lil sumpthin, sumpthin. Just sayin.... Ran out the the Bockle with Pops to help Yong out with the food prep for the Crawdad races to get them started. Felt bad that their turn out was not what it has been in the past. Especially since losing her husband such a short time ago. But it was good to see her and the kids carrying on the tradition of the event and being so strong. Hunny and I ran out to Manteca with the girls once we were done and got the girls some pants that actually fit them before the winter months come calling. Those two are just growing like weeds these days I swear it!
Here we are today. Back at the grind. OK, it is not really a grind.. it is a place for me to blog! Penis is MIA today and everyone else has been in their caves leaving me alone for the most part. Well besides Wigglesworth! That jackass has been creeping up on me all day. It is all good though.... I wore my 'drop the soap safe' boxers today! Yep... some lead lined drawers for Toner Boy today! Speaking of creeping... Creeper wants me to come to his place and connect all of his new computers and printers in the coming days. Wonder if he will wander around me while I am at his house as well? "No it is normal for me to check for wireless signal strength in your wife jewelry box!"
Game Time has a birthday this Wednesday. If I get to corral him this week it will be nice. If not we will do like we did for mine and have a birthday drink 5 months later! Just sent him a dirty email... let's see what comes of it! Like most of you, he doesn't read this thing either!
Ducky has a birthday this Sunday. It looks like me and McLovin will be joining the old guys down at the bowl on Saturday night to get him drunk and send him home with the wife. What are friends for? I am going to drag a few others down there yelling and screaming..... they just don't know it yet! It is a sight to be seen. How often do you get to see a guy as old as Ducky try and bowl with shot glasses glued to his eyes? It is worth the trip!
Turbo looks to be lining me up a catering event in Dublin for a college graduation next year. I am telling you.... one of these days Ass Clown... Lotto = Sports Bar = Gastropub = Retirement of Toner Boy, HELLO Happy Boy! Hunny, Ass Clown and Albert Run the bar, and me, McLovin, Turbo and Lu run the kitchen. Don't worry... Lu is just there to keep things clean! No eggs for her to monitor. Sorry Hack and Ducky... you two would eat all the profits!!!! Uncle Shartly and Pops are the bouncers. Shartly can scare the shit out of them. Or vice versa.
OK it is 2 hours until Niners kick off and they are already down 7. Sorry Fuzz... this is how you are going to end your 3 day weekend! But hey.... if the Raiders can win... anyone has a shot! Who Dat????
Countdown to Disneyland trip with The SC and Hack's family.... 17 days! I would like to send my apologies to the rest of the park for Foo. She knows not what she does. So put ice on any lumps, and rub dirt in any wounds as she blows through!
Toner Boy
Well it is Monday once again and another weekend that has come and gone way to fast for my taste. I will say that this is no weekend that I am going to lock away in the old 'memory prize vault', but it is one that I will look back on at some point and feel I learned some life lessons because of it.
First of all, tell those around you what they mean to you more often because you never know when you won't have that opportunity. Life changes in the blink of an eye. 4 teens died in a car accident in Tracy early Saturday morning near our home. Godspeed.
Make time to live. We are all tired at the end of the day once you come home from work, but there are those who have waited all day for you to come home just to see you. They do not know what kind of day you have had, nor do they care. They are just happy to see you. Remember that.
I would say God created this... but it would be a lie. The truth is... some little Asian guy created DVR's so we could go on with our lives and not be tied to the whims of the television networks and their advertisers who make sure there is something that we all want to watch every night of the week. So hit record and don't forget that their is a world outside of your electronic devices that are 'must see'!
Live by the 3 L's - Live, Laugh, Love. There is no wrong order with these three words. If you are living by them.... they will all happen together without even trying. Those are the words of Toner Boy.
Before a quick rundown of the weekend I want to give a very special Thank You to Corn for working on my arm last night. We only worked on the outline (His back was killing him!), but it looks great and I can not wait to see it when it is completed. Yes... I will have a half sleeve when all is said and done. We have it from the shoulder cap, to the elbow with some arm pit in-between! That entire arm is dedicated to my family with one koi fish for each of my kids with a very special 'extra large' water lily for my wife that they are all swimming around. Just below the roses I have added a Japanese character that reads 'Family Love'. When it is finished the koi will be in a calico style with each of the kids favorite colors (Green for McLovin (But he wants neon green for his fish!), Red for Thunder, and Pink for Little Miss) in each of the fish scales, the lily in some of my wife's favorite colors (Pink, Purple and Yellow) and will have a blue and white water splash. Can't wait until it is all done and just wanted tell Corn thank you once again for the work. It really means a lot to me personally!!! Not that it is a big secret anymore, but we will be doing my other arm in a half sleeve as well with more things that I hold near and dear to my heart. As for what it is... just going to have to wait and see once it is done!
As for the rest of the weekend. First and foremost I hope y'all had a great one, and enjoyed yourselves. Rocco and Auntie came into town for the Raiders game and like normal Turbo's house was jumping because of it! Auntie's birthday was Friday so once everyone got into town it was a gathering at Pops place.
Saturday morning rolled around and I rolled out of bed early to go shopping for cooking my MIL's 60th birthday dinner out at Goobie's that night. We loaded up in the car and headed out to San Jose for my version of Panko Rolled Chicken Cordon Bleu, Roasted Dijon Red Potatoes and Fresh Green Beans. Looking at all the plates when we were done and the lack of talking during the meal I would say that it all came out pretty darn good. This is where I get my first message from Corn telling me the chair was clear and that I needed to come out. Damn. Told him we were busy in San Jose with the family and that if it were open on Sunday to drop me a line. Once we got back into town we stopped over Pops to visit Rocco and the family for a little bit before heading home.
Sunday morning I got up and made Texas style Eggs Benedict for Hunny. Toasted Jalapeno Cheddar Bread, Smoked Ham, Poached Egg, Garlic Lemon Mustard Sauce and some fresh dill and Spanish Lemon seasoning to top it all off. Off the hook! Of course I hit mine will a little Sriracha at the end for a lil sumpthin, sumpthin. Just sayin.... Ran out the the Bockle with Pops to help Yong out with the food prep for the Crawdad races to get them started. Felt bad that their turn out was not what it has been in the past. Especially since losing her husband such a short time ago. But it was good to see her and the kids carrying on the tradition of the event and being so strong. Hunny and I ran out to Manteca with the girls once we were done and got the girls some pants that actually fit them before the winter months come calling. Those two are just growing like weeds these days I swear it!
Here we are today. Back at the grind. OK, it is not really a grind.. it is a place for me to blog! Penis is MIA today and everyone else has been in their caves leaving me alone for the most part. Well besides Wigglesworth! That jackass has been creeping up on me all day. It is all good though.... I wore my 'drop the soap safe' boxers today! Yep... some lead lined drawers for Toner Boy today! Speaking of creeping... Creeper wants me to come to his place and connect all of his new computers and printers in the coming days. Wonder if he will wander around me while I am at his house as well? "No it is normal for me to check for wireless signal strength in your wife jewelry box!"
Game Time has a birthday this Wednesday. If I get to corral him this week it will be nice. If not we will do like we did for mine and have a birthday drink 5 months later! Just sent him a dirty email... let's see what comes of it! Like most of you, he doesn't read this thing either!
Ducky has a birthday this Sunday. It looks like me and McLovin will be joining the old guys down at the bowl on Saturday night to get him drunk and send him home with the wife. What are friends for? I am going to drag a few others down there yelling and screaming..... they just don't know it yet! It is a sight to be seen. How often do you get to see a guy as old as Ducky try and bowl with shot glasses glued to his eyes? It is worth the trip!
Turbo looks to be lining me up a catering event in Dublin for a college graduation next year. I am telling you.... one of these days Ass Clown... Lotto = Sports Bar = Gastropub = Retirement of Toner Boy, HELLO Happy Boy! Hunny, Ass Clown and Albert Run the bar, and me, McLovin, Turbo and Lu run the kitchen. Don't worry... Lu is just there to keep things clean! No eggs for her to monitor. Sorry Hack and Ducky... you two would eat all the profits!!!! Uncle Shartly and Pops are the bouncers. Shartly can scare the shit out of them. Or vice versa.
OK it is 2 hours until Niners kick off and they are already down 7. Sorry Fuzz... this is how you are going to end your 3 day weekend! But hey.... if the Raiders can win... anyone has a shot! Who Dat????
Countdown to Disneyland trip with The SC and Hack's family.... 17 days! I would like to send my apologies to the rest of the park for Foo. She knows not what she does. So put ice on any lumps, and rub dirt in any wounds as she blows through!
Toner Boy
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